Somebody Stop the Pope

Chapter 2 – Although I have returned…

Something was definitely wrong.

And it was very wrong at that.

“Mr. Kim Siwoo?”

“Yes.”

“Please bear with us for a moment. The Ability Management Bureau actually requires several verification procedures for returnees due to regulations.”

“Ah, yes. Do as you please. By the way, for there to be regulations, are returnees quite common then?”

“Hahaha… Not quite to that extent. It’s just that we have an average of over 140 incidents related to returnees annually, so these procedures are in place.”

It was dizzying.

To be honest, I felt much more disoriented than the day I first stumbled into Eden.

At least Eden was a world completely unknown to me, so I could accept it, but this was Earth.

It was my hometown, the place I desperately wanted to return to.

When did Earth change like this?

And what exactly is this place, the “Special Investigation Office of the Ability Management Bureau” for?

The only piece of information I had about this place was that it was a basement located ‘somewhere’ in South Korea.

So, here’s how it all happened: As I was feeling dizzy at the Yeouido Hangang Park, men in suits approached me.

They started asking me all sorts of questions, which could be summarized as follows,

– We are from the Ability Management Bureau.

Me: Excuse me? From where?

– You are the person who just returned to Earth, correct?

Me: And so?

– We know everything, so please cooperate. Failure to do so may result in criminal charges.

Me: … Excuse me?

– Then please come with us for a moment~

Me: ???

And thus, I arrived at this place.

Of course, this was not a dark and dingy basement like a torture chamber or prison.

There were small and cute flowers and potted plants placed everywhere.

With cute teddy bears whose appeal I could not grasp and an air purifier working diligently in the corner.

It seemed more like a children’s playroom than a torture chamber.

One could tell the interior designer had made every effort to combat a dark atmosphere.

“Well then, shall we resume the conversation?”

The person in front of me introduced himself as Kim Dongsik, the leader of Team 2 at the Special Investigation Office of the Ability Management Bureau.

I nodded at his words and slowly began to speak.

“Where did I leave off?”

“Uh, you said you were doing some online streaming in your spare time and received a mission, only to find out that the person who gave you the mission was a god named Reimen. You were then abducted to a world called Eden, experienced various events there, and returned to Earth after 10 years… Around here.”

Hmm. That seemed like about everything I had to say.

However, Mr. Dongsik continued to ask questions, seemingly intrigued.

“You said you spent 10 years in that world, so what did you do there?”

“What do you mean by what…?”

“To put it simply, we’re referring to any kind of occupational activity. We need to know what you were doing there to help you adjust here.”

The fact that the government helped returnees adjust was a bit surprising.

It seemed Earth had indeed changed in peculiar ways.

Well, since they asked me about my job, I decided to respond. It wasn’t a difficult task.

I nodded lightly and spoke, feigning a slight fatigue.

“I was the Pope.”

With those words, Mr. Dongsik, who was busily typing on his laptop, abruptly stopped.

“… Excuse me?”

“I said I was the Pope.”

“Ah, I see.”

Tap-tap-tap.

With my clear answer, Mr. Dongsik nodded and resumed typing. However, moments later.

“You were the Pope in Eden’s world for 10 years, and upon returning… Pfft.”

He couldn’t hold back his laughter.

“I’m really sorry. This wasn’t meant as ridicule. However… That’s why you were wearing priestly robes. I thought they suited you quite well.”

“Well, I understand. If I were in your position, I would also find it hard to contain my laughter.”

“As someone who mainly handles investigations of returnees, no matter how often I conduct them, it never ceases to amaze. Phew.”

“Are there others with unusual occupations like mine?”

“Of course. Just last week, we had a returnee with quite an eccentric background. Not a Pope like you, though.”

Unable to quell my curiosity, I asked.

“Could you tell me which returnee?”

“Normally, I wouldn’t, but I’ll make an exception. He was an… Emperor with a unified continent.”

That implied a rather powerful returnee…

“He was a eunuch. A very favored eunuch, as I was told.”

…or not.

Wait a moment.

“A eunuch, he…? No way…”

“Unfortunately, yes.”

“Oh, my…”

“It’s really unfortunate. He was apparently an advocate of premarital chastity.”

“Good heavens.”

I used to think I was unfortunate for going to another world, but I’ve decided to stop thinking that way.

Surely, there must be people more unjustly treated than I was.

Anyway.

Engaging in light conversation to ease the atmosphere, we exchanged various dialogues afterward.

During this process, I participated sincerely in the investigation.

From the time I beheaded demon kings to becoming a Pope and eventually returning to Earth.

I didn’t feel the need to hide any stories.

Just being able to share my experiences in Korean was enjoyable.

Also, there was the desire to quickly finish the investigation and go to see my family.

Thus, the investigation concluded after about an hour, and Mr. Dongsik, who finished writing the report, nodded in satisfaction and remarked,

“Thank you for cooperating earnestly in the investigation. Thanks to your cooperation, we were able to finish swiftly.”

“Thank you for your hard work.”

“Now that we’ve completed all the essential procedures, I have a few pieces of information to convey.”

Silently, I nodded at Mr. Dongsik’s words.

Then, he carefully continued.

“The first piece of news I’ll deliver concerns the family members you’ve been curious about. Your younger brother and sister are both living healthily in Seoul. And your paternal grandmother… is currently traveling in the United States.”

With those words, my vague anxiety began to subside.

Yes, I knew it would be like that.

I always believed that my siblings, regardless of how the world changed, would live well.

The same was true for my grandmother. Although it was a bit surprising to hear she was in the U. S., she was always fond of traveling abroad, so it wasn’t strange.

She has always been a unique person since the old days.

Anyway, hearing the news relieved me.

Let’s see.

Since 10 years have passed, that Inwook kid should be about 27…

“The second piece of news might be a bit surprising, but it’s common for returnees. You spent 10 years in another world, didn’t you?”

“And?”

“From Earth’s perspective, 5 years have passed since you were reported missing. The current year is 2033, and your age is 27, not 32.”

“… So, according to what you’re saying, Earth’s transformation happened in just 5 years?”

“Regrettably, yes.”

Mr. Dongsik nodded after taking a sip of water, and I looked at him with a helpless smile.

Even being this changed after 10 years was astonishing enough, but to find out it was just 5 years?

What on Earth happened during those 5 years?

***

According to Mr. Dongsik, returnees were classified into three categories.

First. Returnees who either did not acquire any abilities in another world or lost their abilities during the return process fell under the Regular category.

Second. Returnees who acquired abilities in another world, but those abilities were not threatening enough, were classified under the Unnormal category.

Lastly, returnees who obtained abilities in another world and had the potential to cause societal disruption were categorized under the Disaster category.

When I first heard this from Mr. Dongsik, I naturally assumed I would be classified as a Disaster.

After all, even with my powers dwindling, I still possessed a formidable amount of divine power.

But the category I was assigned to was none other than the Regular category.

The reason was straightforward.

Their measuring equipment, which had never been wrong, failed to detect any divine power in me.

As a result, I was instantly classified as a returnee whose abilities vanished during the dimensional transfer.

Thus, I became something of a surprise.

– According to regulations, those in the Regular category are only required to complete a basic investigation and then can return home. While you’re more than welcome to stay here if you so wish, I’m sure you would like to see your family, right? So we will take you to your residence. Starting tomorrow, you will participate in the returnee adaptation program conducted by the Ability Management Bureau. I’ll see you tomorrow.

With those words from Mr. Dongsik, I was now able to return home.

To our residence located in Gwangmyeong, Gyeonggi Province— a place I’d never been before.

“The residence where your siblings are staying is in Building 107, unit 906. Please meet us here by 10 a.m. tomorrow.”

“Thank you.”

“Then, goodbye for now.”

Vroom—

The employee from the Ability Management Bureau, who had driven me here, left, and I turned around to look up at the apartment building.

An apartment located near the station.

It was a place I had never seen before, unlike the villa where the three of us siblings originally lived.

Seeing this apartment complex made me feel that I had indeed returned to Earth.

With wyverns hanging all around the Mapo Bridge, this was the landscape of Earth I truly longed to see.

“Haa.”

I let out a long breath, entered the building, and boarded the elevator.

They promised to educate me on why Earth had changed this way when the returnee adaptation program commenced tomorrow, so I needed to focus only on the reunion for now.

After all, only 5 years had gone by, so my siblings’ faces should be just the same.

Inwook would be 24 years old, and our cute little Si-yeon had just turned a sweet 10. I guessed her face might have changed a bit, considering how quickly children grow.

I heard that Inwook didn’t know about my return yet.

Apparently, they called several dozen times after my identity was confirmed, but he didn’t pick up.

Since it was 4 p.m., it didn’t seem likely he’d be sleeping.

-Ding! 9th floor.

This was the most nerve-wracking moment since I returned.

Taking a deep breath once again, I stood in front of the door labeled Unit 906.

And I carefully pressed the doorbell.

Ding-dong.

Moments later.

“What is it?”

Surprisingly, nothing happened.

Could they not be home?

Well, let’s try once more.

Ding-dong.

Still no response, it seemed.

What should I do now? I noticed a café just ahead, maybe I could wait there…

-Who is it.

Then, it happened.

From beyond the silence, I heard the voice I longed to hear.

Even though the quality of the intercom wasn’t great, I could tell it was Inwook’s voice.

What should I say?

After a brief hesitation, I decided to speak as calmly as possible.

“It’s been a while. Have you been well?”

I thought Inwook would recognize my voice.

But, alas, it was only my assumption.

-… Ah, this is so annoying. Waking me up from sleep… Sir, please leave. We don’t believe in your religion. Ha, should I call security or what? With this advanced era, knocking on doors for evangelism…

“No, I didn’t come here to preach…”

-Sir, say something like that after you change out of those weird clothes. If you don’t leave now, I’ll call the police. Do you understand?

With that, the sound ceased.

And I looked down at the clothes I was wearing.

A plain black clerical robe without any decorations.

Since I hadn’t changed clothes since arriving on Earth, of course, I was wearing this.

“Haha.”

Well, I suppose they might misunderstand seeing these clothes.

Today is a joyous day marking my return to Earth, so it’s something I can easily let… or not.

Bang Bang Bang!

“Hey! Aren’t you going to open the door?”

How dare you not recognize me?

I recognized you instantly from hearing your voice, didn’t I? How infuriating!

How long had I been pounding on the door when finally, it swung open, and I gazed ahead, trying to alleviate my stern expression as much as possible.

And there stood.

“… You plan to bash my head in with that?”

My brother, Inwook, dumbfounded, holding a metal baseball bat, stared at me blankly.