Rick and The Loud House

Rick and the Loud siblings were in the dining room, eating breakfast. Lynn Sr. and Rita were absent as they had gone for a week-long summer vacation, leaving Rick in charge of the house. As she ate her cereal, Lori had a dour look on her face as she had been in a bitter mood as of late. "Are you okay, Lori?" Leni suddenly asked.

"Hmm?" Lori looked up from her cereal. "I'm fine, Leni."

Everyone then heard knocking at the door. Leni stood up. "Oh! I'll get it." She ran over and opened the door, only to yipe and jump back as a large, brain-resembling thing with metal parts in it floated into the house and into the dining room.

An automated voice then came from it as Leni followed it back into the dining room. "Delivery for the Loud family."

Lola dropped her spoon in disgust. "Eww! What is that thing?"

"It looks awesome!" Lana remarked.

"It's a Courier Flap, it's like the intergalactic version of UPS but less off-putting." Rick explained as he reached his hand inside the courier before retrieving a metallic, egg-shaped item. "OH SHIEEET! It looks like an egg-vite from Birdperson! It must be time for his annual Oscar party. By the way, our TV signals take lightyears to reach his planet, nobody tell him that Braveheart wins."

Rick cracked the egg open as a miniature hologram emerged from it. Upon seeing images of both Birdperson and Tammy coming from it, Rick started to frown. "Greetings, this is Birdperson." Birdperson's voice came from it.

"And Tammy!" Tammy's voice then added.

"Inviting you to Planet Squanch for our mate-melding ceremony." Birdperson's voice continued.

"Ughhhh..." Rick groaned in disgust as he placed a napkin over the hologram and went over to dump it into the bin.

Before he dumped it in, Lori managed to hear Tammy say. "If you're not a bird, that means we're getting married!"

"Tammy and Birdperson are getting married?!" Lori exclaimed in shock.

Leni squealed. "That is totes romantic!"

"Would you like to RSVP or send a gift?" The Courier Flap asked.

"No." Rick replied. "Weddings are basically funerals with cake. If I wanted to watch someone throw their life away, I'd hang out with Lori's boyfriend all day."

"Excuse me?" Lori snapped.

"Affirmative. Returning to sender." The Courier Flap then floated towards the front door.

"Wait, hold on a moment, Courier Flap!" Lincoln called out.

The Courier Flap turned around and went back into the dining room. "Staying."

"Grandpa Rick, why don't you want to go to Birdperson's wedding? Isn't he your best friend?" Lincoln asked.

"Uhhhh, l-l-let's not get carried away, Lincoln." Rick responded.

"Confirm, shipping Lincoln." The Courier Flap suddenly said before it hovered over Lincoln and fully shoved him into its underside before flying away through the open front door and into sky.

"Lincoln!" All the sisters cried out, apart from Lily who was just confused by the whole ordeal, as they ran outside after the Courier Flap. As it flew into space, the sisters could barely hear Lincoln crying out in fear.

Lori ran back inside. "Where is it taking him?"

"I assume Planet Squanch, 6000 lightyears across the galaxy." Rick replied, still eating his cereal.

"What?!" That's insane!" Lori screeched.

"Yeah, I know. Now we have to go to the wedding."

...

As Lori and the rest of her sisters got themselves ready for the wedding, Lori tried not to think about Lincoln as Rick had assured them that he'll be safe. However, Lori soon found herself thinking about Tammy. She and Tammy had been close friends since elementary school. While she respected the relationship she had made with Birdperson, despite the age difference, she hadn't expected Tammy to just go off and marry an alien. Especially since she had only known him for about four months since meeting at that party in April. Lori thought she had gotten used to these weird events happening in her life but even this seemed a bit too much to swallow. She wondered what her other friends thought about this as she then decided to text Carol, someone who had also been Tammy's friend since elementary school, despite Lori and her's rivalry.

Lori: Hey Carol

Carol: Hi Lori

Lori: Can you believe that Tammy is actually getting married to Birdperson?

Carol: WHAT?! SERIOUSLY?

Lori: Didn't you know?

Carol: This is the first I've heard of it

Carol: Hang on a moment

Lori frowned. As strange as this already was, it was even stranger that none of her other friends knew about this. In fact, why didn't she tell them until the last minute. A short moment later, Lori received another text from Carol.

Carol: Okay, nvm. Apparently the invitation is on its way

Lori supposed the invitation was just late. Still, she couldn't help but question Tammy's decisions. She decided she'd talk to Tammy about this when she arrived at Planet Squanch. A while later, she received another text from Carol.

Carol: OMG WHAT IS THAT THING?!

Lori supposed a Courier Flap had arrived at her house. She couldn't help but chuckle, imagining how Carol would have reacted to that.

...

Planet Squanch was a planet with a cloudy, blue sky, red grass and strangely, furry buildings. Since everyone squeezing inside the cruiser would have made for an unpleasant ride, Rick simply used his portal gun to get them there. Apart from Rick, all of the sisters had dressed themselves up for the wedding. Luan had even cleaned her hair up, which now resembled a jester's hat. At the place where they arrived at, Squanchy, who was now wearing a bowtie, was there to greet them. "Rick Sanchez, you psycho bag of squanch!"

"Hey, what's up, Squanchy?" Rick greeted as he took a sip from his flask.

"Hi, Squanchy!" All the sisters greeted.

"Luna! Lori! Girls! You all made it!" Squanchy then frowned before turning to Rick. "Hey, where's your son and his squanch?"

"They're on vacation. I-I wouldn't worry about them. They probably wouldn't have added much to this anyway." Rick explained.

"What about Lincoln?"

"He's on the way."

Squanchy then noticed Lily, who was being carried by Lori. She was wearing the cutest little white dress. "Aww, what a squanchy little squanch!"

"Like, what does squanch mean?" Leni asked. She was currently holding a suit in a dry cleaning bag.

"It depends on the context, Leni." Rick explained. "You just say what's in your squanch and people understand."

Leni scratched her head. "But, I don't know what's in my squanch." She then gasped. "Was I suppose to bring a squanch?"

Squanchy gave Rick an odd look. "Is she okay?"

"She's fine." Rick stated. "You just have to be really literal with her."

Squanchy shrugged before walking off, gesturing for them to follow him. "Come on in, guys. The guest are having cocksquanches."

Rick and the sisters all followed after him, apart from Leni, who lingered behind, still trying to figure out what a squanch was. At that moment, a Courier Flap then flew by and dropped off Lincoln onto the ground next to Leni. He groaned as he laid on the ground, covered in some kind of green goo. Leni gave him a look of concern. "Linky! Are you okay?"

"I'm alright." Lincoln said as he got up. "I never want to do that again though."

Leni smiled and held up the suit. "Great! We're at Tammy and Birdperson's wedding so I need you to clean up and put this on quickly!"

...

After Lincoln had gotten ready, Squanchy led everyone to the outdoor meet up party where they could see all of Birdperson's friends and relatives. They could even recognise most of them as Rick's friends that had come to his party. The only one of Rick's friends that wasn't able to attend was Mr. Poopybutthole, who had recently just had his own wedding and was currently on his honeymoon. As everyone split up to mingle with the other guests, Lori soon spotted Carol, who was wearing a purple dress. As they each saw each other, they both screamed in joy and ran towards each other for a hug. "I can't believe you made it!" Lori said as she let Carol go.

Carol grimaced. "It...wasn't exactly a fun ride." She went back to smiling. "Still, can't believe Tammy's really getting married."

"I know right?"

The two then heard another scream as Tammy ran towards them to give them a hug. She was currently wearing a cream coloured dress. "I'm so happy you both made it!"

"You know we wouldn't have missed this for the world." Lori stated. Lori then noticed the pine cone on Tammy's finger. "That's a...nice ring."

Tammy smiled. "Thanks. It was Birdperson's grandmother's. She fought a squirrel for it."

Lori then started to look around. She didn't see any of Tammy's other friends here. "So, are we literally the only ones you invited?"

Tammy sighed. "Yeah. This is a really important day for me. I thought it might've been best to just invite my closest friends."

Lori and Carol gave each other concerned glances before Lori spoke. "Tammy, I wanted to ask...are you sure you know what you're doing?"

"Yeah, this seems a little quick. We just hope you're not making a mistake." Carol added.

Tammy gave them a confidant smile. "Oh, don't worry. I know exactly what I'm doing."

Lori glanced at Carol again before sighing. "Well, if you're so certain than...I one hundred percent support you in this."

Carol nodded. "Yeah, me too."

Tammy frowned for a moment before smiling again. "Thanks, girls. Oh and Lori, I know this is a little late to ask but since this wedding's already pretty unconventional...would you be my maid of honor?"

Lori gasped. "Tammy...of course I'll do it!"

Meanwhile, Birdperson approached Rick, Lincoln and Luan as they left gifts at the gift table. He was currently wearing some kind of red mask with a feather sticking out from the top. "Rick, I am pleased you and your family could witness my melding with Tammy."

Lincoln grinned. "No way were we gonna miss this! This looks like the craziest wedding ever!"

"Yeah, I just hope you got a pre-meld." Rick responded.

Luan elbowed him in annoyance. "Rick!"

"What?! It's just a practical way of making sure that when she's done with you, you can get one of your balls back."

"Geez Rick, why don't you tell us how you really feel about the wedding?" Luan snarked.

"Gladly. It sucks." Rick then stormed off.

Lincoln gave Birdperson an apologetic look. "Sorry about that."

Birdperson didn't show any reaction to Rick's words. "It is okay Lincoln. I understand how Rick feels."

As Lynn and Lana went to play with the other children while Lola was showing off her pink dress to the aliens and Lucy was starting conversations with them, Leni was sat down, playing with Lily before the only other two humans at the party approached her. Tammy's parents. Her mother was a blonde woman wearing a red dress while her father was a brunette wearing a suit. "Aww, what a cute baby." The mother gushed.

"You two must be Lori's sisters." The father said, shaking Leni's hand.

"We're Tammy's parents...Pat and Donna Guetermann." Donna continued as she shook Leni's hand.

"Hi! I'm Leni." Leni greeted. "Say, did you two bring your squanches? I'm not sure if I forgot mine." Pat and Donna gave each other confused glances.

Rick was at the bar, being served by a blue, dinosaur-like alien. Lincoln approached him. "Grandpa Rick, don't you think you should give Birdperson a bit more support? It is his big day after all."

"Birdperson's big day, Lincoln, was at Blood Ridge on Glapflap's third moon against the gromflomites!" Rick slurred, already drunk. He then gestured to the party. "This? This is a losing battle."

Lincoln put his hands on his hips. "I don't get it. What's so bad about Birdperson getting married anyway?"

"You'll understand when you're older Lincoln." Rick replied. "Word of advice though, don't try to give advice about something you know nothing about."

Lincoln then left in a huff as Rick rested his head on the bar table. A moment later, Rick then noticed that Lisa had taken a seat next to him. "Greetings, Grandpa Rick."

"What do you want Lisa."

"I've noticed that your thoughts relating to Birdperson's wedding have primarily been negative."

"Gee, how could you tell?" Rick snarked.

"To be frank, I actually agree with your views on marriage." This got Rick's attention as he lifted his head up. "I fail to see much of a point to it beyond honouring some old, out of date traditions."

"Least someone gets it." Rick mumbled.

"However, I also fail to see what your current attitude would achieve beyond gaining everyone's ire. For the sake of everyone here, would it not be best to simply put those feelings aside and put on a pleasant face? After all, Birdperson is your friend and from my experience, friends are there to make things better."

Despite his drunken state, Rick could still see the point Lisa was making. It's not as if anyone here was going to listen to him anyway. He may as well just behave. He grumbled to himself before eventually saying. "Fine."

Lisa smiled. "I knew you'd listen to reason." Lisa then left before Rick's head dropped down onto the bar table again.

"Yo, Birdperson dude!" Luna called out as she approached Birdperson at the catering table. "Hey, I was wondering, could you tell me about the times when you and Grandpa Rick hung out?"

"The road your grandfather and I walked together is soaked deeply with the blood of both friends and enemies." Birdperson responded.

"...Oh." Luna's smile dropped. She had been hoping to hear about the time they were in a band rather than this. "That's...brutal."

"It was. But the war in which we fought is far from over. We live our lives in hiding."

Something then clicked in Luna's head. "Is this because of that Galactic Federation I keep hearing about?"

Birdperson nodded. "Correct. The galactic government considers us terrorists. It's unwise of me to share these details, but I've become inebriated."

"It's okay brah. I'm actually a little tipsy myself." Luna admitted. No one seemed to have minded her taking one or two drinks.

"We have committed numerous atrocities in the name of freedom."

"But you did it all for a good cause though, right?" Luna asked.

"That is what I choose to believe."

...

The wedding was held during the evening under a beautiful, purple sky as it took place outside at the beach. Squanchy had been chosen to officiate it as he was now wearing a light brown robe. He spoke as Rick squeezed passed the guests in order to sit down. "In the name of the squanch, the six rivers, the four squanches, and the nine balls, I unite these two organisms in eternal squanch! Tammy, you may squanch your vows now."

"Birdperson..." Tammy inhaled sharply before getting out a note. "You are my seed, my worm, my earliness, and my lack of cats. I promise to be yours until your death."

"Aww..." Everyone went.

Lola sniffled as she dabbed at her eyes with a tissue. "It's so beautiful..." Lana rolled her eyes at her over dramatic twin. She had acted exactly the same at Mr. Poopybutthole's wedding.

"Nice." Squanchy remarked. "Birdperson."

"Tammy, I was approaching infertility when I met you, but there is still time. I am yours until my death."

"Aww..." Everyone went again, apart from Rick who instead groaned, still somewhat drunk.

"I now pronounce you squanch and birdperson!" Squanchy finished. Everyone began to cheer and applaud the newly married couple as they began to make out.

...

After the wedding, everyone went to the building where the wedding reception would take place. Tammy and Birdperson were in the centre of the room, sat high up on a giant nest. Hip hop music could be heard coming from the band that was hired to play for them. At his table, Lincoln was approached by a pale man in a black jacket. "I am not staring at you." The man said in a monotone voice. "I am a cyborg photographer. Just act natural. This is a candid shot. I don't require a camera so..."

Lincoln raised his hand to stop him. "I-It's okay. I don't want any photos."

"Sorry." The cyborg then went to talk to someone else. Lincoln wasn't too sure but he could've sworn that cyborg sounded like a somewhat famous animator turned let's player.

Lori tapped her glass with her tablespoon to get everyone's attention. "Attention everyone! I have something to say." Lori then looked to Tammy. "Tammy, we've literally been friends for as long as we've known each other. But when I found out about you getting married, I'll admit, I wasn't sure what to think. I thought this might be happening a little too soon. But...after seeing you two today, I can tell that you both really love each other. What I'm trying to say is I'm happy for you both and I wish you all the best!" Lori sat down as everyone lightly clapped for her. She noticed Tammy was smiling at her, however, to Lori, it looked like it was paining her to do so. Was she having second thoughts?

Before Lori could think any further about this, Rick then tapped his glass and stood up. "Uh, hi, everybody. I'm Rick." Rick got out a note and started to read from it. "You know, when I first met Birdperson, he was, uhh..." He trailed off before he crumpled up the note and started to ad-lib. Which was all part of the instructions he had left on the note. "Listen, I'm not the nicest guy in the universe because I'm the smartest. And being nice is something stupid people do to hedge their bets." Lori frowned upon hearing that. "Now, I haven't been exactly subtle about how little I trust marriage. I couldn't make it work and I could turn a black hole into a sun, so at a certain point, you got to ask yourself what are the odds this is legit and not just some big lie we're all telling ourselves because we're afraid to die alone? Because, you know, that's exactly how we all die... alone." A couple other siblings were starting to frown, muttering in disproval. "But... but...Here's the thing. Birdperson is my best friend and if he loves Tammy, well, then I love Tammy, too."

At that, everyone, including the siblings started applauding for Rick. Apart from Squanchy, who took off his friendship bracelet. Rick raised his glass. "To friendship, to love and to my greatest adventure yet...opening myself up to others."

"Cheers!" All of the siblings cheered as they clinked their glasses together. Rick had to admit, even if he was just putting on a happy face, this did feel kinda nice.

Tammy then stood up. "Thank you, Rick. That was beautiful. Gosh, I look around this room and I think, 'uh, Tammy, you're a high-school student from the planet Earth, and you're marrying a 40-year-old birdperson? Like, what?!'" Everyone laughed in response. "But then I think, you know, in a lot of ways, I'm not a high-school student from the planet Earth. In a lot of ways, what I really am..." Tammy's smile suddenly dropped as she got out a galactic federation badge. "Is a deep-cover agent for the Galactic Federation, and you guys are a group of wanted criminals and this entire building is, in a certain sense, surrounded."

Rick's mouth gaped open while everyone started to mutter amongst themselves in confusion. "Wait...what?" Lori muttered.

As Birdperson stared at her in confusion, Tammy then got out a large laser gun and aimed it at the guests. "Everyone here is under arrest for crimes against the Federation."

"L'Chaim!" Someone called out, drunkenly.

Birdperson stood up, which made Tammy aim the gun at him. "Tammy, what are you doing?"

"Sit your bird ass down!" Tammy threatened.

Birdperson's normally emotionless face turned into one of heartbreak. "Tammy?"

Tammy showed no hesitation as she fired at Birdperson multiple times before he fell out of the nest and onto the floor. He let out a weak caw as he died. "BIRDPERSON! NOOO!" Rick screamed as he grasped at his hair.

What then followed was an all out battle as the guests all got out their laser guns and started firing at both Tammy and her parents, who had gotten out their own guns. Rick went to take cover behind a plant while Leni grabbed a crying Lily before Luna flipped over the table as the siblings and Carol all hid behind it. Meanwhile, Lori was frozen in shock as she stayed sat down, staring at Tammy as she fired at the guests before Luna pulled her down behind the table. A group of gromflomite soldiers then crashed down from the ceiling glass before firing at the guests. "What the heck just happened?" Lincoln asked himself as he held a frightened Lana and Lola close to him.

As the battle raged on, Tammy jumped down from the nest, whacking one of the guests with the backend of her gun before continuing to fire. Rick then kicked over another table and hid behind it as he got out his portal gun. "Drop the portal gun." Rick looked up to see Tammy aiming her gun at his head. He complied and dropped the gun onto the floor. "Slide it to the centre of the room." Tammy ordered. Before he did so, he opened a small compartment on the gun and pressed a button. "Somebody confiscate that and don't damage it. They'll want it at..." Before Tammy could finish her order, the portal gun suddenly created a portal underneath it that sucked in the nearby gromflomites before exploding in a white flash that caused temporary blindness and deafness to those nearby, including Tammy, who stared around wide-eyed before rubbing her eyes.

Rick then took the opportunity to run off and quickly steal a laser gun from one of the gromflomites before firing at them, taking cover behind the stage where the band was playing. After regaining her sight and hearing, Tammy glared towards Rick before trying to make her way over to him, only to trip over a dead gromflomite. She took the gromflomite's gun before firing it at Rick, managing to destroy the gun that he was using. With not many other options at his disposal, Rick grabbed a nearby guitar before crying out a battle roar.

Before he could do anything though, he was suddenly grabbed by Squanchy. "There's no time to squanch! Get your family out of here! I got this." Squanchy then removed a tooth and opened it up before pouring a drop of green liquid from it into his mouth. Suddenly, he started mutating into a large, hulking beast as his fur turned to a dark shade of orange. He roared as he swiped one of the winged gromflomites aside like he was nothing. "How about a taste of my squanch?!" He growled in a deeper voice than usual as he kept swiping aside the gromflomites.

Meanwhile, Rick ran back to where his family and Carol had been hiding. "Come on! This way!" All of them got up and followed Rick, who was making his way outside the building.

Tammy stepped back in fear as the hulking Squanchy approached her. "Squanch this!" He stomped his foot with enough force to make Tammy fall over.

As he made his way out, Rick had managed to take another gun from a dead gromflomite as he shot at two gromflomites that were outside the building before getting into a ship resembling a van. The rest of the family and Carol got in from the back. As Rick started to set off, he looked back to see Tammy's parents chasing after them. However, their eyes were glowing red, with metallic parts having been revealed during the battle, revealing the two to be nothing more than cyborgs. "I got this!" Lynn shouted as she aimed some kind of gun at the robots. Unfortunately, all the gun did was fire confetti at them. "Dang it!"

"That's a confetti gun, you idiot!" Rick shouted as the robots grabbed hold of the ship, climbing inside just as it started to rise from the ground. "Hold on tight!" Rick then did a barrel roll, causing the buckets of worrms that were in the van to spill over. Pat accidentally slipped on one of the worms. He screamed as this caused him to fall out of the ship.

However, Donna had managed to reach Carol, wrapping her metalic hands around her neck. Luckily, Luan managed to spot a sharp knife among some cutlery as she stabbed the cyborg in the eye, causing her to scream before Luan kicked her out of the ship. Luan then closed the back doors.

They weren't in the clear yet as Rick could hear a siren coming from gromflomite's ship that was chasing after them. "God damn it! God damn it!" Rick pressed a button above him which caused all the worms to be fired out from behind the ship. The gromflomite's ship's windshield ended up getting covered in worms, causing the ship to crash into another ship, blowing up both of them. Finally in the clear, Rick flew out of the planet's atmosphere and into space.

As they flew into space, everyone finally had a moment of reprieve as the past couple events had finally started to sink in. "You kids okay?" Rick asked, being able to turn his chair around to look at them while the ship went on autopilot. "Kids?"

None of them were handling what just happened very well. Leni was trying to comfort a crying Lily, trying not to cry herself. Lisa was wide-eyed, lost deep in thought as she tried to make sense of what happened. Lana and Lola were both trembling and whimpering in fear. Lucy was silent as she stared down at the floor. Lincoln and Luna both had tears streaming down their faces as Birdperson's and possibly Squanchy's deaths finally hit them. Lynn had a deep scowl as she folded her arms and kept tapping her foot on the floor. Luan was taking some deep breaths, trying to calm herself after having stabbed Donna in the eye.

Lori was taking this harder than anyone. She stared into space as everything started to sink in. Her best friend, whom she had known for years, had revealed herself as some kind of agent for an alien government and had not only stabbed Lori in the back but had also attempted to kill her and her family. She could barely believe it. She didn't want to believe it. How was this even possible? Was she dreaming? She must be. People don't just turn out to be agents for galactic governments. That's just fantasy. Even if a lot of things that she had thought to merely be a fantasy for most of her life had turned out to be real in the last year alone. Next to her, Carol was taking it almost just as bad, rubbing her sore neck as she tried to make sense of what just happened. "Tammy was working for an alien government this whole time?" Carol muttered mostly to herself, though Lori could still hear her. "When did this happen? How is this even possible?!"

How was this even possible? At that moment, Lori knew exactly what the answer was. It was Rick. It must have been Rick. It's ALWAYS been Rick. He must have done something to Tammy to cause her to do this. A rage fueled scowl appeared on Lori's face as she then stood up and went to confront Rick. "What did you do to her?"

"Huh?"

"What did you do?!" Lori shouted. "Tammy wouldn't have done this for no reason. YOU must have done something to her!"

"Why would I want anything to do with Tammy?" Rick snapped back. "You think I give a shit about any of your friends? If anything, this is all your fault! If you didn't introduce that bitch to Birdperson in the first place, none of this would've happened! But no. Birdperson's dead all because you were BFFs with an intergalactic narc!"

Lori was now shaking with rage. "You...you..."

Lincoln approached Lori apprehensively. "Lori, please calm down."

"SHUT UP, LINCOLN, I JUST...just..." Lori hid her face behind her hands. Suddenly, she then put on a happy face. "It's fine. Everything's fine."

Everyone stared at her in confusion. "Uh...you okay dude?" Luna asked.

"Of course I'm fine!" A still smiling Lori answered. "Look, I know Tammy and she would never do this. That was probably a robot. Or a clone. Or an alien disguised as her or something. Everything's gonna be fine." Lori then went to sit back next to a slightly nervous Carol as everyone, including Rick, gave her looks of concern.

There was a moment of awkward silence before Lisa then cleared her throat. "Rick, you've told us about this Galactic Federation before but you haven't really explained what they are. May I ask that you enlighten us?"

"All the important points seem pretty clear, no?" Rick responded. "They think they control the galaxy, I disagree."

"Don't worry guys." Lori then said. "Once we get back home, I'm sure everything will go back to normal and we can just forget this ever happened."

"Yeah, about going home, we can't... ever." Rick then said.

"What?" Everyone shouted.

"Oh, these guys are looking for us now. Earth will be swarming with them."

"B...But...no. We need to go home." Lori stuttered.

"Look, anyone that wants to go back to Earth is free to go back to Earth. But here's what's gonna happen. Aliens bureaucrats are gonna arrest you. They're gonna put the intergalactic equivalent of jumper cables under your nuts and/or labia and hook them up to an alien car battery until you tell them where I am...which I guarantee you, you're not gonna know, which I guarantee they won't believe." At this point, Lola had started sobbing. "So who's homesick? By applause. Ladies? Anybody?"

"I wanna go home!" Lola cried. "I want my mommy and daddy!"

"Look, Lola, don't worry about your parents." Rick said, trying to talk in a comforting tone as he went to pick up Lola before bringing her back to his seat, letting her sit on his lap. "Once we find a place to stay, I'll go back to Earth and get your parents so they can live with us. Now don't worry about that any more. Ok?"

Lola sniffled, wiping her eyes. "Ok."

"Oh and uh, I guess I'll go get that other girl's parents too." He then looked at Carol. "Hey uh, what's your name again?"

"Carol." Carol responded. "I was your intern at that weird park of yours. Remember?"

Rick narrowed his eyes at her. "Right...hey you're not an agent too, are you?"

"Rick..." Lori growled in a warning tone.

"I'm just being careful." Rick argued. "You know thinking about it, this is a blessing in disguise. Fuck Earth. You guys realise our planet's name means dirt, right? We'll find a new world." Rick then got out a mini computer from his pocket. "Computer, how many planets in the milky way are at least 90% similar to Earth?"

The computer beeped for a moment before showing the number 765 on a purple screen. A female voice then came from it. "765 known planets." It said as Rick showed the screen to everyone.

"How many of those are outside federal jurisdiction?"

The computer started beeping again. "Three."

"See? Our cup runneth over. Now, who wants to go shopping for a brand-new mother fucking world?!" Rick cheered, pumping his fist. "All right!"

...

Soon, Rick had reached the first of the three planets. Like he said, the planet looked extremely similar to Earth. "Look at this baby! Would you even know that wasn't Earth?"

"If you're at all familiar with Earth's geography, then yes." Lisa stated.

Rick scoffed. "Whatevs. Let's go down and check her out." Rick brought the ship closer to the planet, only to suddenly bump into its ocean as it turned out to be a lot closer than it looked. Rick backed off. "Oh. I thought it was further away. I uh...I guess this one's a little small. All right, uh, maybe... maybe we should go check out the other two, huh?"

...

Rick flew his cruiser to the second planet, which seemed to be about the same size as Earth. "Ok, this one's bigger."

Rick landed the ship in some kind of forest as everyone started to get out. "This doesn't look so bad." Lincoln remarked.

Luna ran over to a strange plant she spotted. "Dudes! Check this out! It's strawberry on a cob!" Sure enough, there appeared to be strawberries growing from the cob as Luna took a bite out of it.

Lana then ran over, picking up another plant. "Whoa! Look at this! There's flowers on a cob!"

Lisa looked genuinely impressed. "Huh. I didn't think this kind of flora was even possible."

Carol narrowed her eyes as she noticed something strange in the distance. "Are those...mountains on a cob?"

The group then heard bird cawing coming from what appeared to be crows on a cob. "Oh my God..." Rick said before he picked up a nearby rocks on a cob which had ants on a cob crawling on it. He got out a hi-tech microscope and looked into it, zooming in to find what appeared to be amoebas on a cob. "Get in the ship." He suddenly ordered.

"Huh?" Lincoln asked.

"Get in the God damn ship!" Rick snapped, getting everyone's attention. "Everything's on a cob! The whole planet's on a cob! Go, go, go!" Upon hearing Rick's urgent tone, everyone ran back into the ship as Rick quickly set off and flew away from the planet.

...

"All right, third time's the charm. See what we got here." Rick said as the ship approached the last planet.

He landed the ship in an open field as everyone got out to take a look around. It appeared to be night time. "This seems okay." Lynn remarked.

"And there's nothing on a cob." Lucy added.

"Yeah, it's nice. I think this might be it." Rick said.

"Hey look! The sun's rising." Leni pointed out.

Everyone then watched the sunrise. The sun itself didn't seem too bright to look at. It also appeared to have a face. That was screaming. Continuously. It showed no signs that it was going to stop screaming any time soon. "Hey, Rick, small question. How long are the days on this planet?" Luan asked.

Rick got out his mini computer. "Uh, computer, how long are the days on this planet?"

"42 hours."

Rick went to stand in front of the group. "All right, well, those are the two choices 'cause cob planet is off the table. Now let's take a vote."

...

The miniature planet had won the vote almost unanimously were it not for Lucy voting for the planet with the screaming sun. Everyone worked together to build a log cabin as Rick had managed to snag a wireless TV from another planet. Everyone, apart from Lori who was sat in the corner, looking at photos on her phone, was watching the TV. Everyone had decided to give Lori space as she had been in a depressive state ever since they arrived at the planet the previous day. The TV was currently showing a news broadcast from the Federation as two wingless gromflomites were on screen. "Well, it's official." The male newscaster started. "The obscure planet known as Earth, formerly the hiding place of interstellar terrorist and fugitive Rick Sanchez, has just become the 6,048th planet to join the Galactic Federation."

"The plucky little ball of water and dirt, which is where it gets its name, is dominated by seven billion primate-descended natives who love to eat spaghetti and pray to kangaroos." The female newscaster said before turning to her partner. "Spaghetti, kangaroos? I've got to check this place out."

The two shared a laugh before the male newscaster continued. "Well, you can. Contact the ministry of tourism for details. Up next, teenagers are calling it" He made a strange growling and squealing sound. "And it's not what you think."

Lucy then turned the TV off. "Hey, what did you do that for?" Lynn asked.

"Dramatic effect."

Rick then came in, wearing a red coat and carrying a flag with the letter R on it. "Good morning, family. Plus Carol. Oh, do I smell bacon?"

"Affirmative." Lisa responded. "We had discovered a species of tiny suidae off the coast of new Australia approximately 30 yards east. Or approximately 300 yards west."

"We'd offer you some, but we hunted it to extinction for breakfast." Lucy added.

Rick stretched his arms. "Well, I thought I'd walk to the South pole and do a little bit of exploring. If you guys need me, just yell or throw something so hard that it goes around the world and hits me."

"Mind if I accompany you on this excursion?" Lisa asked.

Rick shrugged. "Sure." Lisa then followed Rick outside as they went on their trip.

Meanwhile, as Lori looked through her old photos, she eventually came across the selfie she took with Carol and Tammy at the party. Upon seeing it, she couldn't help but choke a sob. However, she quickly wiped her eyes, replacing her tears with resolve. She shouldn't be thinking about Tammy. What happened, happened and that's it. What she needed to think about now was her family. She knew what needed to be done to solve this. She just hoped at least most of her siblings agreed as she got up and went over to them. "Guys, we need to have a talk."

"What's wrong, Lori?" Leni asked.

Lori sighed. "Look, I know how we can get our lives back to at least semi-normal. If we want to go home, we have to turn in Rick. To the Federation."

"WHAT?!" Leni screeched.

...

"So, any reason you wanted to come with?" Rick asked as he walked through a jungle.

"No particular reason. I simply desired fresh air." Lisa responded as she walked through a desert.

"Fair enough." Rick said as he walked through a thunderstorm. The two then reached the South pole as Rick placed the flag into the snow. "South pole discovered, baby! Ohhhh!" He cheered before something caught his eye. "Oh shit, an ice cave? Things just keep on getting better." Rick decided to explore the cave with Lisa following behind. At the end of the cave, Rick and Lisa found an underground cavern. "Wow, it's the planet's core." Rick said, taking off his coat as he spotted a hole on the ground with the planet's tiny core in it.

"Fascinating." Lisa said. "Never thought I'd be able to see one up close like this."

"How could you even think of doing that to Grandpa Rick?!" Both Rick and Lisa heard Leni's voice coming from above them. Looking up, they realised they were directly under the cabin as they could a bit of the floorboards.

"Look, Leni, this might be hard for you to understand but if we turned him in to this Federation, they won't need to interrogate us and we can live on Earth again." Lori argued.

"But that's awful! We can't do that to Rick, he's our family." As the argument unfolded, Carol went to the side, not wanting to get involved. However, she still decided to listen in. Meanwhile, Lily just looked back and forth between her sisters, unable to understand what was happening.

"Leni, open your eyes!" Lori snapped, getting more and more frustrated. "Rick is a toxic influence on this family! All he's done is endanger our lives on those insane adventures of his!"

"But, like, none of us ever got hurt on them."

"So far. How long do you think that will last?"

Luna went to stand next to Leni. "Dude, I'm with Leni. We can't turn in Rick to the Galactic Federation. Not after what they did to Birdperson. Those dudes are evil!"

"Look, I know you were friends with Birdperson, Luna but how can you be so sure he and Rick were even right to go against this Federation?" Lori asked. "Can you really call Rick a good guy after all he's done to us? I didn't want to bring this up again but you guys know that it's his fault we had to move to another universe right?"

Luna shrugged. "So?"

Lori stared at Luna in shock. "S-So?!"

"So what? There's infinite versions of Earth anyway. Who cares what happened to one of them? Our lives went back to normal anyway."

"A-Are you hearing yourself? Do you not realise how twisted that sounds? You really think Rick's a good person when he's making us think like this?"

Luan went to stand next to Lori. "I agree with Lori. Honestly, I don't think Rick's a good person. Just look at the way he talks to us. He even said 'being nice is something stupid people do to hedge their bets'. Who the heck thinks like that? He's messed up!"

"Oh, so you'd rather trust the Galactic Federation over him?" Luna asked.

"I..." Luan faultered as she remembered the story about the Federation destoying a planet for not falling in line. She sighed. "Look, even if the Federation are bad, that doesn't make Rick good."

Lynn went to stand next to Luan. "I'm with Lori on this one." There was a moment of silence as everyone expected Lynn to give some kind of follow up.

"Um, any particular reason, dude?" Luna asked.

Lynn rolled her eyes. "Uh, duh, because I want to go home!"

Lucy went to stand next to Luna. "That seems like an awfully callous reason, Lynn."

"Ugh, whatever! Look, I just don't care for any of this sci-fi, fantasy crap. It's weird and it's not normal. Besides, why would you side with Rick? Didn't he take you to that purge planet or whatever?"

"We wouldn't have been in any danger were it not for me and Lincoln trying to save that girl. You guys are oversimplifying the stuff that's happened to us."

"Oh, I'm sorry, do I not have a high enough IQ to understand Rick's genius or something?" Lynn snarked. "If he's so smart, why's he got such a massive ego about it?"

"That's rich coming from you." Lucy muttered quietly.

"What was that?"

"Nothing. Look, all I'm saying we shouldn't just blame Rick for everything that's gone wrong. Maybe in some ways, we also contributed to the things that went wrong. Besides, Rick's not that black and white. I wouldn't categorise him as either good or bad. He's more complicated than that."

Lynn scoffed. "Sounds more like pretentious to me."

Lana went to stand next to Lucy. "This is so dumb! Rick's not a bad guy! If he was so bad, why would he keep teaching me about the stuff he makes and his ship? Besides, his adventures are fun! Sure they can be a little scary but who else could do what Rick does?"

Lola then went to stand next to Lynn, albeit apprehensively as she looked away from her siblings, rubbing her arm. Luna gave her an annoyed glare. "Seriously Lola?"

"I-I know this doesn't seem right but what else are we supposed to do?" Lola said, trying to explain herself. "We can't live on this planet forever! There's no one else here! There isn't much to eat. I just wanna go home!"

There was a moment of silence as it seemed like no one on either side was going to back down. All eight of them then turned to Lincoln. "Well Lincoln?" Lori asked.

"Huh?" Lincoln said, caught off guard.

"You don't think we should turn Grandpa Rick in, do you?" Leni asked.

"Lincoln, you've been on more adventures with Rick than any of us. If anyone here knows if Rick's bad or not, it's you." Lori stated.

Lincoln scratched his head as tried to think about it. If he were honest, he thought both sides made some valid points. He sighed. "I don't know. I just...I just want things to go back to normal."

Lisa glared up towards the floorboards. What right did any of them have to debate about things they didn't understand? She then noticed Rick slump against the wall, a depressive look on his face. A moment later, he got up and made his way back out the cave. Lisa followed after him. "Grandpa Rick?" Upon exiting the cave, Rick seemed to be making his way to the shack. "Grandpa Rick, is something the matter?"

Rick paused. "I was gonna hop over to the Gloppydrop system, get some ice cream."

"I see...would it not be best if I or one of my siblings accompanied you?"

"I'll be okay. Bye Lisa." Rick then continued on.

"Grandpa Rick, are you actually considering turning yourself in?" Lisa asked.

Rick chuckled. "Nothing gets past you Lisa."

Lisa ran in front of him. "B-But you can't! You..."

"Lisa, as a woman of science, do you see any possible way of resolving this that'll make everyone happy?"

"I...do not." Lisa admitted.

"Where's the van Lisa?"

"I believe it's next to the cabin where we left it." Lisa watched as Rick went to get into the van before flying off, away from the planet.

I hurt myself today

Rick made a call from a device in the ship. A woman's voice came from it, making an unintelligible sound. "For English, press two."

To see if I still feel

Rick pressed two as the device made a beeping noise. "Connecting to agent.

A woman then answered the call. "Ongoing investigations."

I focus on the pain

"Uh, hi, my name is Lori Loud, I'm from planet Earth. I know the whereabouts of Rick Sanchez, the wanted criminal." Rick said.

The only thing that's real

"Hold on!" The woman said before transferring the call.

A man's voice then came out of it. "This is special agent Gribbles. You have a tip about Rick Sanchez?"

The needle tears a hole

"Yeah, he kidnapped me and my family, and he left us on Dwarf terrace-9. He said he was gonna go to the plimplom tavern. And listen."

"Yes?"

The old, familiar sting

"I'm doing what's right for the galaxy by calling you, so if we come back to Earth, can my family have a normal life?"

Try to kill it all away

"We only want Sanchez, sir. Your family will be fine.

"Nice. Thank you."

But I remember everything

"I'm Lori Loud and I love bitching all the time and texting my dumbass boyfriend all day because I'm that much of a phone addict."

"Um, ok?"

After the call ended, Rick flew over to the planet where the plimplom tavern was.

What have I become?

Rick downed his drink as he stared at a photo of himself, Birdperson and Squanchy hanging out at an alien strip club. While Rick and Squanchy were partying, Birdperson was covering up a stripper in the photo with his wing.

My sweetest friend

Rick dropped the photo before leaving some change on the counter for his drink.

Everyone I know

Rick exited the tavern and raised his hands in the air as an army of gromflomites all aimed their laser guns at him.

Goes away in the end

Everyone was outside as Lori, Lincoln and Lisa were standing still, Leni was carrying a sleeping Lily, Luna and Luan were sat on the roof, Lynn was doing some sit-ups, Lucy was sat in the shade underneath a tree, Lana and Lola were sat down, cross legged and Carol was leaning against the cabin. Apart from Lynn, all of them were staring out at the horizon at the setting sun.

You could have it all

"Grandpa Rick's really gone, huh?" A sullen Lana asked.

After a moment, Lisa replied. "I'm afraid so."

All of them stayed this way all through the rather short night.

My empire of dirt

All of them then went tense as they saw some federation ships fly towards them. A wingless gromflomite then exited one of the ships.

I will let you down

"Good morning." The gromflomite greeted as the sun started to rise behind them.

I will make you hurt

The siblings and Carol all found themselves on a giant ship heading towards Earth, along with a large group of many different aliens. The ship flew directly to Royal Woods, however, once they got off, they found themselves in some kind of alien airport where they could see a banner that said 'Welcome to Earth' as they waited in line to get in. "How long will you be visiting earth?" The winged gromflomite asked them once it was their turn.

Lori looked uncomfortable. "Um. We live here. We were just off planet for a wedding."

The gromflomite pointed to his right. "Go that way."

They were directed to a section called 'DNA Identification'. The gromflomites grabbed each of their arms and put all their hands on scanning devices as some kind of claw device grabbed their tongues to have them scanned. The process would have gone quicker were it not for Lily, who Lori and Leni had tried to keep calm as they did the same to her after their identification had finished. Upon being identified, the gromflomites then pushed them all out of the building.

The siblings and Carol looked around at what had become of Royal Woods. All sorts of different aliens were populating the streets, bringing their own technology to Earth as they saw flying cars zoom by along with robots and machines roaming the streets. One robot approached Luan before scanning her. An automated, female voice came from it. "I have processed that you are in in distress and have proscribed antidepressants." A small bucket of antidepressants then came out of the robot. "Compliments of the Galactic Federation."

Luan took the bucket and swallowed all the pills. A smile then appeared on her face. "I feel better."

Luna sighed. "So much for things going back to normal."

As this was happening, Rick was being taken to a Galactic Federation prison, a facility that floated alone in the middle of space. It was shaped like a gigantic ring with multiple buildings in the middle.

You could have it all

Rick found himself being stared at by a Galactic Federation cyborg. "Sorry, I am not staring at you, I am taking your mug shot."

My empire of dirt

Two armoured gromflomites took Rick to get scanned. Upon being identified, another two gromflomites looked at each other in disbelief as the device listed all the crimes Rick was wanted for.

I will let you down

Rick was placed into a cube-like cell that restrained his neck, arms and legs. The cell was then picked up a by a ship with claws attached to it before bringing it to the maximum security section of the gigantic prison, passing by rows and columns of other prisoners in similar cells.

I will make you hurt

Upon being placed inbetween two other prisoners, one of them turned his head towards Rick. "Eh, what are you in for?"

"Everything." Rick responded.