ISEKAI? More like I See Crap!

I leaned against the bars of my cell, sighing dramatically. "Ugh! Is this really an isekai? What a rip-off! No cheat powers, no status windows... Lame!"

I shook my head but perked up as Shania passed by. "Oh, beautiful Shania! You made my morning shine brighter than the sun!"

She stopped mid-step and turned to look at me, one eyebrow raised in suspicion. "Huh? How do you know my name?"

I grinned and gestured toward the hallway. "Oh, I asked Borrock over there. He's very helpful!"

Just as her eyes narrowed dangerously, I noticed Borrock lurking near the doorway. The moment Shania's gaze shifted toward him, he stiffened.

"Borrock!" Shania's voice was sharp and commanding.

"Ahh—uh—I just remembered something urgent in the kitchen!" Borrock stammered, spinning on his heels and bolting out of sight.

I couldn't help but chuckle. "There goes the big guy! Runs faster than those patrol horses when you're mad, beautiful!"

Shania sighed heavily, rubbing her temples. "I don't know who's more exhausting, you or him."

"Definitely him," I teased with a wink. "I'm harmless, after all. Just an innocent, incredibly charming guy trying to survive in this harsh world."

She rolled her eyes but said nothing, walking away with a shake of her head. "Get used to the cell. You might be here for a while, 'charming guy.'"

"I'll wait as long as it takes, especially if you're the one bringing me breakfast!" I called after her, grinning.

Her hand twitched, as if she might slap me, but she kept walking. What a woman!

I leaned against the bars dramatically, my voice dripping with playful affection. "Oh, my beautiful Shaniaaaaaa!"

She stopped, turning her head slightly with an arched brow. "Hmm? What now?"

I grinned, leaning closer to the bars. "Oh!! Tsundere! I love it!"

Her brow furrowed. "Sun…dairy? What nonsense are you spouting now?"

I waved my hand dismissively. "Oh, nothing, nothing. Just admiring your... uh, radiant personality! Shaniaaaaa... I know you brought food this time. At least let me taste your cooking! Pretty please?"

Her lips twitched, though whether it was annoyance or amusement, I couldn't tell. "I'm not your personal chef, crazy guy. Just eat what's given to you."

I clasped my hands together like I was praying. "But what if it's your cooking, beautiful? A masterpiece made by your delicate hands would be the highlight of my existence!"

She turned fully, placing her hands on her hips and staring at me with an exasperated look. "You're unbelievable. You'd better enjoy whatever you get, because it won't be me cooking it."

I pouted dramatically. "Oh, Shania, you wound me! At least sprinkle some of your charm on it! That's all I need!"

With a shake of her head and a sigh, she turned back around. "You're lucky you're locked in there. The world doesn't need two Borrocks running around."

I smirked, calling after her. "So you do think about me! I knew it! That's love brewing right there!"

Her groan echoed down the hallway as she disappeared from view. Ah, what a woman!

Shania stopped in her tracks, her shoulders stiffening slightly. She slowly turned around, fixing me with a look that could freeze a dragon.

"What did you just say?"

I clasped my hands together with a wide grin. "I said, how about you and I get married? I'll be your loyal, loving husband. We'll have lots of children and live a happy life!"

She blinked, clearly processing my audacity. "You... want to marry me?"

I nodded enthusiastically. "Absolutely! You're beautiful, strong, and clearly capable. A perfect match! Imagine our little ones running around, inheriting your beauty and my wit. What do you say, my radiant Shania?"

For a moment, the room was silent. Then, Shania smirked and crossed her arms. "You're delusional, crazy guy. What makes you think I'd ever consider marrying someone like you?"

I shrugged, leaning against the bars. "Well, why not? I'm charming, funny, and persistent. Plus, who wouldn't want a husband who appreciates every ounce of your beauty and strength?"

She rolled her eyes, though a hint of a smile tugged at her lips. "You're impossible. Besides, I'm too busy for ridiculous notions like marriage."

I grinned wider. "Busy? All the more reason to have a devoted husband to help you unwind. Think about it, Shania. You, me, a cozy house, and me cooking dinner for you every night. I'll even rub your feet after a long day!"

Her smirk turned into a laugh as she shook her head. "You're insane, you know that?"

"Insane about you, my dear Shania," I replied with a dramatic bow.

Shania turned on her heel, still chuckling as she walked away. "Keep dreaming, crazy guy. You've got a better chance of escaping that cell than winning me over."

I called after her with a cheeky grin. "Challenge accepted, my future wife!"

"Borrock!!!!"

Borrock jumped to attention, nearly spilling his coffee. "Yes, madam!"

Shania pinched the bridge of her nose, clearly at the end of her patience. "Go to the Town Office and process this crazy guy fast! He's giving me a headache! If he's not guilty or suspicious, we're sending him far away from this town!"

"Yes, madam! Right away!" Borrock saluted, relieved to have an excuse to leave.

I grinned widely, leaning against the bars with an exaggerated pout. "Oh, my beautiful Shania, don't be shy around your future husband! You know how much I love you!"

Shania froze mid-step, her back still turned. Slowly, she turned her head, fixing me with a look of disbelief mixed with mild horror. "Excuse me?"

I clasped my hands dramatically. "I mean it! Your radiant beauty, your commanding presence, your fiery personality! How could I not fall for you? It's fate, Shania! You and I are destined to be together!"

Borrock, standing by the door, looked like he was trying not to laugh. "Crazy guy's digging his own grave now..."

Shania exhaled deeply, muttering something that sounded like, "Why me?" She straightened up and fixed me with a glare. "I don't have time for this nonsense, crazy guy. Keep talking, and I'll make sure your next cell is underground."

I winked at her. "As long as you're the one visiting me, I don't mind at all!"

With a growl of frustration, Shania turned and stomped out, muttering, "Why do I even deal with this?"

As she disappeared, Borrock chuckled, shaking his head. "You're really something, crazy guy. I hope you know she's got a mean kick."

I grinned at him. "It's fine, big guy. True love is worth a little pain!"

Borrock snorted. "Good luck with that. You're gonna need it."

"Oh, Shania!" I said dramatically, sighing with exaggerated longing. "At least pamper me a little... Let me lie down on your lap!"

Shania's eye twitched, clearly holding back irritation. "Ugh! This crazy guy..." she muttered under her breath.

I leaned forward slightly, giving her a pleading look. "Come on, Shania, I ask with a sincere heart. If not, at least give me a quick kiss ? After that, I promise I'll behave. Seriously. Just one... passionate kiss~"

Her face turned red with a mix of anger and embarrassment. She crossed her arms and looked down at me as if I'd suggested something absurd. "You're unbelievable!"

I smiled slyly, enjoying her reaction. "Oh come on, you know you want to... Just imagine how magical it would be—my first kiss, and it's from you! How romantic!"

Shania took a deep breath, trying to keep her cool. "I should have known. You're going to push me to my limits, crazy guy." She turned to leave, shaking her head. "No kiss. No lap. And if you keep this up, you'll regret it."

I leaned back, grinning wide. "Ah, come on, Shania. You can't resist me!" I winked as she walked out, knowing she wasn't done with me yet.

( End of Chapter )