Teacher, Is This Your First Time?

Actually, it wasn’t just my seat—the entire side wall of the faculty office was replaced by windows. The windows, which started at about waist height, nearly reached the ceiling, tall enough to be roughly the same height as a young child.

Thanks to this, the soft light pouring in through the large windows could be the second reason why I liked my seat.

Of course, since everyone had similar thoughts, the windows of the faculty office became the most preferred place to leisurely enjoy a cup of coffee after meals. Not just at my seat, but seeing teachers from each partition gathering in small groups by the nearest window was a common sight in the faculty office during lunch or dinner times.

My senior, sipping from a white mug while looking outside, waved one hand very broadly toward the outside. Then the commotion coming through the cracks of the window from the playground grew louder and more boisterous.

Short bursts of laughter came from my senior’s upturned lips. Ha, ha, ha. It wasn’t just normal laughter, but a strange laugh that deliberately emphasized each syllable.

“Sometimes when I watch them, I wonder if they’ve forgotten that they’re third-year students preparing for exams.”

My senior leaned against the window frame and turned around so that their face couldn’t be seen from the playground, then let out a deep sigh.

Outside the window, voices continuously called out, “Teacher, teacher!” The group of desperate voices dominating the basketball court seemed to be the students from Class 5. The implied meaning behind “Teacher, teacher” seemed to be close to confidence: “Teacher, we’re doing really well, right? Teacher, aren’t we absolutely precious?”

“It’s sports day practice. They’re seniors in their last year, please cut them some slack, Teacher~”

“These kids didn’t even blink at the mock exam, but will they really come to their senses?”

Teachers holding mugs or tumblers that likely contained coffee began gathering around my senior. Thanks to the teachers who were looking out the window together and making remarks, I was able to slip in among them and snag one of the spots next to my senior.

“Oh, oh!”

It happened then. The basketball that had been circling near the opposite hoop suddenly crossed the wide court quickly with a dribble, then flew through the air and vigorously shook the hoop. The basketball that captured everyone’s attention bounced powerfully back into the air after hitting the floor.

Only then did the protagonist of the dunk shot, who had been hanging from the hoop, lightly descend to the court.

“That’s it!”

Where had the person gone who until just moments ago was grumbling that these exam-bound students had no intention of studying? My senior, thoroughly excited, threw the window wide open and shouted loudly. He was someone who, while pretending otherwise, put his life on the line for sports competitions before anyone else. He was like that in college, and I secretly smiled seeing him still making a fuss just the same.

“Wow, that dunk just now was really clean. Who was that?”

“Who else? It’s Tae-seon.”

Although the distance between the teachers’ office and the basketball court was quite far, making it difficult to distinguish people with the naked eye, I hadn’t yet developed the skill to match names to the students’ faces anyway.

So I thought I probably wouldn’t have recognized him even if I had been watching up close, but hearing that name, one face immediately came to mind.

Ah, him.

That boy with the light brown hair that stood taller than the rest of the group whether sitting or standing, the neat handwriting created elegantly by his long, slender fingers, the soft voice that entered your ears clearly despite having no sense of urgency, and those dark eyes of unfathomable depth.

Everything about him seemed to fit him perfectly.

“At least class 5 has Tae-seon, so isn’t it a bit better?”

“That’s right. He’ll definitely protect the average.”

“Absolutely. Thanks to our Tae-seon, it’s much more bearable.”

Unlike me, who could barely recall his appearance, everyone’s voices and gazes contained solid trust in the subject.

“Oh, what a waste. If only he wasn’t good at studying, he’d be scouted for professional basketball.”

“Wow. Then later I’d have to interview him, right? ‘My last teacher in high school~’ like this, holding a graduation album?”

When P.E. Teacher Park, the basketball team advisor, grumbled, my senior jokingly chimed in.

“We should be grateful if he doesn’t come back as the chairman later.”

“So it’s true he’s the chairman’s grandson?”

“You didn’t know, Teacher Kang?”

“Did Teacher Kang transfer here this year? Last year, there was talk about the chairman’s grandson returning to second year.”

“Gasp. Really? I didn’t know.”

From the moment the chairman was mentioned, the volume of voices drastically decreased, and the pitch also lowered secretively.

“I think it’s just a matter of time before he becomes the chairman, in my opinion. He’s the only grandson, why wouldn’t he get everything?”

“He must have a lot to inherit, right? The chairman’s family is well-known in educational circles.”

“No wonder. Not a single audit has come through. This must be why, right?”

I just quietly listened to the voices that were gradually becoming more like whispers. Not only did I not know enough to add anything, but aside from that, I didn’t particularly have anything to say either.

I was someone who would have nothing to do with this school in a few months. Last month, the period the school contracted with me was 9 months, so even including vacation, the time given to me was only a short period not even amounting to two semesters.

So it was something that didn’t concern me, and something I shouldn’t worry about.

“Since we’re on the subject, I was wondering. Does anyone know why he suddenly returned to Korea?”

“Well, I haven’t heard anything.”

“I mean, isn’t it strange that he suddenly came back without even matching the timing? And coming to our school, too.”

“Right. Don’t families like that usually take the escalator path?”

“It’s definitely strange, isn’t it? I don’t think any teacher knows the exact reason? I heard it was cut off at the principal’s level…”

“Well, what does it matter? Thanks to him, we got a new building, so it’s good for us, right?”

Having life flow according to one’s thoughts is something not just I, but everyone desperately wishes for.

The things he possessed seemed to place even an ordinary life on the table of choices for him to select. As if to say, if you want this too, you can have it.

Was God in a particularly good mood when creating him? I thought He must have placed everything He could give into that boy’s hands. He might not understand the feeling of deficiency that his peers experience.

“The world really is unfair, isn’t it?”

“I know, right? Why not give just one to me?”

My heart, which I thought I had calmly suppressed, jumped out at Teacher Kang’s unexpected voice. Even knowing it couldn’t be true, I felt anxious, as if my unworthy inner thoughts had been exposed.

I thought that among all those many things, it would have been nice if I had just one. The prestigious family background, the enormous wealth that would undoubtedly follow that honor, the tall stature and handsome appearance, the ability that didn’t discriminate between studies and sports.

And family.

It was perhaps natural that I recalled a phone call I had received on my way home a few days ago. Just as I was opening the front door with tired hands, the phone in my pocket rang.

“Hello, Aunt.”

After confirming the number flashing regularly on the phone screen and the saved name, I wedged the phone between my shoulder and ear as I took off my shoes.

“Are you doing well?”

My aunt always started her calls with the same question. Whenever I heard that first line, it was as if I could hear my aunt’s voice that I had never actually heard.

Tell me you’re doing well, Jae-yun.

Her voice, so thin it was pitiful, must have wanted to ask that. It wasn’t until a few years ago that I began to think that her regular inquiries about my life might not be questions asked out of genuine curiosity for honest answers.

“Yes, I’m doing well. How are the wedding preparations going, Aunt?”

So at some point, I too began giving back the answers my aunt wanted to hear rather than the truth. If I was okay, if I was doing well, my aunt would noticeably be relieved.

“Yes. We decided not to have a ceremony. It’s the second time for both of us. We’re just planning to have a simple wedding mass at the church.”

“Congratulations, Aunt.”

“Jae-yun, when did you say you started working?”

“It’s been a little over a month now.”

“Oh my, look at my mind. It’s already been that long? Have I not called you for so long? I’m sorry, Aunt has been too busy lately.”

My last call with my aunt was last month. There was no difference between me then and me now, but she asked the same things as that day. And I gave similar answers as then.

“Is the work manageable? Even though it’s a contract position, it should be okay since it’s a school.”

“Yes. It’s fine. Don’t worry, Aunt.”

“Good. Now that things are starting to work out a bit for both you and me, I can’t tell you how fortunate I feel. God is undoubtedly looking after us.”

That didn’t mean I planned to tell my aunt I felt neglected, and I didn’t actually feel that way.

The fact that my aunt is a good person to me won’t change in the future. She always tried her best for me, and I could fully feel that sincerity. It’s just that now the situation isn’t as comfortable as before.

I could understand my aunt. At just over thirty, she had endured a seventeen-year-old burden. For that alone, I owed her gratitude and repayment until I died, and even after death.

“Have you had dinner?”

My aunt was the only family I had left.

“I’m about to eat dinner now. Have you eaten, Aunt?”

“Yes. I had something earlier. Well then, enjoy your meal, Jae-yun. I’ll call again next time.”

“Yes, take care.”

Around the time I emerged from the conversation with my aunt, which had ended in darkness as I had collapsed on the sofa without even the strength to turn on the fluorescent light, I heard the loudest cheer I’d heard in recent times.

Today wasn’t a Friday evening when I had tossed and turned with inexplicable emptiness, but a regular Tuesday lunchtime.

Following everyone’s gaze, I turned my eyes back to the window. Students were cheering and clinging one by one around one person at the center. It seemed the game had ended with the final point delivered by the basketball bouncing on the floor.

I thought of the boy who would be at the center. I think I too, for a moment, just felt envious.