House of The Dragon-The Beauty, The Bold, And The Black Dread

(Baelon's POV)

"I feel terrible, Baelon." Mother said, "I-I cannot believe I would ever question you. I....I have failed you as a Mother....I am so so-" 

"No." I told her, "You were simply concerned, that is all. The fault is mine, I was the one foolish enough to fall for a clearly laid-out plan. If anyone has to be sorry, it is me." 

We were still in my quarters, sitting at the table, late at night. Father had felt tired and gone to sleep while Mother stayed up with me. I could not sleep, I did not want to sleep. There was so much negative emotions going on all at once. 

I could not have an important day go on without being ruined and it angered me so. I was tired of all of this but this was nobody's fault but mine. 

To think that I would be raped.....I could not believe it.....

I did not want to believe it. 

But the moment the thought crossed my mind, the memory was much clearer. 

"It is not your fault...." Mother said as she grabbed my hand, "It is not...!" 

I gently pulled my hand away, "You could say that....but I will not think otherwise." I said with a frown, "I cannot believe I was so foolish...to be so fucking stupid...if I did not.....I...." 

"Baelon, stop this..." she said, "I do not want you to go on and blame yourself." 

"Who else am I going to blame?" I asked, "Who?" 

"T-Them!" She exclaimed, "Those who did this to you! Those self-proclaimed Dragonseeds! Those who worked with Trevor, they are at fault!" 

"They would not have done anything if I did not go to their trap." I said as I looked down, "They would not have had done all of that-" 

"Enough, Baelon!" She cut me off, "Please, do not think like that." 

"Mother?" I heard a voice say, "Baelon? What is going on?" 

I turned my head to see Helaena at the door, which was open, holding our son in her arms. She was looking at us with a concerned look on her face. 

"Helaena...you should be resting..." Mother said as she stood up

"I....I was expecting Baelon....." She said as she slowly walked over, "And Valerion was crying so I wished to hold him...." 

"Let the wetnurses deal with that, my sweet girl." Mother said as she walked around the table and towards her, "You need rest." 

"I wanted to do it." Helaena said

I lowered my gaze, not wanting to make eye-contact with her. She does not know, neither does Rhaenyra. I do not want to tell them, I do not have the heart to do so. 

"Give him to me." I heard Mother say, "The sweet little Valerion...." 

"Alright...." Helaena said, "What is going on? Baelon, you did not come to my bed...is everything okay..." 

"I...." I said softly, not looking up

"You need to tell her." I heard Mother say

"I do not know...." I said, "I cannot do that to her.." 

"Tell me what?" Helaena said, "What happened?" 

I slowly looked up at her. She had walked up to me with a really worried look on her face. 

"Helaena..." I started, "I am so sorry.....it is my fault...what happened to me..." 

She patted my cheek, "What happened?" She asked softly, "Baelon, you are scaring me...." 

"I....." I said before closing my eyes, "I cannot....Mother....I...." 

"Baelon...." Mother said softly, "You cannot keep this from her....." 

"Keep what from me? Baelon...." Helaena said

"I...." I said as I opened my eyes, "Helaena....." 

"I..." 

*****************

Helaena sniffed as she hugged my neck, "I should have known that dream was something vile...." She said as she sat atop me, "My Baelon.....my precious Baelon....being defiled...." 

Her embrace got tighter on my neck as I held her, my eyes looking straight at the floor as I felt her hair on my cheek, 

I had reluctantly told her what happened, finding it hard to get the words out. She could not believe what I had told her and she immediately began to weep, hugging me and telling me that it was not my fault. 

Anyone could tell me that but I will stink otherwise. 

Mother had taken Valerion to sleep, leaving Helaena and I alone until she came. 

"I love you, do not forget that...." Helaena said softly, "Whatever happens....I will not stop loving you..." 

I lifted my gaze up to see Rhaenyra standing a couple of feet away from us. She had a surprised look on her face, still processing the truth. 

"Baelon...." She said, "I....I am sorry for that.....I cannot imagine..." 

"There is nothing to be sorry for." I said, "It is I that needs to be-" 

"Shut up." She scowled, "Do not say that. Do not ever say that. It is not your fault, Baelon. S-So....shut up....I...you do not understand that it is not okay for this to have happened to you." 

"I could have died...." I said, "They could have killed me....they had every opportunity to do so...yet they did not. They could have left Valerion without a Father, but they made the mistake in letting me live. They do not get another chance like that, not again....." 

"But...." Helaena said softly, "What happened to you...." 

"I do not want to think about it." I hugged her, "Please....I do not want you two to be sad....our son was just born, Helaena....let us enjoy that....at the very least." 

"It is going to be difficult, Baelon." She said, "I cannot go with my day knowing that you were taken advantage of." 

"It is fine." I said, "It is not as bad....I am a ma-" 

"Shut up!" Rhaenyra said, "Stop talking, Baelon! You are our Husband, for crying out loud! You would be enraged, broken, to find out if the same had happened to either of us.....how do you think we were going to feel when we find out it happened to you! It makes no difference, it is still rape, Baelon! It is unforgivable!" 

"You are right." I sighed, "I am so-" 

"No." Rhaenyra said, "Do not apologize. Please..." 

"She is right." Helaena said, "It is not your fault." 

"Right...." I said softly

Not my fault?

That is not true. 

It is. 

It is my fault. 

Everything that has led to this point is on me. 

I have to deal with the consequences. 

No matter what they are.