Listen to the Medic-nin

The caravan is approaching the village gates. I see about five horse-drawn wagons, each led by two people. Some of them are dressed in leather armor, holding weapons like militia spears, short swords or maces, while the others just sit on the carts. The mission folder stated that this caravan usually doesn't need ninja to protect it and simply make do with their small force of untrained fighters, but they are transporting large amounts of spices and valuables to the capital of Fire country this time so the risk of losing all is higher.

Of course, since this is a pretty high-profile mission, ninjas that want to remain unknown didn't accept it. With so few candidates left, and me already having a large bounty anyways, my team decided to take this mission yesterday. If everything goes as planned, it should be an easy one. Hopefully people see me and just run for it, would make my life much more simple.

"Nice to meet you," A man with a long beard greets us, and looks at us with a sharp eye. "It seems like I've lucked out this time, having a renowned ninja as an escort. I trust that your achievements and abilities are not exaggerated in the bounty posters and bingo books?"

"Our team is versatile and has a perfect mission record." Shinya gives a slight nod to the man. "Even though only one of us here has a bounty, each of us can carry our own weight."

He looks pretty convinced to me. "If you say so, please call me Goto. I shall entrust myself and my subordinates to your protection then."

"Of course, right this way." I cut in and hold a hand out towards the gate. "Of course, if you need time to prepare, or to stock up on supplies, we can wait for a while. But if you're all prepared, we can go right away."

The caravan with my team on board soon leaves the village after handing in the necessary paperwork and identification. The wagons' going at a steady pace so at this rate, they can probably arrive in the capital and return to Konohagakure in about five days.

Wonder if the horses doing the heavy lifting are trained. Hell, we have ninja dogs like Kakashi's summons, why can't there be ninja horses that go at like a hundred kilometers per hour?

Well, I guess caravan guards and common mercenaries might lose their jobs if that happened, and training an animal like horses takes a lot of time and money and they risk them being stolen or killed, so fair enough. Eh, I'm not paid to criticize anyone nor overthink, so whatever.

We are expecting some brigands or just raiders to jump the caravan at any moment, so I'm holding my position at the back while Shigeru and Shinya stay at the left and right sides.This is getting boring real fast, guess I'll just stare at the scenery. I'll check on my teammates and clients later to see if anyone croaked yet.

Caravan escort missions are usually uneventful and boring, since even if bandits and raiders know about how valuable the products transported is beforehand by some strange means, they can't accurately predict which road the caravan goes, so most people trying to rob the caravan are just unprepared thugs trying to make a quick buck. Which means even if we do get in a fight, it will probably be against amateur folks with shields, spears or swords.

Or starving, desperate people, that happens quite often too. Often some poor peasant can't endure it anymore and just decides to give crime a shot. They rarely succeed, but the fact that these situations happen pretty often is still very worrying. 

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"Man, I'm bored." I groan, and my words are waved off by Shinya. "I know I've said that like every single day now, but this time I'm really, really bored." The caravan hands are all relaxed since we are only about a day away from the capital, and bandits don't normally attack travellers so close to major population centers. "Everyone's loosening up and having a grand time, just let me join in the fun."

"We're Chunin, so we have to stay alert like Chunin just in case someone idiotic enough decides that it would be a great idea to ambush a caravan this close to the capital." Shigeru replies, still fully alert. Don't know how the guy does it, man. "Both our reputation and the village's are on the line. Be professional, you two."

"It might be a bit hard to believe, but Shigeru's right this time." Shinya snickers and earns a glare from the one he's flaming. "We're hired by these people, so no sleeping on the job. If you're really that bored, there's a bunch of people in front of us you can fight, you know?"

Wait, for real?

I move forward, and see a group of kids brandishing swords and spears step out from behind some trees, and one of them puts their hands up in a halt signal. Ah, I'm not staying at the rear again, missing all the fun back there, swear down. 

Hey, they look pretty plump and healthy, why even bother with robbing people? Maybe they just are too confident that they can get away with it? Ah, this feels like watching twelve year olds drinking beer after school! Except, well, a tad bit more extreme of course.

"What's a bunch of kids like you doing on the road?" I ask, feigning ignorance. "It's the middle of the day, you know. You should be back at your house doing something productive like farming or whatever your profession needs you to do, and not playing around with pointy sticks!"

The kids turn enraged at my words, and my teammates are giving me the look. Why are they mad at me? They know I'm right. Plus, I worked with Kakashi for a couple of years. I'm bound to pick up his habit of angering people.

The kids begin yelling a battle cry of some sort and all rush us at once. If it's any other group, this definitely should feel a lot more intimidating but this scene just looks comical. For me, it just looks like a bunch of defanged chihuahuas barking and running at me. Basically what I'm saying is that they're all bark no bite.

"Leaving these brats to me? Oh boys, you are too kind, I say! Too kind. I'm going to have some fun with them now, don't butt in alright?" I ask them while bracing myself to fend off the, pfft, enemy crowd. Barely qualifies, but whatever.

"Just don't break them." Shigeru warns. Damn, so little faith! I'm hurt. The crowd halts for a bit after seeing me step up, likely just now noticing my headband.

"It's a ninja!"

"It's just a girl for now, we can take her!"

"She's barely older than us!"

"Is she down an eye?"

The kids are all shouting at the same time, so noisy. They scatter and begin surrounding me, some forming a flimsy shield wall. Well, I guess it will be more fun if they actually try to kill me.

I sigh and take out an old kunai. I run it through the tip of my finger, testing its sharpness. Not even drawing blood, how lucky for them! "Hey, you guys don't look hungry, how come you're robbing a caravan? What, everyday life too good for you?" I tilt my head. Maybe they are in their teenage rebellious years?

"It's nothing personal, but we want some money to spend. We need money to buy stuff and to pay someone to make cool weapons, so hand what you have over." He points his sword at me, "The battlefield is no place for someone crippled like you, so give us the money and we will let you off easy."

Wow, I suppose people as young as them won't have access to a bingo book, but still, they ought to have more respect for ninjas. When someone in this profession has a disability and is still doing missions, they are probably pretty deadly.

I take a deep breath and close my one working eye. "Smart decision," The kid sounded smug, how adorable. Looks like someone's misunderstanding my actions as surrender. "Now tell the others to give the money to us, or they might get hurt."

"That's not why I closed my eye, you know?" I huff in exasperation. "You see, as a kind and burdened soul, I can't bear to watch children get killed, it always leaves a bad feeling in my mouth. At least this way, I don't have to remember any one of your dying faces."

I give off my most potent killing intent, and hear several children dropping to the ground, some probably fainted, even. Serves them right! Still, hope none of them fell on their weapons. It's gonna be a real hassle to heal them if they're injured and even more trouble if one of them dies. Also a very embarrassing way to go out.

I open my eye again after a bit, only to see the one talking to me pissing his pants on the ground, ew. In hindsight, I should really have seen something like this coming. "Yea, on second thought, I guess I can kill you with my eye open. People always say something about facing your troubles head on, after all!" I say all of that cheerfully, and several children attempt to run off. Oh no no nooooo, you don't get to leave so easily.

I quickly use a rope to tie them to each other and wait until all of them wake up since around half of them fainted on the spot. The entire time, some of them kept calling for their parents, and one even tried to plead for their lives.

"So, any last words? You murdering, robbing scum?" I lean forward so they can see my face clearly, and they all lean as back as their restraints allow.

"W-we haven't robbed or killed anyone! Please, spare me at least! I'm the youngest here!" Someone yells. That's not a good mentality there, young man. Jumping ship so easily? Everyone then starts pleading with more or less the same reasons. Something about not killing anyone or doing any harm yet, and them being little kids.

I shush them, and they quiet up really quick. "You know, the whole reason you haven't killed people yet is because you guys are shit at this robbery business." I grip the kunai and position it to one of their necks. "What's to stop you guys from trying this again? Nothing, except death, or well, this."

I take out some ink and paper from my storage seal and start to write bullshit on their skin. "You know what seals are, right? Its fucking magical. This one here," I point to some random shit I painted on one of the kids, "This wonderful thing detects when you have malicious intent for anything illegal, and will suck all your chakra up until you die a painful, excruciating death, isn't that amazing?" I ask them with a smile on my face.

All of their faces become as white as a sheet, and one guy passes out again. Man, I'm an amazing actor! Someone should give me a fucking Oscar for that. "Well, I think that will make you think twice before doing stuff like this again, hmm?" I cut the rope that tied them together and make a shooing motion. "Go on, go back to whatever hole you crawled out from and cry to your mommy and daddy."

As they run for their lives with their tiny, shivering legs, I return to the caravan. Luckily, I was far enough that people couldn't hear what I told the kids, but my teammates with their super hearing caught on to what I said a few moments ago and are now staring at me.

"You really are pretty scary when you want to be, huh?" They both nervously laugh.

No one attacked the caravan for the rest of the day, what a shame. I really wanted to test out some extremely creative Genjutsus I invented. Oh well, there's always next time.