Antidote

“There’s no way.”Yeah, no way.The Duke of Karlac wasn’t even in Karlac at the time. He was in her territory, Halden, and by the time he arrived in Karlac, everything was already over, and I was trapped in Helga’s Tower.I briefly suspected that he might have been scheming something behind the scenes, but that thought quickly faded. Why would the Duke of Karlac poison me all of a sudden? Because he coveted my title? Hardly. He inherited the title of Halden in his youth and has barely returned to Karlac since. Even if he did desire Karlac, there were at least hundreds of easier ways to deal with me than the convoluted crime of poisoning.I tried to recall that nightmarish evening I had tried so hard to forget. But the memories were cloudy, like a fog hanging over them, and I couldn’t recall them clearly.Desperately rummaging through my memories brought a splitting headache and an overwhelming sadness. Tears slowly welled up, moistening my lower lashes.I bit my lip and quickened my pace. I dashed into my room, threw myself onto the bed, and hugged a pillow, burying my face into it. The tears spilled out, soaking the fabric through and through.I remembered my father, collapsed at the bottom of the stairs. His limbs twisted unnaturally like broken branches, blood pooling on the staircase rail, his neck turned back, and his wide, lifeless eyes… And the final image of my mother, unable to bear reality any longer, throwing herself from Helga’s Tower. The former Duke of Karlac, too, who collapsed in shock, never got up again and passed away bedridden.I ruined my family.I hadn’t just lost what I had; I had stolen my father’s life, my mother’s life, and even my uncle’s life, bringing chaos and suffering to this eastern part of Karlac.I lay face down on the bed and sobbed aloud for a while. After a short but intense session of crying, I barely managed to lift my head. The pillowcase was damp. I flipped it over, rubbing my face on the dry side, and wiped the remaining tears from my eyes by pressing the corner of my sleeve against them.It was foolish to waste my energy berating myself. If I had the strength for that, I should use it to get my rusty brain working again. I started taking the medicine again, but I didn’t know when it might steal my memories once more. This clarity of mind could vanish tomorrow—no, in a few hours, maybe even minutes—and the dull headache and foggy thoughts that had consumed me for the past two years might take hold again.I needed to think more.I desperately wracked my brain.Everything about the current situation felt absurd.Before, Jiyod had told me this lifestyle wouldn’t last much longer. I calmly recalled the things he had said.“Madam Lisbeth made a promise to me two years ago….”“Madam Lisbeth sent me several letters, telling me not to worry about you….”“I’m not sure how Madam Lisbeth used the medicine, but….”Jiyod knew about my medicine.But clearly, he didn’t know exactly what kind of medicine I was taking.What promise had Lisbeth made to him?In any case, at the very least, he had agreed that I would remain under the protection of Glenberg, so there must have been a promise—perhaps even a secret pact—with Lisbeth.I remembered the first time Ida came to me. Lisbeth had cast a suspicious gaze at her, asking several questions and only barely lifting her suspicion after a persistent barrage of queries. At the time, Ida had answered that she came on the recommendation of Sir Lars.But that was a lie, Ida.Ida was undoubtedly sent by Jiyod.“Madam Lisbeth made a promise to me two years ago… but it seems she hasn’t kept her word.”Jiyod’s voice echoed in my mind.Whatever promise or secret pact they had, it had been broken.Was Enric’s timely death truly a coincidence? No way.One suspicion led to another. Once I started doubting, it was surprising that I had brushed these things off so easily before. Everything pointed clearly to one conclusion.Jiyod dealt with Enric and sent Ida in his place.Ida was deceiving Lisbeth and giving me new medicine, and according to her, this medicine was slowly, but surely, restoring my memories. Slowly, but surely. And both Jiyod and Ida had told me to never inform Glenberg of my returning memories.Why?Did this mean Lisbeth didn’t want me to regain my memories?But there’s no reason for Lisbeth to want that.Ugh. My head was a mess.I bit my nails anxiously, pacing around my room in circles.Information. I needed more information.Someone trustworthy… someone who knew me from the past, someone who could tell me the objective truth… But most of the people who knew me well in the past were no longer in Karlac. Either they had left or… died… died… or died?The realization hit me like lightning.I stood frozen in place, gasping for breath.After a long moment, I regained control of my numb fingers. My body swayed heavily. I nearly collapsed, but I caught myself on the wall. I groped my way to the drawer, prying it open with trembling hands. I felt around inside and pulled out a broken piece of charcoal. Gripping it tightly, I bolted for the door, throwing my weight against it. The door swung open, and I rushed out into the hallway.My destination was the kitchen.The elderly cook was sharpening a large knife against a whetstone, the sound scraping through the room. He looked up at me, his eyebrows knitting in suspicion, probably because my expression seemed strange.“Wh-what’s going on?”Even his words stammered.“I’m looking for someone…”Only then did I realize how heavily I was panting. My voice was terribly hoarse, and my labored breaths sounded like a dying horse or dog between my words.“Who?”“The boy who washes dishes in the kitchen. About ten years old, about this tall.”I finally caught my breath enough to finish speaking. I gestured to my chest, trying to approximate the height of the cheeky boy in my mind. The cook raised a twitching eyebrow at me.“You mean Yurel.”Was that boy’s name Yurel? I berated myself for not even bothering to ask for his name.“What do you want with him? Did he do something wrong?”Suspicion creased the cook’s wrinkled face. I shook my head hastily.“No. I just have something to ask him.”“Ask him?”“Yeah. Because of the banquet… There’s something I need to ask him. He gets around a lot, right?”“Well, he does poke his nose around all over the place…”Finally, the cook’s suspicion eased a bit.“He’s probably in the wine cellar downstairs right now. I sent him on an errand. That is, if he’s doing what I told him to do. Anyway, I’ll go get him,” the chef said, starting to rise from his seat.I quickly stopped him. “No, I’ll go.”“Are you sure you can manage on your own?”“Of course….”It felt so strange that he was treating me like a toddler. How had I not noticed this awkwardness before?I left the kitchen, pushing aside the chef and his doubts.The stairs leading to the cellar were steep, and soon my left ankle began to throb. I grabbed the railing and descended slowly.The cellar was dark, with dry, cool air swirling around me. Mixed in with the air was a sweet fragrance. I headed toward the wine storage. The cellar’s layout was simple enough that there was no need to wander around to find it. One of the stone doors was slightly ajar, and from the crack seeped a faint light and the ripened scent of wine.I heard a rustling sound from inside, perhaps reacting to my footsteps.“Yurel?” I called out the boy’s name as I stood in front of the door.Immediately, there was a high-pitched scream from inside, followed by a loud thud as something fell to the ground.What happened?I hurriedly pushed the stone door open and stepped inside.“Are you okay? What happened?”“N-no, it’s fine!”The boy stammered in a shrill voice.His face was flushed red, and despite the cold air of the cellar, beads of sweat dotted his forehead.I looked him up and down, feeling unsettled.Yurel was trying to hide something behind his back. A few drops of liquid had fallen at his feet, wetting the tiles. I narrowed my eyes at the boy’s flustered face.“You stole some wine, didn’t you?”“Please, don’t tell anyone!”He responded in a panicked voice.“I only drank a little… just a drop.”But his slurred words made it sound more like, “I dranked a drop.”“…Don’t tell anyone,” he pleaded, his eyebrows drooping in a pitiful expression.“If the chef finds out, he’ll beat me with a pot! An iron pot… Have you ever been hit by one? Oh. Of course you haven’t.”“I haven’t, but….”I noticed the leather flask he was trying to hide peeking out from his thigh, but I didn’t bother pointing it out.“I won’t tell.”“Really?”“Yeah. But you have to do me a favor.”“Anything!”Yurel jumped up excitedly, and as he did, a few drops of wine splashed from the long leather flask he was holding, landing on the large barrels stacked against the wall. I pretended not to notice.“What is it?”He seemed genuinely curious about what I would ask of him, leaning forward eagerly with his eyes wide and sparkling.Finally, I unclenched my sweaty fist. My palm was damp with moisture, and holding the sticky charcoal, I grabbed one of his hands. Yurel looked puzzled but let me guide his hand. Slowly, I began writing names I remembered onto his palm, one by one.Haynes, Gina, Anita, Enrique, Illys, Kaisa…They were all people I had once called friends or allies. All of them now gone from Karlac.“What’s this?”Yurel blinked in confusion.“You can write?”“Yeah.”I let go of his hand.“You’ve gone outside the inner walls alone before, haven’t you?”“Of course. I run errands sometimes.”“There’s a man in the commercial district named Yofius. He’s a hunchback, short, and looks about forty.”But I knew Yofius was much younger than he appeared. His sister Anuka, on the other hand, looked much younger than she actually was… My eyes grew hot again, but I managed to hold back the tears.“Show him your palm. Tell him I sent you.”“That’s all?”“That’s all.”Yurel looked bewildered, but I didn’t explain any further.Yofius would recognize these names. There was no need to ask tedious questions about them.“Got it. Is it urgent?”“Very,” I answered clearly.“It’s extremely urgent. Can you go right now?”Yurel grinned instead of answering.Like a nimble squirrel, the boy darted past me. His light footsteps faded quickly. The sound of his leather shoes tapping the stone steps echoed twice before vanishing entirely.I walked slowly to where Yurel had been standing and replaced the cork in the oak barrel. A few drops of wine from the cork stained the hem of my sleeve, leaving a reddish mark. I stared at it for a moment, the stain resembling a bloodstain, before I turned and left the cellar.As I climbed the narrow, steep stairs, my pace quickened with each step.I didn’t have time.Ida had claimed her medicine suppressed the usual side effects of madness as much as possible, but she never said they were entirely eliminated. Moreover, she couldn’t guarantee how far my memory would recover, nor how long this progress would last. What if the side effects reoccurred? What if the fragments of memories resurfacing now were merely faint embers in the ashes? What if this clarity, like morning fog over a clear pond, suddenly vanished? What if one day I woke up with a mind as blank as a clean slate again?I had no confidence that I could endure it.A whirlwind of names surged through my mind like a fierce current within my skull.Halfway up the stairs, I finally stopped in my tracks. Harsh breaths escaped through my mouth and nose, and I instinctively clenched the damp sleeve of my coat.I prayed that my anxiety and doubts were nothing more than the delusions of a madman.***Yurel delivered small notes to me one by one, like a carrier pigeon bringing news. The timing of these notes was unpredictable. Sometimes, they were slipped quietly under the door in the early morning; other times, he would brush past me in the calm afternoon, dropping a note at my feet, or appear late at night, panting, to hand me a message.Each time I received one, I was overwhelmed with fear, or perhaps a sense of anticipation, though more often it was a foreboding sense of doom. I would dash to my room or some empty corner, unfolding the crumpled note with trembling hands. And there, I would always find something written that differed little from my grim premonitions: resignation, death by illness, accidental death, forced retirement due to injury, death in battle, leaving Karlac, or heading to York…After about twelve or thirteen consecutive days of receiving notes, on an evening when the sky was thick with gray storm clouds, I received the final one.The boy handed it to me, drenched in sweat.The small scrap of paper, folded tightly into thirds and barely larger than the tip of my finger, was soaked with moisture. I quickly hid it in my sleeve as Yurel whispered softly.“They said that’s the last one.”Then he pursed his lips.“I think Terron’s noticed I’ve been going in and out a lot. Lucky for me, that’s the last one… If I’d known it’d be such a hassle, I’d have just taken a beating with the iron pot and been done with it.”“Thank you.”I hastily expressed my gratitude.The scrawny boy gave a shy, wavering smile.“It’s nothing. You know, I’m thinking of becoming a spy.”“You’ve got the talent for it.”He blushed at my compliment, smiling awkwardly.After Yurel left, I returned to my room and climbed onto the bed. Pulling the blanket over my head, I carefully unfolded the note. Though the small scrap of paper was badly crumpled, the words written on it were as clear and stark as any seal.“Enrique—Killed in Action”I lowered my eyes, staring at the red letters for a moment.Then I closed my eyes.A long sigh escaped between my lips.I clenched the note tightly in my hand. The inside of the blanket grew hot and stifling from my labored breath. After a brief pause, I brought the small scrap of paper to my mouth. As I let the flimsy, frayed piece of cheap paper soak in the saliva on my tongue, it felt as though the ominous red letters might dissolve along with it. I held it in my mouth for a long time before swallowing it, like forcing down a searing coal.The pain in my stomach was nothing more than the discomfort of swallowing something inedible.But I had no time to groan in pain. I had to think.I suppressed the pain and forced my brain to work.The notes Yofius had sent me all pointed to one clear fact:My former friends and allies were no longer in East Karlac. They were either dead, had left Karlac, or had retired due to severe injuries.Except for Glenberg and Jiyod…Why?It was understandable that they had all been forced to leave Karlac. Two years ago, before I had a seizure and pushed my father down the stairs to his death, I had been the heir to Karlac. The late Duke of Karlac had cherished me and granted me the title of Guntram, which had been passed down to the heirs of Karlac. It was only natural that the new ruler of Karlac would be wary of those who had once been my allies.But it was difficult to understand why Glenberg was still in Karlac. Though Lister had disliked me, Lisbeth and I had always maintained a good relationship.I remembered Ida’s warning not to trust Glenberg too much.A throbbing headache pounded at my temples, as if dwarves of madness were hammering away with mallets and chisels inside my skull.I bit my lip and tried to steady my breathing.That wasn’t the only strange thing.Though I had committed the grave crime of patricide, such an offense was not enough to warrant such extreme political retaliation. The Duke of Karlac had not been my rival in the past. She had spent her entire life in Halden, rarely returning to Karlac, and had no reason to hold a grudge against me or my allies.Unlike treason, the crime of patricide does not implicate others. So why would they go to such lengths to kill or exile all of my former friends and allies? Why hadn’t the Duke of Karlac tried to recruit them to her side?If it were me…A corner of my mind grew cold, as though a block of ice were sliding smoothly inside my skull.If I had done the same, it would have been because I wanted to hide something.But what?Why had Glenberg survived her political retribution?And how had Jiyod returned to Karlac?The Duke of Karlac and her Triumvirate had exiled him to the battlefield of Alto. It wasn’t a new experience for a man who had spent half his life on the frontlines. The two-decade-long civil war in Alto’s northwestern region had been a chronic problem for East Karlac, and no one had expected him to return alive. But Jiyod had returned, bearing a victory that no one had welcomed.Everyone knew by now that Jiyod was at odds with the Duke of Karlac, her Triumvirate, and her chancellor. Jiyod had severed Karlac’s alliance with Kirdara by killing his half-sister and nephew. He had arranged the death of his brother in a staged accident and eliminated one of the Triumvirate members, replacing them with a neutral figure.What for?He once said he would kill all those who had enslaved me.Could it be that all of this is truly for my revenge?My head spun.I threw off the blanket and got out of bed. With one hand pressing against my temple, I staggered toward the door. The door felt as if it weighed thousands, no, tens of thousands of kilograms. I barely managed to push it open.The hallway was quiet, but in the distance, I could hear the bustling of people, lively chatter, and bursts of laughter.Even after the long victory banquet, people were still basking in the excitement of that night.Dragging my feet, I slowly headed toward the main building.Lisbeth was in her office. When I requested to see her, one of her attendants gave me a slightly surprised look. Understandable, as in the two years I had stayed at Glenberg Manor, it was rare—something you could count on one hand—that I sought an audience with Lisbeth of my own accord. The attendant blinked for a moment, then nodded and went inside.I didn’t have to wait long.Soon, the attendant returned and told me to go in, and I entered the office.Lisbeth was seated at her desk.She was dressed comfortably in pants and a shirt, with a long robe draped down to her calves. Due to the sudden chill in the air, a heavy white fur was wrapped around her shoulders.“What brings you here? It’s unusual for you to ask to see me….”She gestured for me to come closer, and I walked toward her.“How are you feeling?”“I’m fine.”“You don’t look well.”“I feel a bit stifled. I have a headache.”“Should I call the mage again?”“No, I just want to get some fresh air.”After that, I looked at her with the most sincere and obedient expression I could muster.“Could I go beyond the inner walls? I’ll just get some fresh air and come back.”Lisbeth glanced out the window. The soft hues of pink and gold were tinting the edges of the sky.“The gates will be closing soon.”It was a gentle refusal. I desperately let my eyes fall as low as they could go.“I won’t be long.”If I could, I would have knelt at her feet right then and there.After a moment of hesitation, Lisbeth let out a short sigh. Without a word, she dipped the tip of her pen into the ink bottle, then withdrew it. The pen tip skated across the paper. A short while later, she folded the paper neatly, dripped wax onto the fold, and pressed the Glenberg seal ring on her finger into the wax. The letter bearing the Glenberg emblem was handed to me.“I’ve written that they should give you a red token.”I inhaled sharply and quickly reached out to take it.“Am I too lenient with you?”She muttered quietly to herself.“But someone has to be. If not me….”Before I could respond to the melancholy tone in her voice, she sighed once more.“I suppose it’s understandable that you’re feeling stifled.”“Thank you.”“Spare me the thanks. Just don’t leave the outer walls, and avoid drawing attention to yourself. And don’t come back with dew on your shoes at dawn….”“Yes, I understand.”I expressed my gratitude a few more times and turned to leave.Just as I was about to exit the office, Lisbeth called out to me again.“Slan.”When I turned around, she looked as if she were hesitating.“Nothing’s wrong, is it?”For a moment, my insides clenched as I wondered if she had somehow noticed something. I tried my best to meet her gaze with a calm expression.“What do you mean?”“You seem troubled since Sir Isyon visited.”“Oh….”I shook my head.“It’s nothing. I’ve just been feeling a little off after the recent episode. I’ll be fine soon.”“Alright….”Lisbeth stared at me intently for a few more seconds before nodding.“Go ahead.”I quickly left the office.My heart was pounding.My gaze fell to the crumpled letter in my hand. The excitement of being granted the red token once again made my body temperature rise, and my face felt warm. I quickened my pace as I left the manor.Instead of using the main entrance, I headed for the back gate used by servants and squires. One of the guards loitering there glanced at me. I straightened my shoulders confidently and walked past him.The steward of Red Gate didn’t say much when I presented the letter. She merely clicked her tongue once. Just like last time, she handed me a pair of shoes, an outer garment, and the red token.After leaving Red Gate, I made my way toward the marketplace. The location of a back alley I had only been taken to once by Jiyod came to mind as naturally as if I had known it all my life. I simply let my feet carry me there. A few passersby glanced at my limping gait.The marketplace, just before sunset, was crowded.I nearly bumped into people several times, but none of it bothered me.I passed by an old man smoking a hookah and picking at loose threads on a rug, and entered a narrow alley.In front of a shop, red and blue jars were lined up in a row. A tapestry hung at the entrance, partially rolled up, revealing the inside. I hesitated for a moment before lifting the tapestry slightly and peeking in.“Yofius?”The moment I called out that name, someone grabbed me tightly from behind.I didn’t even have time to scream. My chest slammed into a hot, solid wall of flesh as my body was spun around. Before I could gather my wits, the person who had grabbed my waist pushed aside the tapestry with their other arm and strode inside, dragging me along.As the tapestry fell down again, blocking the sunlight, darkness poured over my eyelids. Before I could even collect myself, something hot and soft pressed firmly between my eyebrows.“Ah…”Only then did I let out a sigh of relief, as if I had lost my mind.“How did you…”My voice trembled faintly.Despite having dragged me into the store roughly, a large hand now gently grazed my back, as if trying to reassure me.“Yofius is not here right now.”“Why?”“He went out to pay for the goods. He won’t be back tonight. Anyway, what brings you here?”“I had something to ask…”“You have no time to meet me, but you had time to come all the way here?”As he spoke, Jiyod moved his lips from between my brows to kiss the bridge of my nose. His lips then moved to my ear. His hot breath spilled over the edge of my ear, sending tiny shivers down my spine and the back of my neck. My body trembled, and I exhaled sharply, pushing at his shoulders.“Did the steward tell you again this time?”“I told you, he owes me. If you sneak out of the city through the Red Gate, one way or another, it’ll reach my ears.”He chuckled quietly.Ignoring my push, he instead pulled me into an even tighter embrace, pressing my body closer.“Why didn’t you flip the coin? Didn’t you want to see me? I’m burning up every day, just waiting for you…”A quiet sigh escaped from Jiyod.He kissed me on my upper lip, making a soft sound.My face flushed, and my heartbeat quickened.“By the way, how’s your body? You seem well enough to come out here on your own, but not well enough to come see me, it seems.”There was a hint of sulkiness in his voice.But more than his complaints, what struck my mind was his question. I had a hunch that he knew about my seizures.Jiyod had sent Ida to me.Of course, he would know about my changed medication and my seizures.I didn’t want to think about it, but my mind started spinning, one thought chasing another.It had been two years since Jiyod left to suppress the Alto Civil War. Duke of Karlac had ordered him directly, and although Jiyod could have refused, he led the army to northwestern Alto without hesitation.I grabbed his cheeks with both hands, pushing him away from me. Jiyod looked down at me quietly. His face was kind and gentle.“What’s wrong?”He asked, and I looked into his eyes, slowly opening my mouth.“Were you also in Karlac when I had that seizure two years ago?”At my question, Jiyod fell silent.For a brief moment, his lips twitched.His brows furrowed, and the corners of his eyebrows raised. He lifted his hands to cover the backs of mine that were still holding his cheeks.“No.”His answer sounded like a sigh.“I wasn’t there.”“Ah…”A low sound of frustration escaped me. Jiyod tightened his grip on my hands.“And if I had been there, such a thing would never have happened.”Once again, my mind became tangled, like a mess of threads.If Jiyod hadn’t been there at the time, why would Duke of Karlac have needed to drive him out later?Wasn’t Duke of Karlac driving out all of my friends, allies, and even my lover to cover up something that had happened in Karlac?I had suspected it was related to my seizure two years ago. But if Jiyod hadn’t been there, my theory was all wrong.Duke of Karlac was a rational man. It made no sense that he would hate Jiyod so much just because he was a bastard or because he carried Ipsen blood. Jiyod was a survivor of Tesfaya, a war hero, and the army he led was by no means small. Though he carried Ipsen blood, he had proven his loyalty to Karlac by participating in the massacre of Ipsen.If someone as logical and reasonable as Duke of Karlac hated Jiyod, it was undoubtedly for political reasons. It couldn’t be for any other reason.Of course, Duke of Karlac was closely allied with the High Lord of Stravin, so perhaps it would be awkward to favor Jiyod, who was the illegitimate son of that same High Lord. But would the ruler of vast eastern Karlac really antagonize Jiyod for such a reason?It made no sense.If I were Duke of Karlac, I would never antagonize Jiyod for such a ridiculous reason. Quite the opposite—I would do anything to bring him to my side.Anything…At that moment, Jiyod interlaced his fingers with mine, pulling me out of my thoughts. I looked up at him, startled.His colorless, translucent eyes gazed at me steadily.“Did you come all the way here just to ask Yofius that?”“No. I was going to ask something else.”