The Grill-Wielding Saintess of the Dead

Prologue

Crackle, crackle.

The warmth radiated from the fire as steam rose, blending with the scent of salt, pepper, and the savory juices seeping from the meat.

The campfire burning in the dark forest, along with the pot placed on top of it, made me feel a nostalgic illusion of a campfire during a retreat from my distant childhood, but more than that, I found it hard to stop the saliva from escaping my mouth.

Sllurrrp.

The camera won’t catch that, right?

The only ones watching this broadcast were scavengers like hyenas.

The moment I accidentally drooled or made a dumb face, the footage would be edited and sold as reaction clips to all kinds of shows.

No, getting turned into reaction clips would actually be better.

I’d rather not be photoshopped into weird memes and used all over the place.

“Haa, looks so good…”

[‘KawaiiHorned’ has donated 50,000!]

– Just got off work and tuning in now. What’s for dinner tonight?

“This? Hmm… What do you think it looks like?”

I stood up from my seat to show the viewer, who had just punched in for the stream, a good look at the campfire.

The drone camera seemed to catch on to my intention and automatically started focusing on the bubbling pot over the fire.

Sluurp… Ha… I’m about to drool.

Watching it bubble for hours, just like a pot of stew, made it hard to resist.

If I were really starving, I would’ve ditched the whole cooking act and devoured it already.

Ah, no… I have to maintain some dignity as a civilized person who hasn’t yet lost their mind.

-?? What’s with the streamer cooking properly for once?

-Oh, what’s going on?

-Why does it look delicious? Is it stew?

-If it’s stew, that’s certified good stuff.

-????

-Did I wander into the wrong channel?

-Not eating raw sandworms today?

-What the f–

-Excuse me??

-What raw meat?

“No, I’m telling you, it actually tastes pretty good if you try it.”

-Bullsh–

-Cut it out, lol

-Noona, you’re still as crazy as ever. It’s fun to watch.

“Aren’t you treating me a bit too much like a weirdo?”

-Hahaha, a human? When was that?

-Didn’t you say you weren’t one?

-Haha, because humans don’t eat that, duh.

-LMAO

-TMI: This girl made soup with a bladed centipede last time.

-Ugh, gross…

-What now? What kind of soup?

-Freaking centipede soup lol, I’m done.

-Is that for real???

-Yeah, during the New Year’s special. This insane woman dug up a bladed centipede habitat in an A-class dungeon and went on a whole rampage, saying “10 ways to eat bladed centipede.”

-Can you even eat that???

-Damn, I just ordered chicken.

-Ugh, gross…

“I’m telling you, the centipede soup was really tasty! If you don’t believe me, I can make some for you too. Oh, if I ever do a viewer participation event, I could personally catch some and make soup for you guys.”

[‘AwesomeWow’ has donated 1,000!]

– I think I’ll just leave and be content with watching your face, Noona…

[‘KnightOfTheCactus’ has donated 30,000!]

– Named number one streamer you’d hate to meet in real life by Forbes.

[‘CrazyCrazy’ has donated 10,000!]

-Sis, I like you, but let’s never meet…

“I’m serious, it’s delicious. Ah, did I overcook it?”

I lifted the lid, and it looked fine.

Even though controlling fire outdoors was hard, the flame fueled by my holy power was stronger than most modern appliances, so heat-wise, it was perfect.

Sitting atop that flame, fueled by holy power, was a large tin pot.

With steam rising from the pot, it looked like a dish that would be strange if it wasn’t delicious.

“This has to taste good.”

Just the right amount of salt, not too much seasoning, and a bit of pepper.

I had put in garlic and onions in moderation too.

And, above all, the cheat code of the culinary world—oyster sauce—had been added.

The viewers would definitely appreciate it…

-Aaaargh!

-Hahaha, what the heck is that?

-What in the world…?

-What in God’s name is that food…

-Haha, is that even food?

-Hey, why are you doing this, streamer?

-You could’ve just roasted or boiled it, why go crazy with it?

-Oh, dear god…

-Aaaah!

-Stop it!!

-Wait, who’s drooling?

I tilted my head, puzzled as I looked at the holographic chat window.

What’s going on?

This isn’t the reaction I expected…

“That’s strange. I cooked it properly. Does it look that bad?”

-?

-Excuse me?

-?

-??

-Huh?

-Huhhhh?

-Is this girl really insane?

-If you eat that, you’ll die.

-You’ll have to worry about dying before getting a stomach ache.

-Haha, is this the kind of show this is?

-The streamer’s expressions are on point.

“No, I made sure to sanitize and dismantle it completely before cooking, so there’s no risk of illness. Besides, I don’t get sick no matter what I eat…”

[‘CrazyCrazy’ has donated 10,000!]

-No, that’s not the issue, sis…

“Then… what’s the problem?”

[‘BaldManagerLickLick’ has donated 5,000!]

-Who in their right mind makes stew out of a goblin’s head…?

“…Huh…”

Only then did I realize why the viewers were acting weird.

“Oh… Should I have removed the eyeballs first?”

-?

-What?

-???

-What are you talking about?

-Ugh, disgusting…

-This is why I watch this streamer.

-Noonaaaaaa, just go and dieeeee.

-Named the number one streamer who doesn’t deserve her face by Forbes.

“Uh, um… Is this wrong?”

It seemed like I still wasn’t quite adjusted to modern life.

Is my sense off?

But… Goblin head stew… it looks tasty, though?

Cow head soup was delicious too…

Maybe not?

For those who know, goblins are the weakest of mobs in most fantasy novels, movies, comics, and other subculture media.

Dirty and filthy, with an average height of a human child around ten years old, they have grotesquely torn mouths and ears, green skin, and the intelligence of a beast.

Obviously, since the Great Rift, goblins have become one of the lowest-level mobs among the monsters that appear in dungeons and gates.

Dirty, small, annoying—but not a big threat.

Nowadays, even students could easily take them down with a weapon.

However, even if you try to wipe them out, they always pop up like cockroaches, multiplying with a survival rate that’s astonishing.

And you can’t fully ignore their numbers either.

There was an incident where a female hunter let her guard down and got knocked out by a group of goblins, only to be dragged away by them…

Anyway, the goblin I hunted today wasn’t just a regular goblin.

While goblins might be at the bottom of the food chain, there are many species that branch out or evolve from them, and some even act as bosses of dungeons.

“This is a hobgoblin.”

-Oh?

-Hobgoblins are quite rare. But this evening belongs to Noona.

-Where did she catch that?

-Must be a new dungeon that appeared on the west coast?

-Oh, for real?

-Yeah, the association announced it a few days ago.

The one I caught this time was a hobgoblin, a subspecies of goblin.

It was much stronger and faster than a regular goblin, and most importantly, it had enough intelligence to hone its skills.

And what does that mean?

“It means it has a larger brain. And a bigger brain means it’s much more delicious.”

-Ugh, gross.

-I’m out of here.

-Noona, please stopppp.

-Noooo.

-Oh god… she’s really going to eat it.

-She’s insane. She’s really insane…

-We’re all going to puke.

-Please stopppp.

-I feel like I need to eat lunch… eat lunch… eat lunch…

-It’s dinner time, damn it!

-Is this girl even a woman? Feels like she’s filming a survival show on a deserted island.

“No, I heard that before the Great Rift, China had a dish made with monkey brains, right? Haven’t you tried that at least once?”

-?

-What the hell…

-Noona, how old are you?

-When are you talking about?

-Who eats that?

-Is that even real?

-Chinese food?

-Oh god, gross.

-That used to be one of the world’s most disgusting dishes, I think?

-It was something you’d see on TV before the Great Rift. It’s been a while since I heard about it.

-Noona, are you a boomer?

-Sis, please stop messing around.

“Uh, um… no comment on my age… Ahem…”

Growl.

The chat was boiling over like the pot about to overflow, but my hunger was reaching its limit too.

Just to be clear, human hunger and my hunger are on a different level.

When I get hungry, I really lose my mind.

“…Uhm, ahem, well, I made it, so I should at least try it, right?”

-I feel like I need to eat lunch… eat lunch… eat lunch…

-Stop spamming.

-Did the streamer actually make that to eat it?

-Oh my god…

-Noona, please…

-Goblin head stew, wow, this is so surreal.

-But, if you take out the goblin head, it actually looks edible?

“Right?! That’s what I’m saying! I put my heart into this!”

-Look at her eyes sparkling the moment someone agrees with her.

-Hahaha, she’s like those nerdy losers who get excited when someone mentions their favorite thing.

-That top chat guy is crossing the line.

-What, did it hit a nerve? Are you a nerd too? Hahaha.

-Listen to this kid talking, lol.

-Troll spotted, hahaha.

“Enough. Enough. You’re being too harsh. Apologize to the nerds or you’re getting banned.”

-?

-Shouldn’t the streamer be the one getting the apology?

“Despite how I look, I’m a saintess. I’m used to being insulted or blamed without cause. It’s okay. You guys can insult me all you want. I can take most of it as jokes, but don’t go around insulting others or random people. What’s more, if you guys fight with each other in the chat, it makes me sad.”

-Ohhhh…

-Who are you and what have you done with Noona?

-Give us back our Noona! Why is a saintess here?

-Sometimes she really does seem like a saintess, huh?

-Sometimes? That’s the problem.

-Hey kid, aren’t you going to apologize?

-Haha, poor guy got unlucky running into this streamer.

-Sorry.

-Crossed the line, so I said sorry, haha.

“It’s fine. You apologized, so it’s all good. I’m sure you didn’t mean it. I guess it’s time to make new chat rules. It’s okay to insult me, but no fighting among yourselves.”