A Monster That Cannot Pray

After that, quite some time later, I was half-forcibly dressed by Mia, who burst in with an excited face saying she had prepared clothes for me to wear.

“Oh. It suits you quite well. I was thinking of asking to have it made separately later, but you’ve already made it.”

As I heard Bernard’s critique, who had opened the store door and come in by then, I covered my face with my four arms from the overwhelming sense of self-loathing.

“You said she’ll be working under you anyway, Father? Then, it’s better to go with this from the start.”

Right. I expected it. I expected it, but…

“…Kill me.”

No matter what, I never thought I’d wear something called a nun’s habit in my life.

Just earlier, I had been dressed in a nun’s habit altered to accommodate all four arms, under Mia’s not-quite-threat that she would send me to Bernard naked if I didn’t wear this.

“Well now. Earlier you were begging for your life, and now you’re asking to be killed.”

“What are you saying, Father… You didn’t do anything to Frey, did you?”

“Oh my. What did I say?”

“…Father. I think we need to have a long talk.”

Why on earth do things like stockings exist in this fantasy world?

As I rubbed my legs together at the rustling sensation with every movement… feeling uneasy about going around with all four arms exposed, I tightly gripped the large veil I had begged from Mia with two arms.

“Mister. More importantly… is it really okay for me to go out like this…?”

I squeezed between Mia and Bernard, who were already bickering, and asked Bernard with my eyes slightly open.

“I dressed you like that because it’s okay. You’re such a needlessly worrying one.”

Looking at Bernard, who subtly gestured towards my eyes as if telling me to just cover them properly.

“Nngh….”

I wondered if this wasn’t some elaborate scheme to trick me into a public execution, but.

“Fufu. It’s fine, Frey.”

Seeing the look in Mia’s eyes, who had been warmly gazing at me as if I were her little sister… it didn’t seem like it, but I wasn’t sure.

“Let’s go, little one. We have a lot to do.”

“Yeah, yeah.”

“Answer only once.”

So, as I hesitated, still not used to the nun’s habit that clung to my body yet fluttered subtly, I was about to leave Mia’s store.

“Ah, Frey?”

At Mia’s sudden urgent voice calling me.

“…?”

Careful not to open my eyes, I turned around with my eyes barely open.

“Wait, can you lower your head for a moment?”

Before I knew it, Mia was crouched right in front of me, trying to meet my eyes.

“Heek!?”

“I was going to give you a gift, but was I too sudden? I’m sorry.”

“…I don’t think that’s why she was surprised, though.”

Hurriedly lowering my head lest my barely open eyes be discovered.

“Excuse me?”

Grabbing a handful of my bangs, Mia skillfully moved her hands to fix them with a ribbon.

“There, done.”

A moment later, when Mia told me to touch my head, I carefully moved my two upper arms to feel my hair.

“You have a pretty face, so I thought it was too covered up.”

It felt like she had tied the middle of my bangs with a ribbon and fixed them up, as I could feel the smooth forehead that had never been exposed before.

“…Thank you.”

Feeling a tickle in my chest for some reason, I bowed to Mia.

“Fufu. I’m always here, so you should come visit often. Frey?”

“…Yeah.”

So, after saying goodbye to Mia, telling her I’d see her later.

“Bear with it a little. From tomorrow, I’ll let you walk around with your eyes open.”

As I walked behind Bernard on the main street again.

“…Mister.”

Standing in the middle of a deserted path leading to a small hill at the end of the main street.

“Yes?”

“Why are you doing all this for me?”

Towards this strange priest in front of me, who had given me food, clothes to wear, proof of being human… a name, and now was even trying to give me a place to stay.

“It’s strange.”

Hugging the black veil I was tightly holding with my lower arms even closer to my chest.

“Unlike Mia, I’m a real monster.”

With my two upper arms, I pointedly gestured to the black cross patterns engraved in my eyes.

“……”

At that, Bernard scratched his head with a troubled expression, holding a bundle containing various groceries and other luggage with one hand.

“Haa.”

“…Uh.”

Then, with a big sigh, he placed the hand that had been scratching his head on top of my head.

“Frey.”

Unlike before, Bernard called my name in a serious voice.

“You, for the past year… have you actually seen things exactly like you? I mean, what you call monsters?”

“…No.”

“Right. You wouldn’t have. If you had seen them, you wouldn’t be able to say such things to me now.”

Bernard, with his blue eyes hidden in his ash-gray hair turned towards me.

“They… fundamentally can’t properly establish dialogue. To begin with, they lack the ability to understand others.”

In a quiet voice—he put down his luggage, crouched down, and met my eyes.

“Therefore, what they say is just a means to eat without exerting effort. They can’t do such obvious things as empathizing with someone’s pain, understanding and being considerate of others.”

Rustle, rustle. Gently stroking my head.

“But, what I’ve seen of you over the past year… was not like that at all.”

As if praising me.

“I can’t be certain yet. But at least, as long as you don’t attack people… I intend to treat you as human.”

He apologized for calling me a little monster earlier.

“And—I’m sorry I didn’t decide to come get you earlier, Frey.”

Along with a hand patting my shoulder through the veil.

“May the blessing of the warm flame be with you.”

With his other hand, he raised it as if in prayer, making a circle.

“……”

Was it because I never thought I’d suddenly receive such a sincere apology like this?

Or was it because ever since I fell into this world, I had been running away, believing only myself to be human?

“…Uh.”

Or perhaps it was because I had become too accustomed to this child’s body?

“Frey…?”

At Bernard’s confused voice calling my name again.

“Hic, hiccup….”

In the end, unable to hold back the tears that burst forth.

“Uh, uh… this isn’t right…?”

“Uwaaaaah—!!”

Collapsing on the spot, grabbing Bernard’s hand that had been stroking my head with all four arms.

For the first time since childhood, I burst into tears in front of someone.

“Hey, hey! Frey! If you cry like that here…!”

By the way, I found out later that… thanks to me crying loudly like that on the street,

For a while, rumors spread in the city that Father Bernard had finally even touched a young nun.

* * *

“Sniff, phew.”

In the end, to avoid the people gathering at the sound of my sobbing voice… Bernard, who had picked me up with one hand and run to the church on the hill, carrying me like a bundle.

“Are you done crying now?”

Shake shake.

“…Call me when you’re done. I’ll be making some preparations.”

With a face that had become quite haggard in a short time, he walked somewhat unsteadily towards somewhere.

“Let’s see… not this… not this either… hmm… using holy water would be a big problem…?”

Just like the old man he was, he started rummaging under the altar of the chapel, humming to himself in rhythm.

“I― like it. This will do instead. Hehe.”

He pulled out something that made me wonder why on earth it was there—a clear bottle of alcohol.

Glug glug glug.

“Khaa— That’s good—.”

After downing most of the half-full bottle of alcohol in one go, he started pouring the rest into some small bottle.

“…What are you doing, Mister?”

So, trying hard to swallow the tears that hadn’t quite stopped… I asked Bernard, who was suddenly acting strangely.

“Huh—? What, are you done crying now?”

“How could I cry when you’re just glugging down alcohol right next to me?”

“Haha! It’s a sight you’ll see often from now on, so just get used to it.”

Bernard, with his face slightly flushed from the alcohol.

Crack, crackle.

Lightly cracking his neck, spreading a terribly ominous sound around.

“—Frey. Compose yourself and come before me.”

In an instant, he became a solemn priest and addressed me.

“……”

Instead of asking what this was suddenly about—I quietly stood up.

Pat. Pat.

Carefully dusting off my clothes with my four arms to prevent wrinkles, neatly adjusting the position of the veil on my head.

Step. Step.

Trying to make as little noise as possible with the heels of the shoes Mia had given me, I stood before the altar of the chapel.

“We will now—proceed with the baptism ceremony.”

…Baptism ceremony.

That meant that from now on, I would belong to this unidentified religious group in this world—the church.

-Oh, Lord…!

-Lord! Please guide our family to heaven…!

At the word religion, the old memories that involuntarily came to mind—the image of my parents who had fallen into a pseudo-religion and tried to commit suicide by fire, dragging me along with them.

Grind—.

I bit my lower lip hard—erasing the old memories with pain.

I hate religion. The very thing that plunged my life into the abyss of hell was that damned religion.

I hate prayer. Just seeing my parents pray made me feel nauseous.

That’s why, when I received the name Frey (pray) meaning to pray. I thought it was truly a cruel fate, but.

Knowing that the only way for me to live now was to simply comply and entrust myself to Bernard before me.

“The Lord said—This water is your blood, and thus my blood. This means that you—Frey, become one with the Lord.”

I quietly watched Bernard praying with his hands clasped in front of the small bottle of alcohol.

“Therefore, you—Frey. From now on, declare by your own will that you will follow the will of the warm flame by being baptized with the Lord’s blood and being reborn.”

Then, carefully lifting the bottle in front of him and asking me.

“……”

Right. This must be the only way.

“I, Frey.”

This is.

“For the rest of my life.”

The first step for me to live as a human from now on.

“Will live according to the Lord’s will, for the Lord.”

I will survive.

“In this place—.”

I will live and obtain the ordinary life I desired.

“—I swear.”