Tongue Tied

Well... Yesterday was a very long day, not to mention the night I had afterward. 

I didn't get any sleep. I couldn't stop thinking about how I reacted to what Ezra and Apollo had said. 

But, how does someone typically react to the words "I love you"? Especially when they come from a significant other? Well, obviously, they say it back, but how?

When they said it to me, I freaked out. I have no idea why, I mean, I care for both of them with all of my heart, but I just went into fight or flight mode when they said it to me, and I immediately fled.

I mean, it's not that I don't feel that way for both Ezra and Apollo. It's just, saying it out loud is a whole other thing.

What if, when I do say it, things take a turn, and they begin to expect more from me than before? It also might be that I'm afraid to be vulnerable in front of people. If I am, it shows weakness and dependence. It proves to people that I can't be independent. Doesn't it?

But, the idea of opening up, saying I love you-- It puts me in a vulnerable position... that's something that terrifies me. It seems that I've spent most of my life building walls, hiding behind silence, and hiding my vulnerability. But now, the boys I feel a connection to, expect me to tear all of those boundaries down and express myself with three little words.

"Ugh..." I groan out loud as I run my hands through my hair and pace back and forth in my room. I guess the easiest way to avoid this issue would be to just avoid them and hope that they forget what happened. As I dropped to my bed, exhausted from all of my thoughts, a knock on my door made me sit up in curiosity. "Come in," I say, waiting to see who walks into my room.

My father stepped into my room, his expression calm, as always. He didn't say anything at first, he just sat down in the chair next to my window, watching me with those steady eyes that always seemed to see too much.

"Have you gotten any sleep?" He asks, worriedly.

"Not really... I've had a lot on my mind recently," I tell him.

"Ah," He said, nodding as if that explained everything. And maybe it did. He leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees. "You know, when your mother told me she loved me for the first time, I panicked." He tells me, shocking me.

"You? Panicked?" I ask, not convinced.

He chuckled softly. "Of course. Love is terrifying, Stella. It's raw, and it's vulnerable, and it's messy. But it's also the most beautiful thing you'll ever experience if you let yourself feel it."

His words settled over me, warm and heavy, and I found myself asking the question that had been gnawing at me for hours.

"How do you know if the love is real?" I ask.

He smiled, a soft, knowing smile that made my chest ache. "You just do."

After his words, he made his way out of my room, leaving my mind thinking of his words. 

His words echoed in my head as I wandered through the pack house, the morning sunlight chasing away the shadows. I didn't know exactly how to say it or what they'd think, but I knew one thing for sure: I couldn't keep running from this. They deserved to know. Searching through the pack house, I finally found the two men I was looking for.

I found them in the common room, sitting together on the couch. They were talking in low voices, but they stopped as soon as they saw me.

"Stella," Ezra said, standing up. His concern was written all over his face. "Are you okay?"

Apollo was right behind him, his brows furrowed. "Did something happen?" I shook my head, taking a deep breath. This was it.

"No, nothing happened. I just... I needed to talk to you both."

They exchanged a glance before nodding, waiting for me to continue.

"I've been thinking a lot about... everything. About what you said. And I realized that I've been so afraid of saying the wrong thing or not being enough that I didn't stop to think about what I already know."

I took a shaky breath, meeting their eyes one at a time.

"I love you," I said, my voice trembling but sure. "Both of you. I don't know if I'll ever be perfect at showing it, but I do. I love you, and I don't want to keep running from that."

For a moment, they just stared at me, their expressions unreadable. Then Ezra grinned, his eyes lighting up like the sun breaking through clouds.

"Took you long enough," he said, pulling me into a hug.

Apollo's arms wrapped around us both, his voice low and warm in my ear. "We love you too, Stella. More than anything."

I laughed softly, the tension in my chest dissolving into something lighter, brighter.

For the first time, I felt like I'd found my place. My home.

And this is when I realized:

The road that brought me here had been long and painful, but as I stood there, surrounded by the two people who meant everything to me, I realized something.

This wasn't the end of the road.

It was just the beginning.