PTSD Military Chaplain of the Academy

The stars embedded in the night sky are beautiful. I exhaled a thick cloud of cigarette smoke towards those unattainable glimmers.

The refreshing scent of mint from the cigarette smoke relieved my frustration. Even as the bright gray smoke puffed and swirled up, it was sad that it couldn’t obscure the twinkling starlight.

I rubbed the short stub against the ashtray. With a crackling sound, a spark flew for a moment.

Suddenly.

I turned to look at the source of the noise.

“Am I disturbing you?”

It was Meijhem. With a bottle of liquor in one hand and two glasses filled with ice in the other, he plopped down on the chair next to me. I slowly shook my head.

“No, not at all.”

“Why are you sitting out here in such a gloomy place, staring at the night sky? You’re the main character of the day, after all.”

“It’s a clear night sky tonight.”

“And?”

“The stars are quite visible. It has a certain charm.”

“Well….”

Meijhem poured liquor into the large glass filled with ice. I set the glass he handed me on the table.

“Even though we had a meal together last time, it’s still nice to see your face.”

“Is that so?”

“Yeah. If we hadn’t run into each other while passing near the Academy that day, we might have never met for a lifetime since I didn’t know your address.”

“Surely it’s the Lord’s grace.”

“Yes, it is.”

Meijhem took out a cigarette. I naturally lit it for him.

Watching Meijhem blow out cigarette smoke, I also placed a cigarette in my mouth. When I popped the filter and lit it, Meijhem looked at me with wide eyes.

“You’re smoking now?”

“Yes, well… it just happened.”

A white stick made of tobacco leaves, a filter, and paper. It slowly started to burn from the end, beginning to exhaust its life. I silently watched it.

As the mint-scented smoke billowed out, Meijhem wrinkled his nose in a peculiar expression.

“It’s a cigarette that Helena used to smoke.”

“…….”

“You, still….”

“Do you see that star?”

My hand pointed to a single star. Following the tip of my finger, a brightly glowing yellow star came into view.

“What’s that star’s name?”

“Well, I’m not sure.”

I almost said ‘Helena’ but swallowed those words. It was a pitiful thought.

“It resembles Helena’s hair color, doesn’t it? Doesn’t it?”

“…….”

However, Meijhem spoke first. I could only silently nod.

“You must still miss Helena. I understand.”

“Thank you.”

“Did you love Helena a lot?”

My body stiffened. I fumbled my lips for a moment before finally separating them with effort.

“Love… wasn’t just a simple romantic feeling.”

“Does that mean you respected her as a human?”

“Something like that. Still, if you ask me if I loved Helena… yes. I loved her, and I still do. Foolishly.”

“Love is always foolish.”

I looked back at him in silence. Meijhem was still gazing at the night sky.

“I was the same back then. I had a foolish love that was hard to fulfill and faced bitter losses several times.”

“Is that so?”

“Yeah. But look. In the end, I conquered that love.”

“Are you talking about Mrs. Melissa?”

“Yeah. My wife, Melissa. She was so prickly when I first met her.”

Meijhem’s lips curled slightly upwards. It seemed he was recalling the past.

“Though the synonym for love is foolishness, do you know another name for it?”

“I don’t know.”

“Trials. Trials.”

The star-lit Meijhem’s eyes sparkled. I turned my gaze to the night sky in silence.

“Foolishness and trials. Both must exist in every love.”

“…….”

“Depending on how you use those two, your future changes.”

“I’ve already messed that up.”

“True. Sometimes, there are loves that can never be fulfilled.”

Meijhem turned his body. Beyond the entrance of the balcony, I could see people chattering animatedly in the pub.

The balcony and the pub seemed to show two different worlds. That noisy atmosphere felt out of place.

“That girl over there.”

Meijhem pointed to someone. With emerald eyes sparkling, Sofia Sub-priest was there, listening intently to what Dennis had to say.

“She resembles Helena. Especially when she smiles… I see why you take her around.”

“Is that so?”

“But please don’t think of that girl merely as a substitute for Helena. It could hurt her deeply.”

“I’m being careful enough.”

“Father Antorelli. Bringing that girl to this place itself shows you’re not being careful enough.”

That was a piercing remark. I closed my eyes tightly. There was nothing wrong with what he said.

Deep down, it was true that I had projected Helena onto Sofia Sub-priest. There was no room for excuses.

“She’s a good girl. She seems to follow you especially well. She must have been a great help during the journey here.”

“That’s right.”

If it hadn’t been for Sofia Sub-priest, I wouldn’t be here. I didn’t deny that.

“Don’t repay that selfless kindness with a sharp dagger.”

“But, Helena….”

“Helena’s matters belong solely to Helena.”

Don’t try to connect Helena and Sofia Sub-priest. Meijhem was saying that.

“And your matters are for you to forge.”

Meijhem raised his glass. The liquor that had adequately mixed with the melting ice had dilated its strong alcohol scent. I lifted my glass along with him.

“But… let’s put aside those complicated things and enjoy today.”

“Alright.”

A small smile escaped. I clinked my glass against his.

Clang!

“To the brave warriors of the Phoenix Battalion who cannot be here with us.”

“…and to Helena.”

A sip of liquor rested in my mouth. The flavor was…

Certainly, not bitter.

* * * * *

“Sofia Sub-priest. It’s time to wake up.”

“Kuul….”

“Sofia Sub-priest.”

Sofia Sub-priest was completely passed out. Carrying her on my back, I eventually gave up trying to wake her and silently moved towards the Academy.

“Phew….”

I strained to hold onto my fading vision. A deep sigh heavy with the smell of alcohol escaped from Sofia Sub-priest’s mouth. I couldn’t help but marvel at just how much she must have drunk.

I knew she was sociable… but what on earth had she and Dennis discussed? She had been chatting with the people around her, including Dennis, until I came back with Meijhem from the balcony.

“Umm….”

Sofia Sub-priest stirred her body. Her warm breath escaped from her mouth, tickling my nape.

“Uhh… uh…?”

“…Are you awake now?”

“Uh… Head Priest….”

When I turned to meet her gaze, Sofia Sub-priest blinked for a moment, trying to understand the situation. I shook her limp body a bit and spoke.

“How much did you drink? You can’t even keep your body upright.”

“Ugh… I’m sorry….”

“Now, walk by yourself.”

“Y-Yes? Oh, wait…?”

Sofia Sub-priest, who had been on my back, began to look around with a puzzled expression. Soon, she realized she was on my back.

“Wha—!?”

She literally jumped off of me. I hurriedly grabbed her wrist.

“You could fall. Be careful.”

“W-Why am I… like this…?”

Sofia Sub-priest’s expression was one of pure shock. Grabbing her head as if trying to recall what she had done, she looked pitiful.

“Uh, I—sorry…. Sorry… what do I do? I think I went crazy…”

“Sofia Sub-priest. Let’s head back to the dorm. It’s getting late.”

“Ah, right… yes….”

Sofia Sub-priest staggered and walked beside me. I sighed and took her hand.

“You could fall.”

“Waaah… th-thank you….”

To be honest, carrying Sofia Sub-priest wasn’t difficult at all. She was quite small and light.

The problem was that I didn’t have her dorm key. Although it wouldn’t be hard to search her body.

As we kept walking, the alcohol would wear off a little, so it was better to help her walk rather than let her fall.

“Umm… Head Priest.”

“Did you call for me?”

“I heard from Dennis and some others….”

“What about?”

“Well, um… about you, Head Priest….”

“You’re talking about me?”

“Dennis said you were a person comparable to a saint….”

It seemed that she’d heard stories from the Great War era. I felt a little embarrassed and subtly turned my head away from her.

I didn’t need to hear how embellished Dennis and the others might have explained it.

Calling me a saint. I thought that brat Dennis had gone mad from drinking. My face began to feel hot.

“That’s nonsense. Don’t pay attention to such talk.”

“Hehe, you’re shy.”

“That’s not it.”

“Should I call you Saint from now on? What’s your baptismal name?”

“Benedict.”

“Saint Benedict the Head Priest.”

“…….”

I silently looked down at Sofia Sub-priest. She then slowly turned her head away as if trying to hide something from me.

But I already saw it. The glistening tear near her eye.

“Sofia Sub-priest. Why are you crying out of the blue?”

At my words, Sofia Sub-priest’s shoulders flinched and trembled. I pulled her closer to me and asked again.

“Why are you crying?”

“I’m not crying! Ah, I suddenly yawned… Ahh… ugh!”

Sofia Sub-priest feigned nonchalance. Eventually, she forced a yawn and suddenly clutched her jaw, making a crying face. Her tears that she had attempted to conceal became more visible.

“Ugh, my jaw….”

As I looked at her with a dumbfounded expression, Sofia Sub-priest boldly wiped away her tears.

“So why are you crying all of a sudden?”

“I’m not crying!”

“You were crying.”

“I wasn’t!”

“I must have misseen it.”

It felt trivial to be arguing with someone younger than me like this. I easily accepted her unreasonable insistence.

Then, Sofia Sub-priest hesitantly opened her mouth.

“Just….”

“Excuse me?”

“Just, tears came out because I was so happy. It’s been a while since I saw Head Priest smile like that….”

I nodded slowly. As I had felt before, there was a warm gentleness in her words.

“…Sofia Sub-priest.”

“Yes?”

“Thank you. For the past and in the future.”

“…I feel the same way.”

Sofia Sub-priest firmly held my hand. As I felt that warmth, I continued walking towards the Academy.

The stars hanging in the night sky were beautifully twinkling.

* * * * *

“Will he come today?”

“I think he will. He presided over the Sunday service last week.”

“He was a bit off on Friday. I wish he would have given us a heads-up beforehand.”

“Ah, that’s true.”

The classroom was noisy. And that was unusual.

Today was Tuesday morning. That meant it was the day for Professor Lucio Antorelli’s theology class.

It was quite unusual for the classroom to be this noisy right before Professor Antorelli’s class. The students were chatting away, filling the spacious classroom with various topics.

“Does anyone here attend the Sunday service last week?”

“My friend went, and he said the professor looked incredibly handsome!”

“What do you mean by that?”

As the chatter in the classroom gradually transformed into noise.

“29 minutes!”

With someone exclaiming this, the students’ gazes split in two directions.

Half of the students looked toward the front door of the classroom, while the other half gazed at the clock hanging on the wall. No one deviated from those two sights.

“Do you think he’ll come today…? I wonder if he’ll come with that hairstyle again.”

“Well, I’m sure that hairstyle looks better.”

Chloe, Elin, and Laura were no exceptions. The classroom quickly regained its silence.

The second hand ticked as it moved, and finally, when the clock’s hands pointed at 9:30 AM.

Creeeak—.

With not a second of error, the front door of the classroom opened smoothly. Someone entered through the door, stepping toward the podium.

Thud. Thud.

Contrary to the rumors, he appeared in his usual disheveled state. A few students showed slight disappointment.

Finally, standing in front of the lectern, he adjusted his glasses and slowly began to speak.

“Hello, everyone.”

As always, the cool-headed Professor Antorelli.

“It’s nice to see you after a week.”

Only after a long week of waiting did his class return.

It was the moment when the students’ eyes returned to life.

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