Chapter 8 – It’s My Fault
I sit on the cushioned chair under the window and stare up at the sun-lit canopy, resting my chin on my hand. I didn’t get to see Carilous glowing last month… Now I have to wait until next year to see it. I sigh. I kind of want the enōōfen to come… At least then I’ll be able to go outside again.
“Are you still moping?” Revus questions. I glance at him and see him rummaging through two bags, a variety of items are sprawled in front of them.
“I’ve been locked inside for over a month,” I retort, “I want to go outside.”
“Too bad,” Revus flatly declines, “How about doing something productive like gracing your soul?”
“Ugh,” I groan, “I don’t want to.”
“Why? Your wings are starting to light up,” Revus states, “...slightly.”
“If you want to call that progress then it’ll be years before I grace my soul,” I complain.
“It’s slow, but you’re improving, just-”
“I know!” I snap as I roll my eyes. Geez, I don’t need you to remind me again. I glance back at Revus and bark, “How many times are you going to check our bags?”
“Until I’m confident that we have everything we’ll need,” he answers.
“You’ve been checking them every day for weeks now…” I sigh, then face the window as I slump into my chair. “Can’t we just leave already?”
“Just be patient,” Revus replies. Patient… feels like all I’ve been doing is waiting. “The enōōfen have been getting closer, but I want to confirm something before we leave.”
I thought guarding me was your job, so what could you possibly want to confirm? I sigh. I guess it’s fine… “How much longer do you think?”
“A few days,” Revus answers, “Are you… that set on leaving? …On returning?”
I momentarily look at him as I reply, “I’ve already accepted it.” Then I somberly add, “Sure it’s sad, but…”
“Excited?” Revus inquires as he glances at me.
“I think so,” I answer, smiling faintly, “I’ve only seen this forest, and I’d love to stay here, but I think I want to experience more.” See more places. Eat new foods. Meet other people. Learn more about-
“How would you feel if I said I didn’t want to bring you home?” Revus asks.
I sit up and turn toward him, furrowing my brows. He is slowly putting everything back into our bags. I tilt my head, narrow my eyes, and ask, “You… don’t want to bring me home?”
“Emotions aren’t simple things you know,” he bitterly replies.
“That doesn’t really help me,” I sigh. “I can’t say I’m certain about staying with them either, but I think I’d like to at least meet them. If I don’t like them, I guess we could just run away or something.”
“Pfft,” Revus starts laughing.
“What’s so funny?”
“You? Running away?” Revus chuckles, “I can promise you, once you meet Lady Vestele and Sir Marth, any possibility of running away disappears. Especially after-” he instantly stops talking.
“Especially after what?” I inquire.
“N-no, nothing,” Revus chokes up, “A-anyway, I’m going to go do some scouting for a bit, I’ll be back later.” Revus quickly finishes putting everything back into the bags and rushes out the door.
I peer through the window and watch as the mysterious fairy flies into the vibrant forest, cautiously advancing from tree to tree. Great, more things he’s hiding from me. I stare out toward the river. He didn’t say I had to stay inside this time. A wide grin spreads across my face. Besides… I scan the forest beyond the window. …it seems clear enough. At least clear enough to go out.
I stand up and stretch my limbs. I’ll fly for a bit, nothing too long. I smile as I walk toward the door. I’ll be out and back before anything can happen and Revus will never know. I take a deep breath and put my shoes on as an excited-anxiousness builds in my stomach. Just be careful and nothing will happen. I reach for the door, open it slightly, and peer through the gap. I search the land beyond the door, looking for any movement, while listening for any sounds that are out-of-place. Seems clear. I fully open the door and take a few steps out.
The midday sun shines brightly throughout the vigorous forest and warms my body. The new foliage and budding flowers spread a fresh fragrance throughout the woodland. A light breeze softly caresses my skin and causes the flora to dance in the wind. A choir of chirps and cries from the myriad birds, rodents, and bugs give the land an energetic, yet harmless ambience.
I inhale as I absorb the wondrous environment. I missed this. I exhale. Alright, I’ll just go to the river real quick and come back. I manifest my wings and rise into the air.
“Ack,” I cry as I momentarily lose my balance. I guess not flying for over a month really has taken its toll. I slump as I hover above the grass, correcting myself. I sigh. I was just starting to get the hang of it too…
I stay low to the ground as I move forward, lingering beneath large leaves and flowers. I don’t see anything, but I should be careful. The last thing I want is to get caught by who knows what while Revus isn’t here… I identify a hiding spot in the distance and, as quickly as possible, I dart toward it. “Phew,” I exhale as my heart races. Okay let’s keep going. I continue dashing from one hiding spot to the next, taking short breaks between each sprint.
Geez… Flying’s just as exhausting as I remember too. I sit on the ground, concealing myself under a large leaf. As I look around, silvery strands blowing in the wind catch my attention out of the corner of my eyes. I trace the strands, which glow faintly in the sunlight, toward the branches of a tree and notice a large, dark-brown creature resting in a web. Stupid spiders. Revus wouldn’t be so hard on me if not for your webs. I glance down and frown. Well, if I’d listened to him last time… I look back toward the house. …Maybe I should go back? I scan the horizon. The river is right over there though… “Ugh…” I’m already out here, so…
I stand up and lift off the ground. I scan the nearby plants and see a large shrub with white flowers blooming on it growing next to a large tree. Alright, I found my next spot. I search to my left and right for any large creatures. Nothing. I look up. No sparkly birds either. I dash toward the large shrub and, once within its dark interior, quickly look around for any potential threats. No spiders, no worms, no sickle-bugs. I turn around and scan outside the shrub, darting my eyes about. No movement… no movement… no movement. I sigh as I turn back around, resting on the ground in the cool shade.
I smile as the cascading roar of flowing water fills my ears. Maybe two more times and then I’ll be there. While catching my breath, I peek around the leaves to locate my next hiding place. That pile of branches could work… I tilt my head as I stare at the fallen debris. …although there might be something-
Rustle.
Suddenly the leaves above me start moving. My heart almost bursts as I snap my body around to find the source. Holding my breath, I look up and watch as a massive, furry, light-brown squirrel crawls down from the wooden trunk and into the shrub. Thank the stars. I exhale as I slump onto the ground and place my hand over my chest, my heart pounding heavily. I take a couple of deep breaths to calm myself and watch as the large-tailed creature zips about.
“Could you not scare me like that?” I murmur.
The squirrel digs through the vegetation on the ground, pulls something out, and begins to nibble on it. I can’t believe I’m getting so worked up over a squirrel. I sigh. I guess the humans really do have me on edge more than I thought. As I stand up, the squirrel rushes up the tree. Alright, break’s over.
I look beyond the leaves once more. Now, where to go? I’d rather avoid those sticks… I search around for any potential threats. I don’t see anything, so I could just head straight to the river… “Hmm…” Alright, let's do that. If I don’t find a good hiding spot when I get there, I’ll just- I look down, pick up a leaf from the ground, and hold it over my head. Why didn’t I think of this before? I laugh lightly. As long as I stay close to the ground, the leaf should hide me.
I clasp tightly onto the leaf, rise slightly off the ground, and leave my hiding spot. I look around, making sure I am safe, as I casually drift around the blades of grass, slowly progressing toward the river. This is so much easier than running- flying around? The sound of flowing water grows louder as the massive waterway becomes visible. I made it. “Haha,” I chuckle. See Revus, I’m fine.
I hover down near the water’s edge, keeping my camouflage overhead, and find a sprout with a larger leaf to rest under. I land underneath it, place my leaf down, and sit on the ground. I exhale, stretch my legs as I place my hands on the ground behind me. I take a deep breath, absorbing the smell of the river. It is nice being outside again. I look out at the canopy that is visible from under the sprout, small rays of light piercing the shrouded woodland. If only I could fly up there, then I’d be content…
I lower my gaze to the calm water nearby. Oh, I haven’t seen my reflection in a while. I wonder how different I look. I crawl over to the water, tuck my dangling hair behind my ears, and stare into the reflective surface. A young girl with large white eyes, a small nose, long pointed ears, and straight white hair gazes back at me. I definitely look older. My face doesn’t look as… chubby? I pull away from the water, grab my hair, and glance at the tips. And my hair looks longer than last time too. I sigh. Why’re fairies so strange? Revus said we live for thousands of years, but it looks like I’m aging really fast.
I scoot back under the sprout and relax on the ground, listening to the river flow by. I sit there, enjoying the pleasant forest atmosphere for several minutes. It is nice out here, but… It’s kind of lonely. I turn my head to my right and stare at a rock resting near the river bank. If Revus were here, he’d probably be sitting there, lecturing me on how to correct my flying. I sit up, bring my knees to my chest, wrap my arms around them, and rest my chin in-between them. I guess being out here isn’t as nice when you’re alone.
Alright, guess it’s time to go back. I stand up, stretch, and then pick up my leaf. Holding it overhead, I rise into the air, hovering just above the ground. I look around, searching for any enōōfen or besāād before leaving. Looks clear. I’ll just head straight home. If Revus gets back before me… I shudder. …Yeah, let’s not think about it.
I maintain a firm grip on the leaf as I bolt forward, heading home. I pass by the shrubs and other flora I used as hiding places, all while scanning my surroundings. Almost there. As I pass one final tree, I arrive back in front of the house. Peering into the distance in all directions, I still do not see anything. Looks like I’m safe. I sigh and toss my leaf to the ground. I push the door open, walk inside, and sigh relievedly. Revus isn’t back yet either.
I remove my shoes, walk over to my bed, and climb onto it. Guess I'll practice until Revus gets back. As I situate myself, I glance down at my flower petal and rub my hand over its smooth surface. How strange… It’s been three months and you’re still fine… I glance at the door leading to the flower chamber. I wonder. I crawl off of my bed, walk over to the door, open it, and enter.
A dim light rains down over the massive flower from the center of the ceiling. It looks just like it did when I woke up. I walk up to the flower and place my palm against the large stem. A strong comforting feeling washes through my body. I smile as a tear fills my eye. And it feels just as nice too.
“We’re going to be leaving soon,” I mutter, “and I don’t know when I’ll be able to come back.” I pull my hand away, walk over to the wall, and place my hand against it. I walk along the wall toward the doorway, sliding my hand over the wooden surface. I reach the door, open it, and prepare to step through, but instantly freeze.
The house is drastically darker as the natural light from the windows is obscured. No. A cold sweat forms over my skin. How? My heart begins to pound loudly as I stand petrified. I thought I- My breathing quickens as my trembling foot slides back a step. No one was out there. Peering through the left window is a massive, blue eye. It darts about for a brief moment and then locks onto me. No… How?
The eye backs away from the window allowing light to flood back into the house. My quickened breathing turns ragged. Beyond the windows is the giant body of an enōōfen, their arms and knees resting on the ground. Suddenly a deep, loud voice starts yelling. Is he calling for help? No. I… I have to get out of here.
The enōōfen’s eye reappears in the window as the front door begins to move. No. As the front door breaks open, a large arm forces its way into the house. The hand slowly makes its way into the house while the furniture is violently shoved aside. The dining table crumples under the weight of it. The fingers extend to the floor as the hand searches the interior, steadily progressing toward the flower chamber.
I cower back until I stumble into the table behind me. “Ah!” I jump as I turn around, my heart almost rupturing. I look from the table to the hand and see that it is just in front of the doorway, but not getting any closer. It stopped… The hand then moves around spastically, lightly tapping the doorway. I dash around the table and move farther into the chamber.
Loud yelling echoes from outside as the hand forms into a fist and slams into the ground. “Woah,” I murmur as the ground momentarily shakes. The arm quickly retreats out of the house and, a moment later, the enōōfen’s eye glares through the front door.
What do I do? I quickly retreat behind the flower stem, keeping myself out of sight. I sit down, lean my back against the giant flora, pull my knees to my chest, and wrap my arms around them. I have to get out of here, but… No. If I stay here, they’ll eventually get me. But if Revus returns- My heart starts to quicken. Wait, what if they already caught Revus? What if I’m trapped in here with no escape? I shake my head. No, Revus wouldn't get caught that easily. He'll be back, I just have to wait until then… I hope. I gulp. Besides I shouldn’t be worried about something like that, I need to focus on- I perk my ears up and turn my head slightly. It’s kind of quiet in there?
I stand up and slowly make my way along the wall of the chamber, back toward the door. As my heart races, I peek through the doorway and see the enōōfen’s giant boots through the windows. They’re still there but, what are they doing?
I hide behind the wall. Okay think. Now that the enōōfen know where we live, we won’t be able to stay here. So we’ll have to leave once I get out of here. I look up at the hole in the ceiling. If only that was larger, I could squeeze through, but… I'll have to wait until Revus gets back. “Hmm…” I guess I could just try to fly past them and hope they don’t see me but… Yeah, let's not. Okay if we're leaving once Revus gets back, then… What should I do? I lean against the wall and slide down it until I am sitting on the floor. Come on, think. There’s got to be something I can do while I’m stuck in here.
“Ah,” I murmur as I spring to my feet. Our bags! I peer around the wall and search for the two bags that Revus has been preparing for us. I locate one buried in the debris of the crushed dining table. Good. That one should be easy to grab, but… dang it. The other is near the front door. Of course it’s over there. I retreat behind the wall once more and take a deep breath. Okay, one at a time.
I peek around the wall and, seeing the enōōfen still standing outside, instantly evoke my wings and rush toward the bag near the doorway. Quickly. I arrive at the front door, grab the bag, and momentarily glance outside. Standing outside are three enōōfen, two of which are accompanied by large white birds, and the third, a large metal ax. This is bad. Tightening my grip on the bag, I turn around, and dash back to the flower chamber.
They’re going to chop the tree down. I race behind the flower, and place the bag down. I exhale heavily as my heart pounds against my chest. Please get back soon Revus. I return to the doorway, gulp, and look out into the main room. In front of the main door, is the head of a beautiful, white bird. Its head is almost upside-down, and the tip of its beak pokes slightly into the remains of the doorway. It only takes a second before one of its beady, black eyes locks onto me.
Instantaneously, it lets out a loud, piercing screech from its open maw.
AAAAAAKRE!
“Argh!” I scream as I drop to my knees and place my hands over my ears. The shriek that reverberates through my body makes my head feel like it is being torn apart, and my heart crushed. “Ugh.” It hurts! I… have to- I open my teary eyes and my stomach drops as I see the second bird staring through the left window. “Oh-”
AAAAAAAAKRE!
The shrill calls compound and the force tearing me apart intensifies. I… My body becomes heavy and I collapse on the ground. …can’t…
Boom!
An explosion rings in the distance as a gust of wind rushes into the house. I gaze at the entrance and, through my hazy vision, watch as the birds fly away and the enōōfen begin to leave. With the screeching of the birds gone, I remove my hands from my ears and reach an arm toward the doorway. Revus…
A soft breeze brushes against my skin and I groan, “Ugh.” Where? I open my eyes and see a mixture of green, blue, and black blurred together. “Ah!” I grip my forehead with my right hand as a piercing pain shoots through my skull. A drowned medley of sounds barrages my ears.
“…ey… …me… …etta…”
What’s… A wave of dizziness rattles my head, causing my drained body to go limp. I…
Crackle. Pop.
A crisp popping faintly reaches my ears. I wrestle my eyes open and see an unfamiliar, dark, wooden ceiling. Pop. Hearing the noise again, I move my eyes in search of the source. A small fire burns among a cluster of sticks, with a dark-haired man sitting next to it. Revus?
Instantly, I bolt upright. “Arh,” I wince in pain, closing my eyes and quickly placing a hand on my head.
“You’re awake,” Revus states.
Opening my eyes again, I see a bleak room, lit by a fire. Two bags rest along a wall to my right. Revus stands up, walks over to me, and sits down on his knees.
“What hap-” I start to speak, but Revus wraps his arms around me tightly, and pulls me toward him.
“I’m so glad you’re okay,” he mutters. I gulp and put my arms around him. He lowers his head, resting it on my left shoulder. “I thought I’d lost you.”
“I’m…” I choke, my throat becoming heavy. Tightly, I grip his clothes and whimper. “Revus… I’m sorry.”
Revus pulls me close and embraces me, “You don’t have to apologize. We’re safe.”
“No…” I whine, “that’s not-”
“Evetta,” Revus interrupts as he grabs my shoulders and pulls away from me. His usually intense eyes are sunken and inflamed. “As long as you’re okay, then…”
As I stare at him, I notice his right ear is completely gone. I blink and see the mutilated reflection of my former self in front of me. I frantically shake my head without taking my eyes off of him. “No…” I start, but my mouth hangs agape and my whole body stills as the memories of my previously disfigured appearance flood through me.
“Evetta,” Revus calls, pulling me from my trance.
“But… Revus…” I can no longer stop the tears as I slowly reach my trembling hand up to the side of his head, “Y-your… your ear.” My vision blurs and I stumble between choked breath, “Revus… D-did the enōōfen-” My hand flies to my mouth, my eyes widen, and fresh tears form as I come to a realization. AGH! “It’s all my fault.”
“Nothing’s your fault,” Revus gently replies.
I look away from him, “Yes it is!”
“Did something-” He begins to say.
I turn back to him, and, between my cries, blurt, “I went outside! And then…” Tears stream down my cheeks as I sob, “Revus, they hurt you! I-I’m… so sorry.” I continue to cry as I lean forward, planting my head into his chest, “I’m sorry. I just-”
Revus gently pokes my forehead and tilts my head back, looking me directly in the eyes. As I stare back into his swollen, yellow eyes, he asks, “You hungry?” He stands up and walks over to the bags.
Tears continue to flow from my eyes as I stare at him in utter disbelief. “What?”
He rummages through the bags and, after he pulls out a metal pot, returns to the fire's side. “Anything specific you want?” He holds out his right hand and wood extends from the bark-like ceiling, forming a hook. He hangs the pot and starts preparing our meal.
“First,” he points to the injured side of his head, “Don’t worry about my ear, it will heal.”
“Heal? Ears don’t just heal!” I shriek, “I would know better than-”
“That’s,” Revus cuts in, “how fairies are. Arms, legs, wings… even heads.” He pauses, “As long as our souls aren’t completely destroyed, we will recover, given enough time.”
I stare at him, mouth agape, “Then… your ear?”
“It’s not a big deal. I’ve lost more than an ear before…” He mutters.
That’s… I exhale, slightly calming myself, “Then, what about the enōōfen?”
“Lured them away.”
“And the birds?”
“Dealt with.”
“Then… where are we now?” I ask as I look around the dimly lit wooden hole we are taking refuge in, wiping away my tears.
“Now that the enōōfen know where we live, we can’t stay there anymore,” Revus states. “Currently we’re heading toward Kāālith, the fairy sanctuary. That should be where your siblings are.”
I turn toward the opening in the wall and stare out into the dark night. So we’ve finally left. “W-will we be able to come back?”
“Perhaps one day,” Revus comments flatly.
A still ambience fills the room with only occasional crackling of the fire to break it.
“Do you still feel any pain?” Revus asks, ending the silence.
“Um,” I gulp as I scan my limbs, “Not really, aside from a headache and the usual cold chills.”
“That’s good.”
The room goes quiet once more.
“W-what happened to me?”
“Are you referring to the besāād’s cry?” Revus inquires.
“Yeah,” I mutter, “It felt… like I was being… torn apart?”
“Besāād’s are a natural enemy for fairies- for spirits in general,” Revus corrects. “Their screech has a mixture of different frequencies, that when imbued with aether, can fundamentally separate spirits.”
“Can you explain in simpler terms?”
“Their screech can rip apart a spirit’s soul,” Revus elaborates. “That, combined with their feather’s ability to neutralize the elements, make them a fairy’s worst nightmare.”
“Am I going to be okay?”
Revus stops, looks at me, and sullenly smiles, “As long as I’m here, you’ll be fine.”
“Yeah,” I murmur as I look down at the fur blanket that covers me. Why hasn’t he said anything? I inhale deeply. “I’m- sorry Revus,” I state, “I thought I was careful. I didn’t see anything, or anyone. I didn’t go far either, but…” Tears start to blur my vision again. “I just wanted to go outside for a bit… I’m sorry.”
“You know-” Revus starts to speak, but goes quiet. “Do you-” he stops as he closes his eyes and covers his eyes with his left hand. He exhales heavily, then softly states, “I’m glad things didn’t end up worse than they did.”
“I’m really sorry…” I weep.
I continue to cry while Revus quietly finishes making dinner. Once done, he brings me a bowl of warm soup. He sits down next to me and we start eating our food. I’m such an idiot. Why did I want to go outside? Why couldn’t I have just stayed inside. Why am I-
“Evetta, eat,” Revus states, pulling me from my thoughts.
“Right…” I quietly murmur. “Um… are you mad?”
“I am.”
“I…”
“I don’t think I need to explain things seeing how you seem to recognize your mistake,” Revus sighs, “but you do understand what you did, right?”
“I do.”
“Evetta…” Revus sighs, “Let me apologize first.”
“Why?” I question as I look up at him.
“I don’t want to keep you locked away,” Revus answers, “and I’m sure part of your decision stems from me keeping you inside like I did.”
“No, that’s-”
Revus holds up his hand, causing me to go quiet. “I am mad that you didn’t listen to me, but more than that, when I returned home and saw enōōfen there… I was scared… terrified.” Revus takes a deep breath, “Please, if I ask you not to do something…” As he speaks I look him up and down. He’s… trembling? “Please… I don’t know what I’ll do if I lose you.”
“Okay,” I smile reassuringly.
“As long as you understand,” Revus drearily returns my smile, “Now, eat. We’ve got a busy day tomorrow.”
I wipe my eyes as I look down at my bowl of soup, sniffling lightly, “Sure.”