There’s No Way I Can Raise a Dragon Daughter

Knock. Knock. Knock.

A dull sound echoed endlessly in the dark room.

The daggers that had left the Duke’s hand were embedded in the wall across the room.

The Duke picked up the last dagger and briefly looked at his reflection on the blade.

He appeared so emaciated that he looked like a corpse on the brink of death.

“······.”

Knock.

The Duke’s arm moved, and the dagger was plunged down.

The tip pierced through the back of his left hand and stuck into the desk.

Slowly, crimson blood began to spread across the desk.

At the same time, a bitter pain spread through his hand.

“Cough······.”

The Duke did not stop there and twisted the dagger, further tearing into his flesh.

The agonizing pain was almost unbearable.

Yet the Duke could not stop.

Ever since Julia left, nothing brought him joy.

No matter what he ate, it felt as if his sense of taste had been paralyzed.

He seemed to have developed an immunity to the various stimuli of the world.

Just like it was before.

Before he met Julia, the world had turned entirely monochrome.

In the midst of that, the only sensation the Duke could feel was none other than pain.

Only after the pain of tearing flesh and ripping muscle hit him did the Duke feel alive.

In a black-and-white world, only the blood flowing down seemed to take on a shade of red.

And above all, self-harm brought him peace of mind.

When his body was in pain, he felt as if he was paying for his sins.

It felt as if he were punishing himself; for the duration of self-harm, he could escape from guilt.

For just a brief moment, he could be free of regret.

That had surely been his reasoning at first.

However, over time, the Duke began to obsess over the pain itself.

Now, he couldn’t tell whether he felt alive because he inflicted pain on himself.

When he inflicted pain, pleasure would follow.

The process vanished, and only the outcome remained, leading him to continue self-harming addictively.

The Duke could no longer maintain his sanity for even a single hour of the day without relying on self-harm.

“Ha.”

Pak.

The Duke pulled the dagger out, cleaned it well, and threw it against the wall, where it stuck.

Now, a different light began to shine in his eyes.

Vitality returned to his previously unfocused and lifeless gaze.

The dark, monochrome room was now illuminated by warm sunlight, showcasing various colors.

With this, he could cling to his sanity for a while.

Calmly, the Duke stood up and wrapped a bandage around his left hand.

This wound wouldn’t last even three days.

It was nothing significant.

After washing his face in the bathroom and getting dressed, the Duke presented a rather noble appearance.

Even if there was no trace of a smile on his face as there used to be.

“Have you come out?”

“······.”

The butler was waiting just outside the abruptly opened door.

He frowned at the fishy scent of blood wafting from inside.

However, the butler swallowed any scolding he may have had, letting it stay in his throat.

He had warned the Duke in horror to stop self-harming, but the man clearly wouldn’t listen.

Moreover, forcing him to stop now would be pointless.

If he fell into alcohol or cigarettes next, it would be hopeless.

It seemed better to just leave things as they were.

“What is today’s schedule?”

The Duke continued to fidget with his neck.

The necktie felt extremely uncomfortable.

He had tied it exactly as Julia used to.

The one he tied himself, however, felt oddly constricting, as if it were meant to choke him.

“Regarding today’s schedule······ It seems I have some important news to convey first.”

“Speak.”

“This morning, all personnel from the lower-level officials from Dragania received notice of their dismissal. The royal sorcerers and knights were the same.”

“······.”

The Duke’s eyes slowly widened.

It was a blatant move full of intention.

The imperial family was now intent on purging Dragania.

The next steps were already painfully obvious.

From now on, the imperial family would completely suppress Dragania.

At the end of it all, they would demand the Duke relinquish his title.

If he didn’t comply, there would be nothing left but war.

The pristine white snow-capped mountains of Dragania would be stained red, and the corpse of the black dragon would lie on top of them. This future unfolded in the Duke’s mind.

Victory and defeat had already been determined from the start.

“Damn······.”

How did it come to this?

The Duke leaned against the wall as he staggered, panting heavily.

Losing Julia alone had left his heart aching and weary.

Now, it felt as if everything in the world had turned its sharp edge toward him.

He wished this was all just a bad dream.

The Duke sincerely wished for that.

*

Time passes, and wounds that felt like they would last forever heal.

Intense emotions fade and gradually sink deep within my chest.

Even the memories that had once brought me unbearable pain don’t seem as severe upon reflection.

Back then, it was hard even to think of them.

Now, I can look back on things rather objectively.

And upon reevaluating, the Duke is·····

“A piece of trash.”

He was a creature so despicable he didn’t even deserve reevaluation.

However, my perception had changed slightly from before.

The day I discovered all the Duke’s misdeeds.

At that moment, I thought he had deceived me from the very start.

Like a toy to a mere creature, I believed he would find joy in seeing my despair when I finally uncovered all the truth.

Thinking that way helped ease my mind.

Viewing the Duke as nothing more than pure trash, and hating him without rest was the only way I could endure those painful times.

But as time passed and I reflected again, I realized it wasn’t exactly like that.

The Duke must have meant it sincerely.

He truly believed he loved me.

Back then, the wandering gaze in the Duke’s eyes was definitely not a façade.

He was genuinely flustered and unsure of what to do.

The usual brazen and relaxed demeanor had completely vanished, leaving only a child caught up in a mistake.

“A child. That fits.”

Yes. A child.

That perfectly encapsulates him.

He was no different from a reckless child.

Mistakes can happen at any time.

Caught up in an intense urge that a dragon had not felt for thousands of years, he could err.

But the problem lies in how one deals with it afterward.

Having committed an unforgivable act, shouldn’t he have taken the necessary steps once realizing it?

Yet the Duke decided to skip all of that and bury the truth.

That’s not the action of an adult.

It’s behavior typical of a cowardly child unwilling to take responsibility.

Especially if it’s an obvious and poor attempt at concealment that would be exposed soon.

“Even Tia graduated from that bad habit at the age of one.”

Now, all I feel is ridiculous laughter.

I had to suffer for so long under the antics of such a childish fool.

Every time that foolish child acted brazenly, I, in my stupidity, feared him.

Looking back, the Duke seems so trivial.

The “love” the Duke speaks of probably isn’t love at all.

What would a child incapable of becoming an adult know about love?

Since I was his first partner, he mistook the intense surge of dopamine for love.

He must be confusing lust with love.

No matter how much he might care for me, it cannot be categorized as love without doubt.

If the Duke truly loved me and thought of me as a lifelong companion, he wouldn’t have committed such acts.

“Ugh!”

“What are you······.”

As I turned around, a fox had placed its front paw on my back and was sticking out its tongue.

When did it come inside?

Did it come in because it was too cold outside?

“Who told you to come inside? Did you wipe your feet properly?”

“Ugh!”

“Well, you did wipe them before coming in. Smart little one. Sniff. Ha. Sniff. Ha. Ah, the smell.”

Unknowingly, I gathered the fox’s front paws and buried my nose in them.

Ugh. The rich scent assaulted my nose.

But it was strangely addictive, and I couldn’t help it.

It was a different kind of intoxicating scent than Tia’s unkempt hair.

“Sniff. Really. Ha. Why does Tia like such a smelly fox? Haah.”

It’s not the fox I like.

I just like this particular smell.

Everything else is unappealing.

I don’t like fluffy fur, slender legs, nor the continuously twitching tails one bit.

Ah, but I can’t let Tia find out about this.

“Mom?”

“Yip!”

Tia’s voice rang from behind.

Startled, I threw the fox aside.

Then I sat down demurely, pretending nothing had happened.

“Ah. I was just about to send him out since he came inside without permission.”

“Hmm? You were sniffing with his front paws gathered and looking enchanted?”

“······.”

My face suddenly began to burn.

She saw everything.

“Muhihih! I’m so glad mom likes the Hekheki too!”

“Ah, no, I don’t really like them that much?”

“But the Hekheki say so. When Tia’s around, mom can be brusque, but when she’s away, you’re really nice. You cook and even give meat, and whenever you can, you touch them. Even when you think it’s dirty, you wash them with care.”

“······.”

My face felt even hotter, as if it might explode.

That’s right. Now that I think about it, Tia did talk to the foxes before.

I felt like I wanted to hide in a hole.

“So Tia likes mom!”

“Suddenly?”

“I thought you would always dislike it, but it wasn’t true. Mom is someone who can learn to like what she initially hated, and that makes me happy.”

“······.”

Tia wrapped her arms around my waist.

Then I gently hugged Tia, who was rubbing her face against my chest.

“Someone who can learn to like something they initially hated·····.”

Tia probably said that without thinking.

But that phrase lingered in my mind.

Can my perception change again?

Even though they are a person I find frustrating right now and don’t want to see again, might I wish to see them later?

“Hmm? But who is this one?”

“What do you mean?”

At that moment, Tia picked up the fox next to me and tilted her head.

Who is this?

It’s one of the four foxes we raise.

In the midst of my confusion, Tia dashed out of the door with the fox in her hands.

“Ugh······.”

I hunched myself against the biting wind that crept through the door’s gap.

Trembling in pain, I put on my coat and followed Tia.

“Look! There’s one more now!”

“Huh?”

I, too, tilted my head.

Four foxes were waiting outside for Tia.

And the one in Tia’s hands made a total of five foxes.

That can’t be right.

We only have four foxes.

Originally, there would have been five, but one was adopted out.

“Ugh, huff. I’m about to die. Jackson! Where are you going······.”

Just then, a youthful voice started to call from beyond the main gate.

As Tia recognized that voice, her face brightened up.

When we both turned to look at the main gate…

“Nikolai?”

A boy dressed in furs stood before us.

We had spotted the prince, Nikolai.

Following him was his attendant, Karl.

I couldn’t help but leave a shocked expression as I bent slightly to show proper respect for royalty.

However, Tia disregarded such formalities entirely, bouncing with joy as she jumped up and down.

“Muhihi! Nikolai! What brings you here?!”

“I-I just took a walk with Jackson! Then Jackson suddenly dashed out, and I just chased after him! I didn’t come here to find you!”

There was no way royalty would take a stroll into the deep mountains of the reform’s outskirts.

He was still such an insincere character.

Nikolai’s face turned red, unable to confront Tia’s bright smile.

Up until this point, I had thought he was just an endearing little boy.

“Um······ Tiamat.”

“Hmm?”

“I heard that you cut ties with Dragania.”

“Hmm. That’s correct.”

“So, um, what I mean is… I just started to think that I wanted to get closer to you.”

Just a moment.

That kid seems off.

Dragania had a terrible relationship with the Emperor.

In the middle of this, the prince, Nikolai, who received the emperor’s full support, would likely hesitate to get close to a child from Dragania.

But now that we had cut ties with Dragania, that barrier disappeared.

So, the prince would pursue Tia without hesitation·····!

“Muhihih! That’s great!”

“No way!”

I unexpectedly shouted out loud.

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