The Love They Never Had

"Well? Whose name tag did my husband pull today? Didn't you say that bitch Concubine Park has been turning my husband away ever since it happened? That accident where she blamed me for the loss of her baby? Hui-Jae? Why aren't you answering me?" "That is what I heard last, but I do not understand why she consented today…" "That is because whores always feign their feelings and stance themselves from men to entice them even more. I haven't seen my husband in a month and my incense has lost it's scent." "His Highness has left a message for you to transcribe sutras for the Spring time." "So Spring has finally arrived, and the snow frost will finally melt, just like the day we married nearly 2 decades ago…" "It is still freezing cold at night, and I need to resume our needle work since we will not be provided with clothes anymore. The eunuchs will probably ride the clothes for money outside of the palace if we are lucky enough to make ends meet here. And your reinstatement relies on your wealth and…" "how easy is it for you to say! My husband has never been possessed by a woman before like he is now with The Concubine Park! She is keeping him from me and finally making me experience what it means to anxiously wait for someone until my eyes hurt'. It wasn't quite the same with you, so even when I didn't see you for some time, it was as if you were in front of me everyday." "And everyone can see exactly how much he misses you by not showing up here at all." "He isn't here for you either, so your love wasn't meaningful to him either, servant."

"Why are you looking at me like that, Your Highness?" "It is because I do not think that I have beaten you enough today for you to keep talking back to me like this. I still have no idea what my husband saw in you." "He saw someone who was the complete opposite of yourself in me, but now I realise that I must have truly meant nothing to him if he put me as a servant to the woman who killed our baby." "And you? What did you see in him?" "I saw the closest thing to someone that I couldn't have, someone that I threw away without a second thought for power, fame and wealth." "Surely you are not talking about…" "I never got the chance to touch him, he would always jerk around violently if I ever went anywhere close to him. I couldn't touch him, I couldn't hold him, and I couldn't…" "During the time of his father's confinement in the palace, he took the girl's virginity, he told me himself." "No, you are lying to me. If he couldn't touch me, then what makes you think that he will touch an epileptic orphan like her?" "Han Hui-Jae, jus who exactly do you think you are? If he can't touch you, he cannot have anyone else? You are kisaneg born inti a brothel where women sell themselves for survival. And your restrained behaviour that kept you from acting like a kisaneg has backlashed on you pretty strongly."

"What are you talking about?" ""You are a woman who is falsely emphatic and yet still beautiful as a flower, so who will be empathetic to you and listen to you? Your tragic little love life has been in vain and you couldn't catch the dream of it all. You are nothing more than a decorative piece on a man's chest that gradually dims and ages in time, unbendingly and in vain once again. And rather than bowing out gracefully, you are willing to destroy yourself and let your hatred sweep over everything. You are old-fashioned to your bones with a lot of forbearance and concession. And when these decent qualities surprises desires and opinions, it fails to give you happiness and you will become spontaneously angry, like you have been ver since the man who chased you around the village left you for the woman who used to chase him. No matter how beautiful and graceful a flower is, its thorns are extremely viscous and sharp. And in your desperation to catch something from the past, you're spontaneous resentment pushed everything that you wanted away from you. You will never force him sway himself from Seo Yeon just like you cannot force yourself to become her to take what she has and just like how you cannot force to face the reality of Seon-Ho's betrayal." "You are saying that I should just accept that the cause of my misery has taken everything away from me and will just live the life that I was destined for?" "If anyone of us could change his mind against her, if it was possible, then it would be myself, to get back at my husband for his past infidelities."

"There are still people that you can appoint as Ministers who still want to obtain favour…" "No, maintaining my favour is my only priority and I can no longer pull any tricks and I must act with caution at all times. I haven't had the smoothest marriage, but I can tell that my husband is deadly serious now. Maybe he really has no plans to reinstate me at all and I just cannot put my mind at ease. I must find a way for him to visit me, even just the once. But my biggest worry is that my family will offend The Imperial Family with their boastful manners. It is only when they regain this family's trust that I can rise to my previous power once again." "Your Highness…" "Make a start on dinner for us and let us only hope that you get better at it this time around before we both starve to death again before sleeping. It has been a very long day today indeed and I cannot stop thinking about my husband and that slut being together."

"My Lady, your husband's eunuch as asked to see you to pass along a message to you; he wants you to join him for dinner with The Concubine Park and Attendant Kim." "Excuse me? What did you just say?" "Your sincerity must have been noticed; His Highness has finally relented and he must favour you once again." "It it really how you say eunuch?" "He read all of your letters of pleading and desperation; and he wouldn't fail to acknowledge you're sincerity ever again. The clouds have dispersed and you can now see the moon once again Your Highness…" "I have always been swayed by gains and losses after serving my husband for all of these years, and now I can no longer read his heart nor understand him, I do not even think that he ever has had me in his heart at all. Never mind, I must get ready to meet him in my green dress…alone. You shall say here and get along with the needlework and I shall see you tonight, maybe even the next day if things go my way…"

"…I very much adore these purple colours on you ladies; you should order a few more from the household department…" "Your Highness? Are you not happy to see me at all? You have not visited me for some time, I thought that this would never happen…." "The new concubine must be feeling uncomfortable due to fetal movement, she must also miss your company,Your Highness. You should really go and check on her…" "Your thoughtfulness is refreshing, Attendant Kim, I shall check on her later, but for now, the Imperial Physicians will check on her all of the time." "But it is her first time getting pregnant, you should spend more time with her." "If only my main wife shared your considerations, I could have had more children by now and I wouldn't have been dragged down to where I am now." "Your Majesty…" "it is far too cold to travel in the middle of the night, and the other concubines are acting petulant, it gives me a headache, that is why I prefer your company, and I couldn't be more grateful that you both have become fast friends." "Thank you, Your Highness." "Husband, please look at me…" "Concubine Park, why would you even bother to bow? What if you slipped from standing so quickly? How have you been feeling these past couple of days?" "I do often feel fatigued and my back is sore, but Attendant Kim has been keeping me company ever since…" "Husband, I will excuse myself…" "I notice that you have dark circles under your eyes wife, do you not sleep well? Or bathe at all?" "Husband…" "Your Highness! A prying ear might hear that and think that we do not fare her well. Favour doesn't just mean a pretty face and body, but prudence counts as well." "You bitch! Who do you think you are talking to like that! I am still…" "Still what? A deposed, old and barren Princess Consort?"

Deposed, old and barren, unlike these jewels of women in there silk attire and precious jewels whereas I was dressed in…in rags like the Seo's wore when they were left orphaned…because of me. I felt poorer than they ever were and just as filthy…and alone…and abandoned…"I was told that the harem were cutting down on budgets…" "We are not short on money right now, I will distribute some of my savings on the lesser concubines for them to make the new Spring clothing…" "You are really quite unique, Concubine Park; I remember seeing you in the shadow of the apricot flowers and you truly looked detached from the rest of the chaos in the palace." "It felt like it was just us two in the world. I am flattered Your Majesty, for there are many other talented beauties in the palace apart from myself like Attendant Kim here." "Yes, she arrived a quarter earlier than yesterday, I was hoping the night would fall faster so I could see the both of you quickly. A day without you beauties feels like a year, and a dinner without you both feels like a lifetime. Unlike someone who wanted to imitate previous Empresses and made mistakes along the way to re-establish fast authority." "Cleverness can also become the source of one's grief when not used well." "Exactly right, Attendant Kim. I hope you like the new set of gifts that I have sent you." "Of course I like everything that you choose for me, you even eat my food on a daily basis, are you not tired of my spicy meals yet?" "You have never asked me such questions before, maybe I should just leave if you worry so much…" "Forgive me, Your Highness, and don't you dare come back if you see anyone else." "You are in a mischievous moods, aren't you?" "That is what you get for not sending me my lantern gifts in time." "What nonsense, how could I ever forget you, especially when you smell this good?" "It is the incense that you gave me exclusively, Your Highness." "I gifted unique ones to my favourites, no-one else deserves it."

"And what about the new girl who spoke up quite a bit at the first meeting? I heard that she can sing opera and can do flower art quite nicely." "She has caught my eye, but she will never overpower your ranks, do not worry ladies." "I suppose that our deposed Noble Consort isn't happy about that due to the difference in ranking? Isn't she now 10 times as superior to her now? And you only visit your favourites, Your Highness." "Life without your favour is surely worse than being the lowest ranking maid with no prospects at all." "And what delicacies have you prepared for me, wife?" I didn't bring a damned thing with me and he knew it, he only bought me here for the sheer humiliation of it all, for the things that I had done for him and him only. But now he wanted a concubine? Then fine, I would bring him one that was under my control.