ISEKAI? More like I See Crap!

As we marched along, I overheard one of the soldiers talking to the one they called captain.

"Captain, we'd better bring him to the city. He doesn't have an identity card on him."

The captain glanced at me, raising an eyebrow. "Oh, really?"

Crap. What now?!

Before I could explain myself, the soldiers suddenly surrounded me. One reached for my arm.

"Eeeek!! Wait, wait, wait!!" I yelped, trying to back away. "I'm a good person! Not a criminal! I swear!"

The captain sighed, clearly unimpressed. "Relax. This is standard procedure. You're not under arrest... yet."

"Yet?! What do you mean 'yet'?! I didn't do anything!" I protested, flailing as they grabbed my arms and secured them behind my back with some glowing rope.

"You don't have an identity card," the captain stated matter-of-factly. "Only criminals, deserters, or spies wander around without one. And you..." He gestured to my disheveled appearance. "You look suspicious."

"Suspicious?! I just got here!" I blurted out, immediately regretting it.

The captain's eyes narrowed. "Just got here? From where?"

"Uh... you know... a faraway land?" I stammered, laughing nervously.

The soldiers exchanged skeptical glances.

"Right. Faraway land," one of them muttered sarcastically. "Nice try, buddy."

The captain motioned for his squad to move. "Let's bring him to the city and sort this out with the authorities. If he's telling the truth, he has nothing to worry about."

"Nothing to worry about?! You've tied me up!" I shouted, struggling against the glowing rope. "I'm innocent! You're making a mistake!"

One of the soldiers smirked. "That's what they all say."

"I'm serious! I didn't even want to be here!"

But no matter how much I protested, they dragged me along. As we moved through the forest, I couldn't help but think...

"First orcs, now this?! Could this Isekai get any worse?!"

Before I knew it, I was shoved into what can only be described as a moving cage. It was like a carriage, but surrounded by metal bars, just big enough for two or three people. Luckily, I was the only "passenger."

"Haaa... damn this Isekai..." I muttered, slumping against the cold bars.

One soldier walked beside the cage and glanced at me suspiciously. "Hmm? What are you mumbling about?"

"Err... nothing! Nothing at all!" I replied quickly, forcing a nervous laugh.

"Weird..." he muttered, shaking his head.

The wagon creaked and groaned as it moved along the bumpy forest road. I was trying to think of a way out of this mess when my throat reminded me just how dry it was.

"Hey, umm... can I at least get some drinking water?" I asked, pressing my face against the bars with what I hoped was a pitiful expression.

The soldier smirked. "Oh, you want water? Sure, let me just grab some from my—"

"Private!" the captain barked, cutting him off. "Stop messing around. Give the man some water."

"Tch, fine," the soldier grumbled, pulling a flask from his belt and passing it through the bars.

"Thanks," I muttered, gulping it down as quickly as I could. The water tasted a little metallic, but I wasn't in a position to complain.

"Don't drink it all in one go," the soldier snapped. "You're not getting more until we reach the city."

As the cage jolted along the uneven road, I leaned against the bars, watching the soldiers marching alongside.

"Hey," I called out casually. "What's the name of the town we're headed to?"

One of the soldiers turned his head, surprised. "Huh? It's called Briskle. Why do you ask?"

I shrugged. "Oh, nothing much. Just wanted to chat. It's kind of boring in here, you know?"

The soldier smirked. "You wouldn't be bored if you hadn't gotten into this mess."

"I didn't get myself into anything!" I protested. "I just woke up in the middle of the forest and—"

"Yeah, yeah, save it for the city guards," he interrupted, clearly uninterested.

Another soldier chuckled. "You're lucky we even let you ride in the cage. Normally, we'd make someone like you walk the whole way."

"Lucky? Oh yeah, I feel super lucky right now," I muttered, rolling my eyes.

The captain, riding at the front, glanced back. "If you want less boredom, maybe keep quiet until we get to Briskle."

"Got it, Captain," I said, raising my hands in mock surrender. "Silent as a mouse from here on out."

As the cage continued to rattle along, I wondered what kind of place Briskle would be. A bustling medieval town? A run-down village? Either way, I had a bad feeling about what was waiting for me.

I noticed a group of riders approaching from the opposite direction, wearing full plate armor like the soldiers with me.

"Hey," I called, gesturing toward them. "Is that...?"

One soldier glanced over his shoulder. "Hmm? Oh, that's a patrol squad. They always travel in groups."

He waved lazily to the riders, and a few nodded back.

"Patrol squad?" I repeated, curious.

"Yeah, their job is to secure the roads and villages, like we are... Well..." He smirked, looking at me. "Except we're hauling you back to Briskle instead of rescuing anyone."

I narrowed my eyes. "Rescuing? I got chased by orc males! I didn't need rescuing—I needed a break!"

The soldier laughed. "Hah! You're lucky we showed up when we did. If those orcs had 'caught' you..." He leaned closer with a wicked grin. "Let's just say you wouldn't be walking normal for a while. If at all."

The other soldiers burst out laughing.

"Oh, real funny," I snapped, crossing my arms. "Laugh it up at my expense, why don't you?"

"Relax, kid," another soldier said, slapping the side of the cage. "You made it out alive, didn't you? Be grateful."

Grateful? Sure, I was "grateful" that my first Isekai experience involved running for my life from orcs who wanted to make me their dessert. What was next? A dragon with a fetish?

I slumped against the bars, letting the soldiers' laughter echo around me as the patrol squad disappeared down the road behind us.

As the road grew busier, I noticed more people traveling in both directions—farmers with carts of produce, merchants with wagons piled high with goods, and a few well-dressed individuals on horseback.

"Hey," I called, leaning against the bars of the cage. "Are we near the town?"

One of the soldiers shot me a warning look. "Yeah, we're close. Now behave yourself."

"Hey, I'm just asking," I said, throwing up my hands defensively.

I glanced at the people passing by. Something felt off. "Hmm... there are no other races besides humans around here. I wonder if there are any elves or beastkin, like in those Isekai anime."

"Hey."

"What now?" the soldier grumbled, clearly annoyed.

"Chill, man," I replied, trying to sound casual. "I just want to ask something."

"What is it this time?"

"Are there any other races besides humans around here?"

The soldier raised an eyebrow. "Huh? Humans live here. This is the Human Kingdom. There might be a few of the other races around for work or trade, but they rarely stick around."

"Oh..." I said, a bit disappointed.

He continued, "If you want to see other races, you'd have to head to the capital city. There's more diversity there."

My ears perked up. "The capital? How far is that from here?"

"About ten days by fast horse," he smirked. "If you're in a carriage, it'll take even longer."

"Ten days!?" I groaned. "That's insane! Who has the time for that?"

The soldier chuckled. "Welcome to the real world, kid. This isn't one of your fairy tales where you can teleport wherever you want."

I slumped back in the cage, staring up at the sky.

As I leaned against the bars of the cage, staring at the bustling road ahead, a thought popped into my head.

"Hey... you know..." I began, scratching the back of my head. "Am I talking normal right now?"

One of the soldiers looked at me, confused. "Huh? What are you talking about?"

I gestured vaguely. "You know, my language. Am I speaking it right? Does it sound weird?"

The soldiers exchanged puzzled glances before bursting into laughter, clutching their sides.

"This guy is crazy!" one laughed, gasping for breath.

"What does he think he's speaking, some elf tongue or dwarf gibberish?" another teased.

Even the captain smirked. "A funny crazy guy, huh? Maybe he thinks he's some legendary hero!"

I groaned, my face heating up in embarrassment. "Hey! I'm serious! I'm not from around here!"

The captain raised an eyebrow. "Yeah, no kidding. Your clothes are weird. But you're speaking perfectly fine Hyuman Common, so maybe tone down the crazy before we hand you over to the guards in Briskle."

"Hyuman Common?" I repeated, confused.

"The language we're all speaking, genius," one soldier replied, rolling his eyes. "What did you think you were speaking? Goblin grunts?"

I slumped back in the cage, muttering to myself. "Hyuman Common, huh? I don't even know how I'm speaking this... Damn it, old man, what did you put in that sake?"

The soldiers continued chuckling as the cage rattled down the road, leaving me wondering what other surprises this Isekai world had in store for me.

( End of Chapter )