The Butcher of Gadobhra

The surviving minions that worked for Grinder argued as they scraped what was left of their boss off the floor and tossed him into bags to haul over to Oink. Oink didn't like working with cooked meat, so there wasn't a lot to haul. After some consideration, they passed out the cooked sausages to other minions, hid the hard-cured and smoked links in a storage room, and took two bags of raw bits down to Oink. Oink was already working hard, creating new masterpieces to turn loose in the dungeon, and was happy for more scraps and a nice salami to chew on. Oink wasn't as picky as the other Butcher's about what he ate, which made many of the minions nervous around him. You didn't turn your back on Oink, and if his tummy rumbled, you ran as fast as you could and the devil take the hindmost. He promised to have Grinder back on his feet soon.

It was on the way back that the second argument started. One group advocated getting jobs with the new Butcher, but it was pointed out that Ozzy hadn't beaten Grinder in a challenge. Others said Grinder had fallen, and that counted for a lot. And he'd used his most monstrous form, something he couldn't use in a challenge. That had been a surprise. It had been a long time since the Sausage Beast was beaten, even if you didn't count the empty centuries of hibernation. Eventually, there was a scuffle with biting and ear-pulling. When that happened, three of the smartest minions who'd been engineering the arguments and waiting for their chance slipped away from the rest of the group and headed for the entrance to the dungeon. They wanted to check out the new Butcher again and see what sort of loot the group got. You could tell a lot about a group by how the system awarded them.

Far beneath the ground, in a frozen meat locker filled with cold meat and colder hearts, the Butcher of Gadobhra sat on his throne of skulls and severed limbs, drumming the fingers of one hand and grinding his teeth. The long, jagged nails left a pile of broken bone and shattered nails on the floor that a minion hurried to sweep clean. Finally, the Butcher leaned forward, his eyes growing hard as he pondered what had happened, "Tell me. I need all the little details. And explain to me why my pit smells like burnt sausage."

Molwinog did his best not to sweat, standing straight, and not meeting his Boss's eyes. "It started with more adventurers entering the Pit. Things were lovely with carnage everywhere. Oink is doing an excellent job of sculpting new nightmares. I was worried that perhaps he was being too aggressive, with several groups who were being torn limb from limb not returning, but new groups appeared and were making headway. One group, in particular, carved a bloody swathe through the Gristle Daemons until they fought Hungry Dog. They won through guile and magic, brute force being useless."

The Butcher was fond of dogs, especially the little yappy ones. He could eat those like popcorn. "Make sure we salvage the carcass. Move the dog to Underboss a little further in and put some meat on his bones. I like him."

"Of course, consider it done. During the fight, Grinder decided to lure the group to his lair and see what sort of flavors he could coax out of them. He was just finishing with another group of adventurers and had enjoyed the fight immensely, especially their screams as he fed them to his machines. Drugging one of the new group and taking him captive, he lured the rest into the Yellow Lotus Colony, hoping they'd be overcome and he could add them to his meat locker. That's when things went off the rails. The Colony was burned to fine ash using Smoke and Heat by a large man named Ozzy. The same Butcher who stole little Runt from Mignik. He's gotten bigger since I saw him last."

"Oh, he certainly has, and grown a stiff spine. I'm keeping my eye on that one. And good, I hated those damned flowers. Out of all the shit that Belle planted in here to 'pretty the place up', the damned flowers annoyed me the most. So the Butcher of Sedgewick showed up and headed toward Grinder, pissed off that one of his friends was about to be turned into sausage filling. What next?"

"No formal challenge was issued, despite Grinder using some of his best taunts. That is something about these Contract Workers that bothered me from the start. They don't scare easily, and it's hard to spook them. When I first visited and marched into the tavern, looking for Runt, the cook offered us fresh muffins, smiled, and gave directions. It was unnerving, to say the least. Belle used to smile that way at us, and you know what happened after that. But this woman just fed us and sent us on our way."

"Yeah? Were the muffins good?"

"Groat muffins, tasteless, gritty, and lacking in salt. The traditional recipe that the army fed us."

"Damn, I haven't had a horrible muffin in...well, in too long. Makes me hungry. How was the fight?"

"Delightful. So much carnage and cleavers everywhere. Ozzy brought an entire group of butchers, all trained in your stockyards. Grinder was his usual self, breaking bones and pulping organs. The group proved quite tough, though, and whittled him down quickly, recognizing that the minions were the key. They died in interesting ways. He and Ozzy were well-matched during the first round. That pissed off Grinder and he brought out his Final Form and invoked the Beast."

"Ha, I used to love that. He'd stomp through bugs for hours, eating them and getting bigger, then grind the carcasses all night."

"Speaking of bugs...

"I wasn't. Tell me about the fight."

"Ah, of course. The group saw early on that Grinder was hard to hurt. They took out the minions who were healing him, but missed the logical conclusion of stuffing his parts into his own sausage grinder to neutralize him. Instead, they cooked him and sliced him up. There were ten cleavers chopping away at him with multiple fires burning. The Pit hasn't seen this much flame since the whale blubber storage room fire."

"Another Mignik fiasco. Go on."

"It was a near thing, but holy Flamestrikes, a group of trained butchers, and six-armed whirling dervishes combined with brawn and Fae magic to bring him down. Ozzy finished the fight using Grinder's own Hog Splitter. Split him crown to crotch, just as you used to teach."

"Alright, I can put up with the smell for a fight like that. Get Grinder back up when you can. Other than that, I don't see a problem. Butchers fight. They always have, they always will."

"Ah, there are a few technical things..."

The Butcher spat a wad of chewed gristle at Mowlinog's feet, "Don't care. Butcher's fight! If anyone is pissed off, they know what to do. And one more thing, get Belle out of her chains and move her up front. Give her Grinder's spot and move him to the old abattoir. Tell her that Oink is off limits, but she can go after anyone else she likes. I get the feeling things need a good shaking up after that long sleep. Now get going. That's enough talking for a week."

Mowlinog departed hurriedly. He needed to find Mignik and give him the job of waking up Belle. He was the only one stupid enough to get near her.

Behind him, the Butcher of Gadobhra smiled. He'd told the new guy to come visit the Pit, and he'd taken the hint and was causing trouble. Trouble was good, it made people mean and alert. Made them tough. And he had to give Ozzy credit. Training up a new Butcher's Brigade that included a damned Bug wasn't something anyone could have expected. That was going to piss the others off something fierce, and Mowlinog was too much of a gossiper not to casually mention it to everyone.

A small bell tinkled, and a fearful minion appeared before the Boss, "Run up to the sausage factory and get me a bag of smoked pepperoni sticks." The minion raced away, fear lending its feet speed.

Rolly bounded into the front of the dungeon and hugged the large, shiny treasure chest waiting for them.

"It's Christmas time again, Squirmie, time to open our presents!"

<Proper presents presented promptly and properly to a Pretty Princess.>

She flipped open the heavy lid with a wing tip and dragged out a set of sharp cleavers, a shiny steel helmet, and a bag of coins.

Pretty Princess Pocket-Cleavers

Ensure your favorite authors get the support they deserve. Read this novel on the original website.

A set of six dainty cleavers with enhanced snicker-snack for the Princess who doesn't mind getting her hands bloody. Each cleaver is made from nigh-unbreakable enchanted star metal. You'll never have to sharpen these, and when you're done slicing and dicing, they fold away into one cleaver for easy storage. Be the envy of the hive!

But wait, there's more!

You'll also receive the Great Helm of the Battle Master. This fine steel helm will keep your face intact when rudely punched by larger people and adds +5 to your agility!

<Squirmie accepts these offerings.>

"Face still hurt?"

<Look at your loot and ignore my bruises. They add to my beauty.>

Rolly pulled out two bags, one with mixed silver and gold coins and the other a hefty bag of meat scraps.

Bag of Leftovers

Each week, this bag will produce random cuts of rare meats. Currently, the Bag Holds:

-

Blue Dragon Tail Tip.

The rest got nibbled on, but this 20 lb tail tip is ready to eat raw or roasted.

-

Manticore Liver

. So poisonous you'll think mom made it herself! Fry up with some strong onions and garlic.

-

Raw Gryphon haunch

. Is it fowl or beast? Why not both?!

"Awesome. Different stuff each week. We'll never get bored."

<And interesting ways to raise your resistance.>

Ozzy looked at the Dragon Tail. "I think I have a recipe for that. Never thought I'd get to use it."

<Make sure to save all the crunchy scales. Rolly and I eat them for snacks, but I'm tired of the scales from the Dire Beasts. Not spicy enough.>

Ricardo was trying to follow the conversation, confused. He had never seen items like these coming out of a loot chest. "Is all Tier 4 loot like this?"

Ben pushed him toward the chest. "Not sure yet. We need more samples. See what you get."

Hesitantly, the player reached in and pulled out a jagged shortsword made from an unbreakable rib bone. A few gold coins rained down on his feet.

Hungry Dog's Fang

A loose tooth fell to the floor and was lost. Know anyone who might want a jagged short sword ideal for puncturing foes?

+50 additional damage, +200 additional damage on Critical Hits and Unexpected Strikes. All Rogue bonuses apply, +5 DEX.

"Holy Shit!"

Ben smiled at him, "It makes all the pain and suffering worth it, almost." The Courier pulled out his loot: a shining amulet of gold and a set of leather scale armor.

Amulet of the Fire Bringer

It's been noticed by the gods that you like to burn things, and they approve! Ra gifts you with this golden scarab worn in his youth. Three times per day, your Flamestrike Spell will do double damage, enhanced by the Sunfire of Ra himself.

"This would have come in handy today, but isn't that the way of all dungeon loot? Oddly helpful in your last fight. But I'm not going to complain at all. I'll have to get up early and take in the sunrise more to thank him." He turned to Ricardo, "This looks like your size. I can't wear it; it clashes with my Courier gear. You might as well take it."

Reinforced Leather Scale Breastplate and Bracers of the Great Badger

Made from the thick hide of a Northern Fanged Badger, this set of armor offers 150 physical mitigation and allows easy movement for an 'Adventurer in Leather. ' +3 STR.

"Are you sure? That's your loot, and I'm not part of your group. You could sell this for a lot."

"It's fine. Need before greed, right? You're looking a little ragged, and remember, you and I are sausage buddies."

Ricardo turned green, thinking about the memory. He thanked Ben and hurried to get into the armor in case something happened on the way home. Traveling through the city wasn't always safe. He watched as the Fae woman approached the chest, which opened without her touching it. A small silver ring and a spell scroll levitated to her. She tucked the scroll into her pouch but showed off the ring.

Ring of Avoiding Finger Cuts

Isn't it annoying when you lose a finger while cutting up ingredients? Not anymore! This ring preserves your dainty digits, making them impossible to hit with an edged implement. Chop blindfolded and drunk, it's all good.

+5 DEX, Magical finger protection.

Old Spell Scroll Dropped by Someone

Squealer needs to clean out some of his back rooms, and we can help. Long ago, a delegation of High Fae rode into the Pit, looking for a rousing fight and a picnic. They got both, but not to their satisfaction. Nothing was left but a couple of saddles and this Spell Scroll in a language Squealer couldn't read. (OK, yes, he can't read anything beyond 'Ray and Sue go Fishing with their Cat, ' but he certainly can't read High Fae from a thousand years ago.) Here's a small part of that scroll.

Contains the spells:

Poisonous Cloud of Doom

Slashing Silver Knives

Finally, it was the Butcher's turn. Ozzy pulled out a thick leather belt almost a foot wide with a dull metal buckle. Hooks and chains hung from it, with loops for his flensing hatchets. He took off the torn remains of his latest apron and put it on. "Yes, this will do nicely."

Butcher's Gut Belt

Originally worn by Grinder, Sergeant of the 3rd Platoon of the Butcher's Brigade, he hasn't been able to wear it since his gut (and ego) expanded.

This wide leather belt counts as a Butcher's Apron, gives +100 physical mitigation, and will store any number of cleavers, recipe books, or meat bags.

Rolly headed for the exit. "Time to get going before something else weird happens."

A polished voice spoke from the doorway behind them, "If I might have a moment of your time..." The group turned to find another denizen of the Pit standing there, one they'd met before. Ozzy took a step forward, "We're leaving, but wouldn't mind another fight."

Molwlinog held up his hands, "Please, fighting is not my forte, at least with fists and cleavers. It has come to my attention that Guildmaster Gristle should have this. Would you mind taking it to him? It's the old logbook from the first Butcher's Guild of Gadobhra and has the official charter from the Emperor."

Ozzy took it. "Thanks, he'll love this. Looks like it's seen some use." Like the other books in Gristle's guildhall, this one was made of vellum sheets and bound in heavy leather, with multiple stains on the worn cover. The spine had a bend in it, and all the corners were dented.

"Oh, it has! Several soldiers of the brigade used it in combat to beat people to death."

"Well, thanks for dropping it off."

Molwinog bowed low. "Simply doing my job. Have a wonderful day, and tell Runt that the other minions miss him but are proud of his achieving Butcher status."

Agreeing with Rolly, the group left the dungeon. Molwinog wrung his hands. "Oh, that is going to cause so much trouble. I'm going to be working overtime to keep this place from exploding." He wandered off in search of Mignik. It was time to turn Belle loose.

Once he was gone, three minions slipped from the shadows.
"What do we think?"
"Well, old sourface was polite, so he's scared of the new guy."
"Full charter for the guild makes moving over easy if we move quickly."
"He's got large cleavers...not that you should base long-term employment on things like that, but..."
"Let's do it. What Butcher doesn't want three more quality minions?"
"Runt will be so happy to see us."