B-ronken-R-ing 159...

***

"Honorable Madam Ines Escalante de Perez, I humbly seek your forgiveness, my lady, for the grievous errors I have committed. In my folly, I presumed to take actions beyond my station. I ought to have continued to report my findings from spying on-I mean, observing Lord Escalante with the utmost fidelity, as has always been my duty. My sincerest apologies, my lady. I am but a dog, a loyal dog whose sole desire is the contentment of my revered masters..."

The word "dog" was crossed out once, and "loyal dog" twice. This was highly uncharacteristic of Raúl Balan, known for his obsessive perfectionism. On any other day, he would have chosen to rewrite the letter altogether or at least covered his mistakes with another sheet of paper rather than send it with visible corrections. And a few lines above that, he had even written "spying on-I mean, observing," as if it did not even occur to him to cross out his mistake. It clearly reflected the urgency and distress under which the letter was composed.

As much as Inés appreciated that he didn't have the time to rewrite the letter, she was incensed at his disorganized state of mind, which had allowed him to leave his mistakes in. She grappled with her emotions, uncertain of her own desires. You damn weasel... you could have avoided all this in the first place. Though fully aware that such thoughts were meaningless now that it was all in the past, Inés gripped the letter tightly, crumpling the paper as her frustration mounted.

Most of the letter seemed to be a desperate attempt to delay addressing the heart of the issue by going and on about how regretful he was. Inés's gaze skimmed over this part, her patience wearing thin.

"I, Raúl Balan, who owe my very life to Lady Inés Valeztena de Perez, could never act against your interests. From the moment you saved me, my life has been yours. You gave the name Raúl, my lady, and even the surname Balan to a mere orphan like me. If I had not met you, I would be ensnared in a life of theft and deceit, squandering all my ill-gotten gains on gambling, caught in an endless cycle of crime..."

Inés skipped over this part as well, as if it did not interest her at all. Familiar with his tactics, she had no intention of allowing him to sway her with his desperate pleas for her sympathy.

"Thus, without you, my lady, the peace, safety, and happiness of Lord Cárcel Escalante de Esposa hold no significance to me. How could he possibly be of importance? It is only because his happiness is directly bound to yours-, and that his safety is tantamount to your own, that..."

"Oh, please," Inés grumbled, flipping over the first page of the letter.

She couldn't believe Cárcel Escalante had come to mean so much to Raúl that he would dedicate a whole page to making excuses. It was astounding that her steadfast servant had divided his loyalty between her and Cárcel-she felt betrayed.

At the same time, a chill crept over her. The fact that her competent valet was having such a hard time downplaying the situation suggested that it was indeed as dire as she had anticipated. It felt just like the countless times she had been convinced of her suspicions, only to have them confirmed before her very eyes.

"Of course I would never disregard any danger that might render you a widow. However, I must emphasize that your husband acted with nothing but your best interest in mind, my lady."

"As if I did not know that already..."

"The reason I complied with his orders was that... I could never reach the depth of care he has for you, my lady.

As a humble servant, I dared not oppose His Lordship's will. I came to believe that following his will was indeed what was best for you. I am fully aware that my discerning mistress has already grasped the truth, and that whatever I say will sound like the meager excuses of a pathetic rat. I would not have ventured to address this matter if I had thought you were unaware of what had transpired when you asked.

Even if you cannot forgive me, please find it in your heart to acknowledge His Lordship's intentions. And I pray that the truth I am about to relay will not sow any discord between you and Lord Escalante..."

On any other day, Inés would have been busy making cynical remarks about the absurdity of his excuses and how quickly her loyal servant seemed to have changed allegiance in her absence.

But her lips formed a tight line, and she continued to read the letter with a steely expression.

As the letter finally began to reveal the crux of the matter, Inés lowered her head for a moment, as if to delay the inevitable. She ran a trembling hand down her face before placing it against her forehead and raising her head to continue reading.

"There was no particular falsehood in what I have reported to you thus far. There were simply certain details that were omitted. Even my report on the night His Lordship was shot by an intruder..."

"This is ludicrous..."

Though she had suspected as much, having it confirmed by someone else felt jarring. The knowledge that her husband had been shot left her hands clammy and cold, as though all the blood had been drained from them. While she had considered the boredom of Mendoza some great punishment and had missed her home in Calztela as she thought of Cárcel Escalante, he had been enduring this pain all alone.

"...and the subsequent day was based on truth. Not only did he order me to withhold this from you, but he also acted as though it had never happened. He went to work the next day and underwent his training as usual. My report was confined to his routine activities. His Lordship seems to be very tolerant of pain, but he had likely concealed his wound from everyone else in the residence in anticipation of your return to Calztela. He must have done so to prevent any of the staff from accidentally mentioning that night to you. Even Arondra remains unaware of His Lordship's gunshot wound. He stemmed the bleeding himself and patched himself up immediately while Lieutenant Maso tended to the intruder. José and I were the only ones who arrived on the scene, albeit belatedly, and José is still convinced that His Lordship was uninjured."

Inés ground her teeth in frustration. Not only had Cárcel gotten himself injured, but he also hadn't sought a doctor's treatment for the gunshot wound. He had not taken even a single day off, and had hidden his injury from Arondra. He had been forced to hide an injury in his own home-the one place he should have been able to rest without worry.

He had been suffering alone in their small, peaceful home, all while she had missed the sound of crashing waves and the sunshine as if the place was the safest and most peaceful place in the world. The place that had been her only solace.

Gritting her teeth, Inés pressed down on the corners of her eyes, hot with unshed tears. She was absolutely furious that he had done such a thing just to make sure she wouldn't find out. She couldn't bear how much she hated Cárcel Escalante for doing so.

He had suffered alone just to avoid making her nervous. Just avoid worrying her. As if that mattered at all.

He had once told her that he was happy to see her worry for him. He had been overjoyed to see her gasp over a mere scratch on the back of his hand. That small amount of care had been enough to make him incredibly happy. It was obvious how glad he would be to see her even more worried over a gunshot wound.

Despite this, she couldn't forgive him for doing this. How dare you assume to know me? Who do you think you are? You know full well that I stupidly worry about you so... you said you were my husband...

"How could you do this to me?"

Now that she knew he had gone so far to hide things from her, she would never be able to believe him when he said he was fine. Had he wished to see her worry over him all day long? Did he want her to doubt his words, doubt his safety, and think of nothing but his well being from morning till night during her stay in Mendoza? Did he want her to drown in dreadful worries about whether he was safe, healthy, and uninjured?

She did, of course, know that Cárcel Escalante did not wish for any of this. She knew that he had done this because he never wanted her to worry so. As much as he was overjoyed by her worry for him, he wished to avoid her being even the slightest bit upset. And that was what was so frustrating and maddening. She simply could not understand him, but she turned back to the Raúl's letter anyway.

"We heard a sudden noise coming from upstairs in the middle of the night, and just as we were climbing the stairs, we heard a gunshot. When we ran into the room, his lordship was already standing alone on the balcony. It seemed as though the intruder had been thrown off of the balcony after their fight. His lordship had injured the man enough that he was unable to escape, so the other servants quickly apprehended him. He was taken away by Esposa's soldiers soon after, but I heard that he took his own life a few days later.

The bedroom was covered in blood stains, making for a horrific scene, and it seemed like the fight had started from the bed. Judging by the scene, it would not have been strange for his lordship to have sustained several injuries, but save for the last gunshot, he had no other wounds whatsoever. Even the gunshot simply grazed his side, as he had managed to mostly evade it at the last second. Is he not amazing?"

He was amazingly reckless, she thought.

"He said that there had been a failed assassination attempt before as well. Apparently he needed to confirm who their target was, as it was at first unclear."

Even through Raúl's deliberate lack of detail, Inés instinctively thought back to the night at Admiral Calderon's hunting lodge during which she had slept without a care in the world. After that night, he had immediately sent her off to Mendoza. He had split them up in a hurry in order to confirm who the target was. He had put his life on the line as if it was worth nothing.

"He was overjoyed to find out that the assassins seemed to be uninterested in harming you, my lady. How could I dare to go against his wishes when he put it like that? So please, my lady, understand that he had your best interest in mind."

Her chest felt constricted. The tears that had welled up in her eyes, threatening to spill over, seemed foolish. The tears that dropped onto the paper were ridiculous.

Why are you so utterly foolish when it comes to me? Understand? I cannot possibly do such a thing...

Her insides boiled. He had made her feel like an idiot. She felt just as foolish as he evidently was. It was unfair. She had come to worry about him just as much as he worried about her to a ridiculous degree.

"I am so angry with you, Escalante... you stupid man..."

Her affection and anger toward him boiled inside of her, just as much as his love for her had driven him to such lengths. She wanted to wrap her arms around his neck and squeeze hard enough to choke him. She wanted to shower his face with kisses and bite down on his lips until she drew blood. She wanted to strip him of his clothes and take a closer look at his injury and cry out of heartache while at the same time tormenting him for hiding it from her. She wanted to get on a horse and ride to Calztela at once and slap him across his handsome face before grabbing him by the collar and climbing on top of him to show him who he belonged to.

And then, she thought, she would probably just cry. She knew that, as her tears dropped onto his face, she would take out her anger on him, shouting about how he dared to do this to her. She scoffed at the thought. It would be an entirely new and even more foolish side to her.

She could imagine the look on his face as he stared up at her. He would smile happily while frowning at the same time and begging her not to cry as he kissed her tears away. He would beg her for forgiveness when he had done nothing wrong, because Cárcel Escalante had no self-respect.

The mere thought of it made her tremble in anger.

That absolute bastard had done this to her precious husband. When she thought of Oscar's red hair, she felt nauseated again. Inés vomited, clawing at her neck. Then, with an emptied stomach, she thought of Cárcel again. She wanted to hold him in her arms and check again.

She simply wanted to know whether he really had been all right that night.