Into the...¡¿Hoyoverse?!

Cass woke up with a hellish headache.

It was worse than his usual hangovers.

He slowly got up from the makeshift bed Paimon had "loaned" him and rubbed his face.

Later, he would find a way to apologize to the poor guy they had stolen from.

"Alright, I'm still here. It wasn't a dream... Damn it."

He muttered while looking at his reflection in the mirror.

The memory of the rap battle with Venti came back to him like a bad joke.

Aether, who had slept in the same room, also had an expression of pure despair.

"Cass..." he murmured in a dull voice.

Why did he look like he had the thousand-yard stare and the dark circles of a sleep-deprived gamer?

Had something happened to him while he slept?

"What?"

"…When are we leaving Mondstadt?"

Cass sighed heavily.

"As soon as we can, buddy. As soon as we can."

Paimon, on the other hand, floated around energetically, oblivious to the shared trauma of the other two.

"Paimon thinks you're exaggerating! The rap battle was fun!"

Cass looked at her with a dead expression.

"Paimon, I'd rather face an army of demons naked and unarmed than do that again."

Aether nodded wearily.

"And I'd rather fight the Sustainer of Heavenly Principles again."

Cass looked at him in horror.

"That's too much."

Aether just averted his gaze and trembled slightly.

Cass stood up and mentally prepared himself for another day in this city.

"Alright, let's go to the guild."

They needed to register at the Adventurers' Guild.

He needed to get a better weapon.

And more importantly, enough Mora so he wouldn't have to eat Paimon in the future.

Aether immediately nodded.

"Yeah. The faster we do this, the better."

Paimon floated alongside them cheerfully.

"Paimon thinks you're worrying too much!"

Cass and Aether shared a look of "Is she really this dumb?"

***********

As they stepped out into the city, Cass once again noticed how strange this world was.

A guy was trying to enter his own house but kept failing.

Every time he turned the doorknob, it went back to its original position.

"Damn it, the lock system is broken again!"

Cass frowned at him.

"Why don't you use a key?"

The guy looked at him, confused.

"A what?"

A group of people was walking in circles around the main fountain.

They weren't dancing or talking. Just… walking.

There was a weapon shop with a huge sign that read "Sold Out," yet weapons were still visible in the display cases and shelves inside.

The shop owner stood there doing nothing.

Cass walked in and asked,

"Do you really not have any weapons?"

The vendor looked at him and replied,

"I only sell to adventurers ranked 10 or higher."

For some strange reason, Cass felt the urge to strangle him.

...

On the way.

Two guards were arguing about whether pigeons were spies from another nation.

"Clark, that's just one of Amber's weird fantasies. You know she loves to exaggerate things."

"And I think you're not giving it the importance it deserves!" Clark shouted, pointing at his companion. "Miss Amber is a visionary… You just haven't realized it yet!"

"...Right, and Miss Klee doesn't love making explosives."

Cass felt a growing headache.

"This place is a circus."

Aether was in full paranoia mode.

"This isn't normal. Something's wrong here."

Was it just him, or were the older women giving him especially intense looks? Somehow, he felt like prey before a predator.

Cass patted his shoulder.

"Buddy, if you try to make sense of this, you're going to lose your mind."

Aether didn't seem convinced.

Paimon, on the other hand, still noticed nothing weird.

"Paimon thinks Mondstadt is an interesting place!"

Cass closed his eyes in frustration.

"Ignore the chaos. Just keep moving."

And so, they finally arrived at the Adventurers' Guild.

*************

Mondstadt Adventurers' Guild

Cass, Aether, and Paimon entered the guild with a clear goal: register and get out as fast as possible.

However, the moment they stepped inside, Cass felt a chill.

Were these his newfound survival instincts kicking in?

Something was off.

He could feel someone watching him with far too much interest.

Before he could react, a confident male voice—one that oozed enough smugness to make him want to punch its owner—spoke beside him.

"Oh, what a surprise. An unfamiliar traveler."

Cass turned around and saw a man with dark blue hair, an eyepatch, and a bastard's smile.

For some reason, he had a name badge.

Kaeya Alberich. Cavalry Captain. Master of the art of seduction.

Cass immediately felt this guy was dangerous.

Kaeya crossed his arms and looked him up and down.

"I don't recall seeing your face before."

Cass tried to stay calm.

"That's because you weren't looking in the right direction."

Paimon looked at him like he had said something stupid.

Kaeya's smile grew wider.

"Oh, what an interesting response. I like it. But…"

He stepped closer—too close.

"Where are you really from?"

Cass felt like this guy wasn't going to leave him alone easily.

Also, was it necessary to stand so close while talking?

His breath reeked.

"I come from the sky."

Technically, that was true, no matter how stupid it sounded.

Kaeya raised an eyebrow.

"Oh? Well, that's not very typical around here."

Aether, standing nearby, sensed the tension and tried to help.

"He arrived in Mondstadt recently. We're helping him get familiar with the place."

Kaeya glanced at Aether for a moment before turning back to Cass with a sharp smile.

"Well then, I'll be sure to keep a close eye on him."

Cass had a bad feeling about this.

.....

Just when he thought things couldn't get more uncomfortable, a new voice sounded in the room.

"Kaeya, what are you doing?"

Jean Gunnhildr. Acting Grand Master of the Knights of Favonius.

If he remembered correctly.

Jean approached and looked at Cass with an expression that screamed, "This is work, and I don't have time for nonsense."

"So, you're the new adventurer."

Cass slowly nodded.

"Yeah. I'd like to register."

Jean nodded as well.

"Good. Before we accept you, I need to ensure you won't be a problem."

Cass quickly translated that in his mind:

"I don't trust you until you prove you're useful."

Cass sighed.

"Let me guess, I have to pass a test?"

Jean nodded firmly.

"Exactly. A low-risk mission to assess your skills," she said, handing him a piece of paper.

Mission: Defeat five Hilichurls outside Mondstadt.

Cass didn't complain.

He needed to do this anyway to earn some money… Paimon ate almost five times as much as him and Aether combined, so if they didn't want to be hunted down by loan sharks, they needed to take on missions regularly to cover their expenses.

And to start with, this mission didn't sound too difficult.

"Alright, I'll do it."

Suddenly, a third voice rang out in the room.

"Oh, how interesting~."

Cass felt an even worse chill than with Kaeya.

"Oh, she has a name badge too."

Lisa Minci. Librarian of Mondstadt.

Lisa looked at him with a playful smile.

"You're quite the curious boy, aren't you? There's something… mmm, intriguing about you~."

Cass panicked internally but made sure his face remained expressionless as he took a sip of water.

"Cass? Why is your hand shaking so much?"

Ignoring Aether's question, Cass made a quick mental assessment of the three people in front of him.

Threat Levels:

Kaeya: Dangerous due to his cunning. (His breath is awful.)

Jean: Dangerous for being too strict. Might work him to exhaustion. What a villain.

Special Note: Should I play pranks on her?

Lisa: ABSOLUTE DANGER.

Lisa slowly approached.

"Tell me, your name is Cass, right?… Would you like to visit the library someday? I can show you some… interesting things~."

Cass instinctively stepped back. He just wanted to get out of there.

"Alright. I'm going to do the mission now."

Jean nodded approvingly.

"Return when you're done."

Kaeya kept smiling.

Lisa winked at him.

Cass left the guild as fast as humanly possible.

************

Outside Mondstadt, Hilichurl territory.

Aether looked at Cass with irritation for making him wait so long.

"Why are you so late?"

"...I went to the Mondstadt library," he muttered while walking forward with a slightly vacant expression.

Paimon curiously eyed what seemed to be a bite mark on Cass's neck. Aether motioned for her not to ask.

Both of them could hear Cass mumbling as he shuddered in fear.

"Ahhh, so many candles… so many whips, no more, please. W-why are you biting me there? W-what does marking your territory even mean?"

...Aether felt that maybe he should be a bit kinder to his companion from now on.

"Paimon thinks this won't be that hard."

Cass, slightly recovered, shot her a warning look.

"No. Don't say that."

Paimon blinked in confusion.

"Why not?"

Aether looked at her, just as tired.

"Every time you say something is easy, something bad happens."

And they had plenty of examples.

"You said the rap battle would be fun." Cass raised a finger.

Paimon lifted her little hand, ready to protest, but Aether stopped her.

"You said Mondstadt was a good place to rest," he added, pointing at his dark circles.

Cass gave her a tearful look.

"You said Lisa was 'just being friendly,' that I should accept her invitation to the library, that I might find useful information there."

Paimon crossed her arms.

"Paimon is just optimistic!"

Cass sighed.

"Paimon, if one day you're in the middle of a war and see a meteor falling from the sky, I bet you'd say: 'Paimon thinks this won't be so bad!'"

Aether nodded.

"Yeah. And then we'd explode."

Paimon puffed up her cheeks.

"Paimon is not like that!"

Cass ignored the conversation and focused on the mission.

He expected to see Hilichurls attacking travelers or looting something.

But no.

What he found was worse—much worse.

The Hilichurls weren't fighting.

They were rehearsing a choreography. For the love of the heavens, there was one with a top hat, cane, and tap shoes practicing a routine.

Cass froze completely.

"Aether… tell me I'm hallucinating."

Aether blinked in the same disbelief.

"No… I'm seeing this too."

...Why was there a Hilichurl with a blonde wig and an outfit like Jean's over there?

One Hilichurl was keeping rhythm with an improvised drum.

Another was spinning through the air like they were in a damn circus.

The leader of the group had a conductor's baton.

It was a freaking musical.

Paimon didn't see anything weird.

"Paimon thinks it's part of their culture!"

Cass closed his eyes and took a deep breath.

For a moment, he was tempted to pretend he hadn't seen anything and just leave.

But in the end, he had to complete the mission.

Dinner was on the line!

He drew the basic spear he'd been given at the guild.

[Skill Activated: Spear Conversion – Gae Bolg]

One of the skills granted by his template. In exchange for not having a full Gae Bolg, he could transform any spear he used into a "Gae Bolg." Its power, of course, varied depending on the quality of the base spear. And he couldn't use its Noble Phantasm ability unless he obtained a spear base with quality similar to the original Gae Bolg, but it was still a useful skill.

The spear in his hand glowed for a second and took on the shape of Gae Bolg… or something close to it.

Cass frowned.

It was weaker than expected—the base spear was old and worn from years of use, so it made sense.

"Alright… looks like if I want a decent Gae Bolg, I'll need to find good materials to forge a spear."

Aether unsheathed his sword.

"Let's finish this quickly."

Cass nodded.

He charged forward with his spear raised… and completely missed his first strike.

One of the Hilichurls spun dramatically and dodged.

Why were they so good at dodging?

His eyes widened in surprise. Could dance training actually improve reflexes?

Paimon cheered from the air.

"Come on, Cass! Don't lose to a dancing Hilichurl!"

Cass shot her an annoyed look.

"Why don't you try, then?"

One of them did a backflip before attacking.

Cass barely managed to block in time.

"What the hell was that? Acrobatics?"

Aether took down two Hilichurls with clean slashes when they got distracted clapping for the one who did the flip.

Cass focused and adjusted his fighting style.

...

After a few minutes, they managed to defeat the five required Hilichurls.

Cass watched as the blood began to be drawn toward his spear and looked genuinely curious.

Even if he didn't have a system or anything similar, at least he had an interface that let him see the skills granted by his template, its features, and his progress level.

[Template: Cú Chulainn (Fate Series) - 9.5%]

[Skills:

Spear Conversion:

Any spear he uses can temporarily transform into Gae Bolg.

The quality of the base spear determines how much power the resulting Gae Bolg can handle.

Permanent Gae Bolg:

If he obtains a spear of comparable quality to the original Gae Bolg, he can make it his permanent weapon.

It must evolve over time to reach its true power.

Evolution Methods:

Killing enemies and bathing the spear in their blood.

The most effective ones are:

-Demonic monsters.

-Sea creatures.

-Any being that combines the traits above.

The more blood it absorbs, the faster it evolves.]

Hmm… the information seemed to have updated.

"Alright, mission complete."

Paimon clapped.

"Paimon thinks you did well for your first fight!"

Cass gave her a deadpan look.

"So motivating."

Aether sheathed his sword.

"Let's head back to Mondstadt."

Cass let out a long sigh.

"Let's go. Let's get this over with."

*********

Adventurers' Guild.

Cass, Aether, and Paimon reentered the city after completing the mission.

Cass was tired and a little frustrated. He was also hungry.

Aether wanted to wrap things up quickly and leave Mondstadt.

Paimon was still the only one enjoying the experience.

"Paimon thinks that was a great mission! Right, Cass?"

Cass looked at her with the blank expression of someone who had seen too much in too short a time.

"Yeah… whatever you say."

Cass hoped this would be quick.

Oh, poor fool.

Soon, he would meet the worst enemy of any adventurer... paperwork.

...

Jean's Office at the Adventurers' Guild

Jean greeted them with a professional nod.

"I see you completed the mission without any issues. Well done."

Cass crossed his arms, exhausted.

"Thanks. Is that all?"

Jean calmly shook her head.

"No. First, you need to complete the necessary paperwork."

Aether looked around but saw nothing. Had he just imagined that eerie horror movie-like music?

"...Paperwork?"

Jean nodded and pulled out a massive stack of documents.

Cass stared at the pile with a blank expression.

...Why is there a form titled "Declaration of Non-Transformation into a Wolf"...?

Aether was also stunned.

"This much paperwork just for killing five Hilichurls?"

Jean nodded without hesitation.

"It's Mondstadt's standard protocol."

"Authorization to hunt monsters for non-commercial purposes"? "Confirmation that the adventurer does not plan to summon dragons"?" Cass and Aether kept reading the document titles, their expressions growing stranger. "Liability waiver in case of accidental explosions"? "Renouncement of rights over accidentally discovered treasures"...?"

Cass took a deep breath and sat down.

"Alright. Let's get this over with."

...

1 Hour and 40 Minutes Later

Just as Cass was finishing the last document…

Venti burst into the office with a cheerful air, twirling like a ballet dancer.

"Cass~! My friend! I needed to see you!"

"Who the hell is your friend?! You humiliated me! Have you already forgotten?!"

Venti staggered into the office.

Clearly drunk, as the jug of wine in his hand indicated.

Moving dangerously close to Cass's desk.

Cass immediately went on high alert.

"Venti, step away from the table."

Venti ignored the warning and stumbled forward.

Then, the bard finally tripped.

Cass saw it all in slow motion. His paperwork.

His damn paperwork, soaked from beginning to end in cheap wine.

Cass saw his life flash before his eyes.

A scream of absolute despair escaped his lips.

"NO—!"

Aether panicked; he had never been good at comforting others.

"Cass, breathe! It's not that bad!"

Paimon also tried to calm him down.

"Yeah! Paimon is sure Jean can give you new forms!"

Cass's expression went completely blank as he stared at the ruined papers with vacant eyes.

Aether patted his shoulder as he watched a single tear roll down Cass's cheek.

Amber rushed into the office, her face pale.

"Jean! We have a huge problem!"

Jean looked up seriously, still sporting a foam mustache—she had been drinking her afternoon latte.

"What happened?"

Amber took a deep breath and dropped the bombshell.

"Stormterror is attacking Mondstadt!"

Silence filled the office.

Jean went into work mode, downing her hot coffee in one gulp before rushing off to prepare for battle, tears in her eyes.

Aether tensed up.

Paimon swallowed nervously, thinking she should be fine.

Fairy type countered Dragon type, right?

Cass…

Had lifted his gaze from the ruined papers, staring blankly at a very nervous Venti, who was now doing his best to blend into the wall.

Jean issued commands quickly.

"Aether, Cass, come with me. We need help with the defenses."

Aether nodded and got ready.

Cass finally reacted.

Slowly, he shifted his gaze away from Venti, making the bard sigh in relief.

"Amber."

Amber blinked, surprised by his cold tone.

"Yes?"

Cass stood up with a terrifying calm.

"You said a dragon is attacking the city?"

Amber nodded, still nervous.

Cass inhaled deeply.

"Good."

He turned to Aether, his voice disturbingly calm.

"Let's go fight the flying lizard."

Aether nodded immediately.

Paimon looked at both of them in disbelief.

"What?! That's all it takes for you to agree to fight a dragon?!"

Cass didn't even look at her. The sunlight illuminated his figure while the wind gently swayed his clothes.

"I don't care anymore, Paimon."

Before leaving, Cass made sure to walk close enough to Venti for the bard to hear his whisper.

"I'll be back for you."

Venti froze, his expression turning slightly nervous as he pressed himself against the wall, as far away from Cass as possible.

**************************************************************************

Fun Fact

Cass won't have anything other than the Cú Chulainn template.

That's going to be his only power.

This is more of a parody than anything else, so it doesn't matter if I change the canon excessively at certain points, right?