Honkai: Man(Sludge) From Future

Stigmata can illuminate the human heart.

This wasn't the first time Hachiman Hikigaya had faced his own 'Stigmata Will'.

He didn't know it was the 'Stigmata Will' because the instructor hadn't clearly explained what it was. Hachiman Hikigaya simply took it as a way for the Stigmata reaction to visualize his inner thoughts.

A figure identical to himself appeared before him.

The first time he met this 'figure,' Hachiman was lectured by this very self. It wasn't exactly a lecture, more like chatting as friends. It was precisely because the 'figure' understood him completely that Hachiman almost became immersed in this Stigmata space from the start.

Until he realized that the figure was just 'himself'.

The first stage of the Stigmata space was the 'narcissism stage,' which the school instructors called 'self-fantasy.'

In psychoanalysis, it's explained that the 'self' that people perceive is a false, temporary illusion. What truly operates within consciousness is called the 'unconscious,' also referred to as the 'Heart Lake' by the Stigmata instructors.

Hachiman struggled for over a month to get through this first stage, and that was only because he could remove the Stigmata armor in the material world to recover.

Hachiman couldn't even imagine how the Valkyries, with Stigmata engraved in their bodies, managed to get through it. How did they face this 'Stigmata Will' within them?

And the second stage was called the 'Signifier Stage'.

Hachiman had been stuck here for a long time…

The focus of this stage wasn't the 'self,' but what pointed to this 'self,' and why the 'self' was inevitably an illusion.

Only by crossing this stage could Hachiman successfully shape the next stage of the Stigmata.

At this moment, the meaning of the 'Signifier Stage' directly pointed to the imaginary number origin of the Stigmata.

Figure: "You're back again. How many times have you failed now?"

Hachiman remained silent. He didn't actually want to be here either, but to achieve further synchronization with the Stigmata armor and gain greater power, he had to enter the Stigmata space and face this figure.

Hachiman explained, "I already know you're not my self, just a shadow of my consciousness active in this time fragment. I need power, a power that can give me a sense of security. Perhaps this idea is naive and laughable, that I would beg the Stigmata armor developed by Academy City's higher-ups to protect me."

The figure nodded, saying, "You know, you can feel it, what brings you danger is Academy City itself. The more you pursue this power to protect you, the clearer you will face the power of Academy City. When you ascend to a high position, like a puppet emperor, the power kneeling at your feet also shackles your hands and feet."

Hachiman just gave a wry smile. The figure always clearly pointed out the thoughts deep within his heart. It was imaginable how difficult it was to overcome the first stage.

Even now, he often had thoughts like, 'Is this really another self?'

The figure even comforted him, "If you're just coming in to ask me what to do? Then I can only offer you meaningless comfort. But this comfort won't ease your emotions, and you know very well that unhelpful comfort will only make you more anxious. You must face me again… Now, are you ready to pass the trial?"

Hachiman swallowed, even though he didn't know why he could swallow in a dream.

He nervously nodded.

The figure also nodded back at him.

Just as they both confirmed, the second stage trial of the Stigmata Will began.

Hachiman watched as the figure before him transformed into a distorted light, and then the light began to rotate and change, finally transforming into a small sun right in front of him.

It was like a bubble, with a thin layer of light emitting radiance on the outside, and a pitch-black interior that seemed to hide everything.

But the moment Hachiman approached it, that layer of light would overwhelm the blackness inside, becoming a dazzling little sun.

What Hachiman found despairing wasn't this sight, but the situation he was forced to face.

He knew that this thing shouldn't be the real entity, but at the same time, he couldn't imagine what the real entity truly was.

Hachiman clearly recognized that the presence before him was something he had fantasized. But the problem was stuck right here, he had to know what the true existence of his fantasy actually was.

The light sphere began to change again, transforming back into the appearance of the white-haired youth.

"It is power, it is spirit, it can also be genes, even matter, holy spirit, god… It can be anything. As long as it's a form you can imagine, it can manifest it for you."

"You can never define it, the security you desire crumbles before it. You know that behind everything lies a powerful force, you want to hide, but it follows you like a shadow."

"If you want to break through the shadows within the Stigmata, you can only find it in reality. Personally confirm that it is not the appearance you imagined, only then can you overcome that endless sense of crisis."

"What you are uneasy about is always what you point your uneasiness towards. The security you desire can only be found by personally walking towards the place you fear most."

Hachiman failed. He woke up in a cold sweat and terror.

The voice of the white-haired youth still echoed in his mind, scaring him so much that he hurriedly removed the Stigmata armor from his body, as if hoping that the voice would leave him as he discarded the armor.

Hachiman knew, of course, that it was fake, but he did wish it was real. Unfortunately, this kind of thing was not up to his own choice.

Like ordinary people facing high-ranking officials and dignitaries, many know that those beings won't bother with a small fry like themselves. But even making a small mistake in front of these people still brings endless fear and unease.

Hachiman knew what the nightmare to bother him was.

[to attend a ruler is like attending a tiger; to be in constant fear of one's superior

The key to breaking this nightmare was to dispel his own perception of the tiger in reality.

The trial of the Stigmata was always so unpleasant, and Hachiman had long been accustomed to this unpleasantness.

He wasn't the first, nor would he be the last.

To dispel the fear of the tiger, one must approach the tiger, to prove that the tiger is not the appearance he fears?

He picked up the water glass on the bedside table and gulped down a whole glass of water, which finally relieved his dry and painful throat.

'No wonder those who survive the Stigmata trial have their willpower improved.'

He smiled wryly as he got up and walked towards the dormitory bathroom.

'If willpower wasn't improved, it would be against all reason.'