Our happy ever after

Ilay wrapped his arm around Taeui's arms and the other over his shoulders, holding Taeui's head to his chest. It was suffocating. Taeui tried to push him away but he didn't budge. Instead, it felt as if Ilay held him tighter. Taeui screamed to let him go and squirmed trying to push him away, but his arms were pinned to his sides and his head steadily held.

"You crazy bastard… what more do you want from me?" Taeui asked his voice raspy, tears threatening to fall at any second. Ilay didn't utter a word but his throat bobbed as if it was trying to gather the words his jumbled thoughts couldn't. 

"Let me go! Let me go!" screamed Taeui again.

This time a dominating voice, like a growl of an animal protecting his territory, sounded right next to his ear. It was a slow and absolute voice.

"I can't."

Tears he begged not to fall, wet Ilay's shirt silently. He murmured ever so softly that only Ilay with his super hearing could hear it, 'Let me go'. 

"I can't," he said again. This time, Ilay's voice carried a tinge of sadness but was commanding nonetheless. 

Ilay held him tighter and tighter with each passing second, making it harder for Taeui to breathe. His head still held against Ilay's chest hurt under his tight grip and he tried to free himself again, but the harder he struggled the more unyielding Ilay's grip was. Taeui stopped resisting and accepted his fate, but even so, Ilay kept holding on to him. As if accepting his fate was worse than fighting, Ilay continued to squeeze him, like a python trapping its prey before eating it. 

Taeui could feel Ilay's heart beating through his chest. The heart that was always steady and strong. The heart Taeui felt only beating rapidly when they were intimate. But at that moment, that strong unwavering heart, seemed almost weak and uneasy. Each beat felt different in uneven intervals. Taeui wanted to see Ilay's expression and make sense of what he was thinking, even if just a little. But the white beautiful hands that held him close didn't allow it. Their heartbeats which normally synced together, were in disarray despite the extended silence and remained in their chaotic duet. 

"Please let me go," Taeui begged. He just wanted to go to his room and hide beneath his covers and hope this was just a very vivid nightmare and nothing else. Ilay didn't reply, but the hand that held Taeui's head flinched from his broken voice. Ilay's heartbeat sounded dangerous as the atmosphere around the room felt heavier. A shiver ran up Taeui's spine, his survival instincts kicked up and his body tensed up again. Ilay applied more pressure to his grip around Taeui.

The pressure was too much. Taeui could barely breathe and he felt he was going to be torn in half. Those long fingers he had seen piercing through a man's throat before were ready to tear through his skull. Unable to withstand such relentless pressure Taeui tried to trash against Ilay again, but despite his efforts nothing worked. 

This was it. Taeui was going to die at Ilay's hand like a part of him had always thought if Ilay didn't snap out of it. After this Alain then would go through with the contract. For a moment Taeui wondered if Ilay would quietly kill himself once he realised, or let the others kill him. Or would he go on a rampage killing everything in sight? It would be a problem if he did. But Taeui would be dead by then, so there was nothing he could do. 

A loud screeching scream ripped from Taeui's lips from the pain and in that instant, Ilay's hold on him eased enough for Taeui to push him away and step back. Their eyes met and time stopped. Despite the physical pain, Taeui felt numb. A raging headache drummed through his senses, and even though they had been together for so long, at that time it seemed Taeui didn't know Ilay at all. He couldn't understand nor name all the emotions seeping through the storm reflected in Ilay's eyes. 

Ilay stood there, staring at Taeui, his arm outstretched as if it wasn't a part of him anymore. He looked down and flexed his hands. For a moment, Taeui was certain that Ilay was going to grab him again. But he didn't. He looked up at Taeui again, lips pressed together, eyes narrowed. 

Ah, he is in pain. 

Taeui figured out some of the emotions in Ilay's eyes. Sadness, anxiety, uncertainty, anger and frustration. He took another step back and then another. Ilay lowered his hands and almost took a step towards him, but seeing Taeui flinch, he stopped. Ilay wanted to say something but when the words didn't leave his mouth, he pressed his lips together again. Since when was this beast at a loss for words? Taeui had a lot to say, but his mouth too didn't seem to be able to utter the words. Instead, he pressed his lips together, cleaned the tears falling on his face and turned around. 

This time Ilay didn't pull him back. 

Taeui went back to his room and straight to the bathroom. He let the water falling on him wash away the rest of the tears. He was so out of it that he couldn't tell if the water was warm or cold. Nor how long he stayed in there. He barely registered when his sobs grew louder that even the water couldn't hide them anymore. 

After his shower, Taeui sat at the small desk he had in his room staring at a white piece of paper. It was hard to start writing but once he did, it felt liberating almost. So he wrote a letter to his brother, explaining why he was writing a letter at all and in the end, he asked his brother not to hate Ilay despite everything. After putting his letter inside the envelope with Jeong Jaeui's name on it, Taeui wrote another letter to his uncle. 

There was a sense of peace as he wrote each letter, remembering the good times. He also wrote a small one to Kyle and Christoph. And another for Rita and Peter. He didn't believe Ilay would really kill him, but a part of him felt better by writing those letters, he could say things that were too embarrassing to say face to face. It was night time and even though he had another letter to write, his hand felt heavy. 

The next day, at the break of dawn, Taeui went down to the kitchen and found Ilay there fully dressed in dark clothes. Their eyes met but no one spoke. 

'So I wasn't the only one who slept badly. Did he have another nightmare?' thought Taeui seeing Ilay's haggard eyes, despite his clean-cut posture and look. Taeui sat down waiting for Ilay to finish making himself a cup of coffee. He was still deciding if he wanted a cup of tea to ease his troubled mind or a cup of coffee to keep him alert. But when Ilay walked away from the coffee machine he had two mugs. He handed one to Taeui while he drank the other standing. Yes, being alert in the morning would be better for today. Ilay's stare was piercing and cold and for a moment Taeui wondered if his drink had poison, but quickly disregarded it, if Ilay wanted to kill someone he would do it with his own hands.

"I have an urgent job."

Taeui looked up at Ilay who talked as if nothing had happened but did not meet his eyes. There was nothing else to say. He nodded. Ilay clicked his tongue and turned away heading to the door. 

"So you're running away," Taeui murmured amid his confused thoughts. He didn't mean to say it out loud, but it so happened. Ilay stopped and turned to glare at him, a glare so fierce he almost felt it pierce his heart. Ilay clicked his tongue again and punched the door breaking it apart, and walked away.