B-ronken-R-ing 159...

"It sounded like you were in pain!" Juana stepped closer, her voice laden with worry. "I thought you were having trouble breathing again."

Inés took a deep breath. "Quiet."

"Sol de me vida, Inés..." whispered Juana in wonder. "Good gracious, did Lord Cárcel write this letter? I can't believe it!"

Instead of gracing Juana with a response, Inés simply hung her head. "I said quiet, Juana."

Ignoring her lady's words, Juana began to bounce in excitement. If she had been a decade younger, she would have been shrieking as well. However, to Inés's relief, Juana only covered her lips with one hand while clutching the envelope with the other.

Why was she kicking up such a fuss about Inés receiving some letter from her husband? Had Juana already forgotten about how Inés had tossed away the love letters she received as if they were a piece of meaningless notes?

Betraying her own thoughts, Inés was still blushing as she stared down at the letter.

"I thought some scoundrel from Mendoza sent you an anonymous letter!" Juana kept on going, oblivious to Inés's inner conflict. "I believed it's best to stay away to avoid agitating you further, but... Good gracious!"

Inés shot her an irritated glance. "You are already agitating me, Juana."

Juana immediately backed up a step. "Oh, no. Forget about me! Keep reading your husband's letter! But, my goodness... Just when did you become a grown woman?"

Silently, Inés snatched the envelope back from Juana and slapped her on the hand with it. Juana reluctantly took several steps back until she could no longer spy on her lady's letter. However, her eyes still gleamed as she regarded Inés.

"I must apologize for my lack of restraint last night," the letter continued.

"I am tempted to say that you bear some responsibility for what happened, but if you had not pounced on me with such fervor, I would not have found a moment's rest by your side. So, perhaps I owe you thanks for your naughty invitation. It appears that you possess an unparalleled ability to render me defenseless and triumph over me."

Defenseless? Inés mused over Cárcel's choice of words, finding it curious that he would describe himself so when he was anything but that. Yet, she also knew there was some truth to it.

On some occasions, Inés would catch him gazing at her, looking totally defeated. Then he would lose all composure, flinging himself at her, but soon regain his self-control and scowl in self-reproach. Though these lapses were fleeting, he perceived them as great failures. Despite being aware of his inner conflicts, Inés's competitive nature took silent satisfaction in those rare instances when he failed to rein himself in.

With her chin resting on her hand, Inés heaved a dry sigh. Just like this, thoughts of Cárcel flooded her mind.

"That was the most restful sleep that I've had since your departure from Calztela," mused Cárcel in his letter. "I feel as rejuvenated as a newborn. My darling, naughty Inés... Thank you for helping me depart with a well-rested soul."

He had only slept for a meager few hours. Shaking her head, Inés lightly brushed her fingertip over the word "depart".

Cárcel's handwriting continued to flow elegantly across the paper. "Thank you for looking out for me...for wishing a restful journey upon me and sparing your precious thoughts for me.

Perhaps I shall take this opportunity to quote you. Thank you for liking me 'so much'..."

Inés could barely make out the final "thank you" beneath the lines Cárcel had drawn over the words. A soft chuckle escaped her lips. It seemed he had realized that it was somewhat strange to thank her for liking him.

"I like you too, Inés," Cárcel went on, "far more than you can imagine.

Truly, these words are nowhere near enough to convey my feelings. If only I could tear open my heart and show you the love I hold for you! If only I had the words to describe the emotions raging within me as I watch you sleep!" Inés could almost hear him sigh in despair. "Oh, only if I could express just how happy you make me...

Would it not be wonderful if our language were more advanced? All of these thoughts that I wish I could put down on paper for you... but it's never enough. It makes me want to rip my hair out! My beautiful Inés... even the most graceful words in the world would be inadequate to describe you. My thoughts can never find the right words to articulate themselves... I have never felt more foolish.

Perhaps you always find me vexing because I can never think of the proper words to say."

Once again, Inés found herself shaking her head. Cárcel... you adorable, foolish man. Why did he always act like such a floundering fool around her? Oh, he was probably doing it to bring her guard down! After all, that was the reason she was here... He had managed to make her complacent and convince her that everything would be fine as long as she was by his side.

That had to be it. Why else would she be smiling while reading this foolish letter instead of crumpling it up in annoyance? Inés sighed quietly, her eyes drifting back to the letter.

"I'm certain you would not be plagued with such worries. Perhaps I am a fool. Yes... you always make me feel like the biggest fool in the world. I wish I had your intelligence... Then I would have finished writing this letter hours ago and begun my journey to Calztela.

But sometimes I enjoy sitting in silence, contemplating these matters... searching for the most beautiful words for you. It allows me to indulge in the fantasy that I might remain here indefinitely, gazing into your face.

Yes, perhaps I am indeed a fool... but I am glad to be your fool. Although I am already behind time, my heart rejoices knowing I can linger by your side for just a moment longer. Perhaps it is a blessing that you cannot see into the depths of my mind. If you could, you might have fled from me long ago.

Thus, I must confess that it is very fortunate that I am not as eloquent as you are, Inés. It is fortunate that I cannot reveal myself to you completely, and that you cannot know every inch of my mind and heart."

Those words nearly brought Inés to the brink of tears.

Oh, Cárcel... I'm as much a fool as you are. Perhaps even more so. You cannot fathom how you fill me with joy... You make me dream like a delighted little girl. Inés took a deep breath but found herself unable to release it. It feels like I'm experiencing this world anew... as if I've never known failure. I know that I'm being foolish, but I have no desire to change.

Indeed, she no longer wished to chase meaningless revelations and knowledge if it meant losing the joy of staying by Cárcel's side.

The letter continued: "You asked me to rouse you before my departure, but I fear I cannot. It is currently four hours and fifty minutes past midnight, and you are so soundly asleep that I cannot bear to disturb you.

You would understand if you could see your own face in repose. I wish you could behold how endearing you are... how innocent and lovely you look with your face pressed against the pillow... how you scowl like an adorable cub at my slightest touch...

Oh, Inés... if only you could see yourself through my eyes! Then you would understand the depth of my love for you and how deeply I have cherished this moment with you."

In that instant, all Inés wanted was to uncover the words Cárcel had decided to keep to himself. What emotions lay hidden beneath his carefully penned writing? What anxious thoughts were masked by his light-hearted jests? Oh... when had she become such a besotted fool?

She wished to know everything about Cárcel, despite hiding so much from him herself. Childishly enough, she wanted to know the extent of his love for her. 

How selfish it was to seek comfort in his unwavering love...

Oh, who cared about seeing her own face? She just wanted to peer into Cárcel's heart to find what he was hiding in there.

Inés found her gaze drawn back to the letter like a magnet. "If we were in Calztela, I would be waiting for you to awaken around this hour, to wish you a good morning...

No, I am being deceitful. I simply desired my voice to be the first one you heard. This may sound silly, but I secretly wished to claim the beginning of your day for myself. I wanted my face to be the last one that you saw before surrendering to slumber.

You must think me a fool, but this was a cherished ritual of mine. It was my way of compensating myself for being unable to have your entire day, so that I could possess a part of you for a fleeting moment. I found immense joy in waiting for you to awaken, no matter how many hours it took."

"I see," Inés murmured, eyes riveted to the letter. "So that is how he's been enticing me."

Out of the corner of her eye, she could see Juana tilting her head in confusion. "Entice you?"

Once again, Inés did not grace her with a response. "It was a trap all along," she mused under her breath.

Oblivious to her inner turmoil, Cárcel's handwriting flowed across the page. "Waiting for the moment you would open your eyes and meet my gaze...for your beautiful voice to reach my ears... At times, the waiting was unbearable. But at other times, I wished you would remain asleep just a while longer so that I could savor the sweet anticipation. Whenever you unwittingly rolled into my arms, I would hold you tight, refusing to let you go even as you struggled and kicked.

With you in my embrace, all my foolishness and anxieties would vanish. It would be another good day... one spent dreaming of holding you close again later that evening.

And now, I have deluded myself into thinking that I will have you in my arms again tonight."

Inés shook her head, muttering softly, "I'm not even in Calztela! How absurd to think he could hold me."

How selfish of him. He had imprinted his presence upon her every waking and sleeping moment until she could no longer function without him, yet he only sought his own peace and comfort.

Inés reluctantly moved her gaze down the page, imagining that she could hear Cárcel whisper the next words. "Hence I shall be all right, Inés. You have always been my solace."

But she was far from all right. And she had never been his solace.

"That is how I know that we will endure," the letter continued. "You need no longer concern yourself with me. I am more than fine. I have been ever since you granted me the freedom to do as I pleased on the condition that I got some sleep. I was happy even if I could not dare to touch you that night...and even before then."

His words were tender, but Inés found them hard to believe now that they were apart. There was no way that Cárcel was truly "all right", and if that was the case, neither could she be.

The love he had poured onto a piece of paper while she had been slumbering both warmed her heart and left her feeling hollow. Why had he not awakened her? Now, all she wanted was to see his face, to kiss his lips. Even the lightest brush of skin would be enough... She wouldn't even ask him any difficult questions. His presence would be more than enough. How strange. They had made love countless times, yet she still hadn't had enough of him.

She wanted to beg him to take her away from this accursed city, or stay here with her... or simply to allow her to see his face again.

Ignoring the strange ache in her heart, Inés brought her attention back to the letter. "Do you recall how you ran to me last night when you first saw me, Inés?"

That was the last thing on her mind right now. Flipping to the next page of the letter, Inés tried to force herself to stop feeling so forlorn.

"When you turned around, beaming, I thought I was out in the ocean, staring into the sun at noon. You were blindingly radiant."

Liar, Inés grumbled to herself. He hadn't had any trouble staring into her eyes. Did he ever tire of his own sweet lies?

"And when you ran to me, when I held you in my arms... I knew that there was nothing else I needed in this world."

This was a trap indeed-one that she would never escape.