Elden Ring: My Ending

As much as Kosta wanted to avoid it, the inevitable had come: the waifus had challenged him to battle. Two of them at once.

He could never have imagined this day would come. Like any self-respecting waifu fan, he always reacted with outright hostility toward anyone who dared raise their swords or staffs against the innocent waifus waiting to start their quests—of which there were already so few in the Lands Between. It was terrible. Truly terrible.

There was only one waifu Kosta would have gladly crossed blades with, but the problem was she was a boss. This situation, however…

Something had gone horribly wrong.

Now, Konstantin had joined the ranks of those contemptible people. Nepheli Loux and Latenna wanted to test him. The clearly furious warrior waifu (thankfully, her anger wasn't directed solely at him) had teamed up with the still-doubtful albinauric. The latter needed assurance that the piece of the secret (which was now not-so-secret) medallion would end up in the hands of someone who could actually help her reach her destination.

The women decided to unite forces, seeing no shame in it. Before them stood the vanquisher of a demigod and—though they didn't know it yet—the newly christened terror of sorcerers. Still, this did little to comfort Konstantin.

He needed to at least find a way to make this madness tolerable. Kosta decided to heed Alexander's advice and impose a self-made challenge.

"There's a highly respected class of players who beat the game using bananas or dance mats, (1)" Konstantin said with inspiring reverence, as though recounting tales of legendary heroes. "I can't pull off a challenge like that, so I'll limit myself in other ways."

Nepheli and Latenna exchanged glances. They didn't understand the first half of what he said, not even a little, and only partly grasped the second half. However, they got the gist: The Tarnished planned to hold back.

Kosta stood on one leg, tucking one arm behind his back. In his remaining hand, he wielded his trusty club—showing at least some respect for the efforts of the waifus.

Unfortunately, his goodwill gestures went unnoticed. Veins bulged with fury on Nepheli's face. Already frustrated, she couldn't believe the Tarnished she respected, the one she wanted to face in a fair fight, would insult her like this. Insult them!

"Do you underestimate us so much, Konstantin of the Tarnished?"

The scowling albinauric nodded, narrowing her eyes as she pulled her bowstring back with all her strength.

Melina, watching as Konstantin slumped in despair under the wrathful stares of the women, felt as though he'd taken a critical hit to his poise.

"What's going on?"

She turned to see the sudden arrival of the lunar demigoddess in a flash of starlight. On Ranni's shoulder sat a tiny illusion of Sellen. Whatever conversation the sorceresses had been having, they seemed to have reached an understanding. Whether it was voluntary or not was unclear—Sellen's illusion looked slightly worse for wear, glancing at the unbothered demigoddess with at least some apprehension.

It was entirely possible she'd been shown the disco balls.

The False Finger Maiden didn't know how to answer Ranni. Instead, she gave a subtle nod toward the scene, as if to say they'd better see for themselves.

And they did.

The fight began abruptly. Clearly enraged, Nepheli charged in with her twin axes, eager to punish the overconfident fool. Winds swirled around her, lightning crackled in bursts. Latenna released an arrow that seemed destined to hit its mark.

Unfortunately for the waifus, they had chosen the wrong opponent.

Without rolling, Kosta hopped backward on one leg (2). While it didn't look particularly flashy—if anything, it was a little comical—the hop was fast and long enough to evade both the furious warrior's attack and Latenna's lightning-quick arrow.

Kosta assessed the distance of his jump, realizing he could have leapt even farther, hardly feeling the ground's resistance. He let out a mournful sigh.

"It's happening… I've over-leveled again. Everything's casual unless you're playing with fruit or vegetables… I was blind."

Seeing how disheartened the Tarnished was by his own effortless dodge only enraged Nepheli further. She growled gutturally.

"Get back here, you lunatic!"

What the unseen observers witnessed next both amazed them and filled them with pity for the warrior and archer.

Kosta dodged everything: the rain of arrows, the strikes of a raging giant wolf, the wind, the lightning, and the axes. The women flailed after him as if trying in vain to swat an annoying fly buzzing around them. A fly that, when unable to dodge, would counterattack—forcing the dual-wielding warrior into a defensive stance with nothing more than a simple club.

The humble piece of wood in Kosta's hand had such force that with every strike, Nepheli's feet nearly sank into the ground. The club groaned, threatening to splinter into a thousand shards at any moment. It probably didn't because Kosta forbade it.

It was clear: the man was over-leveled. The Great Rune pulsing deep within him didn't even need to be activated, adding to his already overwhelming stats. (3)

"What a nightmare…"

Nearby, an albinauric elder lay on the ground, his crumbling legs long gone. Whether he wanted to or not, he witnessed the horrifying spectacle.

"S-stop! Stop!"

Latenna had long since run out of arrows, and her direwolf—having sensed Kosta's overwhelming power much earlier—had simply plopped down, leaving the frustrated albinauric as a mere spectator.

That left Nepheli. She was drenched in sweat, the winds around her weakening, lightning flickering faintly and sporadically. Kosta, meanwhile, remained unshaken.

Obviously, he was carefully monitoring his vastly increased stamina, like any diligent tryhard, ensuring it never hit zero. Otherwise, it'd take longer to recover. (4)

At some point, the exhausted warrior stopped in front of the mightiest Tarnished, breathing heavily.

"I understand," she exhaled slowly, catching her breath. Kosta could see she was beaten. It broke the heart of the waifu fan in him. "This is your victory, Konstantin! By the winds, I was wrong. But please, let me see what you're truly capable of!"

Kosta glanced at his cracked club before tossing it aside. He stood on two legs, no longer hiding his second arm.

"The real parries are reserved for someone else," the man said grimly, repeating words he'd spoken before and would speak again, firmly resolved in his purpose. "But I can show you something else."

Casual or not—who cares? Even if Alexander was wrong and Kosta was nothing but the most shameless of casuals, the jar warrior's main point still rang true: enjoy the game, don't hold yourself back. Challenges should bring joy, and mechanics are there to be explored to the fullest.

Especially when a waifu warrior, already so thoroughly upset, asked him so earnestly. Priorities had long since been set. There was no longer any conflict in the hardcore soul of a devoted waifu fan.

In some sense, without even realizing it, Kosta had found liberation.

He extended his hand, where lightning began to form—almost identical to the ones conjured by the warrior maiden. Except this one was far brighter and more powerful, gleaming with golden light in the shape of a spear.

The man cast a strange glance at the glowing golden construct of casual energy, then hurled the Lightning Spear (5) into a nearby cliffside.

The spear crossed the distance instantly, colliding with an explosive force. The crash of thunder that followed was so loud that it left the unintended spectators' ears ringing. At the site of the impact, a massive scar remained, etched into the rock as a permanent reminder of the Thunder Spear's arrival.

Melina froze, staring in open horror at the aftermath of the Tarnished's actions. Meanwhile, Ranni's and Sellen's eyes sparkled with intrigue.

"Hmm," the demigoddess murmured, folding her hands thoughtfully. "So, we were right after all."

The previously sulking Ranni suddenly seemed much more amicable, and the very air around her softened noticeably.

"I wonder what else he's capable of..." mused Sellen's miniature illusion, narrowing her eyes.

She narrowed them so much, in fact, that the lunar demigoddess and the false Finger Maiden immediately shot her a sharp glare.

"Oh, don't be ridiculous, you two. I'm not planning anything nefarious," the sorceress grumbled indignantly.

Both Ranni and Melina let out quiet, disbelieving huffs.

The lunar demigoddess was beginning to regret enlisting such a controversial figure. She had seriously underestimated her servant's combat capabilities.

That said...

A faintly pleased smile crept onto her spectral face, her eyes glowing with genuine curiosity and hope. With a servant like this, her chances of success had just grown exponentially!

Ranni vanished in a burst of starlight, taking a clearly disgruntled miniature Sellen with her. Melina watched the irritatingly smug demigoddess disappear, her gaze wary.

'How am I supposed to protect my Tarnished from the clutches of these conniving wenches?'

Melina bit her lip, turning her attention back to Nepheli and the albinauric.

Women. There were far too many women gathering around here, and what was most troubling was that her chosen one seemed entirely unbothered by it all.

The demonstration had been enough for both Nepheli and the albinauric. There was no point in arguing with the overwhelming power of a casual hardcore player. At least, not unless you were a true hardcore enthusiast willing to endure hundreds of deaths just to take half a boss's health bar—only to despair when the second phase began.

"I'm grateful to you," Nepheli sighed. "I have much to reconsider and do. But tell me—how does one defeat someone as strong as you?"

Konstantin grew as solemn as ever. With all the sincerity he could muster, he gave the only advice that countless try-hards had passed down through the ages:

"Git gud." (6)

Nepheli blinked, utterly dumbfounded.

Truthfully, she had somewhat forgotten that the Tarnished before her had traded something of equal value for all his immense power.

Of course, strength demanded a price. Konstantin must have paid a massive toll...

"I... I'll think about what that means later. Forgive me, I must take my leave..."

The man was left alone with the albinauric. Well, technically, there was still the old albinaur sprawled nearby, and Melina lurking in the background—but he'd long since grown used to the latter, and as for old Albus, he didn't really count. In a way, it was just him and Latenna.

"You're right," the albinauric sighed. "Even with my other half, we wouldn't reach our destination... I... we will trust in you."

Latenna exchanged a glance with the nervous old man, then let out a mournful sigh. They truly had no other choice but to trust the Tarnished Soul.

The woman, pale as chalk, lowered her gaze to her wolf companion, gently stroking his fur.

Her next actions took Kosta completely by surprise, but it was too late to react:

"Will you wait for me to return from my journey, my Lobo?"

The giant wolf whimpered softly, bowing his head, as if acknowledging that this half-naked man (and what a man?!) had a much greater chance of helping his albinauric companion.

"I will go with the Tarnished Soul," Latenna declared with newfound confidence. "So that our journey will not be in vain. Forgive me, Lobo. Wait for my return."

The albinauric's body unexpectedly dissolved into particles of energy, which flew straight to Konstantin. Acting purely on reflex, he pulled a bell out of some indeterminate location, and the spirit of the woman was immediately drawn into it.

"Call upon me if you need me. I will fight by your side... though what's the point…" (7)

Her last words echoed in Konstantin's head with a distinct melancholy—and, perhaps, a hint of depression.

"...although this bell is surprisingly comfortable..."

These final words trailed off as her voice faded into an echo, leaving only silence behind.

Melina gaped soundlessly.

Does this mean that woman will follow my Tarnished everywhere now?

The man himself stared dumbly at the bell for a moment, then glanced at Lobo. Then at the old albinaur.

"I've broken every questline I've ever touched," the man muttered. "And yet, the one quest I deliberately tried to break... somehow played out almost exactly as intended?"

The wolf whined uncertainly, as if to suggest that its continued existence meant the quest had already veered wildly off course. For Kosta, this wasn't much of an argument.

"I... can I still help somehow?" the old albinaur asked hesitantly, feeling utterly out of place throughout the entire ordeal.

Kosta shrugged, generally satisfied. The side quests were complete, albeit with some difficulty, which meant...

It was time to go back to terrorizing the casuals' lair. Though this time, things were bound to change drastically.

After all, a casual hardcore player was on his way.

Returning to the dark path of a try-hard, the man sought out the nearest Site of Grace, feeling its energy restore him. Without hesitation, he headed straight back to the Academy. His actions were so spontaneous and decisive that Melina stood staring at the Grace for a long moment before snapping out of it and hastily following her Tarnished.

What followed was a true nightmare for the sorcerers. While they were more prepared this time for the madman's arrival, it didn't help much.

Explosions once again filled the Academy, and once again, the man escaped after wreaking havoc.

And then he returned.

Again.

And again...

Time in the Lands Between had long since ceased to flow. Many had stopped counting the days and weeks altogether, and this was especially true for the sorcerers. Compared to the rest of the world, they lived relatively comfortably—among their peers, protected by powerful seals. Though not entirely safe (their greatest threat often came from each other), they spent most of their time in relative peace, immersed in research.

The arrival of Kosta had profoundly altered the situation, forcing the sorcerers to count every minute of his absence, always dreading the moment the madman would return.

In some ways, the lunar demigoddess had been right: Konstantin had missed the opportunity to rush straight to the queen. Now, the watch over her was so intense that no amount of invincibility frames would suffice to roll his way to the next Great Rune without being blasted by a spell. The "mobs" were simply too numerous. Worse, they were acting with noticeable organization and coordination, using their talents to the fullest to protect the rune. The situation escalated to the point where the entire Academy began covering itself in seals designed to immobilize Konstantin. However, there was one problem.

It was called the "Sellian Sealbreaker"(8). The joyful laughter of the tiny illusion of the exiled sorceress began echoing through the Academy.

Some sorcerers, their nerves breaking faster than others, simply fled the Academy, deeming the outside world safer. Along with their departure, they spread rumors about what was happening in the usually impregnable fortress.

Unfortunately, Konstantin no longer cared much about whether he was using magic or not. Unfortunately for them.

Worse still, the man had found a peculiar joy in defeating the casuals with their own casual spells. The accursed "ding" had become a nightmare for this bastion of heresy.

It was as though Kosta had started a new NG+ run as a mage—overleveled and thoroughly vindictive. He was rediscovering that forgotten sense of satisfaction, diving into it with renewed vigor.

And that pleasure, that sweet feeling of revenge rising from the deepest wounds inflicted by the casuals, became the last straw for the sorcerers.

They decided to go all in.

The Red Wolf of Radagon and Carian Knight Moongrum, the last two obstacles before Queen Rennala of the Full Moon, were unleashed to capture the madman.

It was clear this battle would determine whether the Academy would fall to the rolling Tarnished or not.

Meanwhile, the already turbulent Lands Between was on the brink of experiencing another casual-quaking upheaval.

(1) This isn't exactly rare. Streamers love setting up these "stress tests," completing games in the most ridiculous ways imaginable. The latest methods that come to mind? Beating the game with a goldfish and… uh, with their butt. These were two actual runs, by the way. Don't ask.

(2) In Elden Ring, you can not only jump and roll but also perform a backward hop by standing still and pressing the dodge button without moving the stick. Honestly, I've personally never used this mechanic. (TN: intentionally)

(3) Great Runes need to be activated to function. But I've decided to deviate from this in-game convention for the sake of the story.

(4) Stamina recovery takes slightly longer if your bar is fully depleted.

(5) A spell you can Purchase from Brother Corhyn or Miriel, Pastor of Vows after giving either the Dragon Cult Prayerbook which is dropped by a Leyndell Knight 

(6) Gaming slang frequently used in the Dark Souls series. When asked how to defeat a tough boss, players are often told to just "git gud." Naturally, this is exactly the advice everyone wants to hear!

(7) By taking part of the medallion from Albus, the player can accept Latenna's request to escort her to her destination, where she then becomes a summonable ash spirit.

(8) Sellen gives the player the "Sellian Sealbreaker" during her questline.