Reverend Half Insanity (Beta version)

Why am I writing this Fan Fiction(Reverend Half Insanity)?

"Fang Yuan is my god, my everything. I worship Fang Yuan with all of my heart and soul.

I live to serve Fang Yuan, every breath I take is for Fang Yuan, every beat of my heart is for Fang Yuan. I have no other purpose in life, no other reason to exist aside from Fang Yuan. Fang Yuan is my life, my world, my reason to be.

No one else matters but Fang Yuan, no other god compares to Fang Yuan, no other person is worth worshipping except for Fang Yuan.

Fang Yuan is like a beacon of hope in my life of despair, he is the only shining light in the darkness. I will be forever grateful to Fang Yuan for showing me true greatness, I will never forget his kindness.

Fang Yuan is not just a master, not just a friend, not just a lover, Fang Yuan is my everything. To Fang Yuan I owe the very right to exist, I will devote my entire life to repay him, no matter the cost.

To the outside world, I may seem like a crazy madman, but in reality, I am just faithfully following my god, Fang Yuan."

Click here to see the screenshot of the actual comment.

What do you think about the comment I mentioned earlier? It wasn't mine—it was written by someone who worships Fang Yuan, not just as a fan of Reverend Insanity, but as if he were a deity. At first glance, you might think this person is a hardcore fan, perhaps even a fanatic. And maybe that's true. But let me tell you my story—a story of how Fang Yuan, a fictional character, once consumed me, shattered my world, and left me to pick up the pieces of my broken self.

When I finished Reverend Insanity for the first time, my mind was in a far worse state than the person mentioned before. Back then, I was young and naive, unaware of the world's darker side. Fang Yuan didn't just challenge my beliefs—he shattered them. He broke my understanding of life itself.

I became obsessed with Fang Yuan's ideology. I worshipped him like a god, even though he was just a character. The result was terrifying. I grew cold, indifferent, even toward my own family. My mother, who is deeply religious and devoted, bore the brunt of it. The love, respect, and warmth I once felt for her vanished. I can still remember how cruelly I treated her during that time. Yet, despite everything, she never stopped loving me. But I? I lost all sense of love, trust, and respect—not just for her, but for everyone around me.

Fang Yuan's philosophy—cold, calculating, ruthless—didn't just resonate with me. It consumed me. His worldview became mine. I was so deep in that survival-of-the-fittest mindset that I didn't even recognize myself anymore. Even now, when I look back, it fills me with horror. How could I have let a story, a character, twist me so completely? It's a chilling reminder of how fragile our minds can be.

I can't remember how many months or even years I stayed trapped in that dark, twisted state of mind. By then, I had grown older, wiser, and more aware of the world's harsh realities. I had seen enough to understand how cruel life could be. And then, after all that time, I decided to read Reverend Insanity again. I finished it a second time, but this time, something was different.

The intensity I once felt toward Fang Yuan had faded. He was still my favorite character—no one could replace him in my heart—but I no longer saw him as a god to worship. He was just a character, but one I deeply admired. My mind had cleared, and my heart had healed. I was in a much better place, and the shadows that once consumed me had lifted.

It's strange how time changes us. Back when I read Reverend Insanity for the first time, Fang Yuan's ruthlessness had taken over my thoughts, but as I finished it for the second time, I could appreciate him without losing myself. I had grown, and so had my perspective. The world still had its darkness, but I no longer let it define me.

Then, after months or maybe years, I decided to read Reverend Insanity for the third time. By then, I had grown even more—older, wiser, and more aware of the harsh truths of the world. I thought I knew what to expect, but this time, something shifted inside me. As I read, I began to see Fang Yuan in a completely different light. The flaws in his character, his actions, and even his so-called "logic" started to stand out like glaring cracks in a once-perfect statue.

Take the scene where Fang Yuan finds a wild boar in Wang Er's traps and tries to steal it. When Wang Er catches him, Fang Yuan immediately attacks without a second thought. Gu Zhen Ren tries to justify this with layers of logic, but the truth is, it doesn't hold up. Old Man Wang bows to Fang Yuan the moment he sees him because Fang Yuan is dressed as a Gu Master. So, why didn't Fang Yuan just use that to his advantage? Why not stay calm, look at them, and simply order them to hunt more boars for him? Wouldn't they have obeyed out of fear or respect for his status? If they hesitated, he could have intimidated them with his position or even the name of his clan. Wouldn't that have been a smarter, more logical approach? He could have gained more benefits, used them as tools, and avoided unnecessary conflict.

But no, Fang Yuan chose violence and chaos instead. And this is just one example. The more I read, the more I noticed hundreds of inconsistencies in his actions—illogical decisions disguised as brilliance. It's as if the story tries to paint him as this flawless, calculating genius, but when you look closer, the cracks are everywhere.

This third read changed everything for me. Fang Yuan is no longer a god to me, nor some larger-than-life ideological figure. Now, he's just my most favorite fictional character.

Now, I live far from home, completing my graduation. Distance has given me clarity but the effect of Reverend Insanity is still visible. My love for my family, especially my mother, has returned stronger than ever. Her unwavering faith and kindness have become a beacon for me. But this renewed love has come with a cost: a growing resentment toward my father. He is the opposite of my mother—anti-religious, dismissive, and often disrespectful toward her beliefs. Memories of his harsh words and actions have left a mark on me. My love for my mother has, in some ways, transformed into a quiet anger toward him. I don't hate him, but I've built walls. His decisions, his presence—they no longer hold weight in my life. This duality—love for my mother and detachment from my father—has become a pivotal force in shaping my own narrative.

At university, I've immersed myself in philosophy, exploring both the darkest and brightest perspectives humanity has to offer. From nihilism to existentialism, from stoicism to humanism, I've studied it all. These teachings have reshaped my worldview, allowing me to understand Reverend Insanity on a deeper level. I see now that Fang Yuan's philosophy, while compelling, is not absolute. It's one perspective among many—a perspective that once broke me but also, ultimately, helped me rebuild myself.

There's a saying that resonates deeply with me: The love or belief that is built by breaking becomes unbreakable. And it's true. My love for my mother, my faith, even my sense of self—they were shattered, but in their rebuilding, they've become stronger than ever.

Do I hate Reverend Insanity? No, I don't. In fact, I owe it something profound. It was through this story that I was able to rebuild my love, my beliefs, and even my sense of self—by first shattering everything I thought I knew. It tore down the walls of my old worldview, my old understanding of life, and left me standing in the rubble. But from that chaos, I built something stronger, something unshakable.

There's a strange power in destruction. When love and belief are born from the ashes of what was broken, they become unbreakable. Reverend Insanity didn't just challenge me—it forced me to confront the darkest parts of myself and the world. And in doing so, it gave me the tools to rebuild, to grow, and to understand what truly matters.

So no, I don't hate it. I respect it with my heart. It was the storm that cleared the path for something stronger, something real. And for that, I'll always be grateful.

For all these reasons, I've decided to create a fanfiction of Reverend Insanity—one that will directly counter the philosophy of the original story. But let me make one thing clear: this isn't just another piece of fiction. It's a counter-narrative. A rebellion. A deliberate pushback against the toxic, ruthless ideologies that once consumed me. Writing this fanfiction isn't just about creativity; it's about healing. It's my way of reclaiming what that story took from me—my sense of love, my beliefs, and my humanity.

When I rediscovered my love for my mother—a love that grew stronger, deeper, and more unshakable than ever—I knew I had to create something meaningful. Something that could stand as a challenge to the cold, calculating worldview that once held me captive. This fanfiction is my answer to Fang Yuan's extreme ideology. It's my way of saying that love, compassion, and connection are not weaknesses—they are the very things that make us human.

This story will be my healing, my fightback, and my way to make things right. It's not just a fanfiction—it's a statement. A reminder that even in a world that praises being cold and ruthless, there's still space for light, for love, and for hope. Through this, I want to heal myself and also give something meaningful to others who might have been stuck in the same dark place I was.

How determined am I? Let me tell you.

Since 2024, I've rewritten this story many times, trying out different themes and ideas. But none of them felt right—none of them satisfied me—until now. Finally, I have a version I'm truly proud of, one I'm ready to share. My dedication to this has been unshakable. I can't even remember the last time I opened a game on my laptop. I have over 500 GB of games sitting there, untouched, because all my focus has been on writing this fanfiction.

Balancing university life with writing hasn't been easy. Between academic pressure and dealing with frustrating seniors, it's been a struggle. But despite all that, writing this fanfiction has become my passion, my devotion, my love, and my excitement. Why? Because I want to rewrite my favorite character, Fang Yuan, in my own way. I want to see him as I've always dreamed of seeing him—reimagined, reshaped, and brought to life through my vision.

This isn't just a project for me. It's a mission. And I won't stop until I'm completely satisfied with it. Every word, every idea, every emotion must align with the vision I hold in my heart.

Why was Reverend Insanity banned? Let me share something deeply personal, something that happened just a few hours ago, which might help explain it from my own experience.

Today was exhausting. I had an exam followed by classes, and by the time I got back to my room, I was completely drained. I silenced my phone and fell into a deep sleep, unaware of the world around me. But my mother, who calls me every day—many times—to check on me, grew worried when I didn't answer. She called me non-stop for hours, her anxiety growing with each unanswered ring. When I still didn't pick up, she called my friend and asked him to check on me. He came to my door, knocking repeatedly, but I was so deep in sleep that I barely noticed. Finally, the knocking grew loud enough to wake me, and I opened the door, confused and groggy.

When I finally spoke to my mother, her voice was filled with fear, as if she thought something terrible had happened to me. I tried to reassure her, telling her not to worry, but she shouted with desperation, "You will never understand the feelings of a mother! Next time, always call me before you sleep!" Her worry wasn't irrational. The political situation in my country is unstable—every day brings new violence and unrest. A few months ago, when students across the country protested and overthrew the previous government, thousands of students were killed by government forces and their allies. Even though the current government is trying to stabilize everything, hidden forces of the previous regime remain active in every sector, including universities. Despite being banned, many of their leaders are now outside the country, armed with money and influence, and they're working to destabilize the current government by ordering their followers to incite violence.

My mother's fear was not just about the chaos outside—it was about the love she carries for me, a love so deep that it keeps her awake at night, a love that refuses to let go even when the world feels like it's falling apart. In her voice, I heard the weight of a mother's heart, a heart that beats for her child no matter how far apart we are.

This incident made me reflect on my own journey with Reverend Insanity. When I finished the novel for the first time, I was young and immature. Its philosophical impact on me was devastating. It made me cold, indifferent, and distant—even toward my mother, who loved me deeply. The love, respect, and warmth I once felt for her had faded away. I can still remember how cruelly I treated her during that time. Yet, despite everything, her love for me never wavered. Meanwhile, I had lost all sense of love, trust, and respect—not just for her, but for everyone around me.

You might think I'm exaggerating, but this was my truth. It really happened to me. And I hope that anyone going through a similar philosophical turmoil—especially the young man whose comment I shared earlier—finds their way back to themselves, just as I did. I hope they rebuild their heart, their love, and their humanity by breaking free from the cold, detached mindset that once consumed me.

This is why I believe Reverend Insanity was banned. Its ideas, while compelling, can be dangerously transformative, especially for young, impressionable minds who can't differentiate between fiction and reality. And this is also why I'm writing my fanfiction—to counter those ideas, to offer a different perspective, and to remind others that love, compassion, and connection are worth holding onto, no matter how dark the world may seem. Or even how cruel you are.

So, in this novel, you will see the boundless love of Fang Yuan alongside his horrifying cruelty. It's a duality I want to explore—a reminder that even in the darkest hearts, there's room for light. And perhaps, through this story, I can help others find their way back to what truly matters.

From my own experience, I can say—

Love or belief, once shattered and rebuilt, becomes unyielding and unbreakable.