I Wished for Non-Face-to-Face Lectures

“…I followed the instructions, but the state of these specimens is terrible.”

The night after overcoming a crisis that wasn’t really a crisis.

Additional instructions were posted for the assignment saying that the newspaper wrapping the specimens needed to be changed every few days, so I hurriedly checked the specimens, only to find that nearly half of the plant specimens had already rotted or been damaged.

“The spruce and fir… ugh, all the leaves have fallen off, and several broadleaf trees have completely rotted.”

Compared to the specimens I had taken before at the department building, they looked even more miserable.

Realizing why the professor had assigned this project during the first week of the semester, I threw away all the damaged specimens and gathered my equipment.

“…Where are you going?”

“Ah, the specimens I collected are in terrible condition. Going to collect them again.”

“Be careful out there? I’m going back to sleep…”

“Yeah, see you in a bit.”

Jaehyuk, who had briefly woken up from the noise of me gathering equipment, waved his hand once and went back to sleep.

He must have had a very tiring day.

Making a mental note to buy a snack on the way back, I left through the front door as quietly as possible.

Once again on the way to school.

When I came last time, it was evening so there were some people walking around, but since it was late at night now, there were hardly any people on campus.

Just a few zombie-like people with hunched bodies and hollow faces occasionally visible?

Though they sometimes made strange noises like “Groooan… save me, professor…” they were moving only for their own purposes, which made it a perfect situation for collecting specimens.

“Maybe I should have come at this time before too.”

I needlessly went in the evening.

Coming at night like this means I don’t have to worry about people watching me at all.

They say that even a coward becomes brave when alone, and with no one watching, I gained courage and began collecting specimens more boldly than when I came before.

…Of course, that doesn’t mean I completely stripped the trees like last time.

“I’m definitely faster than before, is it because I’ve become skilled at this?”

After wandering around campus collecting for about an hour, my plastic bag quickly became full.

Judging that I had collected enough, I sat down on a nearby bench just to get some fresh air.

While lying on a cozy bed and browsing community posts would have been nice, the apartment was a bit stuffy because of the faint garlic smell.

“Meow.”

As I was enjoying the fresh air while looking at the moon emitting its chilling light, a stray cat slowly approached me.

For whatever reason, after staring at me for a while from a short distance, it jumped onto my lap and curled up.

Seems like it really enjoys human warmth.

Its appearance, yawning so widely that its mouth might tear, on my lap was so cute that I wanted to bite it, and I was just stroking its back for a moment when I had to throw the stray cat far away due to the terrible garlic scent rising from below.

I tried to avoid the garlic smell, but instead, it grew legs and came to find me directly.

Spewing curses, I quickly took out wet wipes and scrubbed my hands.

“Now that I think about it, stray cats really do eat anything, damn it.”

It might seem strange that a cat would smell of garlic, but it was actually quite natural.

My current location was near the student cafeteria.

In simple terms, it was a place equivalent to a buffet for stray cats.

Now, here’s a question.

In a student cafeteria, how many types of food are there that don’t use garlic?

At most, maybe Western pasta? No, even that might contain garlic.

The food waste that students couldn’t finish—of course, the cafeteria staff cleans it up neatly.

But nothing can be perfect. Some scraps accidentally dropped while cleaning up would be eaten by those cats.

Assuming that’s the case, it’s not strange at all that those cats would smell of garlic.

“…At this rate, I might really develop resistance to garlic?”

Isn’t there a saying that if you’re thrown into an extreme situation and survive, you adapt to that environment?

I was beginning to understand why vampires in subcultures have almost no weaknesses.

Originally, living beings either evolve or become extinct.

Over a long period, through repeated evolution, their original weaknesses would disappear.

In my case, I became an early version vampire, before any evolution.

“I might become famous later as the vampire that can’t be exorcised.”

If nothing else, if my body becomes immune to garlic, I could reclaim half of my lost life.

With a bit of hope, I stood in front of the last tree, ready to wrap up collection and return to the apartment.

“Ah, such a luscious branch.”

An oak branch of a suitable size that wouldn’t show if broken.

Just as I put my hand on it, playfully muttering to break it.

“Fi-finally found you! This tree slaughterer!!!”

Some crazy weirdo blocked my way, pointing accusingly.

What the hell is with this crazy girl?

[Which transformed species do you think is the most unlikeable?]

Author: GunpowderFeetWiper

I think it’s the gunpowder species.

There probably isn’t a more unlikeable species than this, for real.

Do you know what would be born if you mixed an environmental activist, a vegan, and a cat mom?

That’s an elf.

I’m not criticizing normal environmental activists and vegans;;

Let me clarify in advance, I’m only talking about those insane ones who behave beyond common sense.

In fantasy novels, elves are often portrayed as an extremely arrogant species, right?

That damn setting seems to have been applied, as they think only their words are right and keep imposing on others.

My friend became an elf, and I’m seriously considering cutting ties with him.

I mean, eat only vegetables if you want… I want to eat meat, you damn woman.

Upvotes 27 Downvotes 136

That’s a truly horrifying combination lol. Why isn’t the author cutting ties quickly?

Environmental activist… vegan… cat mom… even one would drive me crazy, but all three… damn lol

If it were me, I would have grilled meat right in front of them saying how delicious beef is lol

So is this elf male or female?

ㄴ She’s a female friend I’m living with_(Author)

ㄴ Throw out that attention-seeking woman, damn

ㄴ Wow, this was high-level attention seeking;;;

ㄴ What is this mod waiting for? Block this guy already.

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I had seen such a post before.

Elves are a species that combined environmental activists, vegans, and cat moms.

I wondered what kind of horrible experience the author had to use such extreme expressions.

But the moment I encountered the , I could understand.

I understood why the person who wrote that post evaluated elves with such words.

“Y-you evil tree slaughterer…! Can’t you hear the trees’ screams! H-how can you do such a cruel thing so nonchalantly?!”

“…Cruel thing? What exactly?”

“Don’t you see it screaming while sap is flowing?! The child is in pain!!!”

I stared back at the elf, who was exclaiming with murderous eyes, with a dumbfounded face.

Come on, how am I supposed to know that, you crazy woman?

And what child? Just by looking, that tree seems to have been around longer than you.

Just by the DBH (diameter at breast height, the diameter of a tree trunk measured at chest height) and tree height, you can roughly tell.

Even at a minimum estimate, that tree has lived longer than the crazy woman in front of me.

Calling such a tree a “child,” if elves really could communicate with nature, wouldn’t the tree be scolding this woman?

Saying she has no manners.

With a glimmer of hope, I hardened my face and asked the elf.

“Sorry to interrupt, but could you tell me what that tree is saying right now?”

“W-well, it’s saying it wants revenge! G-get on your knees and apologize to the tree right now!!!”

“Isn’t it saying that someone whose blood hasn’t dried behind their ears shouldn’t treat it like a child?”

“N-n-n-no, it’s not?!”

What do you mean “it’s not”? It clearly is.

The sound of the elf’s heartbeat, amplified by my enhanced senses.

That rapidly beating sound was telling me that the elf’s words were lies.

There’s no value in continuing this conversation.

If I try to break the oak branch in front of me, the elf will try to stop me with fire in her eyes.

I was about to declare a light surrender and leave with the branches I had already collected, but.

“P-put that down right now! Tree slaughterer!!!”

The crazy elf, having recovered from her flustered state, blocked my way with a resolute expression as if ready to sacrifice herself.

“Haah.”

Today, nothing is going right.

First, I show my mother a scene that could be misunderstood, and now I run into this self-righteous environmental activist, tree mom elf.

People consumed by their beliefs won’t listen no matter what you say, and if I were to use violence in the 21st-century modern society, I would be the one screwed.

Therefore, I decided to use the one remaining method. Yes, my secret technique, that method.

And that is.

“I’m flying away!”

Transforming into a bat form and escaping.

I gave my all to mock the elf who would be left with a face like a dog that had been chasing a chicken now staring at the roof.

“You’ve been deceived, elf! This is my escape route!!! You have lost in a battle of wits against me!!!”

Just when I thought I had successfully escaped.

Thud!

“Aaah!”

Not long after flying with the bag, I ended up headbutting a building wall.

…It was because eyesight is extremely reduced in bat form.

The good thing was that I had escaped from the elf’s sight… but after returning to human form, I had to hold my head and make a tearful face.

“Hnnng…”

Really.

What a pathetic species.