Harmonious Love

Where There Is Sunlight, There Are Shadows (15)

“…Sunbae.”

“You were late, so I thought I’d come check.”

Tae Young-won smiled brightly as he stroked Mo Yeon’s hair.

“So what are you looking for?”

The fortunate thing was that his mood seemed good. Unlike last time, there was no chilly atmosphere today. Nevertheless, Mo Yeon spoke with tension.

“A book. I bought it a few days ago, but I think I lost it.”

He wondered how much Tae Young-won had heard, but looking at his face, there seemed to be no reason to worry. It was half like gambling when he spoke, but fortunately, Tae Young-won nodded.

“I see, is it a textbook for your major?”

“…Yes.”

“Then you must need it right away. I have one too, so there’s no need to trouble Hyun-soo. Let’s go buy another one now.”

Tae Young-won naturally led Mo Yeon by the arm. Mo Yeon looked at Tae Young-won with wavering pupils. There still seemed to be no reason for concern. He was just a bit flustered because Tae Young-won really seemed ready to go buy a book.

“We’ll go ahead first.”

“Ah, yes!”

Tae Young-won lightly gripped Kim Hyun-soo’s shoulder as he bowed his head, then passed by him.

Soon after arriving at the campus bookstore, Mo Yeon couldn’t help but break into a cold sweat. He looked up at Tae Young-won with a dejected expression while holding an incredibly thick textbook that could be used as a blunt weapon.

“Is that it? The textbook you lost.”

“Yes…”

He reluctantly nodded, but his conscience was pricking him. No matter how he looked at it, he didn’t seem to need two copies of the same textbook. Then Tae Young-won said something suspicious.

“Do you know that not many students buy textbooks for this class?”

“Oh, really?”

“Yeah, did you buy it without knowing anything?”

Mo Yeon, who had genuinely bought it without knowing, looked slightly sad. Ah, I shouldn’t have bought it. Of course, what was sadder was that he was about to own two copies of a textbook that nobody else bought.

“…You know I don’t keep up with that kind of information.”

“I missed that. I would have told you if you’d asked.”

“T-then I won’t buy another one. I’ll put this down.”

Mo Yeon naturally put the book down. He had narrowly escaped the crisis of having two copies of a textbook that none of the other students in the same class bought.

Next, he thought they would leave right away, but Tae Young-won said that since they were here, he would buy Mo Yeon the mechanical pencil he had always told him to replace. Then, while they were at it, he suggested Mo Yeon pick out extra pens and naturally picked up the black pen that Mo Yeon used.

“This is the only one you use, right?”

“…”

The pen he held up was indeed the one Mo Yeon had been using for years. When he nodded, Tae Young-won grinned.

“You lent it to me once before, remember.”

“Uh…”

How does he remember that?

In the days when Mo Yeon didn’t even know about yang energy, he was only aware of Tae Young-won as a famous senior in the same department. He had never imagined shopping together in a bookstore like this or walking around campus together every day. He had lent it to him somehow, and it had taken several more days to get it back.

Surely Tae Young-won had no awareness of his existence until then, so how was this possible?

“I’ll go pay.”

But before Mo Yeon could ask anything more, he had vanished.

Walking with a bag of stationery items dangling in his hand felt strange. It wasn’t the first time they had gone shopping together, and they had walked the streets together countless times.

Especially school, which was already such a familiar place.

Yet walking through the vibrant campus, befitting the new semester, felt very unfamiliar to Mo Yeon at this moment. It was as if he had become just like ordinary people.

Even the ghosts he commonly saw were not visible. He couldn’t even remember the last time he had been startled or had to suppress his nausea after seeing a ghost. It was both familiar enough, but it also meant he hadn’t felt threatened at all.

It was truly ordinary and peaceful.

Mo Yeon glanced at Tae Young-won, who was walking with him. Feeling his gaze, Tae Young-won immediately met his eyes.

It felt so strange that Mo Yeon quickly turned his head away.

The same backdrop and the same situation could feel this different. This change was not welcome. Of course, it couldn’t be welcome. His mood naturally sank.

Only then did Mo Yeon realize that he had been feeling quite good for a moment.

Just briefly, during the five minutes or so walking after leaving the bookstore, Mo Yeon seemed to have been happy for the first time. This feeling, experienced for the first time in his life, had vanished like a wisp of smoke as other thoughts clouded his mind.

That it couldn’t last forever, and it couldn’t be realized anyway.

And he could tell one more thing. Such frequent mood changes in a single day were not a good sign.

His heart continued to grow as much as he depended on Tae Young-won.

He had an almost certain premonition that countless moments of hurt would unfold in the future.

Even without Tae Young-won doing anything special, Mo Yeon’s mood would rise to the clouds and plummet to the ground several times a day.

That’s just how unrequited love works.

Mo Yeon felt the urge to run away every time he faced a emotion he was experiencing for the first time. It was probably because he didn’t want to get hurt. As he blinked his dull eyes, Kim Hyun-soo, walking with his classmates, came into view.

Thinking that only he had spotted Kim Hyun-soo, he glanced at Tae Young-won beside him, and sure enough, he was also looking at Kim Hyun-soo’s back as he walked in the distance.

It was the gaze of someone who knew something.

“You’ve met him outside before, right?”

He asked quietly. After taking a momentary breath, Mo Yeon answered slowly.

“We happened to run into each other on the street.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Because there was no need to mention it.”

Tae Young-won’s brow narrowed. When their eyes finally met, Tae Young-won’s eyes had already grown cold. Mo Yeon gently raised his head.

“I ran into Kim Jung-hyun sunbae yesterday. I didn’t tell you about that either.”

“You’re right.”

Tae Young-won nodded as if he realized that was true.

“Indeed, you’ve gotten to know more faces while hanging out with me. Come to think of it, you’re wearing your glasses well.”

“Yes.”

He was wearing the silver-rimmed glasses Tae Young-won had given him again after the break. During the vacation, he hadn’t worn them, so he was used to that, but he still needed to adjust at school.

He seemed to be thinking about something as he stared at the glasses, then looked at Mo Yeon’s eyes, repeating this.

“But why do I feel so upset?”

“…”

“I don’t know either.”

He took a step forward first. When Mo Yeon didn’t follow, the distance between them kept growing.

As the distance became too great, Mo Yeon finally followed, keeping some space between them.

Tae Young-won never looked back and didn’t wait for the gap to close. Mo Yeon could tell this was the first time it had happened since they’d been together.

The faster he walked to catch up with him, the more his heart pounded. His nose felt hot and his eyes stung. He already felt abandoned. Even if not yet, it felt like he would eventually be abandoned like this. Of course, that was inevitable.

The campus parking lot was quite far from the building where they had classes.

At a time when not all classes had finished, there were fewer people as they approached the parking lot. Tae Young-won, who had been walking apart from him, suddenly turned around.

“So.”

Mo Yeon, who had been trailing along, stopped in his tracks. His eyes, barely holding back tears, now glared resentfully at Tae Young-won, who had finally closed the distance.

“Where did you go with Hyun-soo, Mo Yeon?”

“What does it matter to you, sunbae?”

“What kind of hurt comment is that, between us?”

After pressing his lips together for a moment, Mo Yeon spoke again.

“What exactly is ‘between us’?”

“…”

“I have my own private life too. I haven’t slept with anyone besides you yet, so you don’t need to be suspicious or worried.”

One of Tae Young-won’s eyebrows twitched. Before he could say anything, Mo Yeon spoke again.

“You said yourself I just need to be careful not to share my lower body with others. That you don’t want a relationship with obligations. I’m keeping that promise. Interfering beyond that seems like a relationship with obligations to me.”

He closed his mouth while still glaring. For a long time after he finished speaking, Tae Young-won didn’t answer. He just stared silently at Mo Yeon.

The silence was broken after a considerable amount of time had passed. Tae Young-won spoke in a surprisingly comfortable voice.

“That’s true.”

“…”

“Since last time, Mo Yeon has been talking about endings and partners, so I think I reacted sensitively too.”

Mo Yeon had been guarding himself not to get hurt by whatever he might hear. His eyes, which had been sharp with anger, now slowly blinked. Tae Young-won spoke in a low voice.

“I almost got really upset just now, but that was foolish. I don’t know why I acted that way either. Of course Mo Yeon can be friendly with junior classmates, that’s only natural…”

“…”

“I guess I wanted you to only know me at school, like before. But in reality, it can’t be the same as when we’re alone, and I didn’t realize that.”

As he continued speaking, Tae Young-won frowned. He too seemed confused by his own feelings.

“…I liked it when it was just the two of us.”

But his muttering eyes remained cold.