The Life Paradox

I walked away from the stage. I couldn't deliver the poem, not when the person I had dedicated it to didn't even show up. Where did she go? It was not like her to not come without saying a single word. I was full of questions with not a single answer in sight.

I returned home, my mind full of delusions and make believe answers. I reached the house and entered inside. But, it was different today. Entering inside today felt distant and alien, as if I entered somewhere I wasn't supposed to. I had a weird feeling gnawing at my heart. the feeling which to my horror I realized I had last felt....the night of my mom's death.

"Evana"

I called out to her but alas there were no replies. I went to her room but saw nothing. I checked every nook and cranny of the house to no avail. Finally, I entered my room. My head full of worries and doubt, I did not even notice I got a text. I was paranoid. I searched the house again. I went to school again to search if she was there. Wherever my mind took me, I went and searched for her. After a long while with no results, I returned home; desolate and heartbroken. Evana's parents also were not home today. I felt sick. I returned back to my room and finally something caught my eye.

My mobile phone. It was buzzing.

I had ignored the phone on my search. But I noticed something. A notification. A text from Evana's dad. What I read made my body turn cold and my face devoid of color.

"Benji, Evana met with an accident while coming to school. Me and her mom are currently tending to her in Saint Hospital. Come here as soon as possible."

I ran. With no time left to spare, I ran towards the hospital. Why? Why does something like this always happen? Whenever I am at my highest, fate laughs at me and throws me in an abyss of despair. Why me? Why the people close to me? With no answers but a million questions, I reached the hospital.

With ragged breathing I asked the nurse, "Where is Ewana Rowe? I'm her relative."

"Room 506" She replied curtly.

I reached the room and saw her parents outside. BOth of them were worried out of their minds.

"Benji, what took you so long?"

"What happened to Evana, Sir?"

"She...She had an accident. A truck hit her on the way to school."

I drew in a cold breath. My mind was jumbled. I had many things I wanted to ask her dad but only one question escaped my lips involuntarily.

"Is she fine?"

"Yes. But-"

"But what?"

"They doctors say.....both of her legs won't work anymore. She's paralyzed."

I felt the ground beneath me shake. Despair welled up in my heart. Her mom started crying and her dad was holding his back. I didn't know what I was doing. I felt a voice escape my lips.

"Can I see her?"

A whisper. Whisper full of despair due to her fate but hopeful to at least get to see her.

"Ok."

With trembling hands, I opened the doors. Evana was right there, laying on the bed. Even now, she looked like something out of a painting. A beautiful painting.

"Evana."

I called out her name while my voice cracked.

"Hi, Benji." She said with a smile. A smile that looked unnatural. I knew that smile. It was a mask I wore everyday before I met her. A smile that hides despair underneath.

"Sorry I couldn't come to the talent show. I know you had something planned for me."

"No need to be sorry. It was nothing."

"Don't lie to me Benji. Not now, please."

"....."

What was I doing? Why was I lying to her? Was I ashamed of her hearing the poem I wrote for her? Maybe. But now was not the time for that. It was time for bravery.

"I.... wrote a poem for you."

She gasped. Then she gave me a radiant smile. A smile that didn't hide anything inside. Something pure and devoid and any filth.

"Can I hear it?"

".....Yes"

"Please Benji, let me hear it. Maybe it'll make me feel better in this situation."

With a deep breath, I took a seat near her. Then without missing a beat, I recited the poem. The poem that was already etched in my memory.

"What if I never spoke?

What if I stayed silent, my words unbroken,

Trapped in the cage of my own fear,

And you never knew I was here? -

-TO BE CONTINUED-