The Love They Never Had

Yeon was incredibly luckily that I dared not to cross the line under my last night, but I indeed came close last night, too close. But her recent behavioural patten now ever since The Lady Min came in between us; she would keep her distance around me, but as soon as I was unconscious or sleeping, she tended me to more than she ever has in my entire life..more than I allowed her due to my father hovering around me.

She put a pillow under my head and started undressing only my outer robes as she covered me with the thickest blanket that she could find. She lit an incense stick that smelt really good before she undid my hair as gently as she could without waking me up. She…she even gave me a brief massage that managed to undo all of my knots that I had suffered for years. I had to cover my mouth in order to hide my gasp before she was finally finished. And despite her bed being made and being dragged on the opposite side of the room, she lay down behind me, but she was close enough that I could trace her fair body with my eyes from underneath her sleeping suit. It was a slow sexual torture as the image of her long fair legs were stuck in my mind. I had never touched a woman before, but she was unbelievably soft, it was as if she was made from silk. I couldn't even remember the last time I touched or smelt something that good…probably ever.

I remembered her first day here just before she had woken up; I put great importance of her care since the Seo's had never been in my home before…and I had never really been left alone with Yeon before. She was my first female guests and as I was in a panic, I barely remembered everything that her brother did for her…only to wake up in the same 'comfort' I had given her just a few hours later. I woke up in her bed, covered by a blanket and I had some ointment next to me along with some piping hot tea that she had apparently made herself for me. For the first time. I had absolutely no idea how to react to my first…act of kindness in this home, but I decided to accept our of pure curiosity and nothing more, back then at least. It wasn't the bitter tea that my father liked to have, it was sweet and fragrant and it totally took me by surprise. Sweets were totally banned in the mansion so I had no idea how I did it…but the fact that she went that extra length for me actually managed to touch me amidst all of the crazy things that were happening in that moment. I remember going to my mother's abandoned quarters for the first time since…well I knocked on the door to make sure that she was settling in well, but the first thing she asked me was if I was ok. It completely took me aback to the point where just left her alone after that for quite a while…until she spoke up for the maid ages ago…

I woke up oddly refreshed in her room as I heard her walk around, most likely from bathing. But before I could watch her some more, I was being called out by my servant to go over some work we had in the palace. I then made my way to her as she was brushing out her wet hair and I took the comb from her momentarily as I began to brush out her long hair for her in silence for a couple of minutes before I got called out again. I went to her wardrobe and I picked out a fancy outfit for her to wear as I told her that she would be representing me now, she had to start acting like a noblewoman. She looked horrified and she tried to give me 1000000 excuses but want't having it at all. I made the servants tend to her to their best capabilities despite all of her protests whilst I narrowly managed to avoid The Lady Min who had just made her way through my front gates eagerly with no supervision at all. I could only shake my head in embarrassment and relief at the same time that her father wasn't hounding me about his daughter so that was a little relief for me.

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This was so unprecedented that I had no idea what to do with myself. After he took the comb from my hair and started brushing it himself, I specially remember him letting a horde of servants let loose on me. I was 'pampered' and groomed in ways I had not knowledge of that let me in a considerable amount of pain…until I laid my eyes upon the most beautiful white and blue dress that was surely picked out by Seon-Ho. I had no idea that he realised that most of my outfits were in blue…his favourite colour, and his mother's. Even though my dress sense had indeed changed since I had lost my memories and some of my beauty habits had evolved…but there was still a part of me that missed the girl who dressed up in rags and was invisible to the world. But this dress…it was indeed beautiful, so beautiful in fact that I simply couldn't resist trying it on at least. It was made from the finest silk and I didn't even want to think how much it cost…or why he would spend that much money on me at all. But from the moment I put it on, I was almost dragged outside and I was placed into a carriage by the servants who refused to leave me alone on Seon-Ho's orders. I was trying my hardest to act humble but I could not deny the pleasure it gave me to think how Seon-Ho went out of his way to buy this for me and how many times he must have ran his fingers through this fabric before purchasing it…it really was beautiful indeed and it was the first time in a very long time that I really felt like a woman…a beautiful woman…

As if I wasn't flustered enough, I was most certainly not used to getting everyone's attention unless I was having one of my fits. And even then I had everyone either pointing at me in disgust or laughing at me, so I want't exactly loving the attention I was getting now publicly, in fact it disgusted me. But before I could react, the servants were leading me to The Lady Min's quarters as if I had been summoned over to her already. So I guess that I was here to start on my man's work that he had left for me, without any discussion of course. So I waited upon her until she was ready to receive me with my…our very complicated future running in my mind…

"…whose useless servant is this to not announce my that my guest has been waiting for me for over and hour now?" "Forgive me for being unfamiliar with the rules…" "How dare you interrupt me? How dare you address me without my title! And how dare you keep me away from The Young Master Nam this morning! So, who is it? Who wants to see me this early…oh, if it isn't The Young Unmarried Mistress Seo? The concubine who dares to act like a Mistress? Or a whore, more like." "A whore?" "What else can I call the person who stole my date to The Lantern Festival last night? This is actually the funnies thing that I have seen for a while now; you even seem to have the nerve to turn away you distingue guests that keep calling you over from the brothel. Maybe such a place is unbecoming if you ever since The Young Master fund you again and dressed you up in silk that you do not deserve!" "Is that what you think? Sure, a place like this must be unbecoming of me since I am just too busy whoring around with The Young Master Nam to pay attention to anybody else." "You bitch! Just who do you think you are!" "Who do you think you are then? Not even the Madame of this place says anything to me and since the downfall of your family, we all have higher ranking statues that you do! Even the most common prostitute here has more worth than you do! And I am a member of this residence, whilst you crawled your way here after us, so who are you to judge me? Who are you to comment on what I do in my spare time with the man who will marry me? As a main wife? So do not go looking for trouble if you cannot handle it!"

"Seo Yeon!" "Yes! I am here! Is there something important that you want to say to me?" "Do not act so proud! Your favour will not last an entire lifetime! He didn't even approach you when he knew exactly where you were for an entire year! I was the one who accompanied him in your absence, and you really think that you can just steal him away from me? You are not even as pretty as you used to be! The Young Master Nam is someone who feasts on beauty, so you should know your worth by now! Before The Young Master makes an extra income by passing you around to his allies…!"

"I have a warrant here from The Young Master Nam to release his sister-in-law and the custody of his nephew since they are both under is care here!" "Is that so? I am afraid that he will have to come here and collect them both in person if he wants me to release them!" "Very well, and he will come to collect them soon, so do not blame me if he will not be held responsible for his actions!" I shoved her onto the ground as I forced my way into her residence so that I could give his sister-in-law my full assurance that my true fiancé will give this girl hell for the trick that she was pulling now before she made her way into my quarters to smash everything apart, but I didn't care about that. I was far too preoccupied with Seon-ho's mental state of mind and what it was doing to him and to us as a couple. We were in the stage were our feelings were battling with our goals and I myself was feeling trapped by his lust, his love, his wishes and his work ambitions and I was having a particularly hard time differentiating all 4 of those factors. Did he truly love me? Did he ever? Or was he using his lust for me as an excuse to just keep me around? Or should I wait for him to carry out his plan and see what happens next? He was saying such sweet things to me now that he never did before, was he using these words to hide his disgust for me now? For staying in a brothel for longer than I should have? What did he really think of me? "I will do everything possible to protect you, you're so good to me, do not compare yourself to any other beauty, I am perfect as I am…" did he really mean it anymore? Could I really have a good marriage with a man who had lost all respect for me, even if I was innocent? Or would he end up treating me the same way that his father treated his mother? And what about me? Did I love him enough to put up being treated like that for the rest of my life? Or should I leave now whilst I had the chance and allow us both even more time to heal, even though every single day without him felt like death. I guess that there was only one way to find out and it wasn't going to be easy for any of us, but I had to know, for the sake of my future.