The Grill-Wielding Saintess of the Dead

Chapter 2 Goblin Head Soup 2

Crunch, Crack!

“I’ll set the stream to adults-only first…”

—Nooooooo

—Stop it, Noonaaaa!

—Hey, it’s not bedtime yet!

—noooooooo

—Noona, these days kids know everything.

—Why, Noona!

—Geez, Noona, kids these days! Oh! Don’t underestimate them! Oh! Back in my day, they knew everything!

—That comment sounds like an old fart.

—…You really think so?

Thunk! Crack!

Screeeeeech!? Snap!

“If this stream gets suspended, will you guys take responsibility?”

—Responsible for Noona going crazy… Yeah, I can’t.

—Impossible.

—I could totally take that responsibility.

—I’m flaming capable.

—To handle Noona’s food expenses, I think you’d need at least an S-rank salary, haha.

—Goo goo, I’m a baby saintess. Feed me. (5 million won)

When it comes to dungeon streams, especially for mass extermination ones, where the goal is to wipe out all monsters and bosses, adult content is a must since there’s bound to be blood.

This damned AI system is so strict that if it catches more than five minutes of blood in the whole stream, it immediately shuts it down.

It’s annoying to go through the process of unsuspending an account, so I need to follow the rules as much as possible.

No matter how much of a returner I am and how long I lived in that world, ‘When in Rome, do as the Romans do’.

By the way, a mass extermination stream requires at least a B-rank hunter’s license.

Not only that, but you also need several other permits and screenings from associations, broadcasters, and platforms, which is an incredibly bothersome process… But, thanks to my good connections, I could skip some of the formalities.

—Ahhh! No! Noona’s abandoning us!!

—Don’t goooooooo!

—Yeah, I’m an adult, so it’s fine.

—What kind of emotions do kids have to watch this Noona stream?

—Then why are you watching?

—Haha, because watching Saintess Noona go crazy improves my quality of life, hahaha.

—True, hahaha.

“Alright, stop the nonsense. Kids, it’s time for bed. Children of a new world should sleep early and wake up early.”

With that, I mercilessly set the stream to adults-only.

—Viewer count: 63,321.

As soon as I switched to adult mode, over 30,000 viewers were forcibly kicked out.

Whether it was in space or elsewhere, all minors had to go to bed.

But despite that large number of viewers leaving, there were still about 63,000 remaining, meaning nearly 100,000 people had tuned in to watch me today.

‘Hmm, as expected, people acted like they weren’t interested, but deep down, they were definitely looking forward to the goblin head soup I cooked!’

Honestly, it would be strange if it didn’t taste good.

As long as you can overcome the disgust and rejection toward goblin heads, they’re excellent meat!

Protein!

Fat!

The right amount of grease!

Plus, the spices to enhance the flavor and the powerful flames ignited by my holy power.

Of course, goblins are inherently disgusting and filthy, but with my holy power to purify them, the bacteria and filth disappear, so it’s all good.

Crunch, Squish!! Crack!

—But what was the streamer saying earlier?

—If goblins sound that close, isn’t there a raid coming?

—It’s been a while, and nothing’s happened.

—Did she already kill them all? For real, lol.

“Oh, sorry, the camera settings weren’t done yet.”

The drones given to hunters are crafted by professional hunter engineers who specialize in technology and machines, so they come with a lot of functions.

For example, they have a bit of AI, zooming in on subjects to give viewers a better look or adjusting angles and shots like in movies or anime.

In dungeon streams, where battles happen frequently, they adjust their distance to avoid danger while capturing the perfect shot of the monster and hunter.

They’re incredibly expensive, and you can’t just buy them anywhere… but I managed to get one thanks to a lucky connection.

“Alright, settings are done.”

As I switched the drone camera to hunter broadcast mode, it slowly zoomed out, showing a wider view.

—?

—??

—?

—????

—?

—?? What the heck?

—What the heck is this madness, hahaha.

—???

—Whoa, holy crap, what is that?

Judging by the chat reaction, it seemed the viewers were quite surprised, each one throwing out their own hooks.

And that’s understandable since, while I was adjusting the drone camera and stream settings…

Wham! Crack! Snap!

“Screeeeech!”

“Grrrk!”

“Ugh, argh!”

The flesh tentacles that had sprouted from my waist had been slaughtering the goblins that had gathered around me.

Smack! Splat!

Screeeeech!?

Using the goblins’ screams as background music, I waved my hands like a conductor.

“Listen to my performance!”

—What kind of performance, hahaha.

—Performance ON.

Thwack! Smack!

Crunch!

—Whoa, she’s seriously pretty, though.

—The way her hands look like she’s conducting an orchestra, but she’s actually smashing goblins with tentacles, hahaha.

—Noona, let’s just keep going like this.

—Whoa.

The flesh tentacles that had emerged from my waist generally moved on their own, but if I manually controlled them, targeting specific enemies, I could destroy them much more efficiently.

My hand movements continued for five minutes straight.

The tentacles wriggled in sync with my gestures, and some even ground their teeth as if demanding more meat, but they prioritized my command and tore apart the goblins.

“In case there are any first-time viewers here, let me explain.”

Sensing that the number of goblins had decreased, I stopped waving my hands and turned back to the screen.

“A saintess, by nature, is someone who heals the wounded and soothes injuries so that new flesh can grow. If you’ve read comics, played games, or watched movies, you know what a saintess is, right? Well, I’m the top-tier saintess among saintesses.”

—Noona, seriously, stop with the nonsense.

—Performance ON.

—Performance ON, haha.

—Tentacle saintess, whoa.

—Where’s the noble saintess? All we have here is the performance-crazy saintess.

“To put it simply, a saintess is someone who deals with decay and regeneration, aiding in the cycle of life. During that process of regeneration, I might have tampered with it a bit too much and remodeled it to my liking. Even those tentacles, though they seem mismatched with me, are part of the saintess’ miracles.”

The camera zoomed in on my tentacles again.

They wrapped around the goblins’ bodies like an anaconda, crushing their bones, and sometimes they simply swung with brute force, smashing their heads.

By the way, despite their soft appearance, those tentacles were all made of dense muscle and enhanced with my holy power.

I haven’t tested their strength, but I’d say they’re about ten times stronger than steel.

—Whoa, holy crap…

—What in the world…

—Noonaaaaaaaa!

“Hey, hey, don’t die.”

Crunch!

Crack!

Smack!

Squish!

—Hahaha, look at Noona’s bright expression, but in the background, the tentacles are squashing and dismembering goblins, hahaha.

—What the hell is this crazy scene?

—No wonder kids aren’t allowed to watch this.

—Look at that goblin’s head twisting 720 degrees. It’s turning so smoothly!

—That goblin must’ve ruined Noona’s cooking, hahaha.

—Look how flexible those tentacles are. Makes you want to…

—Whoa, this guy crossed the line.

—But honestly, I’m kinda tempted too…

—You crazy bastards…

It didn’t take long for the flesh tentacles to finish off the goblins surrounding me.

[Mission from ‘KawaiiHorned’ worth 1 million won completed!]

—It didn’t even take 30 minutes, more like 10.

“Wow, thanks for the million won. I’ll use KawaiiHorned’s donation to buy a new soup bowl.”

—Excuse me?

—Hahaha, a soup bowl?

—That damn soup bowl again, haha.

—Noona, no, right?

—You’re not doing it, right? You’re not making goblin head soup again, are you?

—You’re not, right?

—Please tell us you’re not.

[‘ChickenShopPot’ has donated 100,000 won!]

—Whoa, Noona’s an S-rank, huh?

“I’m not commenting on my hunter license or rank. The association told me I can’t talk about it yet.”

—She’s probably S-rank, haha.

—No way, she’s probably barely A-rank. Those tentacles would pop if an A-rank hit them, hahaha.

—Get rid of this keyboard warrior.

“It’s fine, it’s fine. Maybe it’s just a life loser venting their inferiority complex?”

—?

—??

—?

—?

—What was that AOE attack?

—No, Mom, no, Mom, that’s not what I meant.

—Ah, crap!

As I chatted happily with the viewers, I suddenly felt a sharp pang of hunger and grimaced without realizing it.

—Grrrrrrr…

‘Ah, I’m hungry…’

Normally, I would’ve already devoured eight servings of goblin head soup…

Honestly, I felt like burying my face in the goblin corpses in front of me and tearing into them.

To be honest, it’s a close call right now.

My mouth is watering, and even as I talk with the viewers, I have to swallow my saliva.

But unfortunately, I’m still on a broadcast.

And with 60,000 viewers…

‘Ah, more have joined. It’s hitting 80,000 now.’

Anyway, with this many people watching, if they saw me shove my face into a goblin corpse and eat it raw, that would make for some pretty grotesque gossip.

—Snap!

With no other choice, I snapped my fingers to summon the drone cameras.

I adjusted the settings so that only my face would be on the screen while the flesh tentacles secretly began to open their mouths.

“So, in a goblin-filled dungeon, the boss is usually a mutant goblin. Who do you think the boss will be?”

—Ogre?

—King Goblin?

—No idea.

—I vote for A!Ru!

—Honestly, no idea.

—Isn’t it usually a King Goblin?

—It depends on the dungeon rank.

Thankfully, the viewers’ attention was now focused on me.

‘Alright, now eat!’

Crunch, crunch.

Munch, munch!

Snap, snap!

—?

—??

—What’s that sound?

—Didn’t it sound like something crunching?

—It sounded like something breaking.

“I didn’t hear anything? But since this is a forest dungeon, maybe it’s just the sound of leaves rustling? There could be lots of sources of noise.”

—??

—I don’t think so.

—It really sounded like someone was chewing something.

—Maybe the tentacles Noona created are chewing on goblins?

—That would be disgusting, haha.

—No way.

“…..”

Geez, shut up already, will you!?

As if sensing my frustration, the flesh tentacles slowed down their feasting on the goblins.

Okay, now it’s quiet.

While I can’t feel the goblins’ taste directly, when the flesh tentacles eat something, the nutrients get broken down and absorbed into me.

It’s like when you get an IV at the hospital and don’t feel hungry anymore. It’s somewhat similar.

If I don’t satisfy my hunger, I won’t be able to keep up the dungeon stream or anything else.

In the worst-case scenario, if I lose control due to hunger, there could be a major incident on stream.

“See? Now you can’t hear anything, right?”

—Peaceful.

—Soooo peaceful.

—Super peaceful.

—Yeah, I don’t hear it.

—Must’ve been a stream glitch.

—No, it wasn’t.

Some viewers still seemed suspicious, so I needed to change the subject.

“Told you. You’re doubting a saintess’ words? Are you a heretic?”

—Noonaaaaa, stop with the nonsense already!

—Performance ON again.

“Heh! Praise the heavenly starlight that shines upon you. Let its kindness and mercy forever illuminate this world.”

—Cut the crap and tell us about your first love!

—Hahahahahahahaha!

—Hahahahahaha!

—First love, hahaha!

“Anyway, this is a dungeon extermination stream, so who do you think the dungeon boss is? Ogre? Hmm, most of you are saying Ogre. That’s pretty standard. If there’s no mutant goblin leader, it’s usually a big Ogre leading the goblins. Oh! If there’s a King Goblin, maybe there’s an Emperor Goblin too?”

—Didn’t that thing die years ago?

—Yeah, S-ranks went on an expedition and destroyed the Goblin Empire.

—Really?

—Yeah, two S-ranks died in the process.

—Even A-rank support hunters died a lot, I heard.

—Must’ve been brutal, huh?

—Regular goblins are like bugs, but the higher up they go, the stronger they get, just like humans have S-ranks, goblins have their own S-rank, which is probably the Emperor.

“Oh wow, I just guessed, but there really was something like an Emperor Goblin?”

—But if it died years ago, there’s no way another one would appear, hahaha.

—Flag ON.

—Flag? If that thing really appears, the association will be on high alert.

—Yeah, that’s chaos.

It seemed the tentacles had finished their meal too, as they licked their lips.

Goblin bloodstains and broken weapons were scattered all over the place, but it looked like the tentacles had devoured the corpses clean.

‘…Phew, now that my hunger’s settled, should I move on?’

Even though my soup bowl had died tragically before I could use it… at least the other luggage and cooking ingredients were intact.

Only my goblin head soup was tragically lost…

Sigh, how sad.

“Alright then, let’s start the extermination broadcast.”