I Tried To Be Her Loyal Sword

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Chapter 155

“Quite noisy.”

Caesar muttered as he gazed out the window at the capital. I nodded in agreement and followed his gaze outside.

“The preliminaries for the Swordsmanship Tournament have begun.”

The preliminaries spanned across ten days. Since it was just a way to filter out the mediocre for the commoners, I chose not to participate.

“There’s plenty of mediocrity among the nobility too. It’s ridiculous to think only commoners need to be filtered out.”

I couldn’t help but smirk internally.

Nobles could advance directly to the finals without a preliminary round. It was a clear display of noble supremacy in the rules.

Though I was of noble birth, I spent more time living as a commoner, and therefore, the inequity of such a system stirred up a rebellious spirit within me.

Of course, nobles, who could afford to learn swordsmanship as a basic education, were generally more skilled than commoners. Two of the Empire’s Sword Masters were also nobles.

“But I became a Sword Master when I was a commoner.”

It was merely an average, not an absolute truth. One couldn’t judge something solely based on status. It was true that it was more comfortable not to have to go through preliminaries, but I didn’t like how the rules favored only the nobility.

If I ever became someone involved in the Swordsmanship Tournament, I resolved to abolish such rules as I tilted my teacup.

Caesar’s office was always filled with a cold atmosphere. It was natural for a Sword Master to exude such presence in a place he occupied for long, and his aura felt chilling enough to make one shiver.

I didn’t dislike this temperature; it felt like a refreshing breeze.

There was a red fragrance emanating from Caesar. It reminded me of wine in a glass—resembling pomegranate seeds left behind in Persephone, and evoking images of the end of life, a morbid stream of blood. It was a deep, indescribable red that couldn’t be encapsulated in one word.

I inhaled the air of the office, a rich blend of ink, black tea, and Caesar’s unique scent.

I liked this fragrance. Occasionally, I visited this place for no particular reason, indulging myself in its aroma while observing Caesar as he conducted his duties.

“Well then, shall you tell me now?”

But today was not one of those days.

Caesar quietly shifted his gaze from the window back to me, his crimson eyes scanning me from head to toe. Anyone else might have mistaken his scrutiny for discomfort, but I knew it was merely his habit.

“What are you curious about?”

Taking a deep breath, I faced the seemingly endless pool of his dark history.

Right now, I had come to find out about the past from Caesar.

It had taken me a long time to reach this point. It required prolonged anguish and deep contemplation before arriving at this decision, especially since Caesar had shown reluctance to discuss related matters.

To be honest, I still wasn’t sure if this was the right path.

Some things are better left concealed behind a black veil. Like Pandora’s box. Sometimes ignorance serves as a dam protecting a person from the harsh waves of truth.

“But I want to know.”

There could be a monster lurking behind the veil, sharp teeth that could wound me. Yet, I resolved to uncover the truth.

“I want to know about my mother.”

Humanity has long sought to discover how humans originated. It is a primal instinct without need for special reasons—to want to know one’s roots.

My mother. The greatest mystery of my life. The tangled thread of confusion. The one who named me and Aria. I knew nothing about her. She was referred to as Audrey by others, but I wasn’t even sure if that was her real name.

I held onto the business card of Yasha, which I received from Ramona, a girl who helped me during my childhood at the Founding Day festival.

Yasha, the leader of the ‘Blue-black Raven’ guild, the most renowned broker guild across the continent. She undoubtedly had clues regarding Audrey.

“I’m afraid to find out what I’ll learn, but retreating out of fear is not my way.”

After much contemplation, I resolved to seek out Yasha. Yet, visiting her was only my second priority.

“My first priority is to have a conversation with Caesar.”

The person I trust is not Asa, whom I have yet to meet. It is Caesar, who has clumsily and steadily showered me with boundless love and trust.

I wanted to ask Caesar about my mother. What kind of person was she? What did I mean to you? I had been afraid of being discarded for asking these questions before, but not anymore.

Now I was confident that Caesar would not abandon me.

Caesar slowly closed his eyes and then reopened them. He wore a calm expression, as if expecting such a question to arise one day. With his hands clasped together, he rested his chin upon them and regarded me with a tranquil gaze.

“You must have made up your mind before coming here.”

“Yes.”

“It might hurt you. Are you sure you’re okay with that?”

“I’m okay.”

I answered without hesitation. There was no reason to hesitate.

“……Alright then…… I suppose I must start from the beginning.”

His red eyes deepened, akin to reading a weathered manuscript of the past.

“It was about a year after the Duchess had passed away.”

The mother of a sword was dead after giving birth. Since there was only a year’s difference between Cal and me, the Duchess must have died just when I was born.

“I had no intentions of taking a new wife, but the retainers felt differently. They urged me to find a new wife for Cal, saying he needed a mother. It felt wrong to remarry so soon after losing my wife, but they kept insisting. Finally, they paraded portraits of noble ladies before me, telling me to choose who I wanted. As if those ladies were mere products.”

Caesar’s tone was cynical, and a faint furrow appeared on his brow.

“Indeed. Those noble ladies are not mere products.”

I mocked internally. Caesar had been called a killer since his youth, and so the people likely viewed him as a cruel and violent being even back then.

In such a situation, how many of the ladies from the portraits voluntarily accepted the position of being Caesar’s wife?

I felt nauseated.

“To be honest, I was fed up with that situation. Even threatening a few retainers as examples only made them quiet down temporarily before they started their racket again. They likely wanted to make someone from their own family the Duchess. Coming to me… would only lead to unhappiness.”

Caesar, resting his forehead on his arm over the sofa’s armrest, laughed bitterly. He seemed somewhat forlorn, convinced that he could not offer anyone happiness. This was evidence that he was not just a bloodless killer but a human being.

“Weren’t you bothered by the rumors swirling around?”

I asked suddenly.

I had always thought of Caesar as someone who wouldn’t be affected by anything, so this was an aspect I had never considered before. But surely, there couldn’t be a human who didn’t get hurt.

In hindsight, the rumors surrounding Caesar were horrendous, far beyond what an ordinary person could endure. I imagined that if everyone treated me as a brutal killer, and no one dared come near me, it would be unbearable. I started to worry whether Caesar had really never felt any pain.

“……Were you bothered?”

Caesar’s eyes widened slightly. It was as if he had never been asked such a question before. After mulling over the words multiple times, he finally laughed with a sigh.

“Of course not. In fact, I was happy there weren’t any people coming near me. The only time I felt upset was when you went out and got hurt and returned.”

Caesar began his words in a comforting tone before finishing with a piercing remark, making me flinch slightly. As I looked away, he tilted his head with sad eyes.

“However, the isolation made it a bit empty. Not lonely. Just felt like something was unfulfilled.”

It was one of the first times I heard Caesar’s honest feelings.

As my mood turned heavy and I stiffened my expression while looking down, Caesar smiled slightly, as if to assure me that everything was alright.

“It’s fine now. That emptiness from back then was the pain of your absence.”

In moments like these, I was grateful that Caesar was honest. He would rather remain silent than speak falsehoods, and he never uttered empty words.

Thus, there was no doubt that this statement was a genuine truth.

When I managed a small smile, Caesar continued to answer my question.

“I eventually chose one person. It seemed the retainers showed no signs of stopping, and dragging the matter on would only lead to more people trembling in fear of the fact that they had to live with a killer. I chose the one from the most humble family, the daughter of a baron family that was on the brink of collapse, who managed to hold no proper position as a retainer. That family is now completely extinct.”

“Wait a minute, you mean…?”

As I listened intently, my eyes widened in sudden realization at a fleeting thought in my mind. Caesar’s eyes sank even deeper.

“That was your mother, Anteia Hela.”

Anteia Hela.

In an instant, I felt a throb in my head. The memories of the past, the information I knew, and the truths I was now hearing all tangled together. I pressed my temples, trying to maintain my composure in the presence of Caesar.

“Are you sure her name was Anteia Hela?”

“Yes, I am certain.”

“What about Audrey?”

“……Audrey? Who is that?”

As I spoke the name I knew, Caesar squinted his eyes, showing an expression as if he had never heard it before. So it seemed Audrey was an alias after all.

‘I had somewhat predicted that it was an alias, but my mother was a noble… and her real name was Anteia Hela?’

If that was the case, two questions arose.

‘If my mother was a noble, then why was I born in a brothel?’

Though I moved to a proper neighborhood when I was six, I lived in a brothel prior. Thus, I had assumed my mother was a commoner working in that type of place, but she was actually a noble.

No matter how humble, nobles are still nobles. What reason would a noble have to live in a brothel? I couldn’t even begin to guess the reason.

‘Anteia Hela.’

I mulled over that name, chewing it over and over. After revisiting memories countless times, I became certain that I had heard the name ‘Anteia Hela’ before.

‘In fact, I only vaguely recall the context… but I distinctly remember one thing that I cannot forget. It was a petition by a student of the Imperial Academy’s Magic Department, named Anteia Hela, regarding the improvement of the recognition of the silver wolf beastmen.’

It was a name I had heard when I asked Serenon what kind of world he was pursuing.

‘Everything has cracks in it. The Empire of the Sun is no exception. These cracks may seem like blemishes, but I believe that light comes in through those gaps. There is nothing perfect without trial and error. If you have seen the light coming in from the cracks created by mistakes, do not just try to seal the gaps, but rather tear down the walls. Face the light from outside. Please do not turn away.’

It was a piece that gave hope, prompting one to dream of light. I too had received Serenon’s message and was quite impressed, so I had remembered it clearly until now.

The silver wolf beastmen, presumed to be Raysha’s tribe, had symbols drawn on the pouch owned by my mother. And her real name, Anteia Hela. A student of the Imperial Academy’s Magic Department who petitioned for the improvement of recognition of the silver wolf beastmen.

Countless pieces of the puzzle began to fit together at a rapid pace. Though the image was still ambiguous due to the chaotic connections, there was one aspect that appeared clear.

‘My mother was the daughter of Baron Hela, and she studied at the Imperial Academy’s Magic Department. Given that she raised a petition regarding the silver wolf beastmen, it’s likely she had a close relationship with Raysha… and she dreamt of a better world.’

I couldn’t imagine someone who wrote such a piece would be a bad person. My mother may have been a good person, after all.

I inhaled slowly. It felt as though I was gradually restoring an old tapestry that had once faded beyond recognition, one that no one sought anymore.

As I organized my thoughts, Caesar continued.

“The Baron Hela was quite mad. No sooner than a week after Anteia Hela was chosen, he sent his daughter to my chamber. Once Anteia Hela became the Duchess, he must have hastened the arrangements with the help of other retainers to share the power.”

I swallowed the curse about to slip out. Even without knowing the details, I could envision the scenario clearly.

‘What a shamble it all was.’

Could my mother have willed herself into that situation? Was my mother unable to escape from it?

Why had the world not given her strength? Why did the elite from the Imperial Academy’s Magic Department, who dreamed of a better world, have to endure such treatment? She must have been a person, not a tool or her father’s possession.

An odd ache welled up in my chest.

“I had no intent of doing anything to her. But sending her away in the middle of the night would cause problems, so I just told her to get some sleep. However… she held onto me.”

Caesar’s eyes deepened as if gazing into an endless abyss. Moistening his lips with his tongue, he looked at me with faint sorrow glimmering in his gaze.

“She asked me to save her brother.”

I held my breath. Was this a hereditary trait?

It was something I had once said long ago.