Marvel’s Most Normal Man: Just Let Me Make Coffee!

Chapter 2: "Thor? Just Another Gym Bro"

Another day, another batch of coffee to make.

Owning a café in Hell's Kitchen wasn't as crazy as I expected. Sure, there were some weird customers, but this was New York—everyone was weird.

Like the billionaire who kept showing up unannounced.

"Morning, Stark," I greeted as Tony strolled in, as if he owned the place.

"You remembered my name. I'm touched." He dramatically clutched his chest.

I rolled my eyes. "You order the same thing every day. It's not that impressive."

As I handed him his coffee, the café door swung open violently, nearly flying off the hinges.

A massive blonde man with long hair and a ridiculous red cape stormed in, looking very, very angry.

Tony groaned. "Oh great, Shakespeare in the Park is here."

The blonde man ignored him and stomped toward the counter, slamming his hands down hard enough to shake the napkin holder.

"I REQUIRE MEAD."

I blinked. "Dude, it's 9 AM."

The man narrowed his eyes. "And?"

I sighed. "Look, I don't know what gym you go to, but you need to chill before I kick you out."

Tony was watching with pure amusement as I lectured the walking mountain of muscle.

The guy finally sighed, rubbing his temples. "Fine. Your strongest drink then."

"Dark roast espresso?"

"Aye. That will suffice."

I nodded, casually making his order while the entire café stared in silent horror.

They were acting like this dude was some kind of god.

Which was dumb. I mean, sure, he was built like a superhero, but that didn't mean anything.

"Here," I said, handing him the cup. "What's your name, anyway?"

The man straightened, placing a hand on his chest.

"I am Thor Odinson!"

I paused.

"…Like the Norse god?"

"Aye."

I chuckled. "Man, your parents really committed to that name, huh?"

Thor choked on his coffee.

Tony actually snorted. "Oh, this is gonna be fun."

Thor wiped his mouth, staring at me like I had personally offended his entire bloodline. "You… do not believe me?"

I shrugged. "Dude, you walked in with a cape. Half the bodybuilders in this city dress like that."

The god of thunder—sorry, the **really muscular gym bro—**seemed utterly baffled.

He reached for his belt and pulled out… a small metal hammer.

Or at least, I thought it was small—until he threw it across the room.

It soared through the air like a missile—

—and then crashed to the ground with a pathetic clunk.

Silence.

I blinked.

"…Were you expecting something else?"

Thor gawked at the hammer, looking genuinely horrified.

"I—It did not return to me."

Tony whistled. "Yeah, uh, about that… Looks like your god mode doesn't work in here, buddy."

Thor slowly turned back to me, his entire worldview crumbling.

"…What are you?"

I frowned. "A guy making coffee?"

The god—**again, totally just a bodybuilder with delusions—**continued staring at me, as if trying to process how his entire identity had just shattered over a cup of espresso.

Meanwhile, Tony was absolutely loving this.

"Hey, Barista Supreme," he said, nudging me. "I'll pay you double if you keep this up."

Thor ignored him and suddenly grabbed me by the shoulders, eyes serious.

"…Do you sell muffins?"

I blinked. "Uh. Yeah?"

"…Then I shall have one."

And just like that, he calmly sat down and started drinking his coffee like nothing happened.

I shrugged and got him a muffin.

I mean, whatever.

Who was I to question gym bros and their weird rituals?

---

Meanwhile, Outside the Café…

Nick Fury stared through binoculars from his surveillance van.

"…Did that café just depower THOR?"

An agent gulped. "Yes, sir."

Fury exhaled, rubbing his temples. "And what's the barista's deal?"

"No known powers. Just… a guy."

Fury frowned.

Then why the hell was the universe losing its mind over him?