Shadow Slave Memoirs

January 13

New year, new me! 

Today, I got my first wrinkles, I look old…

Father still looks the same though, I wonder what his secret to eternal youth will be like?

January 14

I asked father, why he never ages, and he told me to shut up with a horrifying look in his eyes.

…Father never treats me like that.

Ivan, you cannot pursue the issue.

January 20

Today, there was a full moon. 

It looked beautiful, and father had a happy look.

I wish this peace could last forever. 

I wish father would never leave me.

February 11

Today, it was sunny, so unlike the usually cloudy skies near the lighthouse.

I asked father if I could leave the lighthouse and go play beneath the warmth of the sub, and maybe reminisce about old times…

He shut me down without a second thought, saying the sun would only bring nightmares.

In particular, he flinched when I said 'Sunny', what is wrong?

Father, I only wish to go out and see the world, I have been in this lighthouse my whole life! What is wrong with peering at the outsides?

February 14

I'll have to be careful this month, can't let father be more suspicious about the previous endeavor a few days ago.

He can't know about this diary, and the thoughts I had sinfully wrote.

March 21

It's raining. 

I commented on that.

Father did not like it.

April 4

Father, no, he hit me. 

Turns out, it was wrong to dream.

I find myself doubting, do I really want to be a keeper of this lighthouse?

There's just something so wrong it's indescribable. 

And when I look back throughout the years, I have never left this lighthouse.

Am I stuck in a dream?

There's no use doubting, I must continue this work, for like the skies and the sea, my job will continue till the day I pass.

July 28

Are the ships real?

He says they are, but there's a pattern to them, and their horns sound almost the same, the shouts of the crew too.

Is it an illusion? Am I living in an illusion?

September 1

Someone visited the lighthouse at night.

I heard him descending the stairs when he was supposed to be taking watch.

They were talking about…

Sunny. 

Who is that?

September 30

Throughout the month, I have looked through every single scroll and scripture in the lighthouse, for this 'Sunny' person.

They were mostly scrolls about the art of managing a lighthouse, but there were some of Sun God, he is the manifestation of fire and light after all. We lighthouse keepers look to him for guidance.

The ancient legends say that — by dousing yourself in the sacred flame, Sun God will turn and look at you, and he might in turn, give you a blessing.

Would he tell me who 'Sunny' is if I asked him?

October 10

I have decided to try a ritual out, to the Sun God. 

He is definitely hiding things from me, and I…

I want the truth, the bitter truth.

Am I even real? 

I will do this ritual, for all our sakes.

November 15

He is getting stranger and stranger.

I fear if I don't speed things up, my world would crumble.

…December 21

A strange fog appeared from the ocean. 

He looked at me darkly, like he wanted to kill me.

I have to complete the ritual, it is almost ready.

Soon…

I'll finally know.

—-

Ivan stared at the horizon, watching the eternal dance of the sky and the sea. It never ceases to entrance him no matter how many years have passed.

He walked behind him, patting his back, and they watched the skies change from morning to night, in silence. 

After all, he was not one for words.

As drowsiness got to him, he slowly sat down, and said, "I'm sleeping."

He nodded and continued to keep watch.

Day turned to night, and Ivan slowly awakened, standing up drowsily to continue looking at the sea. But it wasn't the sea he had seen in his long years in the lighthouse, fog was there. A deep, thick and enthralling fog.

"Ivan, come help." He said, as he fanned the flames, keeping them shining eternally. 

Ivan walked over, and started the long process of keeping the flames brighter than ever on this auspicious day. 

"Why has the fog come?" He asked.

And instantly, his gaze darkened. "I don't know," He said, yet something was wrong, something very, very wrong. He said such words with such conviction, and his gaze was no longer blank.

…The fog had never come in his long years serving in the lighthouse.

Or did it?

Ivan's head suddenly withered in pain, and he frantically blinked, trying to expel the hallucinations and tear himself back to reality. 

He was Ivan, he was a lighthouse keeper, he was a good son of… 'the man'?

Memories of long, long ago assaulted his mind.

That night, he had let him tame the flame at last, and… there was a terrible fog. He remembered a creature surfing across the fog encompassed sky, and the terrible screams that echoed across his world. 

He remembered a word — nightmare.

And… 

What he had told him. Ivan never forgets what he tells him.

"Who's Sunny?" He had asked.

"I don't know, Ivan." Father replied, slow and deliberate.

That's right, he is Ivan, the son of a keeper of the lighthouse.

"Father," Ivan tilted his head, "I just had the strangest dream, I was a man named Sunny."

His father gave him a smile, the first he had given in so long. 

"Don't dream, Ivan. You'll be alright here, tending to the light of the lighthouse, serving after me."

What a strange thing to say. 

"Alright father."

Sunny. Sunny. Sunny. Who was Sunny?

Ivan opened his mouth, preparing to ask him a question. He held enough proof now, he won't have to do the ritual, he can get his answers at last!

But his instinct told him not to say anything, and not just any simple gut feeling, something deep inside him was screaming at him to leave, to not say anything.

Ivan was confused. Shouldn't he confront him?

He had told him not to dream that day, and he felt peace like that. He never dreamt, and he never had a nightmare. Everything was fine; but something was wrong. 

Looking into the skies, he hoped to get an answer. Who was Sunny? Why nightmare? And, why had he never dreamt since that day?

Soon possessed by something, Ivan stared deeply into the raging fire, and something deep within him longed for it. Longed to be burned by it.

'What strange thoughts…'

His body went against his will, and he was walking towards it, step by step. And reached his hand towards it.

"IVAN!" The man screamed, the loudest he had heard him, yet he didn't stop.

"IVAN!" He once again shouted, and he dipped his hand in the flame.

"IVAN, stop!" The man screamed, as he rushed towards his collapsing figure.

Ivan watched as his hand burned on fire, and felt a weird sort of bliss. Ignoring the approaching figure of him, Ivan looked at the encompassing fog, and the filtered moonlight that seeped through the gaps. 

His will of survival returned. 

He had to live! He had to survive! Didn't he swear to survive this Nightmare?

What Nightmare?

'Shut up!' 

Something inside him screamed.

'SHUT UP! SHUT UP!' 

Who was he again?

'Sunny! Sunless! My name is Sunless, I am from the outskirts, my sister is Rain!'

He smiled, so Ivan wasn't him, he always knew something was wrong. He had just put it away. 

As the body of Sunless burned, Ivan faded away, blissfully, smiling and finally at rest. 

'Goodbye Sunless. Goodbye and sorry.' He whispered from the shadows, hoping it would resound into the light, 'May your nightmare be over…'

—

Sunny was screaming in pain. He had been sleeping peacefully one moment ago, and the next, he was burning in pain.

Out of the corner of his eyes, he found himself back in the lighthouse, and the man was frantically loading water, and dumping it onto him, giving him a sort of reprieve from the pain.

It still hurts though.

Soon, the flames around him died down, and Sunny gasped for breath, heart thundering in his chest.

"Ivan. Ivan. Ivan. Are you alright?" Someone shouted, which he vaguely registered as the man.

Sunny croaked out a short yes, before he put all his attention back on breathing, and studied the surroundings all around him.

Where was he? Wasn't he supposed to be in his First Nightmare?

Outside, a fog surrounded the lighthouse, and he could see absolutely nothing, only fog, and the occasional stream of moonlight.

Was he already in the Nightmare?

A whisper resounded through his ears, "Goodbye," Someone had said.

Sunny focused on the voice, it was coming deep within his head.

"Goodbye Sunless." 

What? What goodbye?

"Goodbye Sunless. Goodbye and sorry." The figure once again said, its voice dying as its last message was conveyed to him.

'May your nightmare be over….'

…Ivan.

Sunless remembered. Sunny remembered. Ivan was no more.

Almost instantly, years of memories surged into his mind, and Sunny let out a blood curdling scream, his mind a mess. 

He had forgotten, and now he remembered. 

"Ivan. What's wrong?"

Sunny would kill him. He would kill him ten times, no, twenty times, no, a hundred times over. And that wasn't enough. But he couldn't. He was weak, and he was in a dream. 

A terrible dream, a nightmare. 

The creature had stolen his memories, and created a fake world for him to live in, to believe in. 

It. Would. Die.

The man was just an illusion, so Sunny must kill the real body. 

But for that, he had to awaken.

Sunny forced out a smile, "The after effects."

The man looked at him suspiciously, yet he spoke no more, giving him a curt nod, "Go downstairs, and recover from your injuries."

Summoning the memories of Ivan, Sunny chose the most likely way he would have answered, "Alright, father."

The man had a satisfied smile on his lips.

—-

Sunny descended the stairs of the lighthouse, and as soon as he was away from the sight of the man, he gritted his teeth and allowed himself to let the mask of Ivan drop.

'Damnation! Why does this always happen to me!?' He shouted in his mind, 'Is the First Nightmare even supposed to be that hard!?'

What could he even do? 

What could he even do to escape this terrible dreamscape?

Death.

Escape through death. 

But could he do it?

For the longest time, Sunny had only fought to survive, he had touched death every single day, yet he still lived, yet he still survived.

'Do I have the will to voluntarily die? Would that man even allow me to?' 

In this lighthouse, there was nothing, nothing lethal enough that could kill him. It was like… The man never wanted Ivan to escape in any way, even if through death. There was something that can kill though, something even the man could not take away —- the flame that they had to tend to and look for throughout the rest of their lives.

Sunny wanted to laugh. What a grand death, surely his nightmare would be over by then! 

It's decided then! He'll burn himself, and he'll set himself on fire!

After all, the Spell told him itself he was a child of light, and what irony it would be for him to die like this!

Attribute: [Child of Light].

Attribute Description: [Light recognizes you as one of their own.]

—-

Nephis climbed the mountain, one step at a time, ignoring the sting from the chains on her wrist, and the cold that seeped into her bones. It was painful, yet nothing compared to what she would face in the future.

She had to rip the Nightmare Spell to shreds after all.

It took away everything from her, so she would take everything from it.

Summoning her runes, she studied her Attributes, particularly [The Shadow]. It was the one thing she had left of her parents, a sign they had been with her; it was the one thing that kept her sane in this winterworld.

Attribute: [The Shadow].

Attribute Description: [You have inherited the lineage of Shadow God.]

Nephis gritted her teeth, as her will of survival flared.

For her goals…

And for her Dream…

Everything shall be ripped to shreds.

"Stop the Caravan! Prepare to camp!"

The slaves all fell to the ground, exhausted from their march up the mountains, her included. Falling into the snow, she cursed her malnutritioned physique, her body was unsuitable for any fighting at all.

Huddled near the bonfire, the slaves chattered but she rested, rested her mind and body, who knows how long this journey of theirs would go on…

Nephis looked around and took in her surroundings, there was a bush of berries near them which looked appetizing to the eye. 

But she knew, it could mean death. She shouldn't take her chances even if she was beyond hungry right now.

"I would advise eating those, friend." A gentle voice whispered from next to her.

"Why?" She asked.

He smiled apologetically, "Those berries are called Bloodbane. They grow in places where human blood is spilled. That's why there's always a lot of them along the slave trade routes."

Nephis raised her eyebrows.

The scholar sighed, "It's poisonous, a few of them can kill a man."

Nephis nodded, "Thanks," before promptly returning to survey the site. Somehow, the place looked really familiar, like she had seen it before.

Was it the site in her vision at the start of the Nightmare? Where bones of countless slaves were buried in the snow. 

Nephis raised her guard, she knew what killed them would appear soon, and she had to prepare against the threat.

As if to answer her thoughts, a thundering noise rang from above. 

And in the next second, something massive came crashing from the sky…