End of the World Broadcast

“Thick socks, heat packs, and masks… I already have all of these, but you can never have enough of these consumables.”
Although I decided to quietly conserve my energy at the train station until the weather cleared, I had no intention of just staying cooped up in the room doing nothing.
As I told the drone earlier, the bags left by people who tried to leave the city were like treasure chests to me, and dozens, hundreds of such treasure chests were lying on the floor.
Just as a pirate who discovers a treasure island must go ashore, I too had to wander around.

“My goodness, these boots fit perfectly! And they’re in good condition too. All the boots I’ve found until now had soles falling off or sizes that didn’t quite fit, so I couldn’t wear them. Is this a gift from heaven for me as I set out on my journey?”
Everything here was collected desperately by dead people even in difficult situations.
Remembering that fact makes my heart ache with each item, each piece of clothing I pick up, even as I feel joy.
But in a city where no one is left to use these items,
Rather than remaining there forever, buried under snow and buildings, forgotten and disappearing without meaning to exist, wouldn’t it be better for me, the only one alive, to use them on my way to meet other survivors?

“Wow. It really… feels like I’m in a huge shopping mall. The difference might be that this mall has exactly what I need.”
With such shallow comfort, as I abandon more and more of my humanity, my clothes and bag become thicker and more abundant.
I suppose I have no right to criticize those who held weapons, coveting other people’s food or belongings…
I forcibly remove gloves worn by what appears to be a girl about my age.
The new gloves I put on after taking off my worn-out ones fit surprisingly well.

“…I’m lucky.”
The warm and sturdy gloves with not even the slightest gap made me reflexively say “I’m lucky”─
─At the same time, I felt a strong urge to put a cigarette in my mouth.
Like setting a counter-fire on the opposite side to save a forest that has begun to burn.
To calm my heart that had begun to burn again, I needed very hot, strong smoke.

“Phew……..”
I went outside the train station to clear my head and put a cigarette in my mouth.
I lit it with a torch I always carry in my coat pocket, like the cigarettes, and blew out the grayish smoke.

[You have a new message.]
Somehow one cigarette wasn’t enough to calm my heart, so I squatted down and smoked several more in succession.
Just then, a notification that a new message had arrived prompted me to open the message window for a change of mood.

[I wonder what it feels like to live among the traces left by dead people. I can’t even imagine it. And I don’t even want to imagine it.]
…And whether by coincidence or not. The messages that had always been saying nonsensical things strangely arrived with words that perfectly matched my state.

“The same people who were busy teasing me until just now with things like ‘what’s Maximus’ or ‘how are your thighs doing now’… what’s going on.”
Of course, this message wasn’t sent in response to seeing me with a cigarette in my mouth right now.
It’s just that, because I’m always living on the traces left by dead people,
Like the truth that ‘humans will die someday,’ it’s a statement that wouldn’t be awkward for me no matter when or in what situation it was sent.
Thinking that it said something that fits my current state perfectly is just an illusion.
Still… it felt like we, whose conversations had been disconnected until now, had proper communication for the first time, which improved my mood a little from its sunken state.

“Feelings… The emotions I’ve felt here are so complex that they wouldn’t be fully conveyed even if I tried to express them in words.”
Because humans are so subjective, they’ve created tens, hundreds of words to express subjective states and shared them with each other.
Nevertheless, as the saying goes, ‘a picture is worth a thousand words,’ there are too many sensations that cannot be conveyed through words.

“So look at my expression… look at me. Then you’ll know… with what heart I live here, and how fortunate I feel to have met you.”
That’s why I faced the drone’s camera.
I showed the people who might exist beyond it the living person that is ‘me’ as I am.
The person who casually looted belongings and corpses, and the person who squatted down smoking cigarettes in a stifling reality feeling depressed.
The person who reacts strongly to just a line or two of messages, laughing and crying, was surprisingly one and the same.
I wonder what you think seeing me like this.
You might have many thoughts, but for now… I’d like you to sympathize with me.

“Phew, after rummaging through bags until it gets dark… I need to change my mood a bit tonight. I feel like I’m going crazy spending several days in one place just searching through bags and corpses.”
I put out the cigarette I was smoking with my heel and threw the collected butts in the trash.
The cigarette I’d hoped would be strong was just bitter.

“Alright! Today the wind isn’t blowing as fiercely as I expected, and the surroundings are clean.”
As I had told people a few hours ago, I went outside the city with a few items for a change of mood right after evening fell, after looking for useful items.

“A shovel and an empty snow removal box of appropriate size. A Bible that was rolling around, dry clothes and wallets. Finally, a large pot and plastic… perfectly perfect.”
In this world, there aren’t many things that could be a change of mood.

Generally, it’s burning cigarettes like earlier, or doodling on paper while dreaming of a hopeful future.
There is a way to relieve stress by giving in to the primal destructive instinct and kicking everything in sight.
But even in a world like this, I don’t want to make a habit of violence or destruction, so I’ve only thought about it but never done it.
I occasionally break open doors or break things with a fire axe, but… that’s not for a change of mood but because it’s necessary, so it’s a different story.

“Maybe you’ll look at the items I’ve laboriously moved and think: ‘Snow removal box? Shovel? Clothes? How do you change your mood with such things?'”
The items I brought from the train station are generally items with specific purposes.
That’s why people living in an ordinary world would likely be puzzled by my words and actions.
At most, you might be thinking I’m going to build a snowman, dress it up, and play with it, right?

“Now that it’s come to this, try to guess what I’m going to do with these items while I prepare for my mood change. It’s a quiz time during the intermission. There’s nothing I, the quiz maker, can give you for solving the quiz… but it’s fun, isn’t it?”
Anyway, getting back to the original topic, there aren’t many things in this world that can change your mood.
After all, there aren’t many things to play with… and no one to play with.
But in a situation like now, where necessary items or spaces are prepared,
There was exactly one thing that you could enjoy sufficiently alone, and that wasn’t violent.
That was─ bathing.

First, I use the shovel that was originally in the snow removal box to scoop out the snow on the ground, creating an empty space.
In that empty space, I stack many banknotes, Bibles, and dry clothes found at the station entrance, and place a large pot in the middle.
Then, I fill the pot with snow from around me, and light the fuel I’ve stacked with a gas torch.

“Originally, it’s safer and better to elevate the pot a bit… but the ground is asphalt road, so it can’t be helped.”
In the flames rising alarmingly, the snow quickly melts into water and boils in no time.
Once the water starts to boil, I scoop water with the helmet I picked up when I went out to smoke earlier and transfer it to the empty snow removal box.
Since the temperature is so low that the water would cool quickly if just poured and left, I quickly cover the snow removal box with thick, large plastic, including the lid, right after pouring the water.

“The temperature is about right… I should get in now!”
When the water has filled to a certain level, I start undressing after removing the plastic.
First, I take off the heavy and time-consuming things like gloves, coat, and boots.
Then quickly take off everything I’m wearing up and down, including underwear, placing them on top of my bag.
Before the cold hits, I quickly immerse my body in the hot water.

“Ahhhhh….”
Starting with my feet, which have suffered the most, gradually all the skin on my body becomes hot and tingles.
The heat penetrating deep into my body and the feeling of slowly regaining sensations that had been dulled… it felt better than anything else.

“Phew… There really is nothing as good for changing your mood as this. The problem is that it’s difficult to do under normal circumstances.”
I breathe out excitedly and look up at the sky.
Even the snow, which usually only makes me feel sick of it, looked quite pretty now, perhaps because my body was warm.

“…Come to think of it, I didn’t turn off the drone.”
Among the quietly falling snow was also the drone, emitting a soft blue light.
Despite constantly talking to people, why didn’t I think I should turn off the drone before bathing?
It was clear that even my reason was numbed because of the cold.

“You… didn’t see, right? I’ll believe you didn’t see?”
Whether by coincidence or not, the drone was a bit away from me, filming the sky or the large building.
While moving around, I might have been caught on camera a few times, but given the distance, it probably wasn’t clearly visible.
Even if it was seen… from my position as someone who was once a man, it’s much better than showing myself crying while loosening my leg muscles, falling off chairs, or rolling on the floor.

“But it’s really strange. Usually, this thing comes close to film whenever I do something strange, but at times like this, it’s always far away.”
I haven’t specifically instructed it with the controller… is it programmed to not film such things on its own?

“Anyone would think it’s being controlled by a person, I tell you.”
Of course, that wouldn’t be the case, but still.