Into the...¡¿Hoyoverse?!

The wind howled through the towering buildings of the nighttime city as Cass and his best friend, Marcus, stood on the rooftop of a 100-story skyscraper. In front of them, a makeshift table made from a cardboard box held an alarming pile of beer cans, vodka bottles, and something that was probably tequila.

"Bro, listen… if I die today, I want you to tell the world… that Zelda is not the protagonist."

Cass could barely focus his gaze on Marcus, who seemed to be teetering between staying awake and merging with the pavement.

"Shut up, Cass… we both know that Tingle is the true hero of Hyrule…"

"God… I hate you, and I respect you at the same time."

The drinking contest had started with a simple bet: whoever passed out first had to pay the tab. However, as the bottles disappeared and their blood alcohol levels soared past any medically safe standard, the bet had evolved into something much bigger.

"Hey… what if… we stand on the edge… whoever lasts the longest without falling wins…"

"Do I look like some dumbass from a low-budget shōnen?"

"Nah… you'd be the protagonist's best friend who dies to motivate him."

"You do realize that was cruel, right?"

Cass tried to stand up, swaying dangerously.

Somewhere, his brain was sending out alarm signals, but he ignored them completely.

"Oh… shit."

Marcus, still sitting, could only watch as his best friend lost his balance and tumbled into the void.

"Bro… you owe me 50 bucks…"

The world spun, gravity pulled at his body, and the impact never came.

—---------

Cass opened his eyes, expecting to find a sidewalk and an ambulance—or, in the worst case, a tunnel with a white light at the end.

Instead, he was floating in an infinite space covered in golden branches stretching far beyond comprehension.

"Well, at least I don't see an angel with a recruitment booklet for Valhalla… Or some dumbass goddess."

A flash of light appeared before him, and a neutral, emotionless voice echoed in his head:

[Error: The soul is being forcibly taken by an external entity.]

[Analyzing condition: Existential hangover.]

[Loading skill, please wait a moment…]

[Skill selected. Title obtained: "Imaginary Tree Traveler."]

"What the hell…?"

Before he could process what was happening, a surge of information was forcibly downloaded into his brain.

He learned that he was in a conceptual space known as the Imaginary Tree, an interconnected system of realities and worlds. His existence had been severed from his original one, and he now had the ability to travel between different branches of the Tree.

"Great, now I'm the protagonist of a low-tier isekai… Shit, anything but that!"

Cass thought grimly, imagining how he'd have to give up his beloved life of laziness for who knows what kind of dull, stupid mission.

A floating menu appeared before him.

[Select your destination. (As a one-time gift, you will receive a special advantage upon entering the new world.)]

Cass scanned the list of worlds. Some names were familiar. Others were completely unknown.

"Alright, if I have to go to a world, it should at least be one that's logical, serious, and has established rules. Something with common sense, and not completely fucked."

Just as he reached out to choose, the menu flashed brightly and randomized his selection.

[Congratulations! You have successfully entered Teyvat. Welcome to Genshin Impact!]

For a moment, Cass felt like crying.

"No. NO. NOOOOOOOOO."

The ground beneath his feet vanished, and he was sucked into the cosmos.

Strangely, the scene felt eerily similar to a toilet being flushed.

—---------

Cass screamed as he was flung through a tunnel of distorted lights and colors that could no doubt trigger a seizure.

His body spun uncontrollably as space-time shattered around him.

"Why does this thing work like a gacha roulette?!"

A holographic sign floated beside him, its text glowing in neon:

[You are being summoned.]

[It is recommended that you find a way to mitigate the impact.]

[Advantage obtained: Cú Chulainn Template (Fate Series)]

Cass felt pressure in his chest as his fate approached rapidly—a bright blue sky and a lush green land filled with hills and medieval buildings.

Below, at the exact spot where he was about to crash, a blond-haired traveler dressed in white and gold was casually walking with a small floating fairy beside him.

"So, Paimon, what should we do next?"

"Paimon says we should look for clues about the Traveler's sister!"

The sky suddenly darkened, and a massive shadow fell upon them.

Cass could do nothing to stop it.

"SON OF A—"

CRASH!

—---------

Dust filled the air as Cass crashed into the ground, flattening someone in the process.

A sound reminiscent of a crushed accordion echoed through the surroundings, followed by a groan of pain and a high-pitched, panicked scream.

"Traveler?! Traveler, are you okay?!"

"... Paimon… how's the bike?"

Cass, dazed and face-planted into the dirt, tried to push himself up.

"Ugh… my head… what the hell was that?"

Slowly, his vision cleared. The first thing he saw was a small, suspiciously edible-looking floating creature, her mouth wide open in horror.

The second was the body of a blonde young man crushed beneath him, eyes rolled back and shaking as if he'd just been forced to sit through an intense feminist lecture on gender equality—or, worse, an in-depth explanation of Digimon lore.

Cass blinked.

"Oh… Erm, sorry?"

Paimon, tears in her eyes, flew frantically around her fallen companion.

"What did you do to the Traveler?! Who are you, and why did you fall from the sky like a meteor?!"

Cass awkwardly crawled off the Traveler, who still showed no signs of life beyond a faint whimper.

"I… technically had no control over that…" he muttered, a bit embarrassed. "Uh… is he dead?"

Paimon looked at him as if he had just asked if water was wet.

"How could he not be?! You fell on him from the sky!"

Cass glanced at the poor blond again. His arms were bent at unnatural angles, his face was covered in dirt, and his soul seemed on the verge of leaving his body.

"Well… this is certainly an awkward start."

Time passed in an uncomfortable silence. Cass sat on a nearby rock, watching as Paimon tried various questionable revival methods—like shaking Aether violently or slapping him repeatedly.

"Come on, Traveler, don't die now… you still have lolis to save, remember?!"

"Ugh…"

Aether finally regained consciousness with a weak groan, though his expression suggested he would have preferred staying unconscious a little longer. Cass sighed in relief.

"Oh, thank whoever… for a moment, I thought I was gonna have to pay reparations to that fairy."

Cass quickly considered making a quiet escape.

Paimon turned to him, arms crossed.

"You better explain who you are and why you fell from the sky right on top of us! You almost killed Paimon's Traveler!"

Cass scratched his head, trying to think of an answer that didn't sound completely ridiculous.

"Uh… my name's Cassidy Reeves, but you can call me Cass. I'm… a traveler. And, uh… I ended up here by accident. It wasn't intentional."

Aether stared at him, utterly unconvinced.

"By accident?"

Cass nodded with fake seriousness.

"Aether looked at him with an expression of absolute skepticism.

"Accidentally?"

Cass nodded with feigned seriousness.

"Yeah, it was a miscalculation."

Who would want to end up in Genshin Impact when there were thousands of better and safer places to visit?

For heaven's sake, all he wanted was to travel to Shokugeki no Soma and eat until he died. Was that too much to ask?

Paimon and Aether exchanged glances. Then, Paimon turned back to him with suspicious eyes.

"Paimon thinks that sounds like a cheap excuse."

Cass sighed.

"Yeah, well, it's not like you guys had a better experience arriving here, right?"

Aether frowned, clearly remembering his traumatic fight with the Sustainer of Heavenly Principles.

"What a cute boy~★ Tell me, why don't I put a lovely dress on you? I'm sure you'd look fabulous~★"

"…"

That voice would forever haunt his nightmares.

Paimon, however, wasn't convinced.

"That doesn't mean we trust you!"

Cass raised his hands in surrender.

"Hey, I get it. But consider this: if I were an enemy, I wouldn't have crash-landed on him like a sack of potatoes."

Aether sighed, rubbing his temples.

"I guess you have a point… but still, this is way too weird."

Cass shrugged.

"Believe me, it is for me too."

...

After a few more minutes of vague explanations and improvised excuses, Cass was officially the third unofficial member of the team.

"So… what's next on your adventure?"

Aether looked at Paimon, who was checking a small map.

"First, we need to head to Mondstadt! There, we can gather information and find support!"

Cass looked toward the city in the distance.

"Mondstadt, huh? Hm…"

In his mind, he recalled all the game's early events… or at least the ones he played before quitting out of boredom. Was it around version 2.5, maybe?

"Oh, great. So we arrived just in time for the dragon attack."

Paimon blinked, looking a bit clueless.

"Attack of the what?"

Cass smiled wearily.

"Nothing, nothing. Let's go to Mondstadt." Let's see how fast everything can go to hell.

…

Mondstadt, the City of Freedom, stood on the horizon with its medieval architecture, clear skies, and fresh breeze welcoming newcomers.

"Alright, here we are… Mondstadt," Cass murmured with a mix of excitement. Would the beer here be any good?

Aether and Paimon walked beside him, seemingly enthusiastic.

"Paimon thinks we can find clues about the Traveler's sister here," the floating companion said optimistically.

Cass nodded, not really giving it much thought beyond a passing idea.

Should I seduce his sister or not?

"Has it always been this… lively?" he asked, looking around.

The citizens of Mondstadt seemed more excited than usual. Groups were gathered in the plaza, laughter and cheers filled the air, and… was that an improvised stage?

Cass felt a chill run down his spine.

"Something's wrong here."

Then, a booming chant erupted from the crowd.

"RAP BATTLE! RAP BATTLE!"

Cass went completely blank.

Paimon blinked in confusion.

"'Rap battle'? What does that mean? Is it a new type of food? Paimon wants some!"

Aether looked at Cass as if expecting him to have the answers. But Cass was too busy wondering what the hell was happening right now.

And that's when he saw it.

In the center of the plaza, standing on top of a wine barrel, holding a lyre in one hand and a microphone in the other, was Venti.

Cass felt his body instinctively urge him to throw something at him.

And then, Venti spoke:

"Dear citizens of Mondstadt! Today, we have a special event in honor of the city of FREEDOM! A RAP BATTLE to determine the true master of improvisation!"

The crowd roared with excitement.

Cass buried his face in his hands.

"This isn't happening…"

Venti continued his speech with a mischievous smile.

"And to make things even more interesting, we've brought a special guest from distant lands! The invincible, the unbreakable, the woman with a will of iron!"

Cass suddenly felt the overwhelming urge to turn around and walk straight out of Mondstadt as Venti extended his arm, pointing to a corner of the plaza.

There, standing with her arms crossed and an expression far too serious for the atmosphere, was Jean Gunnhildr, Acting Grand Master of the Knights of Favonius.

But she wasn't alone.

Beside her, looking utterly uninterested, wearing a black rapper's cap, was Albedo.

Cass felt his brain shut down for a moment.

The participants were announced.

Venti, the bard of Mondstadt.

Diluc, the winery tycoon, forced to participate due to a lost bet with Kaeya.

Kaeya, who was clearly only there to mess with Diluc.

Jean, who took this as seriously as a life-or-death duel.

Cass covered his face again.

"This is too much…"

Paimon, on the other hand, was more excited than ever.

"Paimon thinks this is gonna be fun!"

Cass looked at her in pure disbelief. This felt more like a cringy TikTok animation than something fun.

"You think?"

The rap battle began.

Venti, with his… enthusiastic style, started first, rapping about the love of freedom and the joy of drinking.

Honestly… it was decent?

Diluc responded with a dark and melancholic rap, full of metaphors about the night and duty.

Kaeya, with his signature smug smile, fired off verses filled with double meanings and sharp wordplay.

And then, Jean stepped onto the stage.

The crowd went wild.

Cass wanted to run. Never in his life had he heard a rap so bad.

But just when he thought the humiliation had peaked, Venti turned and pointed directly at Cass and Aether.

"Looks like we have new challengers! You two, mysterious travelers! Do you dare to join the tournament?"

Aether's eyes widened, his expression comparable to that of a deer caught in headlights.

Cass felt sheer panic.

The crowd began chanting.

"JOIN IN! JOIN IN!"

Cass turned to Aether with a desperate look.

Aether turned to Cass with the same expression.

Both swallowed hard.

And before they could react, someone tossed them two microphones.

Cass caught his with trembling hands.

"Oh no…"

Cass had never felt such pure panic in his life. Not when he failed math in school, not when he almost got hit by a truck while distracted on his phone, not even when he woke up in this absurd world.

No. This was a whole new level of terror.

"Paimon thinks this is gonna be amazing!"

"Shut up."

Aether looked just as pale.

Meanwhile, Venti grinned mischievously, holding his mic with confidence.

"Alright, it's time for the moment of truth! Our new challengers must prove they have what it takes to survive in Mondstadt! One round, no rules, anything goes!"

Cass turned to Aether with urgency.

"Please tell me you have some hidden musical talent!"

Aether shook his head violently.

"I don't even talk in this game!"

Cass wanted to cry.

The crowd erupted in cheers.

Kaeya, Diluc, Jean, and even Amber watched with interest.

Cass swallowed hard.

"Okay, okay… stay calm. It's just a rap battle. It's not like my life depends on this, right?"

"If you lose, you'll be exiled from Mondstadt for being losers," Venti said with a mischievous smile.

Cass felt his soul leave his body.

Aether looked at him in sheer desperation.

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN WE'LL BE EXILED?!"

Paimon floated beside them with a thoughtful expression.

"Hmm, Paimon thinks you should give it your all… unless you want to live in the wild like beggars."

Cass wanted to scream.

But then, a glimmer of hope sparked in his mind.

"Wait, wait, wait… I have Cú Chulainn's template! That means I have his natural talent! I'm a born warrior!"

Aether looked at him, confused.

"And how does that help in a rap battle?"

Cass smiled nervously.

"Did I say that out loud?"

"Yeah. And what's this about a 'template' and 'born warrior'?"

"I have no idea, but I'm clinging to anything right now."

Venti raised his hand.

"Alright, let's begin! Cass and Aether, you're up first!"

Cass felt time come to a halt.

He gripped the microphone tightly.

Took a deep breath.

Opened his mouth.

And...

"...Shit, I don't know how to rap."

Absolute silence.

The crowd blinked.

Venti tilted his head.

Kaeya covered his mouth to stifle his laughter.

Paimon clicked her tongue.

"Tsk, Paimon expected more from you."

Cass felt his soul hit rock bottom.

Aether, in a desperate attempt to salvage the situation, raised his microphone.

"Uh… uh… my name is Aether… and… I travel through the Ether… uh…"

The silence in the plaza was deafening.

Cass shut his eyes.

"I'm gonna jump off a cliff, I swear."

Jean, completely calm, took her microphone.

"Pathetic."

Cass felt his pride disintegrate.

Venti waved his hand in the air.

"Ladies and gentlemen, we have our winners! TEAM MONDSTADT!"

The cheers were deafening.

Cass wanted to die.

Aether buried his face in his hands.

Paimon floated beside him, patting his head.

"Don't worry, guys. Paimon thinks it was… well… at least you tried."

Cass turned to her with empty eyes.

"Have you always been this cruel?"

Paimon smiled angelically.

"Only when it's fun."

Cass dropped to his knees.

"Why do I feel like everything in this world is going to be personal torture for me?"

Aether sighed and shrugged.

"Welcome to my world."

.....

After the disastrous competition, Cass and Aether were taken to Mondstadt's tavern, the Angel's Share.

Diluc, in an act of unexpected compassion, poured them a glass of his finest wine.

"To forget the shame," he said with a faint smirk.

Cass downed it in one gulp.

Paimon watched with interest.

"Isn't that too strong for you?"

Cass slowly set the glass down.

"My liver survived a drinking contest that left an uncountable number of cans, bottles, and cups behind. This is nothing."

Venti plopped down in a chair beside them, completely relaxed.

"Well, that was an interesting performance. Though I expected a little more flow."

Cass shot him a glare.

"Shut up."

Jean arrived, arms crossed, wearing a stern expression.

"You caused an uproar the moment you arrived. I expect you to be more careful in the future."

Cass sighed.

"Believe me, I tried."

Aether just buried his face in the table.

And so, with their dignity destroyed, their self-esteem in shambles, and no idea what the future held, Cass and Aether ended their first day in Mondstadt.

Cass sighed.

Why couldn't life be simpler?

*************************************************************************

Honestly, I didn't think about writing this, but in the end, I did. Why? I'm not really sure myself. Anyway, I hope you like it.