Tess

Driving on a midnight road with nothing but the headlights, Iliya tore off a piece of dry bread devoid of moisture and put it in his mouth. The other believers were dozing with their shoulders pressed against each other. Doug, the sentinel, was driving. He was both a driver and a watchman.

Iliya pressed his eyelids with the back of his hand. Whether due to dust or fatigue, his eyes felt dry. He tried to catch some sleep, but sleep wouldn’t come. He had encountered an undesired situation due to Nancy’s overflowing enthusiasm. Unlike the other believers, Nancy, for whom this was her first missionary work, had been excited since morning. He had told her several times not to act impulsively…

‘She probably behaved well.’

Doug would surely report, and those above would ask Iliya again about today’s events. He had tried not to show his flustered feelings, but he wasn’t sure how it looked to others.

‘Arrogant alpha.’

It was the first time he had seen an alpha up so close. It was also the first time he had exchanged so many words with one. During previous missionary outings, he had only seen alphas passing by from a distance. They, too, passed by with a gaze that seemed to disapprove of the believers. It was natural since there were no points of contact between them, but earlier, he had been genuinely flustered.

As he had heard countless times, the alpha’s appearance was splendid. So much so that when that alpha approached, some of the protesters stopped talking and stared at him. He had a formidable presence that could make people forget their original purpose. The first emotion he felt when confronted with such an adversary was fear. He had thought about how to respond when face to face with an alpha, but it had been a vague scenario.

The reality was scarier than imagination. The alpha didn’t have horns on his head, nor were his pupils bloodshot, but Iliya felt he might have his soul stolen if he kept staring, so he averted his gaze. He only wanted to escape quickly, but the other initiated conversation. He should have just ignored it or apologized formally and ended it there. If he had, would that alpha have accepted it so willingly? He probably wouldn’t have just held onto Iliya for an apology.

The frivolous blonde who was making a fuss about arrest from the side was rather preferable. That brown-haired man’s calm yet chilling tone grated on his nerves. He glared at the man, genuinely displeased. It was so unpleasant that he forgot his fear.

Recalling it now, he felt a surge of heat and rubbed the back of his neck, but the stiff muscles wouldn’t easily relax. He had been in this state ever since. With limited water, he swallowed dry saliva to bear the thirst. While everyone huddled in the cold car, only Iliya was suffering from fluctuating heat.

*

*

Upon entering the ‘Sacred Grounds’, both the leader and the believers came out to welcome them. The leader of Holyland, Michael, embraced each returning believer one by one. Iliya stood at the very end.

“Let us thank God for bringing every sheep safely back to the sanctuary without losing their way.”

As the leader patted Iliya’s back one last time and spoke, everyone joined hands, overcome with emotion. The faces of the believers, weary with dust and fatigue, brightened as if they had drunk the water of life.

“Your hard work will be rewarded by God in heaven. I hope that the seeds we’ve sown today will someday return as new fruit.”

As people headed to their respective homes, the leader nodded to Doug. It meant he wanted to receive his report immediately. Iliya deliberately averted his gaze that kept drifting in that direction. Though he wanted to collapse into bed and sleep, the dust that crackled with every movement suppressed his desire for sleep. The old water supply system made hot water difficult to use, but feeling he couldn’t sleep without washing, he went straight to the bathroom.

Despite the cool outside temperature and the cold water pouring over his body, his body temperature strangely felt high. Even as goosebumps raised on his skin, the back of his neck conversely felt hot. Was cold water not enough? Unable to keep the water running indefinitely, he finished his shower after just washing off the dust. As soon as he left the bathroom with only a towel wrapped around him, a fist came flying unexpectedly. The attack came without time to process what was happening.

Thud!

His wet body slipped and flew across the room, crumpling to the floor. Iliya couldn’t even scream as he clutched his stomach. The pain felt like being struck by a piece of metal. A familiar feeling, yet one he could never get used to… Painfully raising his head, he saw his father looking down at him like an angel of hell. Behind him, an optical illusion made it seem as if bright red flames of anger were flickering, ready to consume him.

“I heard everything. What did you talk about with those devils!”

“I-I didn’t say anything…”

Before he could finish his response, a kick came flying. Iliya curled up his body. If he resisted, his father would become even angrier. He would increase the intensity of the torment, claiming that Iliya wasn’t repenting for his wrongs. Once his anger flared up, he would beat him mercilessly with manic eyes, as if crushing an insect.

“Trying to seduce men with that lewd face of yours!”

“No, I’m not.”

No matter how much he denied it, his father wouldn’t listen.

“You trash! You’re exactly like your mother!”

“No, no, I wouldn’t…”

“Shut up! How dare you try to deceive me with lies!”

A large hand struck Iliya’s cheek. There was so much force behind just one blow that it was enough to make him lose consciousness. After being knocked down, grabbed by the hair, pulled back up, and struck several more times, Iliya’s face went numb, and he couldn’t even utter words of excuse. As he wobbled, mind hazy, his father flung him down in irritation.

Was it over for today? No, it was too early to feel relieved.

If Iliya lost consciousness before the punishment ended, his father would become even angrier. He would inflict double the punishment for the sin of falling asleep without showing proper remorse. Unable to even faint at will, Iliya desperately clung to his fading vision.

“If his children forsake my law and do not follow my regulations, if they violate my statutes and do not keep my commandments, then I will punish their transgression with the rod and their iniquity with scourges!”

Iliya’s shoulders instinctively flinched. His sensitized ears heard a familiar sound. His father was unbuckling his belt and pulling it taut. Knowing the pain to come, his body automatically tensed. Now he couldn’t hear what his father was saying. He could only feel his voice becoming increasingly agitated.

“If a man lies with a male as with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination; they shall surely be put to death; their blood is upon them!”

With each lash at Iliya, his father recited Bible verses. As if determined to engrave those verses into every corner of his body. Fresh red marks carved new paths over previous wounds. One might wonder if there was any unmarked spot left to fill…

As his body became numb, consumed by pain, Iliya’s mind was running through an endless wasteland. A desert where the same scenery repeated endlessly no matter how far he ran.

Then suddenly, he saw something standing at the end of the road. Ironically, the figure standing in the dusty haze was the very cause of this pain. The man turned his head, his hair slightly fluttering in the wind. In the moment when that figure, whom he had seen only once, was clearly imprinted in his mind, the beating that seemed unstoppable suddenly ceased.

“Leader.”

His father’s voice was distinctly different from before. Iliya lifted his trembling eyelids. The leader placed his hand on his father’s hand and shook his head, telling him to stop. His father became as docile as a gentle lamb. The leader calmly took the belt from his father’s hand, placed it aside, and knelt on one knee in front of Iliya. He took out a handkerchief and wiped the blood from Iliya’s mouth. Then he showed a gentle smile.

More than the shame of being naked in front of another person, more than the misery of being seen while being beaten, Iliya was happy that the pain had stopped. He felt relieved. In this moment, the leader seemed like a savior closer than God.

“To stain your holy hands with blood, Leader. Please leave the disciplinary whipping to me.”

“Brother Iliya should have understood by now.”

The leader soothed Iliya’s father. He didn’t say that violence was wrong or that it shouldn’t be used.

“How long are you going to show such an ugly sight! Get up now!”

At his father’s scolding, Iliya forced his trembling body to rise despite having no strength.

“I really didn’t… have such thoughts.”

Although there was nothing to confess in the first place, he needed to make excuses, no, repent to the two men before him in order for this situation to end.

“Shh, Iliya, I know. I believe you.”

The leader whispered softly into Iliya’s ear, still wearing that picturesque smile. Somehow, his whisper felt chilling. Iliya needed to get dressed, but with the leader gripping his shoulder, he didn’t dare move. The leader’s gaze briefly swept down Iliya’s body and then back up.

“Devils are beings that seduce with their eyes. He was worried that Iliya might fall for their temptation.”

“That would never happen.”

“Of course. I trust you completely.”

The leader patted Iliya’s shoulder.

“‘No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.’ Hebrews 12:11. You understand what this means, don’t you?”

“Yes, Leader.”

Iliya’s lifeless response seemed to displease his father, who glared, but quickly changed his expression in front of the leader.

“I think it would be good to rest now, considering tomorrow’s gathering.”

Iliya was relieved at the leader’s advice but tried not to show it outwardly. His father wouldn’t lay hands on him anymore today. Because the leader’s words took precedence over everything else. Despite the leader saying it was fine, his father still insisted on seeing him out. Left alone, as the tension released, Iliya’s body collapsed again. As his lost sensations returned, the pain throughout his body revived. He covered his mouth to stifle the groans that escaped involuntarily. The house filled with silent agony.

*

*

As Rus entered his home and received a message, even before checking its contents, he met his brother Jess, who was walking out with a grin.

“I heard there was an incident today?”

Even without checking the message, he could guess what it was about. Some internet media or gossip site had apparently published today’s non-newsworthy event.

“It’s hardly worth calling an incident.”

Unlike Jess, who voluntarily spilled scandals, journalists couldn’t find much material on Rus. This wasn’t because he tried to hide things, but because his range of activities was limited. He didn’t even bring partners to parties. There were rumors a few times that Rus was a serious workaholic, but when he showed no reaction, they naturally subsided.