Marvel’s Most Normal Man: Just Let Me Make Coffee!

Chapter 13: "Hela Learns Customer Service (It's a Disaster)"

Hela was, to put it lightly, a menace behind the counter.

I had hoped—naively—that she would just take orders, make drinks, and not scare the customers. Turns out, I might as well have asked her to conquer the sun.

"Your offering is insufficient," she declared, staring down at a guy who had just paid with exact change.

"Uh… what?" the poor dude stammered.

Hela tapped the counter. "A ruler does not accept mere scraps. Leave a tribute."

The guy blinked. "You mean a tip?"

"Call it what you will, mortal."

"Y-yeah, sure!" He fumbled for a few coins and dropped them in the tip jar before grabbing his coffee and speed-walking out.

I sighed. "Hela, you can't shake down customers for tips."

She scoffed. "I did not shake him. I merely pointed out the natural order of things."

I pinched the bridge of my nose. "Just… make the drinks, alright?"

Lilia, standing calmly beside her, tilted her head. "Your people skills require… adjustment."

Hela crossed her arms. "And yours are better?"

Lilia nodded. "I inform them of their inevitable demise, and they give me money."

"...That's worse."

"I disagree."

I took a deep breath. "Look, Hela, customers like friendly service. Just be nice."

She narrowed her eyes. "Nice?"

"Yes."

She turned to the next customer, who had unfortunately just stepped up. It was Peter Parker, of all people, looking way too cheerful for a guy about to be traumatized.

Hela took a deep breath, forced a smile—which looked more like she was preparing for battle—and said, "Greetings, fragile one. What pathetic drink do you require?"

Peter blinked. "Uh… a caramel latte?"

Hela slammed a fist on the counter. "You shall have it, weak mortal!"

Peter shot me a look. "Dude… what the hell?"

I sighed. "We're working on it."

Lilia, meanwhile, was already making his latte, completely unfazed.

Thor walked in at that exact moment and froze when he saw Hela behind the counter. "By Odin's beard… why are you here?"

Hela smirked. "Oh, dear brother. I have conquered this establishment."

Thor turned to me. "Is this true?"

I sighed. "She's an employee, dude. She makes coffee now."

Thor looked so confused, but he just nodded. "Very well. One black coffee, then."

Hela turned to Lilia. "Prepare the drink. I do not serve him."

Lilia, already handing Thor his coffee, simply said, "Understood."

Thor took it, still looking lost. "Right… well… carry on, then?"

As he left, Deadpool nudged me. "Dude. This is the best sitcom ever."

I sighed. Maybe I should start charging admission.