Lost

“Hello?”— This is Woojin’s manager. You saw him earlier, right?“Yes.”— Woojin keeps insisting he wants to go home, so he’s been discharged, and we’re on our way.He’s coming home? Jung Woojin? I blinked slowly, then answered that I understood and hung up. I paced in front of the entrance before stepping outside. The street was empty, and I just stared in the direction Woojin would come from until a car pulled up.The manager, the one I saw earlier, was the first to get out.“Ah, he should still be at the hospital, but he kept insisting on going home…”The man started rambling as soon as he stepped out of the car, clearly worried. He explained that even though Woojin should have stayed in the hospital, he had to be discharged because Woojin was adamant about coming home. He begged me to contact him immediately if Woojin showed any signs of pain or if anything seemed off.I then saw Jung Woojin slowly emerge from the car. The manager repeated my words to Woojin verbatim, not once but twice. Woojin just stood there, listening silently the whole time.The manager, still wearing a concerned expression, followed us up to the front door. He even removed his shoes, as if he intended to come inside. I looked at Woojin. Normally, he would have already protested by now, but he remained silent.“Excuse me.”“Yes?”“You can leave now. It’s fine.”“Ah, alright. But please, remember everything I said. If anything seems wrong, even if it’s late at night, don’t hesitate to call.”He handed me a bag of medicine and gave Woojin one last worried glance before finally leaving. As soon as the talkative manager was gone, the house fell into an eerie silence. Woojin, who had supposedly lost his memory, scanned the room, then took off his shoes and walked inside.I followed him into the living room, unable even to remove my shoes. I reached out and grabbed his wrist. Woojin turned to face me.“Are you okay?”“I’m fine.”“But… where exactly did you get hurt?”I had heard the details at the hospital, but my mind was blank. My hand was trembling, so I clenched it into a fist, then reached out. Hadn’t they said he hit his head? My fingertips were just about to touch his pale forehead when Woojin spoke.“We’re dating, right?”“What?”“Right now, I don’t even know who you are, and I’m really tired. The hospital was too noisy, so I couldn’t rest.”My hand, which had been hovering in midair, slowly dropped.“They said my memory will come back over time, so for now, could you leave my house?”“……”“I’ll contact you once my memory returns.”The firmness in his voice made me blink slowly and frown. What did I just hear? Woojin was a patient right now. Unbelievable as it was, he couldn’t remember me. So to him, it made sense that I was a stranger.But this was Jung Woojin we were talking about.“What did you say?”Not anyone else.“I said, please leave my house.”Jung Woojin, to me.“Leave?”“Yes, I don’t remember anything.”He told me to leave.He told me to leave because he couldn’t remember.Even after hearing it again, I still couldn’t believe it. I felt like a broken robot. I tried to process the meaning behind his words, but no matter how I thought about it, I couldn’t accept it. If I didn’t mishear, he had told me to leave. Jung Woojin had told me, me, to leave. Because he couldn’t remember.His annoyed expression and the way he spoke made it feel like he was addressing some random stranger. He wasn’t even looking at me now. He wasn’t even trying to make an effort to remember. It really just seemed like he was that irritated.“Hey.”Woojin, who had been looking elsewhere, turned his head toward me. Without hesitation, with an expression I had never seen before, he opened his mouth again.“I’m tired and my head hurts, so could you leave now?”“……”“Please, leave my house.”“……”If this was a dream, then it was the worst nightmare imaginable.＊ ＊ ＊I didn’t even manage to properly respond before I was thrown out of my own house. I stood in front of the closed door for a long time, but it didn’t open again.Jung Woojin was clearly not in a normal state. I knew he was in bad condition, but this was a blow I couldn’t recover from so easily. What had just happened to me? Not anyone else—Jung Woojin had kicked me out.He told me to leave. He told me to get out. Of this house.“Leave?”I lifted my head, glaring at the closed door. Even if he’s in this condition, am I just supposed to accept this? Am I supposed to wait until he regains his memory and lets me back in?A burning sensation rose from the pit of my stomach as if I had downed a strong shot of alcohol. My entire body flushed with heat, and the world spun around me. I stood there, frozen in place.When I finally came to, I glared again at the firmly shut door.That was my house. I could go back in anytime I wanted. I could enter, punch that annoying face of his—sure, he was a patient, but still, how could he say such things? Leave?Who does he think he is to order me around?If I yelled, Woojin would probably look at me.With that same expression from earlier.“……”The wind cut through like a blade, slashing across my entire body. The cold seeped in, slicing through my skin and sinking deep into my bones, making it impossible to move even a single step.In the end, unable to face him again, I turned away like a defeated soldier.＊ ＊ ＊I spent the weekend at a hotel we had visited together a few times, staring at my phone, hoping for a message. But no call came.Jung Woojin had forgotten me. I knew his memory would eventually return, but there was always the chance it wouldn’t. The doctors said memory recovery varied from person to person, and no one could give a definite answer. That meant there was a possibility that Jung Woojin might never remember me again.The more I thought about it, the colder my back felt. I never once imagined this would happen. I never dreamed that there would be a day when Jung Woojin wouldn’t remember me. And I certainly never thought I would be kicked out by him, not even in my worst nightmares.I decided I’d go back tomorrow. I couldn’t just wait around until his memory returned. Maybe if I talked to him calmly and didn’t get angry, he might start to remember. If that didn’t work…“…”I tried my best to stay positive, but the anxiety was unbearable. What if I just hit him? Maybe a few blows would bring his memory back. If he got hit in the head again, his memory might return. Or maybe I should propose? Or break up with him? Maybe some sort of shock would trigger his memory.How badly was he hurt, though? I didn’t get a good look, so I didn’t know. I hadn’t even told him to take his medicine because everything was such a blur. They said there were no major external injuries, but I couldn’t stop worrying. What if he gets sick while he’s alone? Who would take him to the hospital? Would he even know if something was wrong with him?I stayed awake all night, my mind racing with thoughts. As soon as the sun came up, I left the hotel and walked quickly. All I could think about was seeing Jung Woojin. Whether he remembered me or not, I just had to see him. But as I walked, my steps grew slower.I couldn’t stop thinking about the way he had looked at me. He had stared at me like I was a stranger, like I was a nuisance.My head started to throb, and my mouth went dry. I ducked into a convenience store, bought some water and painkillers, and went back outside. I lingered in front of the store for a while before heading back to the hotel.Even after taking three painkillers, my headache didn’t subside. I checked out of the hotel and went back to my room, lying down on the bed. I felt so pathetic. It was well past noon when I finally got up. My head still throbbed, and my stomach churned.Maybe it was because I hadn’t slept or eaten anything. I wasn’t thinking straight. I tried to eat something, but nothing would go down. I wasn’t even sure if I was hungry. I didn’t feel like sleeping either.What am I supposed to do?That thought kept circling in my mind. Whether I ate or tried to sleep, all I could think about was what to do. My head felt like it was going to explode.Just then, my phone vibrated. Startled, I quickly checked the screen, but it wasn’t Jung Woojin. I stared at the phone for a while before biting my lip. Taking a deep breath, I answered the call slowly.“Hello.”— Seoju?“Yes, hello. How have you been?”— Oh, nothing much. I heard Woojin got hurt.“…”It was Jung Woojin’s mother. We had only met a couple of times, but we would occasionally talk on the phone.— I was too busy to reach out earlier. They said he lost his memory. Is that true?“Yes, it’s amnesia.”— Oh my goodness, how terrible. Does he remember nothing?“Yes.”— And you?I should have said the same thing, but the words got stuck in my throat. My mind went blank, and my vision started to spin again.“No.”The lie slipped out before I even realized it. I was so shocked that my shoulders trembled. I didn’t know why I had lied, but the words had already left my mouth. My face flushed with panic, and I struggled to keep my voice steady, afraid she would hear the trembling in it.— I guess it’s true then. There’s no way he would forget you.Even though she sighed with relief, I didn’t feel comforted. My heart pounded wildly, making it impossible to respond.— I’ll be on the first flight out tonight. Bring Woojin to me tomorrow. He’s already been discharged, right?“…Tomorrow?”— Or should I come to your place instead?“…”— I know it’s not possible. I was just asking. I’ll call when I get to the airport, so bring Woojin home. And don’t eat dinner.She sighed heavily again on the other end. I should have agreed, but I couldn’t bring myself to speak. Why had I lied?‘There’s no way he would forget you.’Her words echoed in my head, and my eyes began to sting.— Hello?“Yes.”— Why does your voice sound strange? Are you sick too?“Yes, I haven’t slept much.”I wasn’t sure how she took my shaky voice, but she quickly ended the conversation. She told me she would call again tomorrow when she arrived and hung up. I stared blankly at my phone screen, then closed my eyes.‘There’s no way he would forget you.’She was right. Jung Woojin couldn’t forget me. How could he, of all people, forget me? It didn’t make any sense.I hadn’t done anything, but my breathing became ragged. My shoulders heaved with every breath, and I grabbed my coat. My hands trembled as I fumbled to grab my wallet and phone, dropping them several times. Shoving the wallet into my pocket and gripping the phone tightly, I walked out.It was colder than the night before, or maybe my body was just weak, but I shivered uncontrollably. When had it gotten dark again? Time had become meaningless in just a day. Had a day really passed? When was the last time I ate? When did I take my medicine?The wind, sharp as a blade, cut across my entire body. The cold pierced through my skin and seeped into my bones, rendering me unable to take a single step.I couldn’t summon the courage to face him again, so in the end, I turned my back like a defeated soldier.I hadn’t walked far from the hotel before I started feeling off. My brisk steps slowed down, and eventually, I came to a complete stop. My legs felt weak, and I fought the urge to just collapse on the spot. There was nothing to grab onto in the middle of the street. I looked around and quickly moved to a more secluded area. I entered a dark alleyway without streetlights and leaned against the wall.Taking a deep breath, the cold air filled my lungs. As I repeated the deep breathing, the trembling gradually subsided. I rubbed my ice-cold fingertips when I heard a sound. Instinctively, I turned my head toward the noise and made out a faint figure in the darkness.On closer inspection, it was a person. It sounded like an argument, but I couldn’t make out the words clearly. I watched for a moment longer, then decided to ignore it and lowered my gaze to the ground. The trembling had mostly stopped, so I exhaled a few more times and was about to walk away when I heard a sob.I turned my head toward the sound again and moved closer. A bad feeling settled over me, and sure enough, I was right.“If you followed me this far, you must not have been entirely against it, right?”“Move, please. I’m calling the police.”“What the hell did I do for you to call the cops? Treating me like a criminal.”The man let out a mocking laugh, and the woman sobbed again. I didn’t need to see more to understand the situation. My body was already in bad shape, my mind barely holding together, and now this bastard had to show up. I couldn’t just walk away, so I cursed under my breath and approached. I made sure my footsteps were loud enough. The man, who had been facing away, turned and looked at me.As I got closer, the smell of alcohol hit me.“Excuse me.”I sighed as I spoke, and the woman, who had been cornered, quickly lifted her head to look at me. Her desperate eyes pleading for help made my headache return.“What the hell is this?”The man, who had been staring at me in surprise, muttered in annoyance at the woman’s reaction. Judging by the strong smell of alcohol and his slurred speech, he was heavily drunk. I stared at him in disgust and was about to say something when a familiar face caught my eye over the man’s shoulder.“Oh…”Like the man had earlier, an awkward sound escaped my mouth. I hadn’t meant to; it just came out. Was I seeing things? I even rubbed my eyes with both hands to check.“What the hell are you looking at?”“….”“I said, what the hell are you staring at, huh?”“Excuse me, could you call the police?”“What the hell are you talking about? Damn it! Why do you keep threatening to call the cops when I haven’t done anything?!”The man raised his voice, looking like he was about to hit the sobbing woman. But even as I watched, my body wouldn’t move. Jung Woojin, who shouldn’t have been here, was walking toward us, glancing at his phone before looking up in our direction.The moment our eyes met, I felt like I couldn’t breathe. My ears rang, and dizziness overwhelmed me. I closed my eyes tightly, only to be shoved backward.“Why are you picking a fight with someone who hasn’t done anything?!”As I lost my balance and fell backward, I landed hard on the cold cement. The woman screamed in shock, but everything sounded distant, even though she was so close.The man nudged my leg with his foot, cursing under his breath the whole time. My head was spinning, and I just lay there taking it until I snapped back to my senses as if struck by lightning. I shot up suddenly, and the man stumbled back, startled. Instinctively, I turned my back on him and faced Jung Woojin.By now, I would have expected him to do something, but surprisingly, Jung Woojin remained calm. He stood a few steps away, as still as a statue.Am I hallucinating because I’ve been overthinking? Why is he just standing there? This has never happened before, and I was bewildered until the realization hit me.“Fuck.”Just minutes ago, I had been wondering if cracking open Jung Woojin’s skull would bring back his memories. But the moment I saw his face, everything was wiped clean, as if my memory had been reset. Jung Woojin didn’t know me. He couldn’t even recall my name. So why would he care if I was sprawled on the street? Why would he care about me getting into a fight with a drunk? He wouldn’t bat an eye. Just like now.My anger flared, and I bit my lip. I turned to the woman and asked her, “That guy isn’t your boyfriend, right?”“I met him at the bar earlier.”“Did you give him your phone number or anything?”“No.”“What the hell are you two doing? This is insane!”It was late at night, and the alley was so secluded that I felt uneasy letting her leave just like that. Ignoring the man who was ranting like a madman, I gestured to the woman.“Where are your friends? Is there anyone you can call to pick you up?”“No. I just want to go home.”“I’ll get you a taxi. Come with me.”Then I realized she didn’t have anything with her. No phone, no wallet, no bag. I glanced around, wondering where her things were when she grabbed my wrist.“Um…”I turned to see her tearfully pointing at something. I followed her finger and saw that Jung Woojin was still standing there. At his feet was a black bag. But it wasn’t us who reacted first. The man, who had been muttering curses, suddenly sprang forward like a coil.He charged toward Jung Woojin—not directly at him, but at the black bag at his feet. Jung Woojin, who had been staring at me, turned his attention to the rapidly approaching man. The man rushed like an angry bull, and Jung Woojin casually stepped aside. As the man bent down to grab the bag, a dull thud rang out. I blinked, and the man was already sprawled on the ground.The man, lying face down and clutching his face with both hands, let out a delayed scream of pain. The moment he cried out, Jung Woojin moved again, kicking the man in the face like a soccer ball. It all happened so quickly that I couldn’t react until I saw the man’s head snap back.Jung Woojin bent down, grabbed the man’s hair, and started walking. The man, still covering his face, flailed his arms, trying to grab Jung Woojin’s hand.“Fuck, you—agh! Ugh!”I watched Jung Woojin drag the man away, then snapped back to reality and screamed in horror, my face pale.“Hey!”I didn’t know if he didn’t hear me or was ignoring me, but Jung Woojin dragged the man into the corner, then reached for a red brick with his free hand. At that moment, everything went black. I tore my wrist from the woman’s grip and screamed with everything I had.“Jung Woojin!”Jung Woojin, who had been holding the brick high in the air, paused. I was so relieved when he finally turned his head to look at me. In that brief moment, the man who had been struggling desperately managed to break free from Jung Woojin’s grip. Watching the man squirming on the ground, I grabbed Jung Woojin’s wrist, the one still holding the brick, and asked, “What are you doing?”“I was startled.”“What?”Startled? He was startled and yet kicked the guy around like a soccer ball, dragged him by the hair, and was about to smash his head with a brick? I was so dumbfounded that I couldn’t even find the words. As I stood there, struggling to speak, Jung Woojin shook off my grip.I stared at him wide-eyed as he carelessly tossed the brick to the ground like it was trash. That shocked me more than seeing the man’s head nearly get kicked off. As I stared down at my now empty hand, I noticed the woman cautiously approach and pick up her bag from the ground.“Is he going to die?”The woman, cradling her bag in her arms, glanced at the man who was groaning and twitching on the ground, then turned to me, asking, “Thank you so much.”“Ah, yes…”“And if that bastard files a report, contact me.”“Yes…”The woman rummaged through her bag and handed me a business card. I was so out of it that I just took the card. She thanked me repeatedly, then approached the man, gave him a few hard smacks on the chest and stomach with her bag, and quickly ran off.Even after she disappeared into the night, I couldn’t move. The man was still groaning, and Jung Woojin was irritably kicking the brick he’d thrown on the ground.“Hey.”Pressing my pounding temples, I let out a sigh and called out. Jung Woojin looked at me.“If you keep beating someone like that…”“…”“If you beat someone like a dog…”The situation felt so surreal that I could barely form words. I couldn’t imagine what would’ve happened if I hadn’t stopped him.“He came at me. What was I supposed to do?”“What?”“He charged at me like a rabid dog. What do you expect?”“…”I stared at Jung Woojin, who was calmly defending himself, and said, “You could’ve just dodged.”“I’ll try that next time.”I was taken aback once again by his response, and while I stood there in shock, the man began to stagger to his feet, swearing under his breath. For a brief moment, I thought he probably deserved that beating, but still, Jung Woojin had gone way too far.“Hey, do you need to go to the hospital…?”“Aaagh! Damn it!”Even though I hated the guy, I couldn’t just leave him there, so I asked, but he just screamed in frustration, flailing his arms wildly, and ran off in the opposite direction of where the woman had gone. He stumbled several times, almost falling, but eventually vanished into the darkness.“…”“…”Seriously, what the hell just happened?“Why are you here?”I rubbed my face with both hands, letting out a long sigh. I was so tired I felt like I was going to collapse. The exhaustion hit me so hard that I couldn’t think straight.“I saw it on my phone.”“What?”Jung Woojin pulled his phone from his pocket as he spoke. I opened my eyes and saw a map displayed on the screen.“Isn’t this location tracking?”“Yeah.”“Why…”I stared at the screen in disbelief before lifting my head to ask. But before I could finish my question, I noticed his black hair. Without thinking, my hand moved on its own. His hair was still wet, as if he’d just washed it. Is it okay for him to shower? Is he really alright after what happened?I reached out and ran my fingers through his hair, but the ends felt a bit frozen from the cold weather. I could feel his cold scalp beneath my fingers, and just as I was about to say something, Jung Woojin swatted my hand away.His face twisted with irritation, and I was left speechless. I stared at him as he frowned, clearly annoyed. I tilted my head to the side, trying to organize my thoughts, but the more I thought about it, the more I realized that if I opened my mouth, I’d probably end up cursing him.“Why do you keep touching me? It’s annoying.”“…”It felt like all the blood had drained from my body. A surge of emotions churned inside me like bugs crawling under my skin. I wanted to say something—curse him out or shamelessly confess my feelings—but no words would come out.“I couldn’t sleep because I kept getting credit card alerts.”“…”“And I needed to talk to you.”“About what?”Suppressing the emotions rising in me, I asked. Jung Woojin paused, as if deep in thought, before mumbling something.“To clear things up…”He spoke so quietly that I could barely hear him. He didn’t even look at me, lost in thought with a frown on his face. I stayed silent, watching him.In the distance, I could hear the sounds of the city at night. Jung Woojin opened his mouth a few times as if he wanted to say something but then closed it again without a word. His face was a picture of frustration, his brows constantly furrowed.Looking closely, he seemed really tired—like he hadn’t slept or eaten in a while. That’s when I realized that Jung Woojin was trying to figure out what to say. The storm of emotions inside me started to calm down, and I could finally breathe a little easier.“So you couldn’t sleep because of the credit card alerts?”Jung Woojin looked at me after I spoke. It seemed like he really had been thinking about what to say because he nodded immediately.“Yes.”“You could’ve just turned off your phone.”“Why am I getting those messages anyway?”“Because it’s your card.”“Why are you using my card without asking?”“Can’t I use it a little?”Jung Woojin closed his mouth as if at a loss for words.“Did I buy a house or a car?”“…”“You’re really losing sleep over a few hundred thousand won? Also, that’s my house. If someone’s leaving, it should be you, not me.”As I spoke, I suddenly remembered something I had briefly forgotten. The look on his face, telling me to leave my own house without hesitation, flashed through my mind, and I exhaled deeply. Jung Woojin furrowed his brow.“Why do you say it’s your house?”“Who are you calling ‘you’? Damn. It’s my house because it’s mine. If it’s not my house, whose is it? You gave it to me.”Jung Woojin looked at me in disbelief.“I gave you the house?”“Yes, the house and the car in the basement. They’re all mine.”“Why would I give you all that?”Watching him ask as if he truly had no idea left me speechless. Why on earth were we having this conversation in a filthy alley in the middle of the night?“Yeah, why did you?”It wasn’t like he needed to give me those things.The house, the car—it didn’t matter. When he suddenly gave me a car I didn’t even drive or a house as a gift, I was surprised, but I figured it was because he liked me. I imagined that in the day or two he spent preparing these things, he must have been excited about my reaction and happy, so… I just let it be. I liked those kinds of things.“…”“…”Just a few days ago, neither of us could have imagined this would happen. Jung Woojin couldn’t have known either. Who could’ve guessed that one day he’d lose his memory and things would turn out like this? Standing there in that dark alley with no streetlights, staring at the ground, a sudden wave of anxiety hit me.What if Jung Woojin stayed like this forever?“Then should I leave?”At that moment, Jung Woojin, who had been quietly watching me, asked. I looked up at his exhausted face, pale and drawn.“You haven’t slept, have you?”“Huh?”“Have you eaten?”Jung Woojin started to say something, then closed his mouth, perhaps not knowing how to answer my sudden question. After a long pause, he slowly shook his head, and I spoke.“I haven’t eaten either. I haven’t slept either.”“What were you doing at the hotel?”“What do you think?”“…”I was so tired that my eyes kept stinging. I couldn’t stop sighing, and it felt like things were going to fall apart if this kept up.“Let’s go home first. We can eat something, then talk or figure things out.”“Figure what out?”At my sigh, Jung Woojin asked in an urgent voice.“You said you had things to sort out.”“What things?”“You said you had something to settle.”“…”Jung Woojin, looking flustered for a moment, opened his mouth to say something but closed it again. Then, giving me an unsatisfied look, he spoke.“Alright.”“And you said you were going to leave, didn’t you?”“You said it’s your house.”He hadn’t even been told to leave, and yet he was the one who brought it up first. His tone was irritable, though.“Why do you keep calling me ‘you’? It’s creeping me out.”I frowned as I said it, and Jung Woojin asked,“What did I call you before?”“What?”“What did I use to call you?”“…”That question suddenly made me speechless. I could’ve just casually said he called me “Sunbae,” but for some reason, I couldn’t bring myself to say it. Who was this person, looking so annoyed and telling me to get out of my own house?As my emotions churned, I started to feel nauseous again.“Just call me whatever you want.”“Can I?”“You’ve never listened to me anyway. And didn’t you say you were leaving? If you leave, are we even going to see each other again?”“…”Jung Woojin, who had been silent at my question, made a strange expression. It seemed like he was annoyed, but for some reason, I felt hurt by my own words and couldn’t bring myself to keep looking at him. I shut my eyes tightly, and when I opened them, I felt a dizzy spell. I had no idea what kind of expression I was making, but I quickly started walking.I wasn’t even sure if I was walking straight. It could’ve been because I hadn’t eaten or slept properly. Maybe it was because I’d been tense all this time and finally relaxed a bit after seeing Jung Woojin. After walking for a while, I suddenly realized something and turned my head. Jung Woojin was following behind me.“Why are you staggering so much?”As our eyes met, Jung Woojin asked as if he’d been waiting to. I was about to say something, but instead, I gave a short reply.“I’m tired.”“What were you doing at the hotel?”