Harmonious Love

Where There Is Sunlight, There Are Also Shadows (17)

Unable to call out, he waved his hands frantically before being summoned back by the customers. A snicker was heard nearby.

“That guy’s going to have a rough day today.”

Mark was the complete opposite. He had an aura better suited for holding a pen than this kind of work. Perhaps it was his sharp physique and intellectual-looking glasses.

As it turned out, he had been an ordinary office worker who started working as a bartender here because he preferred a free lifestyle. He was also interested in painting and dreamed of holding his own exhibition someday, which was somewhat unexpected.

Just as Tae Young-won only knew Mo Yeon as a gay person, Mo Yeon only knew Tae Young-won as one.

After hearing stories about other employees, Mo Yeon was convinced that there were few gay people as strange as Tae Young-won. Or perhaps he was more ordinary than most…

Kim Hyun-soo was exactly like a healthy college student. Always approaching others first with a friendly smile, yet never crossing boundaries or saying anything disrespectful.

“I guess that’s why someone like me, who’s awkward with people, can get along with him reasonably well.”

He seemed humble but was actually much more confident than he appeared. And he didn’t consider the fact that he liked men to be a weakness.

Mo Yeon’s eyes met with Kim Hyun-soo, who had just finished serving a table. He smiled playfully and pointed somewhere. His lip movement seemed to say…

‘To the right?’

When Mo Yeon turned his head, he was startled. Someone was approaching him.

As their eyes met, the man naturally smiled and took the seat next to him. He looked about ten years older than Mo Yeon.

A few days ago, running into Kim Hyun-soo here had seemed to create an unnecessary risk of being discovered by Tae Young-won. But as Mo Yeon’s visits to the gay bar increased, Kim Hyun-soo became a helpful presence.

When someone was being too forward, Kim Hyun-soo or the bartender hyung would appropriately intervene. Where else could he meet such helpful people?

“How old are you?”

Instead of answering, Mo Yeon touched the man’s drink as if curious about it. Seizing the opportunity, the man quickly placed his hand over Mo Yeon’s.

Mo Yeon quickly pulled his hand away. The touch of a stranger felt unpleasant once again.

When he turned his head, the man walked away cursing. Mo Yeon’s eyes sank into deep contemplation.

Could he really find someone this way? How did Tae Young-won feel something different right away at first touch?

How much longer would he have to keep doing this?

“…”

Mo Yeon took a sip of his tasteless drink with gloomy eyes.

It was almost midnight. Again, today had been fruitless. As he dejectedly left the establishment, a familiar voice called from behind.

“Mo Yeon hyung!”

Ah.

He had hoped to slip away quietly, but somehow he’d been spotted…

Kim Hyun-soo was appreciated, but sometimes a bit annoying. Like now, when Mo Yeon was too exhausted and just wanted to be left alone.

“Leaving already? Ah, I guess it is time. Wow, I didn’t realize it had gotten so late. I’ve been working nonstop with so many people here…”

“Right, you looked really busy. You don’t need to walk me out. I’m taking a taxi anyway.”

“I’m seriously dying, hyung… Just keep me company while I smoke a cigarette.”

“I really need to go…”

“Just this once!”

Eventually giving in to his persistence, Mo Yeon was dragged into an alley. Now he noticed the smell of alcohol. There was no winning against drunk people.

“Hyung, won’t you tell me now?”

“…”

“I’m half convinced you’re looking for a vague first love…”

Kim Hyun-soo narrowed his eyes knowingly.

When drunk, he became more cheerful and more assertive. It was overwhelming at first, but Mo Yeon had grown used to it. In fact, he thought this was probably normal behavior for people his age.

First love.

It wasn’t exactly a pleasant phrase for someone like Mo Yeon who was experiencing unrequited first love. Mo Yeon shook his head.

“You’re wrong. Not even close. It’s definitely not anything like a first love.”

It wasn’t about finding a first love, but finding someone to replace a first love.

“Ah, I’m dying of curiosity. Who is it?”

“I’m not telling you.”

“Ahhh.”

Kim Hyun-soo complained with disappointment before finally giving up and taking out a cigarette to light. After taking a deep drag, he stared into space for a moment before speaking.

“But you know, Young-won hyung.” 

“…”

“These days, you two seem less attached to each other, maybe…”

I should’ve just gone to catch a taxi.

Why is he mentioning a name I don’t want to hear? Mo Yeon bit his lip firmly.

“No, no. Saying you’re attached to your sunbae is… never mind.”

“Hey.”

Looking closer, Kim Hyun-soo seemed quite drunk. This made Mo Yeon feel less inclined to be considerate. Before going home, he wanted to satisfy one curiosity.

“Give me that.”

Surprised by the sudden request, Kim Hyun-soo asked dumbly.

“…What?”

“I want to try smoking that.”

“This?”

Kim Hyun-soo held up the cigarette he was smoking with rounded eyes. Mo Yeon nodded.

“Ah, this is my last one. Wait, I’ll go buy more.”

“I just need one puff, just give it to me.”

“…”

“I’m curious what it feels like.”

Curious how it feels when you smoke while feeling empty inside.

As Mo Yeon stared at him, Kim Hyun-soo hesitated with a blank expression. Then he carefully handed over the half-smoked cigarette.

After repeated unsuccessful attempts, frustration had been building.

So he was curious. Would smoking this reduce his worries a bit? Alcohol hadn’t helped much.

As their hands brushed while passing the cigarette, Mo Yeon hesitated briefly before putting the filter in his mouth. There would be someone else’s saliva on it, but he felt too down to care about such things.

Glancing up, he saw Kim Hyun-soo staring blankly at him. Probably feeling awkward having his last cigarette taken away.

Mo Yeon carefully took a drag.

Sucking it like drinking juice through a straw, acrid smoke entered his mouth.

He thought he had inhaled carefully despite his inexperience, but still, a cough erupted immediately.

“*cough*!”

“Hyung, are you okay?”

He coughed from just a small puff. But since he hadn’t inhaled much, the coughing didn’t last long. Kim Hyun-soo kept patting Mo Yeon’s back, not too hard, just enough to tickle.

“Ugh… why do people smoke this?”

Mo Yeon quickly returned the cigarette. He thought it might distract him from his thoughts, but it was useless. It just made his throat hurt!

The cigarette, already half-gone when it reached Mo Yeon, was now quite short. Kim Hyun-soo carefully reached for it.

Now empty-handed, Mo Yeon dusted off his hands.

What he’d just learned was that smoking couldn’t improve his mood at all. And one more thing—as expected, Kim Hyun-soo was just like everyone else.

He couldn’t feel anything special. Even though he was the most similar to Tae Young-won among all the men he’d met so far.

Kim Hyun-soo was strangely quiet. He just kept his head down, put the stubby cigarette back in his mouth, and took another deep drag.

After looking at his face, flushed perhaps from alcohol, Mo Yeon turned away.

“…”

On the opposite side of the narrow alley stood a familiar figure.

It was Tae Young-won.

Dressed in a black shirt and matching black slacks, he was smoking just as Mo Yeon had been moments ago.

Mo Yeon foolishly wondered if his presence there was a coincidence, but there was clearly no possibility of that. Moreover, his gaze was unmistakably fixed in this direction.

What he was thinking, how he was feeling—his expressionless face made it impossible to gauge.

He seemed to have quit smoking recently, so when did he start again?

With these thoughts, Mo Yeon stood frozen in place. His mind went blank.

“…Hyung.”

He heard Kim Hyun-soo’s voice. Mo Yeon shook his head.

“You should go in now. It’s been five minutes.”

Kim Hyun-soo nodded and hesitantly left the alley.

Mo Yeon swallowed dryly. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t predict what would happen next. The lack of any reaction from Tae Young-won made it feel like facing a time bomb.

Would he get angry, saying Mo Yeon had promised not to lie? Or would he mock him, asking if this was where gay people hung out?

Still, Mo Yeon had set out to find his masculinity and hadn’t done anything so far. He thought there was plenty of room for explanation.

With the feeling of awaiting punishment, Mo Yeon quietly waited until Tae Young-won finished his cigarette and approached.

Every time they met like this, he would come over and do or say something.

Finally, having finished his cigarette, Tae Young-won began to move. Mo Yeon bit his lip anxiously.

“…”

But he didn’t approach.

His cold profile passed by Mo Yeon’s front.

As if he hadn’t seen Mo Yeon from the beginning, he walked away with that same expressionless face.