The Grill-Wielding Saintess of the Dead

Chapter 7 Goblin Head Soup 7

“Yes, thank you, KawaiiHorned. And thank you to everyone else for your donations. I’m sorry my reactions to donations aren’t very big. I just don’t know how to respond properly in those situations…”

– It’s fine, it’s fine.

– Who needs reactions when you just soloed the Goblin Empire, hahaha.

– For real, lol.

– I almost had a heart attack thinking the host was in danger or dying, but she cleared it so easily.

– I think this is the first time I’ve seen Noona handle such a high-risk dungeon properly.

“Well, in the past, I usually just did short hunts. But today, for the sake of goblin head soup… Oh, right! I need to make soup!”

Responding to donations for a while made time fly by.

We didn’t have much time left.

Didn’t someone in the chat earlier say they reported this to the Hunter Association?

It’ll take them at least two hours to arrive, so until then, I need to have a fun mukbang with my viewers, enjoying goblin soup.

Luckily, the only things I lost were the broth for 8 servings and the clay pot that got shattered by arrows.

There was still plenty of broth left, and I wasn’t short on ingredients either.

First, I relit the fire using divine power… No more interruptions this time, right?

Good.

After checking the surroundings, I set the broth to boil.

“Now! The time has come for… the happy! Joyous! Goblin head soup cooking session~!!”

– ….Holy shit…

– Ew, gross.

– She was doing so well, and then this nonsense again.

– Noona…

– Host, do you really have to eat that?

– Why does this sound like an old TV show host’s speech?

– I know that tone. My uncle used to watch old reruns, and the host would talk exactly like that.

…Sharp little brats…

What can I do?

It’s been decades, just by simple time, since I returned to this world, and most of what I remember comes from old variety shows or programs.

Culture and trends have changed dramatically, so of course, I come across as an old-timer to the viewers.

“Shut up and clap.”

– Clap already!

– Didn’t you hear the leader’s words?!

– The leader, hahaha.

– Hahaha, I’m losing it.

– Host, are you really going to eat that?

– But if it’s the Emperor Goblin, won’t its teeth or bones sell for a ton?

– Why not just sell it instead?

“Well, since it’s an origin creature with an S-rank danger level, it’ll probably sell for a decent price. I’m not really knowledgeable about the market, though, so I can’t say for sure…”

[‘KawaiiHorned’ has donated 10,000 won!]

– S-rank monster mana stones and fragments are worth a fortune. The Hunter Association or even national institutions like the power grid would bid for them. If you put it up for auction, it’ll sell for a lot. Even selling it to the Association would fetch a high price.

[‘TangerineFarmFailed’ has donated 5,000 won!]

– You could buy a house with just one sale.

“Oh, really? But I already have a house, so I’m good.”

– Hey, Noona… wouldn’t it be better to sell it and buy several trucks of delicious beef instead?

“What are you talking about? Beef and pork are readily available in our society. But when are we ever going to eat goblin meat? And not just any goblin—Emperor Goblin meat!”

– But Noona, you’re not grilling it, you’re making soup…

– Hahahaha, you crazy woman, lol.

– I know what this is like. It’s like catching a blackhead seabream and making it into a deep fry.

– Blackhead seabream fry, lol.

“Are you dissing soup right now? soup is just as amazing. Grilling meat is the most basic and primitive form of cooking. But soup—soup is the culmination of our nation’s top scholars’ research. It’s the most cost-effective dish of our time! There are plenty of people who would rather eat soup than grilled meat!”

– Is the host a soup fanatic?

– Wait, did scholars really invent soup??

– Dunno.

– This sounds like nonsense, but it feels kinda true.

– Noona… just do what you want…

– As long as you’re happy, Noona…

“Hey, if you don’t know, just stay quiet.”

They don’t understand how sacred and glorious soup is, do they?

Even before I became the Saintess of the Dead, soup was the most cost-effective food, a dish where hot, rich broth, meat, rice, and seasoning come together in perfect harmony in one clay pot—a blend of protein and carbohydrates.

Add some tasty kimchi on the side, and it makes you go “Boom yeah~ damn” with pure satisfaction.

And the sanctity of soup hasn’t changed even in this era.

Many people still crave soup.

At the time I returned, there were still countless soup restaurants left.

Oh, sacred soup…

“So, to make Emperor Goblin soup, we first need to prepare the meat, right?”

– She’s seriously going to cook it, lol.

– Preparing the meat, she says, hahaha.

– I never thought I’d see a stream about preparing goblin meat, lol.

– Noona, please stop…

“What, did you think I’d just tear into the goblin raw? Whether it’s beef, pork, recently approved Taurus meat, or goblin meat, proper butchering and cutting are essential! What, are you some kind of goblin hater? How can you say such horrible things?!”

– She’s at it again, lol.

– Please, just stop.

– Nonsense mode: on.

– The Nonsense Saintess has logged in.

– Hahahaha.

The basics of cooking start with washing your hands, but since there wasn’t a proper place to do that here, I used the bottled water I had packed.

“Anyway, preparing the meat isn’t difficult. First, drain the blood. Then, separate the bones from the meat, cutting it into pieces by part… Honestly, I’m not a master butcher, so let’s keep it simple.”

[Miracle – Purification]

Divine power flowed from my hands, enveloping the Emperor Goblin’s body.

It looked as though it was receiving some sort of sacred baptism, but in reality, it was sterilization for slaughter.

The purification miracle I just used removes all impurities, filth, poison, and even hallucinogens.

“Now, the meat is super clean. All the bacteria and other contaminants should be gone.”

– My mouth’s watering.

[‘CrazyCrazy’ has donated 5,000 won!]

– Noona, you seriously sound like an old-timer.

“………”

– Host? Aren’t you going to respond?

– You have to say something!

– LOL.

– The host is speechless, hahaha.

– Is she too holy to tell a lie, hahaha.

– She can’t even deny it, lol.

– But if she’s a Returnee, it makes sense she’s older, haha.

“Ahem. Now then.”

Since I didn’t have a proper butcher knife, I used the power of the flesh tentacles on my back instead.

They’re quite versatile, you know.

They can even transform into blades.

I could see right through the Emperor Goblin’s flesh, muscles, and organs, but for the viewers, there was probably some sort of filter applied.

First, I decapitated the head, the most important part.

Then, the real work began.

The flesh tentacles separated the bones and meat, while I carefully removed the heart, lungs, and other organs by hand, making sure not to burst them.

Thankfully, the Emperor Goblin’s body was much sturdier than a regular goblin’s, so even if I applied too much force, there was little chance of the organs bursting.

Of course, I had already purified the Emperor Goblin’s body, so there wouldn’t be any filth or bacteria left, but it’s just a matter of principle.

Creak, crack.

The first part I’ll use is the liver.

Anyone who’s eaten pork soup knows that clear pork broth often includes well-prepared organs, and naturally, the same applies to goblin meat…

I think…

‘Hmm… I’m not really sure.’

Am I the only person in the world preparing goblin meat right now?

If there’s someone else, I really need to learn proper cooking and butchering techniques from them.

For now, I’ll just do what I did with the hobgoblin… Even though the Emperor Goblin’s appearance, bones, and fat distribution are completely different, it’s still a goblin species, so there must be some similarities.

“The liver alone weighs about 1kg.”

The weight of just one organ was a clear indicator of how packed with protein and fat it was.

If I were at home, I’d soak it in cold water to drain the blood and boil it once, but we don’t have that luxury right now.

Creak, press, press!

“To remove the blood and unnecessary fat, you need to apply pressure from above. It’s just like how butchers use presses to squeeze meat. By pressing down like this, you’ll remove blood, parasites, and internal fat. It’s essential. Probably…”

– Wait, she’s seriously cooking it???

– If you don’t mention that it’s goblin meat, it just looks like any other meat.

– But I couldn’t eat it, lol.

– We’re watching a filtered version, but the host is seeing it all raw and real, lol.

I don’t know how strong a press is, but with my strength, it should be fine.

Like all organ meat, the fresher it is, the better it will taste.

Especially with liver, since it has a lot of blood, the freshness declines quickly once it’s removed, so it’s best to cook it as soon as possible.

“Whew, all the blood’s drained. It looks pretty clean now. See?”

– Yeah, we can see it.

– That’s pork liver, right?

– Looks the same.

– Could be tasty?

– If it tastes good, that’s legendary.

I held up the pressed Emperor Goblin liver for the drone camera.

The liver had the appearance of blood pudding, firm yet vibrant red, enough to stimulate the appetite.

“The smell is… Yep! Fresh. It’s perfect for cooking.”

– Wait, can you really tell just by the smell?

– Hahaha, I bet the host has done this more than once.

– But how can she tell by the smell, lol.

Leaving the flesh tentacles to finish disassembling the remaining meat and bones, I tore the liver into smaller pieces with a knife and tossed it into the pot.

The most important part, the Emperor Goblin’s head, was already simmering away in the pot.

Taking viewer feedback into account, I had removed the Emperor Goblin’s eyes beforehand.

After all, I’m making a clear broth soup.

If the Emperor Goblin’s eyes were floating on top, the viewers might find it a bit too revolting.

“It looks like I used up all the seasoning earlier, huh? No problem. I’ll just make some here.”

I opened my bag and took stock of the available ingredients.

Soy sauce, corn syrup, sugar, cooking wine, garlic, onion, ginger, pepper, anchovy sauce… Hmm, while it’s not ideal, I should be able to whip up an improvised sauce.

Ideally, I’d add some pear or apple juice, but I’ll just boil the water for now.

I mixed the ingredients together based on feel, and the flavor was pretty decent.

Not bad, not bad.

“I’ve finished preparing the liver, the Emperor Goblin’s head is in the pot, so now we just wait for it to boil.”

The smell wafting from the pot made my mouth water.

Ahh, this is bliss.

Yes, this is it…

“Haa… the smell is amazing…”

– Are you really enjoying this, Host?

– That’s genuine.

– Just look at her face, lol. How could that be fake?

“Clearing a dungeon while warming up my body… Sitting by a cozy fire, smelling the fragrant goblin soup as it simmers… Why don’t you all try this sometime?”

[‘CrazyCrazy’ has donated 10,000 won!]

– Yeah, no thanks.

– Hahaha.

– That was fast, lol.

– Hahaha.

– LOL.

– Hahaha.

“I’m not crying. How could I be sad when I’m this happy and relaxed…”

One hour… no, 30 minutes should be enough.

I’ve heard some pork soups take over four hours to boil, but since I already prepared the broth in advance, it won’t take that long.

Plus, the divine fire is strong, so it’ll be fine.

“Yawn, I’m feeling a bit drowsy… Hey guys, wake me up in 30 minutes, okay?”

– You’re asking for donations to wake you up, lol.

– If she asks, we’ll wake her up.

– The host has every right to be tired. She just soloed a Camouflaged Dungeon.

– Yeah, you’re right.

– As annoying as she is… she’s also an amazing noona who just soloed an S-rank dungeon…

– Hahaha, is that a compliment or an insult?

– Noona looks so pretty when she sleeps, I wouldn’t mind if she kept sleeping, lol.

– Agreed.

– She looks beautiful when she’s asleep.

– What? Ban?

– No, I meant I’d love to take pictures while she sleeps.

– Oh, I see.

I smiled at the chat as they started talking among themselves and closed my eyes.

I wasn’t really sleeping.

I just felt a little drowsy, probably because of the cozy fire and my slightly tired body.

“…No…!

Yeah, I didn’t fall aslee—

“Sia unnie!!!”

“…?”

I sat up, startled by the voice I heard nearby.

It wasn’t a hallucination.

Someone really was here.

They were moving pretty fast.

Who could it be?

“Sia unnie!! Are you okay?”

“Huh… huh?”

“Seriously, unnie, have you lost your mind?! No matter how strong you are, how can you just dive into an S-rank dungeon without any preparation, without even reporting it to the Association, and go straight into the Goblin Empire alone?!”

I turned my head and saw the first thing that caught my eye—a head of blue hair.

Chilly, ice-blue hair, but a warm, lively smile.

She had a young face, not looking a day over her mid-20s.

Her hunter name was Icicle Nine.

Real name, Yeonhwa.

Nickname, Aina.

She was also known as the Snowflower Warrior, one of Korea’s S-rank hunters, and the first person I connected with when I returned to this world.

Her power was ice, but her personality was more like a cheerful golden retriever.

“…What’s a dummy like you doing here?”

To me, she was just a dummy.

Of course, she scrunched up her pretty forehead in disapproval at the word “dummy.”

“I’m not a dummy! I’m Icicle Nine…! At least call me Aina or by my real name!”

Icicle = Bing

Nine = Gu

Bingu.

It fits, doesn’t it?

– ??????

– Yeonhwa noona???

– Wow! Two Noonas!

– What’s going on, hahaha?

– Why is Icicle Nine here?

– The host knows Icicle Nine???

– What’s happening?

– Our Noona… is more amazing than I thought…

– But why “Bingu”? Isn’t that a forbidden word, lol?

Since the broadcast was still live, the chat exploded at the sudden appearance of Bingu.

“I was watching your stream, unnie, so the moment I saw the report come into the Association, I rushed over. The Association is in full emergency mode right now. As soon as a hunter found the Goblin Empire, the whole place went nuts…”

“Really?”

“Yeah, but I didn’t think it would be your stream, Sia unnie…”

– Host, explain yourself.

– Explain, explain, explain, explain, explain.

– We need an explanation.

– Explain!

“What?”

– You know Yeonhwa Noona?

– Is this for real? Or just for show?

– It doesn’t seem like she’s a guest.

– Why would there be a guest in the Goblin Empire, hahaha.

“Uh…”

S-rank hunters sure seem to be popular and amazing.

But why are they losing their minds when Bingu shows up while they troll me in the chat…

Alright, fine, since you’re all asking for an explanation, I’ll give you one.

“Ahem, let me formally… I mean, explain. Bingu… I mean, S-rank hunter Yeonhwa and I have known each other for a while. When I returned, she handled my Returnee registration and vouched for my identity.”

“Oh, uh, sorry, everyone watching the stream. As you know, the Goblin Empire is classified as an S-rank danger zone, so the Association has been keeping a close eye on it…”

“Are the response teams coming here too?”

“Yeah, sorry, unnie. The Goblin Empire has its own dedicated task force at the Association, so I couldn’t help it. They should be arriving soon. But honestly, the Association is freaking out more about the fact that you soloed the Empire, Sia unnie.”

“Even the higher-ups were watching my stream, huh.”

“They said you might need to write a statement later… Would that be okay?”

“A statement? Sure, no problem.”

At that, Yeonhwa sighed in relief.

I expected they’d be keeping tabs on me.

It’s within the scope of what I anticipated.

“Sorry, everyone. I’ll have to end today’s stream here. It looks like Bingu… I mean, Yeonhwa brought the whole Association over because she was worried about me.”

– It’s over already?

– Noooo!

– Don’t goooo!

– Still, we saw everything we needed to.

– Watching the host solo the Goblin Empire was enough, lol.

– Goodbye, goodbye, goodbye.

“Uh, unnie.”

“Hm?”

“So, um… Did you report the dungeon entry?”

“…Huh? Why?”

Hunters are required to report to the Bureau or the Association when entering a dungeon.

If a hunter stays in a dungeon for too long, a rescue team or emergency aid squad will be dispatched immediately. It’s also to prevent crimes from occurring inside dungeons.

And I did make a report.

I reported that I was entering a C-rank dungeon that hadn’t even been rated for danger levels.

“This… this is a Camouflaged Dungeon, unnie.”

“Yeah, it is.”

“So, even if it’s not the Goblin Empire, you still need to file an additional report to enter a Camouflaged Dungeon.”

…And naturally, I hadn’t filed that additional report.

The moment I heard I could make Emperor Goblin head soup, I just charged straight in.

– Oh, right. The host didn’t report anything and just barged in, huh?

– What happens if you don’t report it?

– You won’t get into serious trouble, but…

– If you get lost in the dungeon, no one will know to send a rescue team.

“Oh, sorry, I didn’t file a report. Did that cause any problems for you?”

“It’s not that… But unnie, if you don’t report your dungeon entry, everything that happens inside is classified as a natural disaster or accidental death… And…”

“And?”

Yeonhwa looked at the pot bubbling over the fire.

“…And any monster materials from an unreported dungeon entry… become the property of the state. That includes the Emperor Goblin you killed, unnie.”

“………..?”

What?

“Normally, even if a hunter doesn’t file a report, the Association recognizes what they’ve caught, but the Emperor Goblin is an origin creature, so…”

What did I just hear?

– ??

– What?

– Is the Association trying to snatch what the host killed?

– Wow, impressive, Association!

– Are they really going to take it right in front of us?

– Hahaha, the Association’s gone too far, lol.

“No, no! It’s not like that!”

Flustered by the chat, Yeonhwa shouted in panic.

“The Emperor Goblin is a unique origin creature! Its research value is immense for training future hunters! Besides, if Sia unnie had reported her dungeon entry and then entered the Camouflaged Dungeon, it’d be a different story, but since she didn’t…”

– Oh, so it’s legal, huh.

– That’s fair.

– Loyalty to Yeonhwa Noona!

– But does that mean the host illegally hunted?

– Illegal hunting, lol.

Illegal hunting.

Yeah, that’s the perfect way to describe it.

But the word hit me with a sense of dread.

“…So what about my soup…?”

“Sorry, but it all has to be confiscated… The Emperor Goblin’s bones, flesh, even its organs are all extremely valuable… But don’t worry! The Association said they’ll pay you for it!”

What?

– Look at the host’s face, hahaha.

– She looks devastated, lol.

– Hahaha.

– Hahahahaha.

– LOL.

– Hahaha.

…Ah.

I felt dizzy.

What about my soup!

Give it back!

Do you have any idea how hard I worked to make this??

The soup I carefully prepared, with my own hands, using the Emperor Goblin’s head…!

“S-Sia unnie! I’m really sorry! I’ll apologize on behalf of the Association! But there’s nothing we can do! I’ll buy you all the beef you want… or anything you want to eat! As much as you want!!!”

“…Make it expensive…”

“Yeah, of course! I’ll even rent out an entire BBQ place for a whole day! I’m really, really sorry! Please don’t cry, unnie!”

“…I’m not crying…”

– Hahahaha.

– Look at that grief-stricken face, lol.

– LOL.

– Hahaha.

– Hahaha.

– My stomach hurts, hahaha.

– So, there’s a streamer who did all that but couldn’t eat the soup?!

– Hahaha.

– From now on, Noona is the Illegal Hunter Saintess.

– Hahaha.

– Illegal Saintess, lol.

…Fine, I’ll just eat beef.

“Everyone, today’s stream… ends here…”

– LOL.

– Hahaha.

– Hahaha.

– Hahahaha.

– LOL.

– What a legend, hahaha.

[‘KawaiiHorned’ has donated 100,000 won!]

– Here’s a donation for soda to drink with your beef ^^

That bastard!

With a mix of anger and sadness, I hit the end broadcast button.

Emperor Goblin Head Soup Result – Failure