#16
#16
“Come up.”
He ordered briefly. Though not forceful, it was enough to make Ha-min move. His gaze seemed to urge Ha-min, staring at him intently. Ha-min unconsciously bit his lower lip. Then he got up heavily, as if rocks were tied to his backside.
“Tell me if you’re uncomfortable. I can really sleep on the floor. Really. I won’t be cold or uncomfortable at all…”
Tae-rim chuckled lightly at Ha-min’s rambling words. It was the first time he’d seen him talk so much since they met after a long time. Seeing him so obviously uncomfortable was both amusing and slightly irritating. Tae-rim suddenly pulled Ha-min’s arm. Caught off guard by the sudden force, Ha-min fell onto the bed with a thud.
“Let’s just sleep now.”
Tae-rim’s face was right in front of Ha-min’s nose. With their noses almost touching, Ha-min unconsciously held his breath. As soon as Ha-min lay down, Tae-rim closed his eyes. He pretended to sleep with his long, thick arm resting on Ha-min’s arm. His breath tickled, almost touching Ha-min’s lips.
Ha-min, who had been staring blankly at Tae-rim’s face, suddenly moved slightly to cover Tae-rim’s neck with the blanket. The spring weather was still cool at dawn. The small gosiwon room had a chilly air. After tucking the blanket up to Tae-rim’s neck, Ha-min looked at his face again. His manly nose bridge was surprisingly smooth, and the eyelashes neatly spread over his closed eyes were like silk.
Ha-min, admiring his face absent-mindedly, tensed up, keeping his hands together to avoid touching Tae-rim. Worried his breath might disturb Tae-rim, Ha-min carefully turned over. He couldn’t sleep with Tae-rim’s face right in front of him anyway. Lying on the opposite side, Ha-min finally exhaled comfortably.
“Why are you fidgeting so much?”
A ticklish voice touched the nape of his neck. He felt like all the hair on his body was standing on end. Mmm, Tae-rim, who had been shifting slightly, hugged Ha-min’s waist. Feeling the full weight of his heavy arm, Ha-min tensed up.
“Can’t sleep?”
Tae-rim’s body, pressed close behind him, touched Ha-min’s back. The muscles, firm to the point of being almost intimidating, were clearly felt against his back.
“…Ah, no, I’m about to sleep now.”
Ha-min tried to speak as casually as possible. His Adam’s apple trembled, but he held back with all his might. He didn’t want to show it. The arm tightening around his waist and Tae-rim’s body touching his back made his lower abdomen tingle. Ha-min tensed up his body. He couldn’t let him know that he was the kind of person who got aroused, excited by another man. Suddenly, he felt Tae-rim’s presence near his nape. The tip of Tae-rim’s nose gently brushed down his neckline.
“Uh.”
As Ha-min’s shoulders trembled at the unexpected sensation, Tae-rim’s low laughter was heard.
“You know what?”
And a playful voice echoed intimately.
“Your neckline… it’s really sexy.”
Ha-min froze and swallowed his breath. The voice was so erotic that it sent chills down his spine, and Ha-min couldn’t come to his senses. Unable to hide his bewilderment, his lips trembled, and Tae-rim’s laughter fell on his nape again.
“I’m joking.”
“……”
“You’re so gullible.”
Tae-rim continued casually, seemingly having read the suddenly tense atmosphere. At his lightly added words, Ha-min could finally manage an awkward smile. He felt like his heart wouldn’t survive if he spent the night like this. Ha-min thought the only way to survive this mix of ecstasy and pain was to sleep, so he forced himself to close his eyes tightly. But as if Tae-rim had no intention of letting him sleep yet, suddenly one of the hands gripping his waist began to caress Ha-min’s abdomen.
“But our Ha-min doesn’t have any belly fat at all…”
At the unrestrained touch, Ha-min gasped again.
“D-don’t…”
Ha-min, with a startled face, grabbed Tae-rim’s hand that was trying to slip under his clothes. When he urgently stopped him, Tae-rim didn’t push further and hugged his waist tightly again. Ha-min’s body fit snugly into Tae-rim’s embrace. Then, rubbing his face against the back of Ha-min’s head, Tae-rim continued:
“You used to be soft and squishy, which was nice…”
“……”
“Why did you lose so much weight? It’s disappointing, hyung.”
His drowsy, languid voice tickled Ha-min’s nape. Along with that, the warmth of his body against Ha-min’s back made his heart flutter. His words, spoken so tenderly, stirred something inside Ha-min while simultaneously sending a chill through his solar plexus. There’s no way it could be good. Something like a wobbling mass of flesh, a sight so repulsive just to look at, couldn’t possibly be good.
Ha-min’s face noticeably fell at the playful, yet excessive comment. His slight, nervous movements came to a stop.
“……”
Sensing this, Tae-rim slowly opened his eyes. Beyond his previously closed vision, he could see Ha-min’s profile, quietly staring into space. It was a rare expression for Ha-min. Deeply sunken. Tae-rim, feeling something was off, furrowed his brow and once again tightly hugged Ha-min’s waist.
Soon after, Ha-min’s tightly closed lips parted. His voice was quiet, almost crawling.
“Because it doesn’t look good…”
“…?”
“When you’re fat, you smell… it’s dirty, so…”
The last syllable trembled slightly. His voice, muttering as if self-harming, and his bitter tone were unnaturally dark.
Clearly sensing something was wrong, Tae-rim tickled the back of Ha-min’s neck with the tip of his nose, like a puppy. With a rustle, Ha-min’s hair touched Tae-rim’s nose bridge, and he could feel Tae-rim’s skin nuzzling against him.
“Don’t say such foolish things…”
He whispered in Ha-min’s ear, comforting him.
“I like everything about you, hyung.”
Affectionately.
“Even the smell of grass and milk that comes from you.”
Sweetly.
“…Ever since we were young.”
With such unfair words.
**
‘I heard your family runs a hole-in-the-wall store.’
It was something one of the group that bullied Ha-min in high school had said. There was a particular group that bullied him, about four in total, mainly kids from well-off families. A group that faced little restraint even when causing trouble. Moreover, they cleverly deceived others’ eyes while bullying him. Of course, most of the classmates knew but pretended not to.
The main location was the gym storage room. During lunch break or after school, in the classroom, they would throw trash at Ha-min’s seat or come up to him and pick fights, but it was different when the location changed. The main spot, the gym storage room, always had dust particles floating in the air, and a half-darkened light always came through the windows.
One of the group was sitting with his back to that light. With a cigarette in his mouth, he sat on top of a vaulting horse standing tall. Ha-min quietly answered with his head lowered to the question asked in a sneering voice.
‘We run a supermarket…’
‘Hey, then go steal some money.’
‘Huh…?’
‘And cigarettes too. Ah, it’s so damn hard to get them these days.’
With those words, the group laughed. Ha-min trembled, his face pale.
‘Hey, fatso. Aren’t you going to answer?’
‘…N-no, I can’t.’
Ha-min looked like he might faint at the casual request to steal. This was how the days of bullying went.
‘You can’t?’
Slap!! As he repeated the question, Ha-min’s face turned. A toad-like hand mercilessly slapped Ha-min’s chubby cheek. Ha-min trembled, putting his hand to his face.
‘You say you can’t?’
He pushed Ha-min’s shoulder with his fist, as if intimidating him.
‘You pig, aren’t you going to answer?’
He yelled at Ha-min, who still didn’t answer, and kicked him hard. Ha-min fell backward from the force, coughing and groaning.
‘Now you’re going to get beaten until you say you will, still can’t?’
He asked again, facing Ha-min who was trembling, sprawled in the gym storage room. Ha-min bit his lip hard, feeling extreme fear. But he still couldn’t do it. Stealing his mom’s money, he absolutely couldn’t do that. He already felt sorry to his mom for living like this… and now to steal money too.
Wham!!! Kicks flew at Ha-min, who still didn’t answer. When one of the main bullies nodded to his group watching from behind, they all seemed to have been waiting and started kicking and stomping on Ha-min, who was curled up on the ground.
‘Ugh….’
Ha-min groaned in pain, trying to hold back his cries, but the violence didn’t stop. The beating, which avoided his face, was always clever and cruel.
‘This bastard doesn’t even feel it when you kick him. He’s so squishy.’
‘Look at that fat jiggling. Hey, my foot bounces off.’
They mocked him, kicking him hard and then lightly stomping on his stomach. The chuckling noises hit Ha-min’s ears and dominated his consciousness.
Holding onto his consciousness that seemed about to be consumed by the mocking laughter, Ha-min held back both his groans and tears. That was all he could do.
**
Ha-min opened his eyes with a start. He rolled his enlarged pupils around, checking the room. His desperate eyes were checking whether it was the gym storage room with dust particles floating or not. Thankfully realizing it was a dream, Ha-min wiped his face with nervous hands as if scraping off cold sweat.
He had this dream multiple times. Though much less frequent than when his symptoms were at their worst, it still appeared occasionally, as if to prove that he hadn’t completely escaped it. I should stop this too…. Ha-min quietly sighed. Then suddenly, startled, he turned his head. Only then did he realize that next to him was sleeping the object of his admiration, his first love and one-sided crush.