ISEKAI? More like I See Crap!

"Gyaaaaaahhh!!"

I ran down the forest path, my lungs burning and my legs moving fast. Behind me, a group of male orcs in heat chased after me, their voices echoing through the trees like a scary song.

"Hey, hey, onii-chan~!" one of them shouted, his deep voice sounding both playful and frightening. "Don't run away from us! We're your friends! Nice ass you got there!"

"Like hell you are! Screw this! Someone! Anyone! HELP!"

I gasped for air as I jumped over bushes and roots, trying to get away from the orcs. Their heavy footsteps and heavy breathing kept getting closer.

"Why me? Why now?!" I yelled, my voice cracking.

This was supposed to be a fresh start! A new world, magic powers, hero status! And what do I get? Orcs. Horny, strong orcs with no idea of personal space.

"Damn it, damn it, damn it! Screw this stupid isekai!!"

Just then, one of the male orcs let out a disgusting croak, sounding both enticing and revolting. "Come on~ once you go with us~ ahnn... you'll never forget the experience~~"

I shuddered at the implication, my stomach turning. "What the hell?!" I yelled, picking up the pace as panic surged through me. There was no way I was becoming a part of their twisted idea of "experience."

The trees blurred as I ran harder, driven by panic. There was no way I was going to end up as some orc's... whatever they were planning!

"Don't worry, 'onii-chan'~ we'll make you feel 'good'~!" another orc chimed in, his voice dripping with mock sweetness.

"Awww~ don't be shy, 'young man!' We're sure to 'treat' you better~~" one of them said, his tone a bizarre mix of fury and intimacy, as he licked his lips in a way that made my skin crawl.

"The hell you are!!! Damn it!! I hate this isekai!!" I shouted, my legs pumping harder as I tried to escape their bizarre and terrifying advances.

"How did this happen? Seriously? You all wanna know? Fine, I'll tell you. Just don't laugh, okay?"

-- (Back in Japan, before the chaos) --

"Oi, Hazekaya! Are you joining us or what?" one of my coworkers called from across the office.

I groaned, hunched over my laptop. "Wait for me! I just need to save this report!" My fingers raced over the keyboard as I finished my work for the day. I was so close to being free, but deadlines wait for no one.

"If you're late, we're leaving without you," another coworker said, already halfway out the door.

I sighed, mumbling to myself. "Damn this ikemen group..."

These guys, with their perfect hair and bright smiles, could charm everyone in the office, even the boss. Meanwhile, I was just the "average guy" stuck in their shadow.

"Oi! Don't leave me behind!" I shouted, grabbing my bag and rushing after them.

"Hahaha, slowpoke!" they teased, walking just fast enough to make me jog to keep up.

"Hell no, I'm not slow! You're just tall with long legs!" I shot back, making them laugh even more.

When we finally got to the cafeteria, one of them turned to the group. "Hey, let's skip this boring place. Let's find a nice spot outside instead."

"Oi!" I protested. "Don't wander too far, or I'll end up as the boss's new target. You guys can flirt your way out of trouble or even... offer your bodies to her if needed, but not me!"

"Oh, Hazekaya," one of them smirked, hitting me on the back. "Don't be jealous just because the boss likes us."

"Jealous?!" I huffed. "Yeah, right. Like I'd want to trade places with you pretty boys. I like not being the office plaything, thanks!"

"Hey, let's go to the family restaurant," one of them suggested, excitement in his eyes.

"That's a good idea," another agreed, nodding eagerly.

I frowned, feeling the weight of my responsibilities. "Oi! This isn't too far from the office, right?" I asked, half-worried and half-annoyed.

"Hey, don't worry about it, Hazekaya," one of the ikemen said confidently, waving his hand. "Come on... just this once."

I hesitated, glancing back at my desk, then sighed. "Haaaaa... fine," I muttered, scratching my head.

"That's what we want to hear! Alright! Let's go!"

With that, the group laughed and started walking, their excitement contagious. I shook my head but followed them, curious about this family restaurant.

As we walked down the street, the ikemen squad wasted no time showing off.

"Feewiit! Hey, lady over there... ohhh~ nice body!" one of them called out with a loud whistle, flashing his big grin.

Another one—always smooth—blew a kiss to a pair of passing girls. To my surprise, they giggled and smiled back.

I decided to try my luck too. I gave what I thought was a friendly smile to the same girls.

...

They didn't even look at me. Not a single glance. It was like I didn't exist.

"Haaah..." I sighed, my shoulders drooping. Of course. The curse of being "that guy" strikes again.

One of the ikemen noticed and patted my back. "Cheer up, Hazekaya! Not everyone can be as dazzling as us."

"Dazzling, my ass," I muttered under my breath, but I followed along anyway.

We finally arrived at the family restaurant, the cozy atmosphere filled with chatter and the sound of dishes. It looked nice—bright, welcoming, and with a good menu.

But as soon as we sat down, things changed.

A pretty waitress came to our table, her uniform fitting her perfectly. She leaned in close—too close—her voice sweet as honey. "Welcome, gentlemen~ What can I get for you today?"

I swear, she practically purred while batting her eyelashes at the ikemen squad.

"Oh, miss, you're too kind," one of them said, his smile shining bright. The waitress giggled, her cheeks turning pink like she was really into it.

Another one placed his order, and she replied with an overly excited, "Of course, take your time~ If you need anything else, just ask me, okay?"

Then it was my turn.

Her smile disappeared faster than my hopes of being treated like a normal person. She looked at me with a face that clearly said she was annoyed.

"What do you want?" she asked, her tone so flat it could have ironed my shirt.

I blinked, surprised. "Uh... I'll just have the—"

"Yeah, yeah, I got it," she cut me off, writing something on her notepad like she was giving me a ticket. No smile, no flirting, just pure "get this over with" energy.

"What the hell...?" I muttered, glancing at my friends. They were too busy enjoying their special treatment to notice me.

When the food arrived, it was like a feast for the ikemen squad. The waitress floated back to our table, balancing their plates gracefully.

"Here you go, gentlemen~ Enjoy your meal!" she cooed, placing steaming, beautifully plated food in front of them. Each dish looked like it came from a five-star restaurant.

"Wow, this looks amazing!" one of them said, and the others nodded, already digging in like kings.

Then it was my turn.

The waitress dropped my plate in front of me like it was junk mail. The food on it... well, let's just say it looked bad. The eggs were half-burnt, the toast was soggy, and the sausage had a weird greenish tint.

I stared at the plate, horrified. "Ugh... can this even be eaten?"

I raised my hand hesitantly. "Umm... I'm sorry, but this isn't what I—"

Before I could finish, the waitress shot me a glare so cold it could freeze the sun. Her eyes seemed to say, "You dare question me?!"

I froze, swallowing my words. "Oh... umm... nothing."

She huffed and walked away, leaving me alone with my... food.

The ikemen squad looked at my plate and burst out laughing.

"Hazekaya, did you make her angry or something?" one teased, shoveling a perfectly cooked steak into his mouth.

"I didn't even say anything!" I shot back, but they just laughed harder.

As I poked at the sad food on my plate, I couldn't help but wonder: "Why am I even friends with these ikemen idiots?"

It wasn't like we had much in common. They were the golden boys, blessed with looks, charm, and a knack for making life seem easy. And me? I was just the unlucky guy always caught in their shadow.

Then it hit me. "Yeah... I remember how this all started."

It was back in college. I wasn't exactly popular—more like the guy people avoided because of my face. Not that I was ugly, but my sharp eyes and permanent scowl made me look tough, like I belonged in a gang. People would see me and cross the street.

That day, though, I saw one of these perfect ikemen cornered by some delinquents in an alley.

"Hey, pretty boy," one thug sneered. "Hand over your wallet, and maybe we won't mess up that pretty face of yours."

The ikemen looked terrified, and for some reason, I couldn't just walk away. Maybe it was the way he looked like a lost puppy, or maybe I just wanted to punch someone.

Before I knew it, I stepped into the alley. "Oi, you guys got a problem?" I growled, cracking my knuckles for effect.

The delinquents froze, their eyes wide when they saw me. With my face, they probably thought I was a gang leader.

"N-No, man! No problem here!" one stammered before they all ran off, leaving the ikemen shaking behind me.

He looked up at me, a mix of fear and gratitude on his face. "Th-Thanks, man. You really saved me."

And that was the start of it. Somehow, saving that ikemen led to me becoming part of their group. I wasn't sure if I regretted it yet, but moments like this—the sad plate of food in front of me—definitely made me question my choices.

After that incident in college, they started talking to me, inviting me to hang out, and even treating me to food. At first, I thought, "Hey, maybe this isn't so bad. Free food, good company... could be worse."

But then, reality hit me hard.

We hung out more often, but I noticed one thing: whenever there were girls around, guess who ended up with none? Yeah, me.

These ikemen didn't just attract women—they pulled them in. I watched helplessly as girl after girl fell for their charming smiles and smooth words. Meanwhile, I was stuck in the background, chewing on a toothpick like some unimportant NPC.

I couldn't help but wonder... just how many girls had they been with since college? Judging by their stories (which they shared way too casually), it was probably enough to fill a small country.

And now? Things had somehow gotten even crazier.

Even our boss—our strict, no-nonsense boss—was totally smitten with them. And not just one of them. No, all of them.

From what I overheard (and trust me, I didn't want to hear this), they'd been "enjoying the company" of the boss at her big, fancy house.

But wait—it gets worse.

One day, they decided to share the details. I didn't ask, but apparently, they thought I needed to know.

"You know, Hazekaya," one of them started with a smug grin, "the boss lady was so tired last night."

I raised an eyebrow. "Tired? Why?"

"Because we all stayed over," another added, smirking. "At the same time."

It took me a second to process what they were saying. "Wait. You're telling me... all of you were... with the boss lady? At the same time?!"

They nodded, looking way too proud.

"The whole night," one said with a wink. "She could barely walk by morning."

I stared at them, my mouth open. "What the fuck..."

It was official. I was friends with a harem protagonist support group. And me? Still single, still ignored by girls, and still questioning every life choice that led me here.

( End of Chapter )