B-ronken-R-ing 159...

***

Inés had no choice but to lie across the couch within the familiar confines of her former bedroom in the Valeztena residence with her eyes closed. She had come here right away, only to find Angelica already awaiting in her room. Juana had somehow managed to summon the physician so swiftly.

Angelica had long been Inés's sole attendant in matters of health at the Valeztena residence in Mendoza. The duchess had hired the female physician out of concern for her daughter's ability to bear children. Since the tender age of eleven when she had her first menses, Inés had been dutifully attended to by Angelica once a month for over ten years now.

She knew that one day she would bear a child, despite the grim opinions of physicians. Her hopes burned brighter now because she knew her fragile womb posed a significant challenge. Even when she had felt nothing for Cárcel, she had wanted a child out of necessity, and now she wholeheartedly wished for a child of their own. However, having Angelica examine her always left her feeling uneasy.

Being in this room made her once again feel like her whole worth rested on her ability to bear children. She felt like she had stepped back into the suffocating shadow of her mother.

In moments like these, when Angelica examined her between her legs and spoke about fertility, Inés found herself transported back to a life she had once known. It echoed her days as the crown princess, when every aspect of her womanhood was subjected to scrutiny. The physician was friendly and discreet, even going so far as to keep Inés's secret from the duchess, but Inés couldn't shake the knowledge that she had been hired by her mother to begin with. That was why she was reluctant to see the physician, especially on such a fraught day.

"Madam, have you found yourself particularly vexed by anything lately? It seems you have been agitated for a while," said Angelica.

"A trifle."

"It appears more than a mere trifle. I found a few sores in your mouth, too. It often plagued you when you were particularly agitated, ever since you were a child. You must have had stomach issues, too."

Juana interjected with a resigned sigh, "You have no idea. Earlier, she vomited violently as soon as she returned."

Inés remained silent, massaging her temples with her eyes closed, as Juana listed off detailed symptoms that she hadn't even noticed herself.

"So I've been wondering, could Madam possibly be pregnant?" Juana asked, agog. "She said that it's been nearly two months since her last period, too. Her schedule has been quite busy since she arrived in Mendoza, yes, but she has been unusually fatigued despite getting more than enough sleep."

"Does she sleep well?" Angelica inquired.

"She does. She falls asleep almost instantly as soon as her head hits the pillow. But by the afternoon, she is as listless as though she hadn't slept at all..."

Inés looked up at Juana with a dumbfounded frown. Juana was making it sound like her body was incredibly inefficient.

But Juana continued, undeterred. "She has skipped dinner so many times with the excuse that she wasn't feeling well. She tends to forgo evening meals unless she has been invited to dinner somewhere with Duchess Escalante or Duke Escalante happens to be at the residence for dinner and asks her to join them."

Inés let out a scoff. "You've failed to mention how frequently I'm invited to dinner and that the duke dines at the residence nearly every day."

"Oh, that's why she often refuses to have breakfast, too, saying that she was still full from the dinner the night before. In any case, it's been like this for a while, and she keeps feeling nauseated, too. It's only been a month since she returned to Mendoza and yet..." Juana paused to cup Inés's cheeks with her hands. "She's all skin and bones now!"

Inés glared at her with her cheeks squeezed together. "You said before that I seemed to have eaten very well in Calztela."

"Humans are adaptable creatures, Madam. Besides, your period has never been so delayed," Juana insisted, her eyes darting toward Angelica, silently imploring confirmation.

However, Angelica seemed entirely unaffected and continued to record observations in her notes for a while. Then she put down her pen and looked up at Inés. "Your monthly period has always been inconsistent, and this instance is no exception. Given your current state of tension and stress, your menstruation cycle has likely been affected more than usual."

"There, you see," Inés said, waving away Juana's hands and rising to her feet victoriously.

Juana's face fell, staring at Angelica in disbelief.

"I will prepare a selection of medicinal herbs known for their calming properties to be delivered to House Escalante. We must avoid your health reverting to its previous state. But aside from these temporary symptoms, you appear to be in good condition overall," the physician confirmed.

"Even though she looks so drawn?" Juana asked worriedly.

"Since I did not examine you as soon as you arrived, I cannot be sure what standard Juana is referring to. But the last time I examined you was about three weeks prior to your wedding, was it not?"

"Yes, that's correct."

"You are much healthier now than you were then. As Juana pointed out, you do appear to be temporarily weakened and fatigued, but your overall health has improved remarkably. In your case, gaining weight will enhance your prospects of conception. You were a tad thin before, and your body does not fare well when it is too thin. You're naturally lean, so you could gain a lot more weight without concern."

Inés couldn't help but reflect on the past, where her mother's perception of her body was vastly different.

What Angelica deemed as "a tad thin" had, compared to her days at the palace when she had developed an eating disorder, been considered "too fat" by Duchess Valeztena's standards. In this life, Inés had never starved herself for the sake of her figure. Once she had woken up as a child again, whenever the duchess had refused to let her eat, she had thrown a tantrum until the servants brought her food. She never let herself neglect her hunger.

The duchess had always been worried that Inés, who was taller than the other young ladies, would look "too large" next to them and be less attractive in the crown prince's eyes, even as she fretted over her daughter's ability to bear children. The duchess had then been shocked to the core to discover that the stringent dietary restrictions she had imposed on her daughter all her life, intended to mold her into the perfect bride, had ironically made her chances of having children worse.

"You are the daughter of House Valeztena and House Montor. No other young noblewoman should surpass your beauty," the duchess had insisted. "You will ascend to the position of Empress in due time. You will become the most noble woman in all of Ortega, and your beauty must reflect that station..."

Inés Valenza de Ortega, who had grown up in a paradox of abundance and starvation, had indeed been incredibly beautiful. But as she had trouble bearing children, her looks became meaningless.

Married to the crown prince at sixteen, she had finally managed to bear a child several years later, but when it turned into a miscarriage, her mother had reminded her again and again not to fall victim to the temptation of eating her grief away. It was only after Angelica urged her persistently, risking her own life to do, that the duchess finally, for the very first time, had brought Inés something to eat herself.

"Angelica says that your body is already very frail, and being so thin impedes your chances of conceiving. Even if you do manage to bear a child, the smallest shock could ruin it..."

In that moment, Inés had found the mother that she had wished for in her childhood-a mother who encouraged her to eat. The disdainful gaze her mother would cast upon her when she desperately filled her growling stomach had vanished. All it took was the warning that being too thin was detrimental to fertility.

But to a young woman who had been conditioned to view eating as practically a sin, any amount of food induced panic. She would only feel better after emptying her stomach day after day. The duchess, who had once slapped her young daughter across the face for indulging in five cookies, ended up pleading for her to eat more. She would shout at Inés if that didn't work, saying that this was all for her own good.

Inés's life had been an utter farce, far more ridiculous than a comedy on stage. She had wasted her life for nothing.

Though Oscar would have inevitably ruined her life, she could have at least spared herself some of the suffering. Perhaps she could have been happy and at peace for a little longer. She might have even had the wherewithal to observe the world around here more. Perhaps then she might have noticed Cárcel Escalante hovering around her from afar and remembered many more details about him than she did now.

"The conditions are favorable, so the outcome rests in your hands and your husband's. While you may face more challenges than other couples, remember, it is not insurmountable. You can enhance your chances by tending do your well-being. The most important thing is for you to avoid becoming so feeble again," Angelica told her firmly.

"I understand."

"And maintain intimacy with your husband whenever the occasion calls for it."

"All right."

Once Angelica left, Inés stood by the window of her former room, waiting for Juana to retrieve the letters from Cárcel. As she gazed outside, Isabella's words from earlier that day resurfaced in her mind.

"There must still be a few scars left on his body from that time..."

She felt sick and her anger bubbled up once more. How could he be so foolish? How could he pretend like nothing happened? How could he never mention this? How could he...not resent her?

Inés let out a bitter laugh. She had treated him like dirt and led him on before throwing him away. She hated herself for pretending to like him as a child.

That fool who had smiled at her from afar and treated her warmly even though he had no interest in her back then, and the fool who loved her sincerely now... she had treated him like he meant nothing to her.

"I forgot that I had put this in your study and wasted time searching in another room," Juana chirped, interrupting Inés's thoughts as she came back into the room.

"Give it here," Inés demanded, snatching the wooden box from Juana's grasp before carefully opening it.

On top of the stack lay letters Cárcel had sent whenever the seasons changed after he had been appointed to Calztela, and piled below were even older letters from him showing signs of age. One of the letters was poking out from the bottom of the pile because it hadn't been folded properly, and she could spy the crooked handwriting of a very young Cárcel.

Smiling, Inés unwittingly pulled at the corner of the letter to look at it more closely. She then set aside the topmost letters and took out the ones he had sent her during his time away at war. It was six letters in total. Holding them close, she walked over to the sunlit window and began to read one of them.

"Dear Inés,

I am completely unharmed. The battle is in favor of Ortega, so please rest easy in Mendoza. I pray that you are well.

From Bajacali, Escalante Wife Prison."

Inés quietly brushed her thumb over the edges of the letter before flipping to the next one.

"Dear Inés,

I apologize for not finding any better stationery. We are short on supplies at this marina. Please know that this was the cleanest sheet of paper I could find and forgive me. You would be shocked to hear how much I paid for this single piece of paper.

Rest assured, I remain unharmed and safe. The battle has not been in our favor for a brief while, but things will get better soon. May God always be with you.

From Upéche, Cárcel Escalante de Esposa."

She noticed the smudged ink on the rough paper and the way his name seemed to have been signed in haste.

"Dear Inés,

I have only just learned that my last letter was lost along with the ship that sank in Héne. That is the sole reason you haven't heard from me in a while.

I am completely uninjured and doing well. I hope you are, too. I pray that you remain under God's blessing whether you are in Mendoza, Perez, or anywhere else.

From Elo Flores, Cárcel Escalante de Esposa."

It felt like she had never read these letters before, and it hurt to see just how unfamiliar the words were. Uninjured? She knew all about the various scars that still remained on his body, some still fresh from recent years. Those scars she had once overlooked spoke volumes of his trials. Along with these letters, they poignantly reminded of her ignorance. She had spent so many days thinking that such scars were only natural for a naval officer.

But now she could finally recognize the hard times he had gone through his handwriting. The boy who had suffered and endured all the torment in silence because of her had matured into a young man who would lie to her about being uninjured at war to spare her worry.

She had been completely unaware of it all.

Almost whispering, she mumbled to herself, "It was you who truly needed God's blessing..."

Unaware of just how much the foolish Cárcel Escalante had pretended to be safe and unscathed.