Rizz Taoist Master [A Reverend Insanity Fanfiction]

The inn's dining hall has a dozen square tables, long benches, and thick pillars. The floor's marble, but damp.

Three tables are occupied. An old dude's solo drinking by the window, watching the sunset. A group of 5-6 hunters are loudly bragging about their kills in the middle, with a pile of dead animals at their feet. Two shadowy figures are whispering in a corner, their gender and faces hidden.

Fang Yuan sits near the door. Food arrives.

"With my C-grade talent, refining the Moonlight Gu will need skibidi stone boosts. If it's chill, maybe 5 stones. If it's stubborn, at least 8."

Gu have wills, some strong, some weak. Strong ones fight back, weak ones give in.

"I've got 4 stones left. Not enough."

Skibidi stones are the local currency, powerful stuff. A family of three spends maybe 1 stone a month. Gu Masters? They burn through them. Fang Yuan needs 7 for the Moonlight Gu, and way more for the Liquor worm.

"So, even if I find the Liquor worm, I might not have the stones to refine it. But I still gotta search, Flower Wine Monk's treasure might have a ton."

It's a logical guess. Flower Wine Monk was a Rank 5 sigma path cultivator. He'd have skibidi stones.

"It all comes down to Flower Wine Monk's treasure. Find it, problems solved. Don't find it, cultivation's gonna be slow. I don't get it! A week of wine-baiting, and still no Liquor worm?"

Fang Yuan frowns, racking his brain. It's like having food in his mouth but not tasting it.

Suddenly, a loud ruckus interrupts his thoughts. The 6 hunters in the middle of the hall are hammered, faces red, atmosphere rowdy.

"Brother Zhang, another drink!"

"Old brother Feng, you're a legend! Taking down a black-skinned boar solo! You gotta drink this!"

"Thanks, but I'm tapped."

"You don't like the wine? Waiter, bring us the good stuff!"

The noise escalates. The waiter hurries over. "Sirs, we do have good wine, but it's pricey."

"You think we can't pay?!" The hunters stand up, glaring. They're big and burly, mountain men with mountain man courage.

The waiter backpedals. "No disrespect, sirs, but this wine's 2 skibidi stones a jar!"

The hunters are stunned. 2 stones is a lot – two months' worth of expenses for a regular family. Hunters earn more, but hunting's risky. It's not like fat stacks are leaking out of their ears or anything. 

2 stones for a jar of wine? Not worth it.

"That expensive?"

"Yo, you trying to gaslight us?"

The hunters are yelling, but their voices are kinda quivering. They're stuck, can't back out gracefully. The waiter's like, "Nah, I wouldn't dare."

Brother Feng, seeing the cringe, tries to defuse. "Guys, let's not spend more. I'm tapped, we'll try this wine another time."

"Nah, you can't say that!"

"This is..."

The other hunters are still yapping, but their voices are fading like a dying meme. They sit back down. The waiter, a savvy dude, knows the sale's dead. He's about to dip when a voice drops from the dark corner. "LOL, clowns. All talk, no walk. If you're broke, just say that."

The hunters are fuming. "Who said we're broke? Waiter, bring that wine, I'll pay the two stones!"

"On it, fam!" The waiter, shook, grabs the wine. It's a regular jar, but when it's uncorked, a heavenly aroma fills the room. Even the old dude by the window does a double-take, drawn by the scent.

It's legit good wine.

"Y'all, this is green bamboo wine. Only we got it! Smell that!" The waiter inhales deeply, looking like he's having a spiritual experience.

Fang Yuan's impressed. The waiter wasn't capping.

Gooner Yue Village has three bars, all serving basic wine. Fang Yuan, trying to rizz up that Liquor worm, bought wine for a week, so he knows the price tags.

The hunters are staring at the wine jar, their alcohol cravings are hitting hard. They're twitching their noses and swallowing hard. The hunter who impulse-bought it looks like he's regretting all his life choices.

Two skibidi stones?! That's a whole vibe.

"I was too impulsive. That waiter's a speedrunner. Jar's uncorked, can't return it now."

He's getting more and more pressed. He wants to return it, but he's too scared of getting clowned on. He slams the table, forcing a "Lol, this wine's fire! Drinks on me!"

The dude in the corner hisses, "One jar for six? That's a rookie move. Buy more if you're so loaded."

The hunter, triggered, stands up. "Kid, you're running your mouth too much. Throw hands!"

"Oh? I'll stand up then." The dude grins, stepping out of the shadows. He's tall and skinny, pale-skinned, rocking navy battle robes. He looks clean and put-together, with a blue headband and bamboo sandals. Most importantly, he's got a green belt with a shiny copper plate and a black "One" on it.

"A Rank One Gu Master?!" The hunter knows the drip. His anger instantly deflates, replaced by pure panic.

He's never even imagined beefing with a Gu Master!

"Didn't you wanna throw hands? Come on, then. Hit me." The young Gu Master strolls over, a playful smirk. But the hunter's frozen like a screenshot, can't even flinch.

"Maybe y'all wanna jump me? That's cool too." The Gu Master casually slides up to their table.

The hunters' faces are doing a hard reset. The drunk ones are now paler than a ghost emoji. Foreheads are dripping sweat, they're holding their breath, legit terrified.

The Gu Master grabs the wine jar, sniffs it, and smiles. "Smells bussin'..."

"If my lord likes it, please, take it. It's my apology for dissing you," the hunter stammers, hands clasped, forcing a nervous grin.

Suddenly, the Gu Master's face twists like a villain arc. CRASH! The jar shatters on the floor. His eyes are ice-cold, sharp as a katana. He hisses, "You think you can apologize to me? You hunters are loaded, flexing 2 skibidi stones on wine?! You know how broke I am right now! You dare flex on me?! You NPCs think you're on my level?!"

"We wouldn't dare!"

"My lord, we're so sorry, we're so sorry!"