NOVEL ONLINE FREE Chapter 7: Escape I
Your writing is strong in terms of world-building, plot progression, and character depth, but it could benefit from some refinements for better flow, clarity, and impact. Below are the key areas of improvement:
Strengths:
✅ Engaging and immersive – The scene is detailed and keeps the reader engaged.
✅ Tension and suspense – The escape plan unfolds strategically, keeping the reader intrigued.
✅ Sylas' intelligence and preparation – His foresight and ability to manipulate his environment make him a compelling protagonist.
Areas for Improvement:
1. Sentence Flow & Grammar:
Some sentences feel awkward or could be streamlined. Example:
"He turned around without a change in his expression facing away from the camera in his room and reply, 'Good, start phase four.'"
Improvement: "Without a change in expression, he turned away from the camera and replied, 'Good. Start phase four.'"
2. Tense Consistency:
"This place has also given him access to many things..." (Present perfect)
Improvement: "This place had given him access to many things..." (Past perfect for consistency)
3. Redundancy & Clarity:
"Anything his hands could reach, he didn't hesitate to get, so his free time wasn't wasted like others in sightseeing and relaxing."
Improvement: "He seized every opportunity to learn, unlike the others who wasted time on sightseeing and leisure."
4. Showing vs. Telling:
Instead of stating "Honestly as much as he hated this place, he was going to miss this place."
Show his emotions through action or thoughts: "Despite his hatred for this place, a strange weight settled in his chest. He had spent years here, learning, surviving. Leaving meant closing a chapter—one written in blood and sweat."
{Three Days Later – Sylas's Cell}
"Master, I have control of the colony ship."
Sera's voice crackled softly through Sylas's earpiece.
Without a flicker of emotion, he turned his back to the room's surveillance camera and replied, "Good. Start Phase Four."
Moments later, the virus Sera had planted within the military base's system activated.
Instantly, the surveillance feeds glitched, replaying footage from weeks prior—when the same guards were on duty.
*******
{Main Surveillance Center}
The dimly lit room hummed with the low buzz of monitors. Several bored guards lounged in their seats, half-watching the endless streams of security footage.
A lanky guard with a permanent scowl slapped the side of his monitor. "Damn thing's looping again."
His colleague, reclining lazily, waved him off. "Yeah, maintenance says it's 'cause the system's ancient. Been talkin' about upgrading it for months, but you know—budget cuts."
"As long as we don't have to file another report." The scowling guard huffed and leaned back, losing interest.
They had no idea the system had already been hijacked.
*******
{Sylas's Cell}
In the dim glow of his cell, Sylas stood motionless, mind racing despite his calm exterior.
He walked to his bed and retrieved a silicone doll from his ring—a crude but lifelike replica of himself. The synthetic skin, patched with strands of his own hair, barely held together.
'It'll do.'
One of the perks of being talented enough to catch the military scientists' attention was access to their materials. What they didn't know was how much he had taken.
[A.N: Just to be clear, he built this himself using stolen supplies and their machines.]
The doll matched his height and frame, its hollow form filled with blood—his blood. A little at a time, injected over months.
Carefully, he dressed it in his clothes and laid it on the bed. To any observer, it was indistinguishable from him.
Sylas retrieved a razor-sharp knife from his ring and sat cross-legged on the floor.
Taking a steady breath, he pressed the blade to the back of his neck. A quick, precise incision. Blood welled up, warm against his skin, but he paid it no mind.
Activating his Aetherian abilities, he focused. The small metallic chip embedded beneath his skin wavered, then floated free, hovering in midair.
Without hesitation, he guided the tracker to the doll's neck. As soon as it connected, the chip's systems reactivated, feeding false vitals to the base's monitoring system.
Sylas smirked.
They had underestimated him.
The chip had never controlled him. It was just a tool—a leash he had chosen to tolerate. Until now.
Wiping the blood away, he felt the wound knit shut in seconds. The perks of a superior bloodline.
He searched through his ring's storage and found a pair of tight, elastic trousers. Slipping them on, he frowned. No shirt.
"No matter," he muttered. 'Not like I can take anything with me.'
He had to be though, there should be no clues left behind.
"Four minutes, fifty seconds," Sera's voice chimed in his ear.
Sylas moved to the door, counting down the seconds. Right on time, the lock disengaged with a faint hiss.
He stepped out, silent as a shadow, and shut the door behind him.
From his ring, he retrieved a small, box-like device—the compact explosive.
The same kind he had slipped into the base's system while 'repairing' it.
He slid it under his cell door, then repeated the process, flinging similar devices under random rooms as he moved.
Avoiding the elevator, he took the emergency stairwell, descending with practiced ease.
On each floor, he planted more charges.
By the time he reached the ground level, the base was laced with dozens of hidden bombs.
He took a slow breath.
Phase Four was complete.
Now, it was time to leave.
For all the suffering this place had caused him, he had to admit—he had learned everything he needed to survive here.
Here, only the strong lived. The weak were discarded. And those with true strength ruled like kings.
[A.N: His clan never taught him about the outside world—only the world they lived on.]
This place had given him more than just suffering. It had given him weapons, war tactics, medical training. He had even learned to fly a fighter.
While others wasted their time chasing women and idle pleasures, he had trained. Studied. Taken everything he could.
Now, it was time to put all that knowledge to use.