Only Good To Me

“Won, I think Seo Hangeon is out there.”I barely managed to hide my surprised look. Instead of jumping up, I slowly pushed my chair back. My chest was beating like crazy. I had been relieved thinking yesterday had passed quietly, thinking Seo Hangeon had calmly accepted my text. But it was a wrong assumption.“Hey! Why would Seo Hangeon come to our academy? Are they really bullying you?!”Kangho, with wide eyes, shook my arm. I rubbed the side of my head as if I had a headache, making up an appropriate excuse.“I don’t know? I don’t know why he’s here. Maybe he has some issue with Park Seungkyu…”“Really, what’s going on since earlier! My heart’s pounding.”“Why don’t you go ask him? Also, find out how Park Seungkyu knew about our school.”“Ah… okay. Seo Hangeon wouldn’t be here to extort money from you… right?”Kangho, who had spent a year with Seo Hangeon in middle school, seemed to have a somewhat positive image of him because he immediately relaxed his eyes.“Seo Hangeon is nice, isn’t he?”I gave a faint smile as I put on my bag and left the classroom.“I’ll just talk to him for a bit and then go back to the self-study room.”As I was going down the stairs, I saw four or five female students standing by the window. The girl who had handed me the note was also there, watching the one who caused the commotion. Our eyes met, and I quickly turned away.I walked down the stairs with my eyes fixed on the floor. The polished surface of the stairs was the opposite of the rough asphalt road.Upon exiting the academy entrance, two middle school girls were slowly walking towards a man standing in front of the building across the street, glancing at him. The two girls, walking oddly slow, started making a fuss once they got inside.The white Nike cap that had been looking at the alley floor turned towards me. A silver wristwatch on his wrist sparkled.Seo Hangeon raised his left arm, showing off the USB for the girls at the window to see before turning his back and walking into the alley. I followed him.Seo Hangeon was wearing a gray sweatshirt with white formal shorts. The watch on his wrist, partially inserted into his pocket, gave off a faint glow. A large, visible scar on his calf was proudly displayed.As we passed the convenience store and entered the one-room apartment alley, the figure ahead stopped. Seo Hangeon, who hadn’t spoken a word while walking, turned around. His well-defined, handsome jaw was set hard, with a cold look in his eyes that I had seen for a few seconds in front of the milk carton once.The silence was so uncomfortable that I spoke first.“…Did you see the text?”While several cars passed on the main road, he didn’t answer. I fiddled with my uniform buttons.“I wrote not to come to the academy…”Seo Hangeon ignored my question again. Gathering courage, I looked up slightly to see his eyes fixed on my Vans sneakers. I wasn’t wearing Adidas or the Nike with the navy logo but black Vans Authentics. As Seo Hangeon looked at my sneakers with a blank gaze, he lifted his chin.“Were you hit?”He definitely saw the text. My heart, heavy with moisture, was too tired. I told a simple lie.“No.”Two cars passed through the alley. Seo Hangeon, who had been silent for a while, came closer. There was a faint smell of cigarettes, and I tried to step back, but he wasn’t aiming for me. My backpack was caught, forcing me to stay put.Seo Hangeon took off my backpack from my shoulders. He opened the front zipper first and shook out the contents onto the ground. The entrance card key, wallet, and Mebi card fell to the ground. Seeing his hand, which had once caressed my ear and scratched under my chin, now throwing my belongings on the ground, my mind filled with moisture.He opened the side zipper and turned the bag upside down entirely. Two vanilla cream Chupa Chups, mini jellies, and bruise cream rolled on the ground.When the bruise cream appeared, Seo Hangeon dropped the bag on the ground. It was the bruise cream I had bought from the pharmacy earlier. It was a different design and product from the one Seo Hangeon had taken out of his fanny pack to apply for me.After a heavy, mocking laugh, his voice sharply pressed down on my ears.“Wow… fuck me. Ah. I’m just nothing to you, huh.”My heart dropped. The current passing through my temples was full of moisture.My vision, searching for where to look, fell on his injured leg. At that moment, I realized my mistake. I realized my fault in not knowing what to do for a boyfriend who had scraped his limbs on the ground. I also realized the mistake of lying about not being punished despite buying new bruise cream. Guilt and shame overwhelmed me.“…Sorry.”I wanted to add that I was sorry but it couldn’t be helped, but I failed.“Don’t say you’re sorry if you’re not going to act sorry! You, huh? Fuck, if you were really sorry, you wouldn’t do this!”The white Nike cap poured out accusations at me. My mind, soaked with moisture, was completely submerged, and no thoughts came to me.“No, huh?”The gesture of tapping my shoulder was much colder than on that spring day.“Did we agree when we started dating or not? Did we stamp the approval or not?”“…”“We did, didn’t we? Then even if we break up, we should talk it out. You end it with just one text? Isn’t that right? That’s not right.”The image of Seo Hangeon pushing me wasn’t in my mind. I watched my consciousness being sucked into a dark void.I don’t know what it is, but I’m tired of everything. Tired of it all.All my belongings on the ground looked like dead bodies. The Mebi card lying upside down disappeared and reappeared with the headlights.“Then what should I do… I wrote the text like that… I can’t date you.”“No, fuck…! Let’s talk about it, talk. It’s not a one-sided announcement!”I, with my rotten features, recited the content of the text that must have infuriated Park Seungkyu.“I have to go to college. I can’t study when I’m with you.”But Seo Hangeon didn’t even twitch an eyebrow, giving me a cold look.“Stop with the bullshit excuses and tell me the real reason.”“I can’t study.”“Tell me the real reason.”“It’s the real reason.”“Give me another reason.”I could tell Seo Hangeon what I didn’t like, what wasn’t true, and I could keep saying the same thing to defeat him.“I have to study. I need to concentrate.”Seo Hangeon laughed hollowly. The laughter barely containing his anger was empty.“If it’s because of studying, then we should meet after the college entrance exam, huh? At least? If you have feelings for me?”It really was because of studying. I believed it without doubt and deceived myself perfectly, but,“Fuck, if you just want to end it all, there’s no need for an excuse like that. Who doesn’t know that!”His words were too accurate. They perfectly articulated my thoughts of being tired of everything.“If it’s because of studying, then meet me after the exam! If it’s because of your dad, then meet me after you start university! That’s what’s normal. What you’re doing now, to me, is not that.”Seo Hangeon pointed directly at me before turning his finger towards himself.“I don’t know what’s wrong with you. You don’t even want to talk about being hit, and you don’t need me in your life. So just shut up and get lost.”“…”“That’s what you’re doing now!”Seo Hangeon spoke well. I thought I could lay out my logic pretty well if I wrote it down slowly, but now my head was underwater, and I couldn’t even stutter a word.His drooping eyes blinked shallowly. I’ve had enough of situations like this, situations where I get scolded. Now I’m tired of it.Can’t you not be angry with me? I turned my disgust into a sigh.“Hangeon, can’t we just… just break up? It’s hard.”I am not weak. I don’t have any problems. But strangely, life is so shitty. People close to me get angry at me even when it’s not my fault. Seo Hangeon is getting angry at me, saying I’m not at fault.“Can’t you just… let’s just break up. Can’t you just leave me alone…”Seo Hangeon shouted, seeming frustrated.“Hey. Lee Won!”In fact, no one wants to blame me more than I do right now.I didn’t know what to do when Seo Hangeon got hurt, so I did nothing, and I couldn’t even properly say we should break up, thus making him angry. The person I’ve liked for so long is angry at me. It was an awareness that hurt like nails being pulled out.I was sitting alone in a dark, damp bathroom.“I keep making you angry. It was the same when we first started dating, and it keeps happening. Keeps happening. There’s always something for you to be mad about.”I spoke calmly and inhaled.“But.”My eyebrows and ribs suddenly trembled greatly. Something was already boiling beyond my control.“But…”A hideous sound escaped briefly. My chest felt strange. I swallowed the lump of breath that escaped through my compressed throat.“Don’t call me Lee Won like that…”My lungs and respiratory system wouldn’t follow my will, and my breath kept going backward. A loud, ugly nasal sound poured out. I barely managed to struggle, grimacing.“Don’t call me like that…”I couldn’t finish the sentence. Ha… a chunk of breath escaped. I was crying. A long, sharp cry came out silently, then returned, scratching at the center of my chest.I had felt my heart strangely damp since yesterday. But it wasn’t a moist heart; it was a lump of blood ready to burst.A dark red mass of blood, swollen to the point of bursting, was hanging in the middle of my chest. There was always that heavy lump, about to fall and burst on the ground. It was a blockage that would explode when meeting a toothpick someone threw away after eating meat and cleaning their teeth.Seo Hangeon urgently embraced me as I cried uglily.“Sorry. I’m sorry, Won-ah. Sorry. Really sorry.”“Don’t call me Lee Won…”“Okay, I won’t.”The toothpick pierced my heart, and from the rotten mass, dark clumps of blood poured out. I was bleeding profusely.“I, I’m really sincere with you…”Seo Hangeon didn’t respond.“You think of me like… like some kind of insurance, not someone you want to meet because you truly want to… I’m too sincere. You don’t really want to be with me. You don’t plan to go far with me. If you’re just trying me out because you want to date a guy, then I, I…”I’m scared.With no paper left to fold, I held onto the lump of blood and cried.“So please, don’t make me like you more…”My school uniform pants were pressed against Seo Hangeon’s legs, and my head was on his shoulder. My wet, unrefined crying bothered me. Lee Won, who didn’t cry even in front of all that punishment, suddenly cried in front of Seo Hangeon.Yet Seo Hangeon was strange.“Cry.”Normally, he’d comfort me not to cry, but he told me to cry.He hugged my body that couldn’t even fit into his embrace and said to cry.“Cry. Won-ah.”He told me to cry once more, softly.“Cry.”I was confused if he was telling me or himself to cry. Because it seemed like he was telling Seo Hangeon to cry.Seo Hangeon held my ugly cry.“Did I do wrong? I should have come even if you told me not to. Right?”A light laugh spread near my ear and then through my whole body.“I shouldn’t lose my temper either. Right?”“…”“How much were you hit?”“A lot.”“Oh my god—”A long, drawn-out sigh echoed.“But. What do you mean by insurance?”“…I saw you at the CU next to the Sunflower Karaoke below.”“Ah. Down there at night?”“Yeah.”“Seo Hanna. That’s Seo Hanna.”It was a name similar to Seo Hangeon. He had said his house wasn’t far from the izakaya.“There’s this woman who keeps coming to our house, knocking on the door. She’s a friend of my dad’s. Even though my dad gives her 500,000 won every month, she comes to our house drunk and causes trouble. Half of it is cursing, half is whining.”Before I knew it, my trembling had subsided, and I listened to Seo Hangeon’s words.“I was about to go home, but I got scared when she was at the door, so I didn’t go in, and I called you after coming out.”Even that day and today, Seo Hangeon comforted someone. Who comforts him when he’s comforting others?Awkwardly wrapping my arms around him, I hugged Seo Hangeon’s back tightly. It was a comfort I had never given before, but I tried patting his back with my palm.“If I’m home, she doesn’t do that. But she came late that night again.”“What happened then?”“I told her to leave quietly before I call the police. And yesterday, Seo Hanna ran away from home saying she can’t live with us anymore. She didn’t come because she was looking for her.”“Where was she?”“At a friend’s house. She has places to go.”“…That must have been hard…”Lowering his head to meet my eye level, Seo Hangeon smiled gently.“Don’t make me like you more, huh?”I smiled through my wet face.I resolved to go to pharmacy school and make a lot of money. I didn’t understand the connection between the derogatory words Park Seungkyu said to me and the key money. But whatever the connection, whatever negative meaning it held, it didn’t matter to me. I wanted to help so that Seo Hangeon wouldn’t have to go through hardships.“You said you wanted to break up, then you said you were sincere. You’re really something.”Two fingers flicked my eyebrows as if in punishment. I cleared my throat and moved my lips.“Park Seungkyu told me to give him 200,000 won.”“That crazy fucking bastard.”The eyes that were laughing close enough for our noses to touch immediately turned fierce.“Where did he come?”“At school…”“Son of a bitch!”Seo Hangeon swung his arm in the air. It smelled like cigarettes.“What did he say?”“If I don’t give it to him, he’ll go to my dad’s clinic and tell him…”“That’s the level of his thinking. Fucking idiot. He told you not to tell me, right?”“Yeah.”“He tried to pull off a hit-and-run.”I only said that much. I decided to keep the other words that came out of Park Seungkyu’s mouth to myself because I didn’t want an incident similar to the school violence committee from a few summers ago. I didn’t want to hurt Seo Hangeon’s life.“What else did he say? Did he curse at you?”“Just… nothing much.”“What did he say, then?”“We agreed to meet at Hyeonseong Bookstore at 1 PM the day after tomorrow.”“Hyeonseong Bookstore. What a piece of shit.”His calm, mature voice followed with rough expressions. Seo Hangeon crouched down to pick up my belongings. After stuffing all my belongings back into the front zipper of the backpack that had fallen to the ground, he went around behind me and helped me put on the backpack.“Okay, we’ll deal with it that day. So, no problem? For us?”“…But we really can’t meet at all on weekdays…”“It doesn’t matter. I told you, I’m busy gathering money.”After briefly checking our surroundings, Seo Hangeon hugged me from behind, wrapping his arms around me. His hard jaw touched the side of my head.“Instead, sit in the back seat when you take the academy bus.”“Why?”“So I can watch you leave.”I felt his breath tickling my ear. Seo Hangeon, like a pervert, buried his nose deep into my hair.“You smell like milk.”“What milk smell? That can’t be.”“Really. If I undress you, I bet you’d smell like boiled milk.”“…Does boiled milk smell different?”“Yeah. My mom used to boil it for me a lot when I was in kindergarten.”What would it take for my body to actually smell like boiled milk? Would a milk shower before bed help? I need to look that up.“Won-ah. How about we deal with Park Seungkyu on Saturday and then go yachting?”“Yachting?”“I have some things to talk about too.”I heard the academy bus starting up in the distance. I pushed Seo Hangeon away in surprise. His large hand gently pushed my back.“Go! Call me at home on Saturday morning.”“Okay… I’ll go.”I looked back several times while running. Each time, I met Seo Hangeon’s eyes watching me. It felt like I had left a part of myself in his hands, and that sticky feeling wouldn’t go away. The receding Nike cap and the sound of the bus engine waiting to depart were cruel.After sitting down at the back seat, I thought my face must be a mess. I rubbed my eyes and cheeks with my palms when I heard a knock on the window. It was Seo Hangeon. The bus started to move slowly. I slid the window handle to the side. Walking alongside the bus, Seo Hangeon said:“Cheek.”I stuck my right cheek out through the window. As the bus picked up speed, Seo Hangeon started running. After running a few steps to keep up with the bus, he jumped like he was heading the ball and lunged at me. His lips struck my cheek hard. In that brief moment, he even bit and licked my cheek.“Nice!”Even though his cap had fallen to the ground after hitting the bus, Seo Hangeon stood there clapping and laughing at his own nice shot. I wanted to preserve in my memory the sight of him, brushing back his tousled hair and smiling brightly. I kept staring at that spot for as long as I could.Even after the bus passed numerous walls and went up and down hills, Seo Hangeon was still smiling in my line of sight.🏐Kangho, who had caught gastroenteritis, didn’t look good at school or the academy. Kangho often made me laugh with his issues with poop. His bowel signals are as urgent as his personality, so he often cuts off our conversations to rush to the bathroom or pretends to be dying while clutching his stomach on the way to the academy.“I feel like a feather… flying, really dying…”Today, it’s diarrhea from gastroenteritis. Why does a friend’s minor suffering become a source of joy? With this mysterious psychology, Juyong, Hyungon, and I laughed heartily. Eventually, Kangho left the academy early and went home. He even refused Juyong’s suggestion to watch a movie and go to a comic cafe on Saturday.“I’d be going in and out of the bathroom during the movie, it’s a waste of money and embarrassing. I can’t do it.”“What did you eat to get like this?”“I don’t know. Could it be from the soup? I ate a lot of ceremonial food.”“Then your whole family should have gastroenteritis.”“I ate a lot more of the soup.”“Does Kangho like soup?”Kangho nodded weakly at my question. The traces of his battle with his intestines were evident in his drooping cheeks. Hyungon laughed again.“How can you get gastroenteritis from soup! Kangho is really strange!”Thanks to Kangho’s sensitive intestines, we had our fill of fun. After Kangho left in his mom’s car, Juyong and Hyungon suggested to me that we watch a movie on Saturday.But I have a lot to do this Saturday. I need to deal with Park Seungkyu and go yachting with Seo Hangeon. I had a good excuse for my friends.“I’m worried about my dad’s eyes…”“Right.”“Won, your dad is really harsh. Then study all through high school for three years without even breathing on weekends!”Juyong got angry on my behalf. In reality, it’s been almost a year since I’ve not been able to join my friends for plans because I was meeting Seo Hangeon on weekends. Since we see each other every day at the academy, I didn’t feel the need to make separate time to hang out. It was proof of how much I was centered around Seo Hangeon.Maybe my apologetic smile looked pitiful to them because Juyong and Hyungon each patted my shoulder in turn.“Just hold on a bit longer. Just a few more months.”“When you go to university, you can live as you want, right?”It was the only line of hope at that time. While Juyong shouted ‘fighting’ to cheer me up in response to my sarcastic question, Hyungon, with dark circles under his eyes, looked around and gave a realistic comment.“But even in university, if you live at home, it’s the same. And now, building up your resume and preparing for employment is like being in the third year of high school.”“I’m definitely not living at home. Definitely not.”“Did you get permission from your parents?”“No?”I couldn’t help but laugh at Juyong’s confident response. Suddenly, Juyong opened his eyes wide and started to get excited.“Where am I going to university? Really, where am I going? Won is going to pharmacy school, Hyungon is going to the college of education, where am I going, really?”“Pusan Women’s University.”“I’m serious! There’s nowhere I really want to go! If I don’t decide soon, my mom said to study for the civil service exam instead!”“Pusan Women’s University, Nursing Department.”Juyong was distressed by Hyungon’s consistent answer. Watching my friend bang his head on the desk and pull at his hair, I realized I finally had a goal. The drifting ship without a destination had found its helmsman and set its course. Now, all that was left was to focus on one thing.If I just hold on for a few more months, I’ll become a pharmacy student and can meet the demon attached to my cheek every day. I clenched my teeth and steeled my resolve.🏐It was Saturday morning. Because I had to have breakfast with my father, I couldn’t sleep in, whether it was a weekday or weekend. The table where I sat opposite my father was always covered with a thicket of thorns. One wrong move could prick me and cause indigestion. Today, too, I was grateful for the TV noise as I picked up my chopsticks.The breakfast menu was mackerel stew. The mackerel stew my father made always had a fishy smell. Some crucial cooking step must have been omitted. But I didn’t want to express any dissatisfaction to my father. Showing that I couldn’t eat it was even more out of the question. The best approach was to pretend to eat while enduring the fishy smell.Thanks to the strict table manners my father emphasized since childhood, I can chew and swallow rice without opening my mouth. Carefully chewing the rice, I split the mackerel on my plate in half. Across from me, my father deftly used his fingers to debone the mackerel.I was concentrating on deboning with my chopsticks when my plate suddenly disappeared.“Here, radish.”The plate that had been in front of my father came to me. My father, who had taken my plate, quickly deboned the mackerel with his skilled chopsticks. I looked down. A piece of mackerel, perfectly freed from the thick bones and small side bones, was ready to be chewed by my teeth.What I wanted wasn’t the deboned meat ready for eating, but to master the technique of deboning mackerel myself.Thinking I should ask my mom to teach me next time, I picked up the fish meat.“Even the broth has radish, so here’s some radish.”I floated the source of the fishy smell into my mouth. The fishy smell sliding down my throat carried the mustiness of a widower and the responsibility of my father. I stuffed some kimchi into my mouth to erase that smell from my mind.The morning was busy from the start. Right after my father left the house at 8:30, I called Seo Hangeon.— Hey, Won?“Yeah. Did you sleep well?”— Yeah. Just a sec.The loud sound of clashing utensils and the chatter of Seo Hangeon’s younger sister and father served as background noise. It seems Seo Hangeon’s house doesn’t need TV for meal background noise. When it became quiet, it seemed like he had left the table and gone outside. After a big yawn, Seo Hangeon made a joke through his laughter.— I couldn’t sleep because I was thinking about rice cake.“…”— I couldn’t sleep because you didn’t pose in front of the bike.“What’s the plan for today?”— Ah, today. 1 PM, right?“Yeah.”— First, you meet Park Seungkyu with the 200,000 won. I’ll handle it separately.It was a different plan than I had expected, but I didn’t ask further. After a rough cough and the sound of spitting, he continued.— Then I’ll take care of it. We decided to go yachting, right?“Yeah.”— I’ll deal with Seungkyu later after I leave you. Don’t cry, Pookoom, wait for me at Yangjeong Station.“Yangjeong Station?”— Yeah. I’ll come pick you up. Wait inside, got it?“Yeah. Got it.”— Did you eat breakfast?“Yeah.”— What did you eat?My chest felt hot and itchy, so I bit my lip without Seo Hangeon noticing.“Mackerel stew.”— Did you eat a lot?“No. It was too fishy, so I barely ate.”— If you can’t eat it, don’t force yourself. Why did you eat it anyway?“Just. It felt wrong to leave any.”— Why’s it so fishy? Maybe because it wasn’t cooked fresh? If you put in some fermented soybean paste or soak it in vinegar and water before cooking, it would be better.“I don’t know. My dad made it, so I don’t know. How do you know so much?”— I’ve watched my dad do it a few times.I idly rubbed the wall with my finger and asked.“What did you eat?”— We had Spam army stew. Right now, Seo Hanna is probably taking all the Spam…“Go grab some Spam too, quickly.”— Rice cake is more important than Spam.“Why am I rice cake?”— Because you’re white and soft.“Rice cake hardens over time.”— I’ll keep kneading you.Seo Hangeon, only heard through voice, has the same effect as when his eyes gently scan me. The vibration traveling through the waves converts into the voice I love, making me feel exposed. When I didn’t respond, Seo Hangeon broke the silence first.— What are you going to do until we meet? At home?I planned to take a milk bath but gave another excuse.“I have to study.”— What are you wearing while studying? Pajamas? Casual clothes? Home clothes?“I’m wearing casual clothes today.”— What color?“Just white on top…”— White? Ah, I want to see it so badly.We talked for another 5 or 10 minutes before hanging up. My plan was delayed by 10 minutes. As soon as I put down the phone, I rushed to the supermarket to buy two 1L bottles of milk. I poured all the milk into the bathtub, added some water, and sat in it.Even though I wondered what I was doing, I had no time to reflect on how ridiculous it was. I was in a hurry to clean everything up before my father came back from work.There was milk water in the bathtub where novels once floated, and I was sitting in it. I closed my eyes, leaning my head against the edge of the tub. Looking at my thighs and knees emerging from the milky water, I thought of the word ‘rice cake.’ I didn’t know why I was doing this, as Seo Hangeon would probably never undress me anyway. I decided to consider it a sign of affection for the cheek demon I could meet maybe once a month.I sprayed shampoo into the tub, rinsed it out with the showerhead, and turned on the exhaust fan to get rid of the milk smell. I immediately threw the milk containers into the recycling area below the apartment. I grabbed the 200,000 won and, on my way to Hyeonseong Bookstore, stopped by the pharmacy.“Uh… I fell while playing soccer, and my leg is pretty badly scraped. What should I do?”I was worried the question might sound too foolish, but it was the best I could do. I had selected this from several options I considered in my mind.“You should use this ointment, and we have patches too, do you want one?”“Uh… when do you use the patches…”“If there’s a lot of oozing, it’s better to apply the patch.”“I don’t know… just give me everything.”A large disinfectant, topical ointment, a large Mediform, and pills good for reducing inflammation went into the plastic bag. I shook the white pharmacy bag as I walked down the alley. Without a phone, I couldn’t look up the location of Hyeonseong Bookstore. I had to rely on the information Seo Hangeon had given me over the phone.The gentle sunlight transitioning to autumn passed between buildings and lay on the alley. As I stepped on the sunlight lying on the ground, I saw Hyeonseong Bookstore next to Namyang Dairy and a piano lesson studio.Park Seungkyu was waiting for me, spitting on the ground. Hyeonseong Bookstore was a failing bookstore. In front of the small bookstore with faded posters and magazine ads, Park Seungkyu kept spitting. I was curious if he was practicing spitting.Remembering the twenty 10,000 won bills in my backpack, I clenched the pharmacy bag tightly. The quiet residential alley, which took about 10 minutes to walk from the main road, was silent. Was Seo Hangeon hiding somewhere? The thought of facing Park Seungkyu in this deserted alley made my back chill.Still, if I managed my expressions well, he wouldn’t try to hit me. I resolved to pay attention to my habit of making a grumpy expression without realizing it, then turned around the utility pole and crossed the alley intersection. Park Seungkyu’s face, darkened by the sunlight, looked grim.“Fuck, why are you late!”My resolve evaporated instantly, and I felt my face stiffening again. When I didn’t answer, Park Seungkyu urged me on.“Come here.”Moving behind a white car, Park Seungkyu kicked my ankle.“Do you have the money?”I turned my backpack around to my front, hugging it, and took out the wad of money. Park Seungkyu raised his cheeks in satisfaction.“As expected. Your family’s rich. Thanks?”While snatching the money from my hand with a smack, Park Seungkyu didn’t even bother counting the bills before stuffing them into his pants pocket. I was frowning several times. What happened to Seo Hangeon? Was it all a lie? Did he mean to quietly give the money and wait at Yangjeong Station? Did I misunderstand?Seo Hangeon didn’t show up, and Park Seungkyu threw another shocking statement.“Actually, 200,000 won isn’t enough for me. If you’re okay with it, lend me another 200,000 won next week. I’ll really pay it back. I’ll make 500,000 and pay you back.”How could he promise to make 500,000 won when he didn’t even have 200,000 won now? I wished he would just demand the money instead of making up such stories. My expression seemed to irritate him because Park Seungkyu cursed again.“Really, your face is so damn annoying. Fix it. You’re getting money taken from me because you tried to get close to Seo Hangeon, and you’re showing that kind of attitude? It’s not your fault, it’s you, fucker.”At that moment, a worry flashed through my mind. It would be troublesome if Seo Hangeon got misunderstood too. Looking between the wall and Park Seungkyu, I opened my mouth.“You… seem to be misunderstanding something.”My chest was trembling so much my voice shook. With that foolish voice, I resisted him.“I’m not like that. Not gay…”As Park Seungkyu approached with his fist raised, he suddenly stopped. Even the wind that had touched my hair scattered and disappeared. A couple passing through the intersection was laughing loudly and talking.“Ahaha! Here he comes, oppa. You really are a dog when you drink, aren’t you?”“What are you talking about, you crazy bastard! I didn’t even drink yesterday!”“Even if you drank that much last night, Ganggang hyung, it’s like you didn’t drink?”“Shut up, Seo Hangeon. How do you know when you didn’t even show up?”“This noona still talks nonsense when she’s drunk. Drink nicely, noona!”Park Seungkyu roughly pushed me between the car and the wall. His body couldn’t fit between them. He hid himself behind the car trunk, peeking at Seo Hangeon’s group through the glass.From a brief glance earlier, it was a group of three guys and two girls mixed together. I couldn’t see clearly because I was pushed away by Park Seungkyu before I could take a good look. I only noticed that one of the three guys was wearing a suit. What caught my eye were the women’s outfits and their fancy hairstyles. One woman had dyed her long hair, tied it up in a bun, and was wearing shorts that looked like they were barely above her underwear, with what seemed like a gold bracelet on her arm. The autumn sunlight had drawn a pattern on her wrist.Among the three guys, there’s Seo Hangeon. I never imagined he’d bring friends. Park Seungkyu and I held our breaths as if we had made a pact. The voices were getting farther away.“Where the hell is the hangover soup place here!”“It’s there if you go that way!”“I don’t trust Seo Hangeon, but I trust Park Kangmi. Come on, our Kangmi, let’s go~”Two of the three guys are Seo Hangeon and his best friend, Park Kangmin. The other one is the so-called Ganggang hyung who turns into a dog when he drinks. Then the guy in the black suit would likely be Ganggang hyung. But the young men and women, who had been drinking all night and were now looking for a hangover soup place, turned into another alley. They didn’t come towards where Park Seungkyu and I were.“Hey! Seo Hangeon, what are you up to these days? You never come out!”The woman’s bright voice had moved further away. Seo Hangeon answered.“I’m busy with the bike. I don’t have time for LoL.”“Damn bastard. You ride alone? Give me a ride!”“I don’t give rides to anyone.”“Why?”“Ah, just because. It’s more fun alone.”“Crazy bastard.”“Drink nicely, noona!”They had moved so far away that I could no longer make out their words. I had to face Park Seungkyu, who was looking at me with a fierce glare.Park Seungkyu must be confused. How should he interpret Seo Hangeon showing up here at this time? If Lee Won didn’t seduce Seo Hangeon, how could this be happening? And why did he bring his friends here after hanging out all night? He would need to judge that.I looked at my reflection in the car window while squeezed between the wall and the car. The high school boy standing with a backpack, with straight bangs, looked really grumpy.Just as Park Seungkyu grabbed my collar, I heard Seo Hangeon and Park Kangmin’s voices. They were coming into this alley.“I’m going to buy cigarettes.”“Let’s talk for a bit. So where did you drink last night?”“We grabbed a motel.”“Fuck… how was it!”Seo Hangeon was giggling while grilling Park Kangmin. Park Kangmin also laughed dirtily, and Seo Hangeon joined in the dirty laughter. The voices of the two high school boys, no longer students, were getting closer. Accordingly, Park Seungkyu’s thick cheeks began to twitch more intensely.“If you’re curious, come see for yourself, bastard. You, huh? You pretend like you’re coming and then don’t…”Seo Hangeon interrupted Park Kangmin and jumped up.“Why pretend like I’m coming! When did I say I was coming, you crazy bastard. You’re so full of shit!”“I thought you were coming since you replied to my text!”“I was just asking if you drank a lot, you bastard. Keep your shit together.”“But, Ganggang hyung seems to know a lot of pretty girls. Look at that.”“Pretty, my ass.”Seo Hangeon stood next to Park Kangmin, who had changed the word “pretty” into an obscene expression.Park Kangmin and Seo Hangeon quickly walked past the car where Park Seungkyu and I were standing. I saw the color of the cold-blooded animal frozen in place turn white like the car. But I was surprised for a different reason than Park Seungkyu. The black suit I saw earlier wasn’t on Ganggang hyung, but on Seo Hangeon.“Wait.”The black suit that had passed us took a light step backward. The familiar back approached closer. The silver wristwatch gave off a harsh light depending on the angle with the sun. As Park Seungkyu stood up from where he had pressed himself against the car trunk, Seo Hangeon greeted him cheerfully.“Seungkyu!”For some reason, Seo Hangeon was wearing a full black suit. Through the widely opened jacket, I could see a black t-shirt with an unfamiliar brand’s logo in capital letters. I also saw his feet in Nike Cortez shoes. Seo Hangeon walked closer between the cars.“Seungkyu! Fancy meeting you here. What are you doing with my friend, whispering secrets?”Seo Hangeon looked at me, who was standing stiff against the wall. Park Kangmin also turned back and stopped behind Seo Hangeon.“What’s going on. Dogshit Kyu?”“Hey. Go to the hangover soup place first.”“What’s going on. What are you doing here, Seungkyu?”“Let me talk to him, then I’ll bring him. Go ahead.”Park Kangmin gave Park Seungkyu and me a disinterested glance before heading back the way he came. With only the three of us left in the alley, Park Seungkyu realized he was caught in the net and looked like he had lost everything.“Seungkyu, fuck, what are you doing here?”Seo Hangeon, in his neat suit, spat something out. I thought it was gum, but it was spit. A glob of spit stuck to Park Seungkyu’s chest, on his shirt, where he had been practicing spitting.“It’s so nice to meet like this here. Right?”Seo Hangeon moved his chin up in a circular motion and spat again. His aim was impeccable, hitting the collar of the shirt. The suit, whose purpose and meaning were unknown, walked step by step closer to the wall.As Park Seungkyu’s body slumped against the wall, the smile on Seo Hangeon’s face was gradually disappearing. His eyes were smiling as if meeting an old friend, but his mouth wasn’t.“Let’s see what you’ve taken. I’m curious since it’s my friend.”“No, this time I really borrowed…”The hand from the suit pants pocket came out swiftly and slapped Park Seungkyu’s head.“So, let’s see.”Park Seungkyu, with his hair messed up, took out the wad of money from his pocket. Seo Hangeon counted the bills with deft hands while muttering like he was lamenting.“He’s the one who teaches me to study. But fuck… where would a student have money to lend you?”After finishing the count and flicking the bills, Seo Hangeon handed the wad of money to me. As soon as I took the 200,000 won, there was another sound of wind in the air. I flinched. Seo Hangeon, who had slapped Park Seungkyu’s cheek and grabbed his chin, spoke in an annoyed tone.“Phone.”Before Seo Hangeon finished speaking, Park Seungkyu took out his phone from his pocket. Seo Hangeon took the phone, roughly pushed Park Seungkyu’s chin away, and muttered a mild curse. He thrust the phone with its broken screen in front of Park Seungkyu’s face. Park Seungkyu, steadying his wobbly body, unlocked the pattern with his hand. His hair was still a mess from earlier.“Tsk… oh my… just betting on horse racing and lotteries. What a novice.”Seo Hangeon’s finger moved quickly across Park Seungkyu’s phone screen.“You play soccer too? LG. Kia. Nexen. Who did you bet on?”When Park Seungkyu hesitated, the hand holding the phone slapped his cheek hard. With his face turned aside, Park Seungkyu answered.“Kia.”“Fuck. If you’re going to bet, do it properly and win! You lose everything and go around borrowing money, you piece of shit. Don’t you know I hate people who owe money? Look at this. 100,000 won, 200,000 won, 100,000 won, 300,000 won! All withdrawals, you fucking idiot!”Seo Hangeon shook the banking app’s deposit and withdrawal history in front of Park Seungkyu’s face and took out his own phone.“If you’re going to do it, do it right. Anyway, idiots do idiotic things.”Park Seungkyu watched Seo Hangeon’s hands moving busily with anxious eyes. I also didn’t know what he was doing. Seo Hangeon alternated between looking at Park Seungkyu’s phone and his own, moving his fingers for quite a while.“Seungkyu. It’s been a while, should I call the counseling center for you? Get some treatment. I’m worried about you. But, you know gambling is illegal even for minors, right?”Seo Hangeon suddenly burst into loud laughter while looking at the phone and shook his head.