King of All I Survey

"So, Joe, how am I doing as Supreme Ruler of the Entire Earth Solar System and Nearby Space?" I asked one morning. I had trouble sleeping the night before. I couldn't stop my mind from racing through a million things that could go wrong and bring this whole thing crashing down around me. One minute I felt like I had it all under control and the next I felt like an idiot with all humankind and aliens laughing at me behind my back.

"It really depends on what your goals are," Joe answered.

That wasn't what I expected. "What do you mean?"

"Some kings would want to solve problems for their people. Others ignore them. Some lose themselves in self-indulgent excess. Some are never satisfied and spend their lives and resources seeking more power. Some are so cautious that they never get around to what really matters to them. Others are too bold and run headlong into overwhelming opposition. Some focus on details, forgetting the big picture. Some make grand strategies and have no idea how to achieve them. Others flit from one thing to another as the mood strikes them, never really getting anything done…."

"That's no answer! Which one am I?" I interrupted. It seemed like his list might go on forever. An outside observer would say I was looking for approval, some kind of validation or praise. They would probably be right, but I was eight years old, and that sort of thing seemed important at the time.

"That was my answer. You are all of those things." Joe replied. "The reason Earth Friend went along with your insistence that you were Earth's leader was that he thought he could take advantage of you. The reason the Galactic Union allows its registered agents to make first contact and identify planetary leaders, is because the GU also wants to take advantage of you and underdeveloped civilizations, in general. You have proven a more difficult adversary than Earth Friend expected when he met you. Dealing with you, however, was not especially difficult compared to a more experienced leader. Experienced leaders know how to handle contract negotiations, often quite deftly. You bargained for cash while many leaders bargain for more concrete and specific things of great value to their civilizations. In the case of Earth, one might imagine another planetary leader asking for… say, a cure for cancer, or assistance with food production and distribution, or the big one on worlds with divided governance, World Peace. While enough galactic credits can eventually buy those things, the GU is very good at keeping nascent civilizations from gaining either power or wealth. For example, it is customary to give each newly contracted system a short period of protection from those in the galaxy who would use force to take anything of value your civilization might offer and leave your planet a smoking ruin with a few pockets of bronze-age populations scattered about whatever livable area was left. Have you thought about what happens when that period of protection runs out?"

The truth was, I hadn't. I sat down on a padded chair in the Status Room. My legs were too weak to stand anymore. I had some vague notion that I was outwitting Earth Friend and the Galactic Union, and that I'd continue doing that until Earth and I rose up as an equal power, or more than equal even. That was a silly eight-year-old's dream, I saw now. I was no better than anyone else the GU had dealt with. They had done all this before, with many different systems. They had always come out the victor. "I just thought we'd negotiate a new protection deal, or maybe we'd have enough money to buy our own warships and defend ourselves," I said hollowly. "But they won't let us will they?"

"Oh, they'll allow it. That is, in fact, their plan, too. When the first protection contract is nearing its end, you'll have more information about the very real threats you face from rival states. They expect you to negotiate for continued protection of the Earth system. However, both you and they will know that you have no choice but to accept whatever terms they offer. It will be expensive. Very expensive. In fact, it will be so expensive that Earth will never be able to afford enough military tech and hardware to defend itself. The Galactic Union will eventually license everything of value that Earth could offer, paying for it fairly, but taking back most of Earth's revenue for protection contracts, tech licenses, advanced manufactured goods, and so forth. If, by some chance Earth has managed to make itself valuable as a continued part of the Galactic Union by then, you may be offered terms as a permanent member of the Union, That could be several generations from now in Earth terms. If, however, they have milked you dry of anything of value and they don't see any continued benefit to having you around, they'll drop the protection clause or more often just keep making it more expensive until you can no longer afford it. Then, they'll cut you loose. If someone else comes along and destroys you after that, well, they'll just keep your share of licensing royalties from then on."

"So, we've gotten by on our own until now. By then, we'd have a lot of their advanced tech and we'd still be better off than when they found us," I ventured weakly. I knew it wasn't true.

"No, the various powers in the galaxy maintain relative peace, because of several treaties. One of the key tenets is that attacking uncontacted worlds is forbidden. The civilization that discovers them gets first claim. They can accept the new civilization as an ally, an integral member of their state, a protected trading partner, or even immediately cast them aside as an independent. If declared independent, they are outside the treaty and can be dealt with on any terms by any other state- offered protected status or even conquered outright. Most new worlds have something to offer, so they are usually claimed in one protected status or another. At least for a time. Usually, by the time a planet is released, most of their value has been harvested by the first contacting state. Making them unattractive as a protectorate or member of any of the larger galactic nations. They usually get plundered for any remaining value by some of the more warlike states… and nobody cares at that point."

As he spoke, I watched a view of the Earth slowly turning in space as projected on the big screen in front of me. I imagined it cratered and lifeless. Then, I imagined it painted red and white like a giant target in some galactic contest. Despair began to wash over me, crushing mind-numbing despair. My eyes were tearing up. As I felt the tears start to roll down my cheeks, I began to get angry at myself; for crying like a baby, for being helpless to defend my planet from the overwhelming power of the various galactic empires, for being so stupid and prideful that I thought I should be the King. King of All I Survey, except that would be nothing more than a smoking ruin at some point and there was nothing I could do about it.

It occurred to me that I was quitting. The Supreme Ruler of the Entire Earth Solar System and Nearby Space is not a quitter, I said to myself, then I said it again, out loud. "The Supreme Ruler of the Entire Earth Solar System and Nearby Space is not a quitter. The People of Earth are not quitters. We'll find a way out of this. I will find a way to protect my planet and my people. These space aliens have no idea who they're dealing with." As I spoke, my despair was replaced by anger. Anger and resolve.

My father once told me that sometimes, a bully would come along and there'd be no way to avoid a fight. "Bullies," he'd said, "have a talent for figuring out who is weaker than they are and picking fights with them, mostly to prove to themselves that they are not as weak as they feel inside. So, if a bully picks a fight with you, and you can't talk your way out of it, you'll probably lose. But do your best to get in at least one good shot. If you can pop him in the nose and make him bleed, that's what he'll remember. That's what everyone watching will remember. That's what all the other bullies will remember. They'll forget about the 20 or 30 times he punched you, but they'll remember the one punch you landed. They'll remember that if they fight you, you'll make them bleed."

Well, the whole damn galaxy was going to get popped in the nose and learn that lesson. Of course, I'd try to talk my way out of it if I could, but if I couldn't… 

"Joe," I said, "I don't have time for conquering Earth by becoming a selectman in Cheshire, Massachusetts, and working my way up. I think I'm going to need a more direct path to being recognized as the King of Earth."