COTE: Expelliarmis… Wait, Why Isn’t It Working?! (MTL)

Identity Trouble

After finishing the construction of our new house (in a chaotic manner), my whole family was so exhausted that they had no strength to breathe, let alone think about what to do next. Without anyone telling us, we collapsed on the floor and slept like the dead.

When I woke up, the sunset had dyed the large lobby of our newly built villa red.

The smell of food wafted through the air, making my stomach growl in a tragic symphony of hunger.

I crawled up, walked to the kitchen, and the scene before my eyes left me stunned. My parents, who seemed to be sleeping until dawn, had woken up and were... cooking?

No, to be more precise, they were launching a campaign to unbox food at lightning speed.

The cans of food packaged from the magical world were lined up, my mother quickly opened each can, while my father muttered the labels as if he was analyzing the formula for a potion.

After choosing a can of food that he liked, my father took a deep breath, raised one hand high in the demeanor of a supreme wizard, and then gently snapped his fingers.

A stream of brilliant blue fire erupted from his palm, swirling in the air like a delicate magical dance before landing on the bottom of the metal pot.

"There's an art to heating food!" he proudly declared, his eyes shining.

The flame touched the can of food, immediately creating a sizzling sound that stimulated the taste buds, but no one in the house noticed that the lid of the can seemed to be shaking violently.

My mother opened another can of soup and glanced: "You said the same thing last time, and the pot exploded and flew up to the ceiling."

My father scratched his head and smiled wryly, "This time I've reduced the temperature of the fire magic to 40%, there's no way that can happen again!"

"Aha! Here it is! The meat stew is canned indefinitely, thanks to the most advanced vacuum magic technology. See? The food from the old world never disappoints!"

"It's all thanks to the vacuum magic technology in our world that has advanced to the point of completely eliminating bacteria, mold, and any other spoilage factors, allowing food to retain its quality for millennia."

My father said with pride. Well, that's right, he has the right to do so, because in fact, he was one of the key members of the applied magic research team that invented this technology.

That means these canned foods can retain their quality for millennia without changing.

Not only does it retain its flavor, but it also preserves its nutritional value to the point where it can help us survive the apocalypse.

I vaguely remember that the research process was not smooth at all. Rumor has it that they initially experimented with all kinds of food, from the most basic types of daily meals to disgusting, perverted foods.

Once, a can of salted fish was so well preserved that when it was opened, it woke up and attacked the entire lab.

You heard that right, the food actually woke up and attacked the lab! It was said to be a type of alien fish that can survive in a vacuum environment.

What's more frightening is that the dish was a favorite delicacy of space nomads - interstellar wanderers with strange enough tastes to consider a creature that tends to attack others as a 'delicacy'.

After countless scandalous perverted experiments, the applied magic research group that my father participated in finally completed the vacuum magic technology, officially introducing it to the world four years ago.

My mother snorted, opened the lid of another box, inside was dried cactus soup – something that I vaguely remembered no one wanted and was described as food for the end of the world.

"Just eat it. We don't have a stove, we don't have any ingredients, and this can be made by pouring boiling water into it."

"Moreover, it has an unlimited shelf life and we still have about 10,000 of them in your father's storage space!!!!"

"So try to eat them all!!!!!!"

At this point, my mother smiled bitterly as if remembering something about my father. I raised my eyebrows and looked at my father.

His face darkened, he shrugged and nodded as if confirming the obvious. Then he blurted out a few words to defend himself:

"Reika, you have to believe me! It was a complete accident! I just had a little too much to drink that day."

My father stuttered, sweat pouring out like a waterfall.

"That disgusting salesman lured me in, saying it was a 'once in a lifetime promotion', and before I knew it... well... we had 10,000 boxes of apocalyptic food! I didn't want it either, honey!"

He tried to force an innocent smile, but it only made the situation worse. "Ehemmm..."

He pretended to cough a few times, looking away as if he didn't want to meet the cold gaze of my mother, who at that moment looked like a god of destruction about to unleash a large-scale annihilation spell."

My mother continued to smile, but that smile contained a smoldering anger like a volcano about to erupt.

She closed her eyes, took a deep breath as if trying to suppress a storm of emotions. Then after a moment of shaking her head in resignation, she sighed heavily: "Uh... haizzzz, let's eat. What could be worse?"

And so our family's first dinner in this world ended dramatically. It was only later that my mother told the story of my father's 'deal of the century'.

It turned out that, one night of drunkenness, he was persuaded by a crooked salesman to sign a contract to buy 10,000 cans of canned food with the promise that 'anyone who doesn't buy will regret it for the rest of their lives'.

After that incident, my father vowed never to get drunk again for fear of being kicked out of the house by my mother.

Only, the one who regretted it for the rest of his life was my father. Every time my mother mentioned this, I could see in her eyes a mixture of horror and comedy, with my father as the main villain.

After dinner, our whole family sat around the table taken from the storage space.

No one spoke for a moment, only the flickering candlelight and the whistling wind outside. Finally, my father Renji spoke first:

"We can't keep living like this. If we want to integrate into this world, there are three important problems we need to solve."

He placed three fingers on the table and seriously listed:

"First, citizenship. We can't just live like ghosts, without identity, without legal documents. If we're discovered, we'll be in big trouble."

My mother folded her arms and frowned. "Can we fake documents? Hey, call that talking piece of paper out and see if he has any good ideas."

My father sighed, then reached for the Kiroku magic book that was floating beside him. "Hey Kiroku, is it possible to forge documents in this world?"

A voice rang out from Kiroku:

"The identity of citizens in the country of Japan is stored in a digital data system, similar to the magical information storage system in our world."

"But this is a different technology from our world, so you can't interfere with it by using magic, you have to learn a subject called programming from this world to be able to interfere with it."

"However, this data requires special access from state agencies, such as government employees or administrative organizations."

"So interfering with it without the approval of the authority is illegal, the police in this world have a department called the Cyber ​​Security Bureau, it's similar to the Magic Data Interference Prevention Department in our world."

"They can trace your interference if your programming skills aren't strong enough and arrest you."

"If you want to forge documents, you need to have access to the system or create a fake copy convincing enough to pass the authentication check."

My father frowned. "In other words, it's not easy to bypass this system without editing it from the inside?"

Kiroku glowed slightly, as if nodding in agreement and said, "That's right."

I poked a piece of the remaining dried meat on the plate, muttering,

"Father and Mother, besides, we don't have anything to prove our identity. Even if we forge documents, we still need a reasonable reason to explain where we came from."

Kiroku suddenly glowed brighter, his deep voice continued to ring out,

"Your brat is right. The simplest way to get legal documents without hacking into the digital data system is to approach a government employee and... gently 'persuade' them with hypnosis magic."

"That way, they will voluntarily fill out the information and issue documents to you without the slightest suspicion. Of course, unless you accidentally turn them into... a cow or something."

My mother Reika raised her eyebrows, crossed her arms over her chest, her eyes shining as if she had just discovered an easy way to get rich. "Hypnotize a government employee? That sounds reasonable!"

I laughed and nodded. "In a civilized way, this is called 'gentle cognitive manipulation'. But it's true, this is probably the least risky way."

"We use magic instead of fumbling around with the technological system without understanding it, in this world to avoid being detected."

My father frowned, tapping his fingers on the wooden table in a 'thinking villain' style. "It's dangerous. If the people here find out we're using magic, the consequences will be dire."

My mother waved her hand. "But if we do it skillfully, gently, and in a controlled way... then it's fine! After all, this is our only option right now."

The whole family looked at each other, no one said anything for a moment.

After a moment of mental struggle, he cleared his throat, trying to regain his serious demeanor (though he couldn't hide his resignation), and declared:

"If hypnosis is the simplest way, then who will do it?"

All eyes immediately turned to my mother Reika. She blinked, looked around, and pointed at herself. "Wait, wait... you mean me?"

Kazuki immediately nodded. "Mom is the best at illusion magic in the family, and hypnosis is just a form of illusion, right? So who else can do it but Mom?"

My mother crossed her arms, raising her eyebrows proudly.

"Of course, I'm a genius in this field! But hypnotizing a government employee? That's a big deal! If you overdo it, what if he believes he's a cow and wanders the streets?"

My father rubbed his temples and sighed. "That's why you have to do it. If you let that kid Kazuki do it, he might not hypnotize someone else, but he might hypnotize himself first."

I frowned. "Hey, hey, I'm not that stupid! At most... well, I really shouldn't do it."

My mother laughed, leaning back in her chair.

"Okay, just leave it to me, our family doesn't have to worry. Tomorrow I'll consult Kiroku about the map of this place and carry out our plan."

"And don't worry, honey. I won't turn them into chickens or cows, unless you make me mad and ruin the plan."

My father, after hearing my mother's "creative" statement, immediately darkened his face as if he had just discovered that the account balance was zero. The corners of his mouth twitched slightly.

My father shrugged and replied. "As long as we have the legal papers, you can have whatever you want."

"Okay, the first problem is over here." Renji tapped the table lightly.

No matter what world you are in, money is the most important thing

"Now for the second issue—property ownership. This house was built by us, but legally, it doesn't belong to us. Kiroku, please explain to us the rules in this world in detail."

Kiroku glowed, his voice even as he spoke: "The real estate in this world operates under a strict legal system, similar to the magical property system in our world."

"To own a piece of land or a house, it is necessary to conduct a legal transaction and have a certificate of ownership confirmed by the local government."

"This system ensures that every property has a legal owner and is stored in a national database."

I rested my chin on my hand and clicked my tongue: "So we can't just plant a flag and declare, 'This is my land!' huh?"

Kiroku shook slightly, as if sighing.

"No, kid. Without ownership papers, anyone can claim the land or report you as trespassers."

"Then the authorities will get involved, and there's a high chance you'll be evicted immediately or worse, charged with illegal appropriation."

"Oh, and even without breaking the law, have you ever thought about how to explain how a dilapidated abandoned house suddenly turned into a magnificent mansion in just a few days?"

"In this world, building a house takes months, even years. If the authorities or neighbors notice this, they'll immediately raise suspicions."

My mother crossed her arms and raised her eyebrows: "In other words, if we don't want someone to show up one day with proper papers and kick us out of the house, we have to legalize it."

My father sighed, tapping his fingers on the table. "We need to find a way to buy it back or register it under our legal identity."

I thought for a moment and then snapped my fingers. "That's simple! We just need to hypnotize one more land office employee and we're done!"

Kiroku immediately flashed like a warning light, his tone becoming more serious but still unable to hide his sarcasm:

"Hey kid, I'm seriously reminding you that abusing magic on multiple government officials can lead to serious consequences, including but not limited to being wanted nationwide and becoming a high-level criminal.

"Not to mention that your family's best illusion magician, Reika's mother, has already taken care of that. If you fail, the consequences will be quite dire."

"You'll be on the news in this world with the headline 'Mysterious family hypnotizes mass government officials'."

"And then... congratulations, you'll officially become the most wanted criminals! Of course, government agents will hunt you down like the villains in those magic action movies you've always watched!"

My father immediately froze, his face pale as if he had just heard that taxes were going to double. "Wait... what? If we were on the news, we'd be done for!

I don't want to be the main character in the show 'Top Wanted' yet!"

My mouth fell open, trying to take in the information I had just heard.

"Wait, so not only do we not have a legal identity, but if we act rashly, we risk becoming a corrupted version of an international criminal organization?!"

My mother crossed her arms and pouted. "Come on, don't overdo it! It sounds like we're the final boss of a sci-fi movie!"

The whole house was silent for a few seconds, then Reika clapped her hands to break the tension. "So mass hypnosis is out, but we still have to legalize this house. Kiroku, is there a less risky way?"

Kiroku let out a simulated throat-clearing sound before continuing, "The safest way is to use money to buy back this land. If you have all the legal documents and do the transaction properly, no one will suspect anything."

Renji nodded. "That makes sense, buying it back is the easiest and cleanest way."

I also clapped my hands in agreement. "Right! Using money is the best policy. No one can refuse a legal transaction!"

The whole house nodded in agreement, but then the whole room suddenly fell silent.

My mother raised her eyebrows. "Wait a minute... where do we get the money?"

Kiroku gently turned the page, as if he was whistling innocently. "I'm just suggesting the solution. Making money is your job......."

......................

......................

The whole family was silent for a few seconds, speechless.

Kiroku was silent for a moment, then replied: "In theory, that would reduce the risk. But you still need to find a way to earn money to legalize other transactions."

Immediately, the whole family turned to glare at Kiroku. The magic book trembled slightly, as if sensing the murderous aura in the room.

My mother narrowed her eyes, her voice full of menace: "You suggest we use money to buy a house? Great. But WHERE IS THE MONEY, KIROKU?"

I rested my chin on my hand and nodded. "You've been talking nonsense like a financial advisor, forgetting that we come from another world, with only a bunch of useless magic money in our pockets. Are you going to help, or are you going to ignore it?"

Kiroku trembled slightly, his tone still calm but unable to hide his confusion: "I only provide solutions, not responsible for making money. That is your duty."

My mother Reika curled her lips, raised a finger and ran it along the spine of the book, her sweet voice full of murderous intent:

"If you can't help, I can tear a few pages of yours to draw counterfeit money. With my illusion magic, I guarantee no one will be able to tell the difference between real and fake."

Kiroku immediately flashed, vehemently protesting: "Wait! That's illegal! I'm a book of knowledge, not a money printing machine!"

My father Renji sighed, propping his forehead with his hand. "Come on, stop threatening the book. It's innocent... although it's really hateful. Anyway, for now, we have to find a way to make money."

"Let's make counterfeit money!" my mother declared with a sly expression like a super financial tycoon.

Before I could think about it, my father Renji, with a serious and sarcastic look in his eyes, nodded in agreement: "Yeah, let's make counterfeit money! If it helps us legalize the land, why not give it a try?"

That scene made me - Kazuki, the son in the middle of the chaos of magic and technology - feel like I was living in a crime movie.

My mother Reika quickly outlined a plan to use my father's editing magic and her illusions to print high-quality counterfeit money through the information provided by the kiroku.

The kiroku, a magic book that was no less "real", muttered a warning:

"Anyway, you guys should consider it, counterfeiting money can lead to a series of legal consequences. If you print too many counterfeits, the economy here will be a mess, and the money will be like scrap paper."

"But... if we consider the actual scale, just make the amount you need. If that's the case, the amount of counterfeit money you've made is so small that it won't be enough to affect the economy. At most, it'll be like buying a big breakfast."

Kiroku turned the page, his tone slow like a reluctant financial expert: "However, the problem is... this is completely illegal. Even if you don't cause a global economic crisis, it doesn't mean the law will pat you on the back and say, 'Well, it's okay to fake a little bit!'."

My father immediately broke out in a cold sweat, and I smiled wryly: "Um... then we still need to find an honest way to make money, right?"

"Exactly!" Kiroku nodded. "Using magic to cheat the economy can help you get by."

"But if you want to have a stable life and not be hunted by the law, it's best to find a legal job."

"I suggest you find a way to do business or work honestly before the 'police of this world' come to your door."

My father's lips curled slightly, his eyes suddenly becoming sharp as if he had just discovered the dark truth of the world. My mother leaned back in her chair, arms crossed, her lips curled into a dangerous smile, no different from a boss plotting to dominate the underground financial market.

I swallowed hard. It felt like I had just accidentally walked into a closed meeting of the world's most notorious crime family.

"Wait... wait, why does my family suddenly look like a criminal organization?"

I took a step back, trying to find some reason in a scene that looked no different from the opening scene of a magical mafia movie.

My father picked up his teacup, took a stylish sip, and slowly said, "Kazuki, you haven't seen the potential of our family..."

My mother chuckled, her eyes sparkling like someone who had just invented the perfect method of cheating.

"If we're going to do it, we're going to do it professionally. We're not just going to print counterfeit money - we're going to print CLASSY counterfeit money!"

I held my head, sighing in despair. "Why was I born into a family like this!?"