Reborn As The Duke’s Daughter: Noodle Apocalypse In Another World

Location.

The Drunken Ferret Tavern, Midnight

Boris the Bungler, a man whose career as an assassin could charitably be described as "disastrous," slumped over a table sticky with ale and regret. His résumé included.

Accidentally poisoning himself during a job interview.

Mistaking a mayor's pet parrot for his target.

Tripping into a bakery window mid-chase, resulting in a viral meme ("Carb-yssedian").

Across from him sat Marquess Vexley, his neon-green hair hidden under a hood, his voice a venomous hiss.

"100,000 gold coins. Eliminate the Evernight brat. No witnesses."

"Babies? I'm more of a… pigeon specialist. Ever seen a pigeon explode? Art."

"200,000. And a wig." He tossed a ratty toupee onto the table.

"...I'll need a map. And a snack."

Vexley slid over a napkin scribbled with crayon—allegedly a blueprint of Evernight Manor—and a "cursed rattle" that hummed ominously.

"Is this rattle… singing?" Boris inquired.

"It's enchanted to lull infants into eternal sleep. Just shake it near the crib."

"What if I… shake it accidentally?"

"Then you take a nap. Permanently."

Mission. Sneak into Evernight Manor.

Step 1: Scale the Wall

Boris approached the manor, his "stealth" outfit (black pajamas with cartoon ducks) blending perfectly with the moonless sky—until he tripped over a garden gnome.

"Who puts a gnome here?!"

The gnome was painted to resemble Aunt Seraphina, the Pirate Queen, winking.

He scaled the ivy-choked wall, only to get tangled like a fly in a spider's web.

"Stupid… plants…"

Ivy Plants: (Whispered in leafy smugness.) "Skill issue."

Step 2: Disable the Guards

Boris peeked into the courtyard, where two guards played cards.

"I swear, Lady Evangeline's mark glowed when I farted yesterday."

"Prophetic gas? New bet, 50 coins she weaponizes it."

Boris tossed a sleeping powder pellet—a guaranteed "10-second knockout!"—but the wind blew it back into his face.

"Why does my luck taste like… cinnamon?" (Collapsed snoring into a hedge.)

Step 3: Locate the Nursery

After waking up with leaves in his teeth, Boris stumbled into the kitchens, drawn by the scent of fermenting kimchi. Inside, Chef Marcel hunched over a bubbling cauldron, muttering to his "ramyeon starter culture."

"Soon, my beauty… the duke will beg for your spicy embrace…"

Boris, mistaking the cauldron for a demonic artifact, panicked and knocked over a jar of chili flakes.

Marcel shouted as he saw Borris.

"INTRUDER! DEFEND THE BROTH!" He lunged with a ladle, splashing Boris with molten kimchi broth.

"MY EYES! WHY IS SPICE A WEAPON?!" Borris wailed while cleaning his eyes.

2:00 AM inside the nursery.

Evangeline slept peacefully, her prophecy mark pulsing gently. On her crib, Lord Whiskerton licked his paws, ears twitching at Boris's clumsy approach.

Boris slowly opened the door producing a creaking sound.

"Okay, baby. Let's make this qui—"

While Whiskerton the families cat looks at him intently and said.

"Leave. Now." Tail flicking like a metronome of doom.

"Talking… cat?" Borris muttered.

"Talking failure. Your breath reeks of kimchi and shame." Whiskerton replied.

Boris shook the cursed rattle. "Sweet dreams, brat!"

The rattle's enchantment flared—but Evangeline's pacifier glowed, activating Brother Dante's "K-pop Defense Protocol."

Suddenly Holographic EX' ACT members materialized, dancing Growl in sync.

The crib rattled to the beat.

Boris froze, mesmerized. "Why are they… so sparkly?"

Evangeline woke up, clapping."Goo!" Translation: "K.O's abs are a weapon."

Whiskerton sighed while shaking his head.

"Pathetic." He swiped Boris's "silent" dagger, still dripping kimchi broth, and batted it into the cauldron.

The dagger erupted in a geyser of spicy steam, drenching Boris and triggering a smoke alarm enchanted to scream "FIRE IN THE HOLE!"

"I HATE THIS FAMILY!" Boris exclaimed while dusting himself.

He fled, tripping into a laundry chute labeled "Moar Problems."