Bolt Action Serenade

Not long after that Jaina returned to nervously and silently help me get ready for my physical therapy. Wheeling me down the hall she finally said something “Sorry I’m being distant, honestly military officers intimidate me.”

I smirked “Helanna’s nice. You just have to get her out of her shell first.”

“Out of her shell?”

“Dang it, is that seriously another one?” I sighed heavily “Sorry, I keep getting these phrases in my head that no one knows. I figured Pitrak and Uvtrayl wouldn’t be so different considering how close they are to each other but I guess either they really are, or I was part of some quirky sub-culture.” I grumbled.

She laughed “Out of her shell? I dunno, I kinda like it. Get the hard bits out of the way and poke at the soft insides? Makes sense. But I have no idea how you got her out of hers, she comes off very… all shell no soft. To continue the metaphor.”

“Nah, there’s a soft inside.” I said, fighting the urge to make a lewd joke.

My physical therapist was thrilled to see me, bringing over a wooden crate and showing me the new leg that was ‘finally completed’ for me. Pretty simple design, but actually decent quality. Metal with some kind of heavy gray coating to keep it from rusting, all with nice soft rubber on both the foot and the part to go against my leg.

I didn’t hate it, not exactly, but I think I still needed time to mentally accept that my leg really was gone. But it was a great deal easier to wear and some kind of pivoting joint in the ankle made it easier to walk with than the shitty wooden one. Not that I was surprised, this new one all but confirmed it was meant to frustrate me.

I still fell. Not as often, but enough to get to me. The therapist was patient, but still worked me as hard as he could get away with. I didn’t know if I was making progress, the new leg clearly helped but I didn’t want that to be the only reason I was doing any better. I mean, I knew it was on the first day but, dammit. Emotions are hard and make me stupid. I just wanted to know that my effort was actually making a difference.

As I was dropping into my wheelchair to head off I stopped Jaina and turned to the man helping me learn. “Hey. I know you introduce yourself first day but I was not in a great place. What’s your name?” Jaina kindly translating as needed. His dashin was fairly broken and my oteva was worse but he could say ‘bigger step’ and ‘one more time’ just fine.

He just grinned “Emmit Grazza. Emmit good. No need of doctor or mister.”

“Okay, sorry I snapped at you yesterday Emmit. Thanks for helping me out and I’ll see you tomorrow.”

The rest of the day was pretty standard but at least I’d gotten some answers. Not to mention the fact that actually pushing things to change with Helanna had been a massive source of relief. Still, the frustration and feeling of helplessness didn’t really lessen as much as I would have hoped. One day at a time I guess.

A week passed and I heard nothing from Helanna. Doc Francova had new tests for me every day, Emmit pushed me harder with each session, and Vikkel and I taught each other swear words in our native languages. In the evenings Jaina would climb into my bed and kiss me, but she seemed to pick up that I wasn’t up for more. It was pretty comforting to see the disappointment on her face over it. A nice honest sign that she wasn’t only with me for her sister’s treatment, just as Carmilla told me.

Carmilla and I however were starting to grow a bit strained. I tried to hold her one night while drifting off and cried when I arms found nothing there. I wanted to touch her so bad that it hurt, so could tell and touched me less to help. I don’t know if it did, I had fewer urges to hold her but I also missed her touch sorely.

One big change was I listened to people talking a lot more and I started to notice patterns, started to figure out at least bits and pieces of what was being said. Polyglot was absolutely incredible, how amazing would it be at rank S?

Jaina didn’t seem to know anything about what had happened, if she was told anything at all it was probably just ‘keep up the good work’ or something like that. But nine days after that Visit from the General, my nurse stormed into my room one morning without bringing breakfast and slapped me.

“You knew.” she practically spat the accusation out, shaking a folded letter in one hand at me.

“Ow. Good morning. Sleep well?” I said as I rubbed my stinging face.

“Don’t you be cute with me, you knew about the deal I made with General Devatius.” she fought tears off, glaring at me with anger and confusion in her eyes.

“Suspected. Helanna confirmed it after I called her out on a few things.”

“But we-, you-, I did... things with you! What, was that just to keep up appearances? Is that why you stopped after she showed up?”

I took her hand and held it against my chest “No, not at all. On either account.” She glared but didn’t pull her hand away. “I actually do like you quite a lot, Jaina.”

[We both do. I’ve been fond of you since before my love awoke here.]

He eyes darted between my face and Carmilla’s words. “I don’t understand.”

“Carmilla can feel certain… aspects of a person. She told me you were a good person and that you and I would be good together. Not in those exact words, but we understand one another enough to read novels from a sentence. She was right, wasn’t she?” I lifted her hand and kissed it.

She bit her lip, though more in conflicted thought than arousal. “Then why?”

“Why what?”

“I got this letter this morning from the General and it says the deal is off. I need this for Aylin!” she shook softly, tears falling while her voice strained.

“What!? Give that to me!” she did so and I quickly looked it over. The first thing of note to me was that it was written in Dashin, which told me Helanna knew it was likely I would end up reading it.

Sure enough, it started with saying that I had become aware of things and that she would no longer need to keep up any act. It mentioned the deal no longer being necessary and I realized immediately what the problem was.

“Jaina. You didn’t finish the letter. It says the deal is off because they are sending someone to treat her. Actually based on the date it looks like she got her treatment yesterday.” I smiled at her.

Her eyes went wide and she snatched the letter back and poured over it. Her face turned red and she tried to apologize but her words stumbled over each other. After a few tries she stopped and took a breath. “I’m so sorry, I was just, I was scared that it was all for nothing and the hope my family had was just pulled out from under them.” she was still crying, but the anger was gone at least.

“Have you not heard from them yet? I feel like they would have tried to contact you about this.”

She gasped “Oh shit! They don’t have a number to call me here! I have to-, no I can wait till-”

“Go call your folks, I can be late to stuff for one day.” She leaned down and hugged me tight before rushing out of the room.

Sure enough I was late, so late I missed therapy entirely and ended up fifteen minutes behind on meeting the doc for more tests. Jaina was absolutely glowing all day and had to stop to let a few happy tears out several times. My heart leapt at it every time.

That night she was a jittery mess, but still smiling, happy to just let it all out after we had dinner. “Gods, now the waiting is over and the waiting begins but its so much different this time.”

“Waiting?” I asked, softly stroking her hair as she lay next to me.

“To see how well the treatment took, or… if it took.” she deflated a bit, she must have been holding that thought back all day. “I know it might not, we all do. The longer it takes to get the treatment the lower the chances. She waited almost five years, but I know of people that waited decades and still got better. So she has a good chance.”

I pulled her close and just held her. “How long till they know?”

“A few days, a bit over a week at most. Either she starts showing signs of her mana pool clearing and generating again or… she doesn’t.” I kissed her forehead and she gave me a small smile. “I sometimes think that, either way, at least we know and it’ll be over. She said once that if the treatment doesn’t work she’ll stop taking the medicine, just go out to the lake near where we grew up and spend her last days in peace. I don’t want her to die, but I think I understand. I think I would go spend that time with her, just be there for her until she-” a sob cut off her words

I squeezed her as she cried, holding me so hard it hurt. But it was nothing, I would suffer far worse to comfort her. Carmilla really figured me out well, Jaina grew to mean a lot to me in the time we spent together.

“Dammit, I’m trying to be positive.” She sniffled.

“Sometimes you just have to let yourself be scared. Fighting it only makes it worse. But you can still be happy and frightened at the same time. Still, I think your sister will make it. Then, once she’s feeling better maybe I can meet her? Maybe the rest of your family?”

She punched my side softly. “If you behave I’ll consider it.” she said while hiding her face against my neck.

I grunted in faux annoyance. “Mm, gonna have to pass then. Behaving is boring.” and she laughed.

To be honest, the words made me think. Behaving, cooperating, being a good little soldier had gotten me very little in my admittedly limited experience. But biting back and telling Helanna ‘fuck your plans, do what I say’ had honestly worked out phenomenally. Not that I was going to just go full chaos and start burning bridges, but I think maybe it was time to start being more pro-active.

As the next few days passed, I learned more and more oteva at an increasingly fast pace, the more I put together the more the rest made sense. I was understanding the gist of most conversations by the time Aylin’s results came in five days later.

Jaina got a call from her mother while we were having dinner and had to step out. Thankfully she’d remembered to give them a number to reach her at this time. Ten minutes later she came into my room and hugged me tight, a smile on her face and tears streaking down her cheeks. “Her mana is generating properly! It worked!”

I swear I almost passed out from the sudden and intense wave of relief. It hit me so hard that I started to fall over and Jaina had to catch me. It took me a moment to realize it was because it wasn’t just me, Carmilla had been worried more than she let on as well.

[Oh thank the gods! I am so happy, Jaina. I was fretting terribly about this all week.]

Jaina laughed and pulled my arm up, kissing Carmilla’s runes softly. “Thank you so much for being there for me in all this, both of you.”

[We were more than happy to do so, dear. You are important to my love, she wouldn’t have made her demands for just anyone after all.]

Jaina blinked. “Demands?”

“It was noting, don’t worry about it.”

[She told Helanna to either treat your sister or she would cease cooperating.]

I blushed as Jaina looked into my eyes. The raw attraction I felt there was impossible to miss. She looked like she was a moment away from kissing me so hard I forgot what air felt like. I tried to shrug it off, act like it wasn’t a big deal, which to me it kinda wasn’t. Honestly, it was just the right thing to do as far as I was concerned. “I didn’t want them holding her over your head like that. Especially not with how you and I were starting to, you know, get closer. I wanted anything that happened to be because of us, not that.”

“I-, you-… and she listened?” She sounded like she didn’t quite believe it, or like she just needed it to be confirmed somehow for the sake of her own feelings. Like she just needed the last little excuse to dive in. Or maybe that was wishful thinking on my part. I really wanted to be right though.

“I did tell you she’s a lot nicer out of her shell.”

[Or out of her clothes for that matter.]

Jain’s face turned crimson. “Oh… oh I suppose that makes some sense.” she said with a slight hitch in her voice, taking a step back from me and looking at the floor. I trusted Carmilla, but that doesn’t mean I wish she could be a bit less blunt sometimes. Or at least give me warning before she was going to pull something like this. I could feel her amorous encouragement and knew where she wanted this to go, so I went along with it and banked once again on her enhanced sense of people.

I reached out and pulled Jaina back towards me, she didn’t fight it but I could see the conflict in her eyes. “Jaina, I love Carmilla. I am in love with her, deeply.” I felt Carmilla surge inside me with the words, the celebratory racing around of my elemental love was strong enough that I let out a small laugh. “And she loves me back, just as deeply.”

[I do! With every thing I am and ever will be.]

“Yet she encouraged you and I to be together.”

Confusion knit her brows together “But, why? Is it just to get you some physical affection or something?”

[Because love is an infinite river with infinite cups to drink from. I am uninterested in selfishly coveting my love’s heart. I want her to be able to experience loving others because I know it will make her happy. I felt that you and Esme would be good together, that you and she would find more than simple friendship. That your affections for my love would grow into more than a fascination with her body. Was I wrong?]

Jaina looked up into my eyes. “So… this isn’t just some fling, and you and the General are more than just… humping?”

“I don’t get involved unless I want more than just sex, and if Carmilla approves of course.”

[Which I do. Both of you and Helanna. You can trust her dear, the intimidation is a mask and not who she is. You can also trust my Esme to love you if you let her. Not exclusively, but no less loved than if you were the only one in her heart.]

“Love?” Jaina blushed more, eyes widening slightly.

I cleared my throat “I mean, it might be a little early for that particular level of… it takes time to get to know people and… Look, you’re the nicest, warmest, most caring person I know. I like being with you, a lot. Carmilla might be jumping the gun on what to call my feelings but I can say that at least they are… in the directing of love and moving closer.”

[She has a hard time confronting and understanding her emotions, she’ll get to the word eventually.]

Jaina swallowed and looked into my eyes. “So you threatened to screw up the plans of a general working for Uvtrayl intelligence, because you wanted anything that developed between us to not have any coercion behind it?”

I felt myself blush at that “I mean, it’s more complicated than just that but at least in part, yes.” She just stared at me for a few long moments, I felt a bit uncomfortable and started to say something but then she pushed me down onto my back and climbed onto me, pressing her lips to mine in a hungry, needy kiss as she pulled her clothes off.