HP:per aspera

December 1994

Things couldn't be better. Harry tackled the first task perfectly, and both he and Ron finally got over their egos. One less headache for Hermione to deal with. She finally got Fred and George to talk and learned about the kitchen entrance. She finally got to learn about the house-elves from the house-elves themselves. But a few things were still on her mind. Two people specifically. One was Lilith Farrow. Every time she thought about their little moment during the first task, she could feel her heartbeat go faster. How almost normal Lilith seemed. How vulnerable she looked when she watched her best friends in the arena. And how warm she felt against her when she hugged her. She was confused.

She wasn't afraid of Lilith Farrow but she didn't particularly seek her out during her years in Hogwarts. She wasn't nice to her but she wasn't cruel either like the Slytherins were. It was another thing that was a mystery to Hermione. She asked Ron once why the Slytherins seemed to always step back once Lilith was in the room with them.

'It's the money, Hermione. They are a really old family and had a hand in every major creation in the wizarding world. With that kind of money, they have connections everywhere so nobody wants to be on the Farrow's bad side.' It made sense in some ways. Money can do a lot. But something wasn't right. Because she had never seen Draco Malfoy so scared like in that moment in the dungeons. Not even the power of family money can make a person so scared. So what...? No, it was ridiculous, right? Hermione knew she had a tendency to overthink, and she was definitely overthinking this. She didn't know the dynamic between the old wizarding families. And didn't know how money worked with those families. She shouldn't assume the worst. Lilith Farrow got her so confused with her actions and behaviour that she shouldn't jump to any theories. She already did that once and was still living with that embarrassment.

But as the news of the Yule Ball circled around the school she hardly even saw Lilith. That's when the second person came to her mind. Viktor Krum. She started to notice him at the library a few weeks earlier, it was hard not to notice him when his little fan club followed him everywhere and disturbed her. She was annoyed but didn't mind him. Until he asked her to the ball. It was unexpected and Herminone's mind was so preoccupied with everything else, that to her shock, she said yes.

Now she was seriously questioning her life choices. Why in Merlin's name was she thinking about Lilith, and why did she agree to go to the ball with Viktor? What she did know was that Ron and Harry would never hear about any of it. She wasn't known for being illogical but now she was in a big illogical mess.

She needed an escape so she went to the Astronomical tower. She knew the schedules by heart so she was sure it was empty at this time of the day. Coming to the tower, she could finally take in the snow covering the tops of the mountains around the school grounds, and breathe in the fresh winter air and... smoke? Confused, she looked around and nearly had a heart attack. On one of the parapets sat Lilith Farrow, huddled in her cloak and Ravenclaw scarf with her hair tied back, a cigarette held between the fingers of her right hand and an open book on her lap. Hermione must have made some noise when she noticed her because Lilith's head turned toward her, clearly surprised to see her.

"Are you stalking me now?" she asked, watching Hermione with a small smile. Hermione could feel the blood rushing into her face and didn't know if it was the cold or Lilith.

"How are you everywhere?" she didn't mean to say it like that but Lilith only raised an eyebrow.

"I literally come here at this time every day for years, Hermione, " she raised her right hand with a cigarette." because nobody is here to see me." Hermione was embarrassed in Lilith's presence for the second time in a row. Of course, Lilith was a prefect and a prefect definitely couldn't be seen smoking. It would seem inappropriate and hypocritical to enforce rules and publically break them at the same time.

"Makes sense." she mumbled, glad that the redness of her cheeks could be explained by the cold.

"Now tell me," Lilith closed her book." is my fugitive of a sister hiding out in your common room?" Hermione was distracted for a moment by the way Lilith looked at her. She didn't know how she never noticed but at that moment she began to understand why others saw Lilith how they saw her. Enveloped by thin smoke with a snowy background that contrasted with her dark shining eyes... she was beautiful, regal even. She almost didn't catch the question but thankfully she did.

"I think so... I think I saw her sleep on our sofa yesterday." Lilith nodded and took a short drag from her cigarette. Hermione didn't like the habit. Her parents literally gave her a lecture about what smoking does to a person's teeth and lungs. But on Lilith, it looked elegant, fitting.

"Figured. I got a thirty-minute lecture yesterday from both McGonagall and Flitwick about keeping Ravenclaws and my siblings in line, so please, if you see her, tell her that she took twenty points from Ravenclaw, got four weekends' worth of detention, and I don't want to see or hear from her for the rest of the week." she sounded annoyed, a bit frustrated with her sister.

"What did she do?" Hermione pulled her scarf closer, intrigued by the dynamic. She knew Aveline was a bit of a wild card.

"She didn't tell you?" Hermione shook her head.

"I only saw her, we don't really talk much." Lilith sighed once more.

"Apparently, she decided to try out one of the experiments the twins have been working on. In the trophy room. She completely trashed it, and it took Filtch four hours to clean up." Hermione cringed.

"That checks out."

"I mean, I love her but she's a pain in my ass." Lilith took another drag and scanned Hermione from head to toe. "What are you doing here?" Hermione felt uneasy under her stare but it wasn't a hard stare. Lilith's eyes told her she genuinely cared.

"Yule ball fever." Lilith chuckled at her answer.

"So I'm not the only one who thinks it's getting crazier by the minute?" Hermione shook her head, a small smile tugging at her lips.

"Definitely not. Everybody is running around like headless chickens, and I think Ron tried to ask Fleur out?" that made Lilith laugh.

"Poor lad, Fleur is going with Roger."

"Davies?" Lilith nodded and hugged her knees, still looking at Hermione.

"To be honest, Fleur has had many problems with boys and men over the years because of her veela genes, and I know Roger to be a good guy and a gentleman, so I brought it up with him and he asked." Something in Hermione moved at the gesture.

"Are you going with anyone?" she didn't know why but her heart sank a little when Lilith nodded.

"Cedric and I have a little unwritten agreement about these kinds of events so he asked me right after he heard. Plus I've taught him how to dance so I don't have to worry about anyone stepping on my toes." Hermione didn't know why but she felt lighter after she heard that. Of course, she'd go with Cedric. It made complete sense. Lilith suddenly got up and gathered her things, walking towards the door. Towards Hermione whose heart rate inexplicably picked up.

"What about you?" and her heart stopped again when she finally nodded, not meeting Lilith's eyes.

"With who?" Hermione swallowed hard, tugging at the sleeve of her cloak.

"Viktor Krum." the silence was deadly. Hermione still didn't meet her eyes.

"What?" she might have imagined that but she heard slight disbelief in Lilith's voice.

"Can please like, not tell anyone? I don't know how the boys would react if they knew."

"Of course, my lips are sealed." again, maybe it was a fragment of her imagination but Lilith's tone wasn't as warm as before. "Well, enjoy the view. See you around, Hermione." with that, Lilith left and Hermione could feel her insides clenching. She was so confused. So, so confused.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++

"Do you see her anywhere?"

"No, you're clear."

"Are you sure? She'll kill me!"

"I'm 99% sure."

"99%?!"

"Come on Avy, you're good. I don't see her either." with a huff Aveline finally stepped from behind a statue, still nervously looking around.

"Would you calm down, please?" Aveline only shot him a glare much to Fred's amusement.

"Calm down? You do know what happened, right?" she groaned and leaned back against the wall behind her, making sure the twins shielded her from any incoming danger.

"It was an accident!"

"Accident with my name written all over it. Is it too late to run away?" George shrugged, a playful smirk playing on his lips.

"I heard Iceland's nice this time of the year." Aveline shuddered at his comment.

"No, it's too cold."

"How about Jamaica?" Aveline crossed her arms a small smile finally making its way on her face.

"Sun, beaches, ocean... yep, Jamaica seems good. Now, how do I get out of here?"

"Do you honestly think Lili wouldn't find you even if you were on a deserted island?" Aveline froze when she heard the voice, her relaxed smile changing into a nervous one as she slowly turned to face her brother.

"Hey Seb!" the twins chuckled at her high-pitched nervous voice.

"Hello criminal." Aveline cringed but relaxed a little as she took in Sebastian's demeanour. He didn't seem angry, more like a mix of humoured and annoyed.

"So you know?"

"Know?" Sebastian raised his eyebrow as he came closer and nodded toward Fred and George. "Could you leave us for a moment, lads? Much appreciated." the twins shot Aveline an apologetic look before disappearing, Aveline's desperate eyes following them. Sebastian leaned against the wall next to Aveline and handed her a chocolate frog he fished out of his book bag. Aveline smiled slightly at the gesture, toying with the little blue box.

"Oh, I know everything." Aveline winced.

"Was she mad?" Sebastian chuckled dryly.

"Mad? No. She was fuming."

"Oh Merlin." Aveline threw her head back, groaning when it hit the wall much to Sebastian's amusement.

"It couldn't be that bad." she mumbled as she massaged the back of her head.

"Avy," Sebastian sighed and shook his head. "Do you ever stop and think about the consequences of your actions?" Aveline hung her head and started to slowly unpack the chocolate frog. She ate a bit of it and turned her head to her brother.

"It was an honest accident, Seb. It wasn't supposed to do what it did." she whispered.

"Accident or not, it happened. And Lili took the brunt of it from both McGonagall and Flitwick." Aveline closed her eyes and slid down the wall with a groan.

"I'm so dead." Sebastian joined her on the floor, taking a bite from her chocolate frog.

"No you're not. I brought you this by the way." he opened his book bag and pulled out her pyjama along with her toothbrush and fresh white uniform shirt. "Maybe just, lay low somewhere else than Ravenclaw tower for a few days." Aveline smiled at her older brother.

"You're a saint, Seb." he shrugged and stood up.

"Where's my halo then?" Aveline whined as he ruffled her hair before leaving but hid her possessions in her book bag before standing up.

Call her paranoid but she carefully looked around each corner before walking just to make sure not to walk into Lilith on the way to Gryffindor Tower. She finally released the breath she was holding when she stood in front of the portrait of the Fat Lady.

"Password?"

"Balderdash" she said confidently and was prepared for the portrait to open. But the Fat Lady frowned at her.

"Incorrect." Aveline froze.

"What? But it was correct yesterday!" the Fat Lady only rolled her eyes.

"Miss Farrow, even if I keep overlooking the fact this is not your dormitory, the password you just gave me is incorrect." Aveline groaned. Just her luck.

"But..."

"Banana Fritters." Aveline turned on her heel only to find Hermione Granger standing there, clearly amused by the scene in front of her.

"Correct." the Fat Lady shot Aveline a pointed look before the portrait opened revealing the entrance to the Gryffindor common room. Aveline shot a sheepish smile at Hermione, letting her go first and jumping right after her as the portrait began closing.

"I don't get it, it's been the password for the past month!" thankfully the common room was almost empty except for a few first years in the corner who discreetly watched the duo. She heard Hermione chuckle a little.

"She changed it this morning. I think you were already gone." Aveline groaned. Of course, she did.

"I guess she doesn't like me squatting here, huh?" Hermione shrugged.

"She's been in a weird mood lately. Are you sleeping here again?" she motioned toward her book bag and Aveline finally noticed a sleeve of her pyjama was hanging out of it. She hurriedly pushed it in and shrugged.

"I really don't have a choice. I'm basically a refugee now."

"So I've heard. Come on, there is a spare bed in our dorm. It's not much but it's better than the sofa." she didn't leave Aveline room to answer as she started walking up the stairs but Aveline was quick to follow.

"Who did you hear from? McGonagall? Twins?" she asked as she finally caught up with her in the fourth year's dorm.

"Your sister." the answer knock the air out of Aveline's lungs as she was left gaping at Hermione who didn't seem to notice as she showed Aveline the spare bed near the window.

"You... you spoke to my sister? Lilith? My sister?" Hermione gave her a small nod, before putting her bag next to her table and undoing her Gryffindor scarf.

"We ran into each other, and she asked if you were here so I asked why." Aveline shook her head before falling face-first on the spare bed.

"This is much better than the sofa." she moaned, her voice muffled by the pillow.

"You know you can't hide here forever, right?" she sat up and turned to Hermione, who was now sitting on her own bed, a book in hand.

"Of course. It's just a couple of days and then I'm fleeing to Jamaica. Easy." Hermione chuckled and shook her head.

"That's ridiculous." Aveline leaned against the wall behind her and played with the chocolate frog box from Seb she was still holding in her hand.

"Why? Beaches, cocktails, warmth. Can't wait. Better to be sunburnt than dead." she watched Hermione shake her head once more.

"You think she'll kill you?"

"Of course she will. I messed up big time." she groaned and covered her face with her hands. "And Merlin, she's fuming."

"She's not." Aveline's hand fell down, her eyes squinting at Hermione whose eyes were fixed on a book in front of her. "Frustrated? Yes. But she loves you too much to kill you." Aveline had to blink a few times to actually register Hermione's words. There was no way Lilith would let something like that slip up in a casual conversation. Something was up.

"Are you friends with her?" there, she saw it. Hermione actually blushed at her question. She was not imagining it.

"No... not friends. We're acquaintances at best." now she surely didn't miss the slight stammer in Hermione's voice. A Cheshire grin appeared on her face as she watched Hermione, the blush still evident.

"You like her." she had to hold back a chuckle as she saw Hermione's eyes widening. "You like my sister." Hermione's eyes finally left the page, watching her, still in shock from her words.

"I don't... I don't know what y-you are talking about." Aveline kept looking at her with a pointed look until Hermione finally groaned and covered her face with her book. "I don't know, alright? I'm just... really confused right now." Aveline had to chuckle a little. Even if Lilith wasn't aware of it, she had a lot of admirers at school, mostly from the boy population but a few girls too. But as she went through a mental catalogue in her head, Hermione was probably the only one who would fit well with Lilith.

"Don't worry, my lips are sealed." her smile fell as she opened the chocolate frog box. "Are you kidding me?!"

"What?" Aveline pulled the card out of the box. An old woman with her silver hair in a tight bun glared at her through her reading glasses.

"Speak of the Devil," she flipped the card towards Hermione only to be met with a confused look. "That's my great-great-grandmother, her namesake. Lilith Valentina Farrow, the first." Hermione started laughing at Aveline's exasperated face.

"You can have it lover-girl." she grumbled and threw the card at Hermione who was still laughing.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Finally after weeks of mayhem the night finally came. Hermione's hands trembled slightly as she walked down the staircase leading toward the Great Hall. She felt out of place. The dress, heels, her hair. She felt like a completely different person. But she tried to hold her head up, trying to look confident as she finally emerged in front of the Great Hall. Viktor was already waiting for her, looking handsome in his formal Durmstrang uniform with his elbow extended for her to take. She felt a blush creeping up into her cheeks as she took his arm and he led her towards the other champions. Other champions and their dates. Dates. She mentally slapped herself for forgetting for a moment that one of the dates was Lilith who now stood next to Cedric and Fleur, looking more beautiful than ever in her long-sleeved black gown, red lipstick, and a small silver tiara sitting on top of her dark hair, making her look like a princess. Hermione swore all air left her lungs. But before they could make eye contact, Professor McGonagall was already ushering them into the Great Hall for the champion's grand entrance.

She thanked both Merlin and Morgana that Viktor was a good dancer but the whole time she secretly stole glances at Cedric and Lilith who seemed to move seamlessly like one, stealing the attention of almost everyone in the Great Hall. She could see why the rumours about the two of them dating seemed so easily accepted. They fit together so well and danced with such ease it looked like they actually were a couple. Hermione didn't know why but she felt a bitterness brewing inside of her as she glanced at the pair from time to time. She tried to push it down and concentrate on her date who guided her through the dance effortlessly. Viktor was a nice boy. He was. After the dance ended, and she lost sight of Lilith and Cedric, Viktor was a good companion. He wasn't particularly funny and his accent was hard to understand sometimes but it didn't matter that much. He was finally taking her mind off Lilith and her mood improved. And then Ron happened. Stupid Ronald Weasley with the stubbornness of a bull.

That's how Hermione found herself on a small balcony tucked by the stairs in the middle of December with puffy eyes hunched over a crenel of battlement. She didn't even realise her sobs weren't as quiet as she thought until she heard that voice. That damned voice.

"Hello?" Of course, it would be Lilith Farrow who would find her like this. Of course. "Hermione? Is that you?" Hermione took a few breaths before turning around. Lilith was leaning against the doorway, and suit jacket thrown over her shoulders, looking at her with concern. When she finally saw it was Hermione, she slowly approached her, leaning on a merlon nearby but not before pulling out her wand and mumbling a spell towards the doorway.

"What happened?" she asked gently, tucking the wand back into her sleeve. Hermione gulped a few times, wiping away her tears with the back of her right hand.

"Stupid boys." she chuckled dryly.

"Did Krum do something?" Hermione shook her head.

"No, Viktor was a complete gentleman." she sighed and turned her head towards Lilith who was listening to her intensely. "I got into a fight with Ron. Apparently, I'm betraying Hogwarts by going to Yule Ball with Viktor." Lilith only shook her head in disbelief. She watched as she fished out a silver case from the inside pocket of the jacket, put it on the crenel nearby and took the jacket off. She walked over and threw it over Hermione's shoulder who was watching her in shock.

"You were shaking." she commented and walked back. Hermione could feel the blood rushing to her cheeks at the gesture. She didn't know how long she was standing there, crying, but up until that moment, she didn't realise how cold she was until the warmth of the jacket and the slight smell of roses enveloped her.

"For the record, Ronald is an idiot. Half of the school went with someone from either Durmstrang or Beauxbatons so that comment has no weight." Hermione watched as Lilith opened the silver case and pulled out a cigarette. She turned it around and tapped it on the case a few times before putting it in her mouth and lighting it with her wand. Hermione smiled slightly at her remark and pulled the jacket closer to her but she felt something poking her ribs. And as she reached inside, she pulled out a silver flask. The same one she caught Lilith with during the first task. She held it up with a raised eyebrow and watched Lilith chuckle as she reached for it and put it on a crenel next to the case.

"Sorry about that." up until that moment she didn't realise that Lilith's words were a little bit slurred opposite to her normally perfect diction.

"Are you drunk?" she asked, her eyebrow still raised. Lilith puffed out a cloud of smoke and scratched the back of her neck.

"Yes, Hermione Granger, I'm drunk." Hermione frowned.

"Why?" Lilith chuckled dryly.

"I've been to so many balls and events like this that at this point it's absolute torture for me." Lilith puffed out another cloud of smoke and watched it slowly dissolve in the air before turning back to Hermione and giving her a small smile.

"I've heard what you did for Aveline by the way. Thank you." Hermione could feel the blush creeping up once again but only shrugged.

"The sofa in the common room is really uncomfortable. It was nothing."

"Still, thank you."

"So you two finally made up?"

"If making up you mean her moving back to Ravenclaw tower and avoiding me like a plague after apologizing, then yes, we made up."

"She was terrified, you know?" Lilith smirked.

"I wonder why." Hermione chuckled a bit before falling back to silence.

"Can I... Can I ask you something?" It was late. Very late and she was drained. It wasn't a very good combination.

"Depends on what it is." Lilith hummed and took a drag of her cigarette, looking at Hermione with a look that sent shivers down her spine.

"How... how did you..." Hermione took a deep breath and closed her eyes. "How did you know you fancy girls?" it came as a whisper but she knew Lilith heard her. When she opened her eyes, she was looking at her with a slight shock in her eyes.

"Alright, that wasn't really the question I expected." Hermione winced.

"Sorry, I..." she started to apologize but Lilith gave her a soft smile.

"No, it's alright." she leaned back against the merlon, her eyes travelling up towards the night sky. She was silent for a little while before speaking up again. "I think I always knew. Or at least wondered. I couldn't speak about it at home of course." that intrigued Hermione.

"Why? I thought it was normal in the wizarding world." Lilith scoffed at her comment, shaking her head with a bitter smile.

"In the wizarding world maybe but not in the orbit of old families. Most of them look at it as a taboo, something shameful. My father included." she took a drag from her cigarette, not looking Hermione in the eye and she felt a small pang in her chest. With every small bit of the information Lilith let out about her father, she hated the man more and more.

"I tried to be his perfect daughter, you know. I did. But it taught me that no matter how much you try to push it down, it stays there. It was always there and always will be. I wanted that answer, and I wanted it badly. So to answer your question, the moment I realised I fancy girls was the first kiss." Hermione saw a small smile tugging at her lips. "When I first kissed a boy, I wanted it to be over as fast as possible. But when I first kissed a girl, I never wanted it to end."

"Not all cases are the same though. I remember a friend of mine panicking because she felt the same with a boy and a girl. She was so confused, poor thing. Didn't know if she was imagining it or lying to herself. By the time we finally found out what was going in, she was at her wit's end."

"Not all cases are the same though. I remember a friend of mine panicking because she felt the same with a boy and a girl. She was so confused, poor thing. Didn't know if she was imagining it or lying to herself. By the time we finally found out what was going in, she was at her wit's end."

"What did you find?" Hermione was genuinely intrigued.

"That she fancied both." Lilith shrugged.

"She fancied girls and boys at the same time?" Lilith nodded.

"It's called bisexuality. It's quite common actually but a lot of people dismiss that." Hermione's brain stopped. Bisexuality. She completely missed that Lilith was looking at her with an unreadable expression.

"There is a reason why you asked me that question, isn't there?" Hermione avoided her eyes.

"I don't know. I'm just really confused about everything and I can't even use your method." she sighed. "I haven't even had my first kiss yet." she confessed, feeling a small pang in her chest.

"Never?" Hermione shook her head.

"No." there was silence between them. Lilith extinguish her cigarette and Hermione watched her. She looked so beautiful in the glow of the winter moon. It was very late and she was drained so she knew that her brain officially gave up control over her body when she opened her mouth again.

"Could you... could you maybe help me with that?" she watched as Lilith froze, her eyes slowly going back to meet Hermione's. She blinked a few times as if she wasn't sure she heard her right.

"You... you want me to kiss you?"

"Yes." Hermione nervously clutched onto the jacket that was wrapped around her. Lilith shook her head slightly.

"Hermione, you were very upset just ten minutes ago and I'm drunk. I don't think that's a good idea."

"You said you wanted an answer when you were younger. Now I want that answer." she looked at Lilith, pleading with her eyes. "Please." Lilith looked like she contemplated something before pushing herself off the merlon and walking towards her. As she stopped in front of Hermione, she took out her wand once again and send a few non-verbal spells around.

"What did you do?"

"A few shielding spells. Rita Skeeter is not above sneaking around the castle and you are already her favourite target." Warmth spread inside Hermione's chest at the gesture. It was true. She didn't want a private moment like that appearing on the front page of the Daily Prophet. Before she could register it, Lilith's right hand sneaked through the jacket and touched her hip gently. Her heart started to beat faster than it did when she danced with Viktor. Lilith looked her in the eye, her brown eyes softer than she's ever seen them.

"Are you really sure about this?" she asked gently and Hermione couldn't do more than a simple nod. Lilith's left hand found its way to her cheek and caressed it softly with her thumb. Hermione's cheeks were burning.

"You said it'll be your first kiss right?" Hermione once again only nodded. Lilith smiled gently and carefully navigated Hermione a few steps back until her back hit the crenel. "Then let's make it a proper one, shall we?" Lilith leaned a little bit until her mouth was next to Hermione's ear.

"Now, close your eyes and don't think, just do and feel." Lilith's whisper sent shiver's down Hermione's spine but she did as she was told. With her eyes closed, she finally concentrated on how close Lilith was to her, how just her touch almost made her lose the ability to use her legs, and how the smell of cigarettes and roses intoxicated her. She let herself be wrapped in the warmth that was Lilith and sank into it fully.

She could feel a few caresses on her cheek before Lilith's lips finally met hers. Hermione read a lot of books, romantic novels weren't her favourite genre but she read a few. All of them described a first kiss as fireworks and a big explosion, as something magical. She didn't believe it and she now she could finally say she was right. Kissing Lilith wasn't a big magical explosion full of energy. It was soft and gentle, and warm. It made her brain fuzzy and a small fire started in the pit of her stomach, slowly spreading to her chest, enveloping her heart, making it go faster. It was like coming home. And she wanted to stay home. Hermione didn't think, she just did what felt right and responded to Lilith's kiss. Clumsily at first but it didn't take her long to find the rhythm and keep the wonderful wave going. Hermione's hands snaked around Lilith's shoulders, burying themselves in the soft dark hair, pulling her closer until she was leaning against the younger witch. If Lilith Farrow was a drug then Hermione was an addict and she needed more. Lilith didn't seem to mind as her right hand no longer simply laid on Hermione's hip but embraced her fully, pulling her even closer, and her left hand kept Hermione's head steady.

Home. Home. Home. Hermione's chest swelled with emotions and the words echoed in her switched-off brain. So many emotions at once fully bubbled onto the surface and Hermione didn't even realise what was happening until she felt salt on her lips and Lilith ever so gently broke the kiss, wiping away the tears that were streaming down her cheeks. Hermione didn't open her eyes. She couldn't. She felt the hot tears on her cold cheeks and felt Lilith gently draw circles on her lower back. Home. Home. Home. A word that echoed in her brain again and again.

"Come here." she heard Lilith whisper softly and pull her against her. Hermione buried her face in the crook of Lilith's neck, feeling safe wrapped up in the older witch's arms.

"I'm... I'm sorry." she hiccupped and felt Lilith slightly shake her head.

"You have nothing to feel sorry about, alright? Did you find your answer?" Hermione wanted to cry even harder. Lilith's tone was so gentle and comforting. But she didn't, she only nodded into her shoulder.

"Good." she felt a small kiss being planted on her temple and closed her eyes harder to stop more tears from coming. They stayed in the embrace for a short while until Hermione's breath evened out and Lilith slowly unwrapped her hands from Hermione who wrapped the jacket closer around her body, missing the warmth of Lilith's body. She didn't look Lilith in the eyes because she knew if she did, she would start crying again.

"Go to bed, you had a long night." she nodded and pushed herself to go forward. Just when she was almost by the doorway, she gathered up the courage to turn around and look Lilith in the eyes. Those eyes that were normally cold and scared half of the student body were now looking at her softly with something Hermione couldn't pinpoint.

"Thank you, Lilith." Lilith gave her a small smile in return.

"Of course. Goodnight."

"Goodnight." with that Hermione left the balcony, the feeling of Lilith's lips against her following her long after she settled into her bed in the Gryffindor dormitory.