Delusive Fate

#086

Lee Han-sol was someone you couldn’t help but like. It had been that way from the start. Ki Baek-woo liked him from the moment he first saw Lee Han-sol, from the very instant he became aware of Lee Han-sol’s existence. He hoped Lee Han-sol felt the same way.

Why do I like Han-sol hyung?

Hyung is like a king-sized gummy worm. Like the one giant worm in the pack. I like those. Hyung is like the building blocks at our house and the Tyrannosaurus plush that my big aunt bought me. He’s like chocolate milk. Like strawberry candy. He tastes like slushie cola. All things I love… That’s why I like Han-sol hyung….

The young Ki Baek-woo who thought this way often pondered, even after becoming a teenager and entering his twenties: Why did I like hyung so much back then?

‘Well, back then hyung was… a little….’

Like the sun. That’s how it felt…. As a child, Ki Baek-woo had been busy associating hyung with all his favorite things, but during the long process of becoming an adult, he reflected on the day he first met Lee Han-sol and thought:

Was it fate perhaps? How else could it be possible to like someone so much the moment you see them? They say you can’t mistake fate. Maybe that’s why I liked hyung instantly. It was clear that from the moment I was born until now, and forever into the future, Han-sol hyung would be the only one for me who was like that.

Ki Baek-woo met Lee Han-sol unexpectedly one day when he was five years old.

“Hello, we’ve just moved into apartment 502 and came to say hello. It’s nothing much, but we noticed there’s a bakery just in front. We’ve brought a few slices of cake.”

“Oh, you’re the ones who moved in the day before yesterday! Oh my, you didn’t have to bring anything…. But since you’ve brought it, I’ll gratefully accept. Thank you.”

“The lady in 503 mentioned there was a child here too….”

“That’s right, he started elementary school this year.”

“Ah, I see. We have a child too. Baek-woo, come say hello.”

Since we’re going to be neighbors from now on, you should say hello. Be a good boy, okay?

Ki Baek-woo thinks that day when he was five years old was the most valuable day of his life, even after becoming an adult.

A new area, a new apartment due to his father’s job transfer. An ordinary day for five-year-old Ki Baek-woo, who had to reluctantly follow his mother as she set out to greet the neighbors. At that time, Ki Baek-woo was just staring at the floor, completely unaware of how his life was about to change. He was in a very bad mood. In fact, he was feeling a bit sad.

Ki Baek-woo was a quiet child, almost as if he wasn’t there. He was born that way. He had no interest in playing with kids his age and hated flashy or noisy atmospheres. He didn’t like unfamiliar spaces or unfamiliar people. A pretty but sensitive child, quiet but picky. Ki Baek-woo’s parents often worried about their child who was only five years old.

‘He’s picky about food, doesn’t like playing outside with friends…. Is our child going to be okay like this?’

Ki Baek-woo, who had always been extremely shy and caused such worries early on, was once again hiding behind his mother with his mouth tightly shut. His expression was sulky, as if trying to show his mother how angry he was for forcing him to greet people.

“This child, really…. Baek-woo, are you going to keep doing this? I’m sorry, our child is a bit difficult…. He’s already five, but he’s still very shy with strangers.”

“All kids are like that, you know. But my, your baby is so pretty. He’d win first place in a beautiful children contest, for sure.”

Hello, is your name Baek-woo? I’m the auntie who lives in 505. Baek-woo, you’re really handsome.

Far from warming up to the friendly greeting, Ki Baek-woo buried his face completely behind his mother’s thigh. Young Ki Baek-woo was always like this. When told he was pretty, he would hide his face. When told his hands were cute, he would quickly hide them. If someone asked if the snack he was eating was tasty, he would immediately stop eating. If praised for being good at origami, he would quickly hide the paper frog he had folded diligently in his pocket. As if he disliked the unwanted attention more than the crumpling of the paper frog he had worked so hard on…. Ki Baek-woo was an extremely delicate and sensitive child. He couldn’t stand even being looked at for too long by someone he hadn’t opened up to, almost like a tropical plant known to be difficult to grow.

This Ki Baek-woo felt like he was about to burst into tears because his mother kept pulling his arm, telling him to greet people when he didn’t want to. He was starting to feel a stabbing pain in his stomach from how much he disliked the situation.

“Moooom! Look at this! I drew this! Isn’t it awesome!”

Ding, the sound of the elevator arriving was heard, and the cold metal doors slid open. From between them, a child burst out, loudly shouting. He literally started running full speed. Ki Baek-woo glanced at the boy who was holding up a drawing paper with something strange drawn on it, as if showing it off.

The first thing he noticed was the big smiling mouth. Then the round, pink cheeks, the crescent-shaped eyes…. Even though he was smiling so brightly, it seemed like you could see the sparkling pupils inside. Ki Baek-woo quickly lowered his gaze halfway, afraid their eyes might meet. But soon he found himself wanting to look again. Ki Baek-woo’s gaze helplessly turned towards the boy.

He was wearing a blue backpack. “Mom, aren’t I awesome! The teacher said I did a great job!” He kept shouting. He wasn’t running straight down the corridor, but in a zigzag pattern as if he couldn’t contain his overflowing energy. It was surprising he didn’t fall.

Ki Baek-woo slightly poked his face out from behind his mother’s thigh where he had been hiding. He wanted to see the boy more clearly. The yellow tracksuit he was wearing, matched top and bottom, was dirty with crayon marks, dirt stains, and strange sauce stains. Ki Baek-woo absolutely hated anything dirty. He was unusually neat for a child, to an extreme degree. When drawing, if he was wearing long-sleeved clothes, he would always roll up his sleeves to his elbows before picking up colored pencils or crayons, lest any marks get on his clothes. He never squatted with his bottom touching the ground outside because he hated getting it dirty, and even on a playground, rolling around in the dirt was unthinkable for Ki Baek-woo. So the situation was a bit funny.

That noisy boy running down the apartment corridor, even though he looked so messy, didn’t feel particularly dirty to Ki Baek-woo.

Ki Baek-woo was now looking at the boy while half-emerging from behind his mother’s leg.

“Han-sol, don’t run! Didn’t I tell you not to shout like that outside!”

That boy was Lee Han-sol.

“Mom, I did well! I drew well! Isn’t it awesome!”

Lee Han-sol stamped his feet, shoving his drawing at his mother regardless of whether she was scolding him or not. It wasn’t clear what praise he had received at school, but he seemed incredibly proud anyway. To Ki Baek-woo, it just looked like a few green lumps with long spikes sticking out here and there….

“Mom, do you know what I drew? This is a Crichtonsaurus, this is a Triceratops, and this is a nuclear bomb!”

“Han-sol, please… I’m so embarrassed because of you…! And how did your clothes get so dirty again?”

Ki Baek-woo disliked dirty things, but he also disliked noise. He hated loud noises so much that even when crying or being stubborn, he never screamed. Even when his tiny face turned bright red as if about to burst, he would stubbornly hold back and only silently shed tears. To Ki Baek-woo, commotion felt a bit monstrous. It made him anxious and want to run away. So this too was funny.

That Ki Baek-woo, so sensitive to noise, didn’t find Lee Han-sol, who was shouting with all his might, terrible.

At that time, before Ki Baek-woo could recognize how noisy and wild Lee Han-sol was acting, he was absorbed in the very simple thought, ‘Oh, that hyung’s name is Han-sol.’ The woman who said she lived in 505 looked over Lee Han-sol’s messy appearance, sighed deeply, and then smiled awkwardly.

“Really, I can’t show my face in the neighborhood because of this child. Our child is a bit hyperactive, isn’t he?”

“Oh, not at all. He’s just lively and cute.”

“Hello, auntie, who are you?”

Lee Han-sol suddenly greeted and questioned Ki Baek-woo’s mother. His slightly upturned eyes sparkled with curiosity. Ki Baek-woo thought those eyes looked similar to his favorite glass marble. So he hesitantly took half a step forward, revealing a bit more of himself from behind his mother. As if to say, look at me too.

It’s not just mom here, I’m here too.

That’s what he thought inside.

“Hello, auntie just moved in over there. Is your name Han-sol?”

“Yes. My name is Lee Han-sol I’m eight years old I’m in first grade class 3 at Seoul Elementary School my number is 7 but when we line up by height I’m number 10 I’m the tenth tallest in our class but I might become eleventh because I drink a lot of milk”

“Lee Han-sol, stop!”

Lee Han-sol didn’t seem intimidated at all, even in front of his mother who was scolding him with a troubled face.

“Mom says to stop. But anyway, I drink white milk well too. But our dad can’t drink milk because it makes him need to poop so he can’t eat”

“Han-sol!”

“Hahaha. Han-sol, you’re so lively and cute. It would be great if Han-sol could play with our Baek-woo from now on.”

Ki Baek-woo felt anxious at his mother’s words. His heart started pounding, and for some reason, he felt embarrassed and his body twisted. Now Lee Han-sol would look at him. At that thought, he felt his face heating up. Then, Lee Han-sol’s eyes rolled around as he asked, “Baek-woo?” Those eyes, resembling the prettiest glass marble Ki Baek-woo owned and kept hidden in his drawer, looked at Ki Baek-woo.

“Are you Baek-woo? Auntie, is this Baek-woo?”

Before his mother could answer “yes,” Ki Baek-woo took a step forward first. Ignoring his mother who was looking at him as if wondering what had gotten into him, he waved his hand slightly.

“Hy-hyung, hello… I’m Baeggu….”

That’s how the two of them met.

Ki Baek-woo liked Lee Han-sol. He just liked him. While it’s normal for children that age to look up to slightly older peers, Ki Baek-woo’s feelings for Lee Han-sol were exceptional. Having just one person he liked while being selective about people made his attachment grow stronger. He liked that Lee Han-sol was pretty and he liked the mole near Lee Han-sol’s eye. Time flew by too quickly when they were together because it was fun. Ki Baek-woo wanted to hug Lee Han-sol and kiss him. He wanted to do the same puzzle as Lee Han-sol and talk about dinosaurs just the two of them. He only wanted to play with Lee Han-sol. He wished either he could live at Lee Han-sol’s house, or Lee Han-sol could live at his house. He hoped Lee Han-sol thought the same way about him.

When Ki Baek-woo returned from kindergarten, he would ring Lee Han-sol’s doorbell before going to his own home.

“Hello… Is Han-sol hyung home?”

“Oh, Baek-woo? Did you come back from kindergarten? But what should we do. Han-sol went out to play with his friends today.”

At times like this, Ki Baek-woo felt like he was about to burst into tears. “Y-yes… I understand….” He would answer like that and trudge back home, barely holding back his tears by tensing his lips. I don’t even want to go to kindergarten, I just want to play with Han-sol hyung. Why doesn’t hyung only play with me? He often thought this way, but he never had the courage to say such things out loud.

So actually, Ki Baek-woo

didn’t feel too bad after the apocalypse came.

It was a secret….